


Full Circle

by DwynArthur, TheWrtrInMe



Series: Full Circle Series [1]
Category: iCarly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-15
Updated: 2012-03-15
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 134,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwynArthur/pseuds/DwynArthur, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWrtrInMe/pseuds/TheWrtrInMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With three little words they ended it all. But fate had other plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning of the End

For most people, their first time is part of a beginning. It's a way of saying 'I'm not going anywhere…we're in this thing together'. Freddie and Sam have never been like most people. They'd waited for their first time. Sometimes not so patiently. They'd pushed the limits of their boundaries and their self-control numerous times but never taken that final step. When they finally did, it was all of the things they'd thought it'd be – amazing and wonderful and just a little awkward. But when it was over, while most people would lie together and talk about the future, the way their lives would fit together from then on - they dressed in silence, gave each other a final kiss and said goodbye – forever.

She wasn't the sort of girl who stayed up late at night imagining all the romantic situations she'd like to find herself in. She didn't dream about a perfect guy who'd sweep in on a white horse, cover her face with kisses and whisk her away to a perfect life. She didn't believe in perfect lives and being with Freddie was about as close as she'd ever come to living in a fairy tale. He wasn't perfect; he was a little controlling and more than a little compulsive about things that, to her, didn't really matter. And together they were even less perfect; they fought like they were getting paid to do it. But she loved him and she knew he loved her, even before he'd said it, so their problems in the beginning had seemed small and manageable. They both were willing to deal with the parts of each other that were less than ideal because there was so much that was good. But problems have a way of growing in direct proportion to your desire to ignore them and by their sixth month together, the issues they'd tried to avoid were too big to slough off; they were driving them crazy and further and further apart.

So they'd made an uncharacteristically grown up decision. They broke up. Or, more accurately, they decided they'd break up at midnight. Not the most normal of ways to do it, but when had they ever been normal? He'd said he loved her and even though she already knew it somewhere inside, hearing him say it had hit her hard. Hard enough that, before she even realized it, she was saying it back. It was the first time she'd ever said that- to anyone. There had been other guys, some she'd even been pretty crazy about, but in that moment – hearing Freddie say those words to her- she knew that nothing she'd ever felt for anyone compared to what she felt for him; and maybe it never would. They'd kissed then and with the end of their relationship hovering in the air around them the kiss had been different – desperate and sweet and…hot? So when Freddie raised the idea of waiting a while – a little over an hour to be exact – to break up, it sounded like a good idea. She wasn't the type to go around making out with random guys and, she hated to admit it, but in the last six months she'd gotten very used to being close to him this way. Who knew when she'd ever feel this again – be this close to him, or anyone, like this again? 'What the hell,' she thought – one for the road.

**_Flashback: Three weeks ago_ **

_The kiss began in the elevator and somehow ended up in his apartment, on the door, on the couch and then – in his bed. Neither of them had said anything, Scared that any words spoken would put a stop to the runaway train they were on. Maybe it was a bad idea, it probably was a bad idea, but she threw that thought into the back of her mind. The idea of not being with him combined with the way his hands, his mouth, and his body were making her feel, had started a heat in the pit of her stomach that reached her brain and made her mind foggy. The only clear thought echoing in her head was how much she loved him and how terrified she was that this would be it…forever._

_Freddie pulled his lips from hers, raising up onto one elbow on the bed and looking down at her. She already knew what he was going to say. He was too…Freddie, to not say it._

" _Are you su..."_

_She put one finger to his lips to silence him and her heart hurt when she saw how scared he looked. She wondered if that was how she looked to him._

" _Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I know what this means. Yes, I know it's not going to change the decision we made and yes…I'm scared too" she'd answered all his questions, even the ones he hadn't said out loud. She drew his face back to hers, trying to kiss away his hesitation. She knew that if either of them stopped to really think about what they were doing, one of them would put a stop to it. And while she was aware how bad an idea it was to move full steam ahead and have sex with someone because a pause would make you question your decision, she did it anyway. She couldn't really explain it, even to herself, but she had to do this. In the center of her soul she knew that once they were over they might not get another chance. He move on, find someone who was less work, easier to be with. He'd go on to bigger things, better things. He'd take off for that fancy college on the East Coast and set the world on fire – he was just that brilliant. She'd be left here – without him. So if she had to live a life without him in it, at least she'd have this memory, this moment where he was completely hers._

_It hadn't been exactly like the movies. She'd turned on the bed to kiss him, not realizing how close he was to the edge and he'd fallen off – pants around his ankles. Then he couldn't seem to get her bra unhooked on his own, and they'd finally erupted in laughter when neither of them could seem to get the condom on right. But it was okay, that was them – laughter and heat, passion and comfort. She'd bit her lip to keep from screaming in the beginning – no one ever told her it would hurt this bad, and her heart had melted when she saw the concern on his face, trying so hard not to hurt her. It had gotten better eventually, and in the end she felt the world melt away as wave after wave of a feeling too good to be real swept over her. Like electricity it shot out to her fingers, her toes, until she thought she'd lose the ability to form coherent ideas – 'so this was what the fuss was all about' she thought._

_When it was over she screamed out his name, too caught up to even be embarrassed, thankful that his mom wasn't home. She heard him whispering his love for her into her ear and she was convinced that this moment was the single greatest one of her life. Then she realized it. This moment wasn't the beginning. No matter how beautiful it was, or how much she'd remember it – it was still the end._

_They lay there catching their breath. It was the first time for both of them so neither was sure of the protocol. Was there a rule for 'How to leave the room without feeling awkward when you've just had sex with your ex'?_

_She made the first move, gathering the sheet around her as she sat up and searched the floor for her clothes. Her underwear were by his desk… how in the heck had they gotten over there? Wrapping herself completely she got up from the bed, gathering her clothing as she walked toward the bathroom._

" _I'm gonna, uh…take a shower. If that's okay."_

_He turned to her from his spot on the edge of the bed. God this was awkward._

" _Sure…um, there are towels in the cabinet and …"_

" _Yeah, I know Fred…Fredduccini"_

' _Are we back to this now?' he thought, watching her as she disappeared behind the door of the bathroom. He heard the shower start and sighed heavily, dropping his head into his hands. Had this been a bad idea? An hour ago it was the only thing that made sense to him. Having Sam here, in his arms. Touching her, making love to her; it had seemed so absolutely right. Yes, they were breaking up, but in his heart it was temporary. They were just taking the time to get themselves together, to learn how to deal with each others' differences and issues without melting down. But now, he wondered, she was looking at him differently. In the moment her eyes had been bright, fiery, filled with what he hoped was love for him. But now, they looked flat, like she had some sort of wall inside that she'd gone to hide behind. Had he hurt her? Did she think this wasn't important to him?_

_Sliding his pants on, he spoke to the empty room. "I'm an idiot."_

" _I've been saying that for years." Her voice was tight, he knew she'd intended it to be a joke, something to cut through the room full of awkward they suddenly found themselves standing in, but the humor of it was lost on him, and apparently her as well, because as he turned to look at her the smile on her face was forced and never met her eyes._

_He tried to laugh; after all, this was who they were before they were an 'us', right? They made fun of each other, they joked, they fought. He stood and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck._

" _So…" that was all he had._

_"Well. That was, um…nice?"_

" _Yeah. Nice. So, do you want to watch a movie? Or I could fix us something to…"_

_She walked quickly to where he stood and silenced him with her lips. It was short and sweet and he suppressed the urge to cry as he realized what this kiss meant._

" _Let's not do this, okay?" her eyes were desperate, "I…" she was all out of words; afraid that if she tried to talk the flood of tears she was trying to contain would burst. They'd made a decision and she wouldn't let him change his mind because he felt bad about what had happened. She'd have to be the strong one. She looked up at him and put her hand to his face. She loved this face. She dropped her hand, turned and walked toward the door._

" _Sam!" he called after her, somehow unable to make his feet move. His heart was pounding in his chest. If she left, if he let her walk out that door, it was over. He didn't think he was ready for it to be over. He was stuck; terrified for her to leave, too much of a coward to make her stay._

_She looked back at him, waiting for him to say something. It was a dangerous thing to do. Her brain told her to leave, the quicker the better. But her heart knew that if he said stay she'd forget everything else that had been said, she'd forget all the reasons they had for not being together. He was silent. She looked over at his bedside clock._

_12:05_

_It was time. One of them had to make a move; it might as well be her. Once she walked out this door she'd have to take the last six months and bury them. She'd have to find a way to go back to being the old Sam, the one that picked on him and gave him a hard time and didn't love him… like that. She gave him one last look, summoned all the strength she had and opened the door._

" _Sam…I love you"_

_She sighed, determined to be strong, losing her internal struggle as tears began to fall. She couldn't respond. She had to leave; the weight of the situation was crushing her. Without turning around she walked out of his room, out the apartment door and into the hallway. To her left was the fire escape, to her right the elevator._

_She dried her tears…and took the stairs._

**_End Flashback_ **

The first week had been murder: explaining things to Carly, doing the obligatory return of each other's stuff (she'd kept a Penny Tee that he'd left at her house-it still smelled like him). They'd come to a silent agreement on how to move forward. They'd still see each other; they were two-thirds of iCarly, so occupying the same space at least twice a week was a necessity, but they wouldn't be an "us." Sam and Freddie, as a couple, was over. Whether she knew it or not, Carly had played a large part in it happening. Overhearing her talk to her brother and his creepy new girlfriend had made them see… they were so fundamentally wrong for each other. In some ways it felt like a waste. It had taken them so long to stop dancing around their feelings and dive in and now it felt like they were throwing it all away. But some things can't be ignored; they were different, really, really different. They didn't like the same things, they didn't have the same dreams, they came from two completely different worlds and right now it didn't seem like they could make those worlds come together.

Maybe one day.

That was the simple promise. Maybe one day. Only three words but there were days when it first ended that those words were all that helped her crawl out of the bed. It was hard. She wasn't used to being this gone over a guy. She was Sam Puckett – tough, strong and independent. It was a strange feeling to realize that somewhere along the line she'd started to lean on Freddie and now that he was gone, she was having a hard time standing up.

He felt it too. They didn't talk to each other about it. There was no way they could make anyone understand how this felt. They told everyone that they were okay and for some reason people believed them. They had walked away from each other because they thought it was for the best. But if it was for the best, why did it hurt so much?

Sam groaned and tried to bury herself deeper under her comforter. It was Saturday. She usually loved Saturdays, they meant she'd have two complete days of freedom from homework and teachers and the lame people who went to her school. But today she found herself wishing it was Monday. At school she saw Freddie but it was limited, the day filled with classes and usually detention. Weekends since 'the incident' as Carly had taken to calling it, were strange to put it mildly. She'd held out hope that the awkwardness would be temporary, and now, almost a month later, she had to admit that it was better. But the "something" between them was still there, and no matter how much they tried to be like they were before, things had changed and there was no putting it back to what it was.

Interestingly enough Carly hadn't taken it as hard as she thought she would. Carly didn't like change, but this change was one she seemed okay with. She said that she missed them being like they were; she'd felt a little left out when Sam and Freddie had coupled up. She missed her best friends and was glad to have them back. The awkwardness seemed not to affect her – it was like she didn't even notice. They told her it was mutual and that they were going to stay friends and Carly had accepted that; which only made things worse because now she wanted them to go back to hanging out and watching movies and spending all their time as a trio again, especially on weekends. Sam had taken to actually doing her homework, just to have an excuse to stay home and avoid the whole thing.

But at least twice a week she was forced to be with him. iCarly rehearsals and broadcasts. She'd put on her best face and do what needed to be done. She told jokes, danced randomly and laughed in all the right places. She went back to abusing Freddie –verbally at least. She couldn't bring herself to touch him; the memories of all the other touches where too fresh. Gibby was happy to have her directing her harsh words toward someone else now. Freddie tried to react to her as he did before, scowling and sometimes screaming – but his heart wasn't in it. Sometimes it hurt just to look at her but he welcomed the hurt in a weird way. His heart healing was scarier than dealing with the broken pieces. If it hurt that meant she was still in there, still a part of him. What really worried him was what he'd do when it didn't hurt anymore.

Throwing the covers off, she brought her legs over the side of the bed. Sleep wasn't going to happen. She might as well get up.

She had iCarly in two hours and if she was ever going to keep Carly believing that she was all right, she couldn't go M.I.A. Picking up her phone she noticed the texts she'd missed overnight. Carly had been texting her since 9:00 when Sam had gone to bed, uncharacteristically sleepy.

_Carly: Are u really going to bed?_

_Carly: Wake up! Freddie and me are video chatting…sign in_

_Carly: Sam?_

She must have given up sometime around midnight. That's when the last text came in.

_Carly: U suck. But I 3 you. See you tomorrow at noon…don't be late!_

She threw her phone back onto the unmade bed. She never understood why people bothered making beds when they were just going to be back in them anyway. Making her way to the bathroom, she started the shower and looked in the mirror at her reflection as she waited. At least her eyes weren't puffy anymore. For the first week after she and Freddie broke up she refused to cry. All day she stuffed it down, pinching herself sometimes just to make the feeling go away. But at night she had no control over what happened when she slept and she woke every morning with a vague memory of dreaming of him, and eyes that were red-rimmed and puffy. This was progress. Maybe she was getting over it. She could even think of him sometimes without feeling like someone had stabbed her in the gut. But that night…she still couldn't think about it.

Climbing into the shower, she turned the hot water on full blast, trying to wash away the feelings. She winced at the pressure of the water on her skin. It felt like someone was whacking her in the chest with a wet towel. 'Must have slept in the wrong position' she thought, turning her back to the spray as she rinsed her hair. She didn't have time to stay in as long as she'd like to. Carly would throw a conniption if she was late and she was so hungry that it drove her from the warm steam of the shower and into her room.

She threw on the first pair of clean jeans she found in her drawer, a t-shirt and a hoodie. That was one thing about not being a couple, she was back to not really caring how she looked. She threw her blond hair in to a ponytail and looked at the tray of make up on her dresser. Another good thing about being alone – no make-up. This was the game she played with herself every day: 'Why it's good to be alone'. So far she'd come up with tons of reasons: She didn't have to worry about talking with her mouth full, she'd never have to go to another meeting of the model train building enthusiasts and she didn't have to be bothered with Freddie's crazy mother. Lots of great reasons. She was hoping that eventually those reasons would make a difference.

She stared at her face in the dresser's mirror, reached down and put on a swipe of lip gloss. Old habits die hard.

"Mom. I'm leaving!" she called out, heading for the door. There was no answer. Her mom was either passed out or not home, not that it mattered.

Walking the distance to Bushwell Plaza she mentally prepared herself for another day spent with Carly and Freddie. It took less effort than it had in the beginning but she still had to put her game face on whenever the situation called for her and Freddie to be in the same room. On the one hand, she was glad she'd told Freddie she loved him and if her feeling had just gone away overnight she'd have wondered if it was even real. But on the other hand she was getting really tired of it all – the awkwardness that no one seemed to feel but them, the way she had to constantly remind herself not to look at him, no to touch him, not to care if he mentioned another girl. Well, that wasn't all fair. It wasn't like he was sitting around talking about all the hot girls he could go out with now that he and Sam had broken up, but Carly in her belief that they really were okay with not being together and taken to bringing up different girls that she 'heard' were interested in Freddie. He was polite, and always tried to change the subject but Carly was persistent, and didn't seem to notice that during these conversations Sam was trying to physically hold herself back from throttling her. Getting over Freddie was one thing, watching Freddie get over her was another thing entirely. That, she was not ready for.

The elevator dinged, the door raising slowly, letting her off at the eighth floor lobby. She hitched her bag up on her shoulder, took a deep breath and headed for Carly's door. She reached for the knob and then turned at the sound of a door opening and closing. Shit.

"Oh. Um…hey Sam. How…uh, how are you?"

He walked across the hall toward her. He must have been freshly showered because his hair was still wet, curling a little at the base of his neck. He was wearing her favorite shirt, the black button up one that he rolled the sleeves on. The one that hugged his biceps and made his skin look… 'get it under control Puckett' she thought and tried to steady her voice as she answered him, throwing her head to the side in practiced in difference. The picture of non-chalance.

"Hey Fredwardo…how's it hangin'?"

"I'm, uh, I'm good I guess. You?"

She laughed, "You already asked me that."

"You didn't answer me though."

"Oh…right. I'm, uh, good I guess." 'You guess!' at herself, 'don't say you guess! Say I'm awesome and hardly even remember that we were together!'

He studied her nervously. This had to be the most uncomfortable conversation they'd ever had. How they'd managed to avoid having it this long was a mystery to him but in this moment he wished they'd avoided it just a while longer. In the three weeks since they broke up they'd never been alone – and anytime it looked like it might happen one of them left the room or the apartment. Sam always arrived at Carly's either before him or after him and he wondered if she was doing it on purpose, staking out the hallway to avoid…well, this.

"Oh, well…that's good." He hooked his finger in the pockets of his jeans and rocked back and forth on his heels. 'Say something you idiot' he screamed at himself. "So, I've been meaning to talk to you." 'Liar' he said to himself 'what you meant to say is I've been meaning to avoid you at all cost'.

"About what?"

"Nothing serious…just that, it's been, I don't know. Things between us since…well since, you know…they've been…"

"Awkward as hell?" she laughed and he tried to join her but it came out sounding like a hiccup.

"Yeah…awkward. I just…" he sighed, not sure what to say; thinking that maybe it was better not to say anything but his stupid mouth didn't listen. "I just don't want you to hate me Sam. I mean, I know what happened was sort of …unexpected and I just wish…"

She knew exactly how he felt. He didn't even have to say the words. He wished they could go back to how they were. He wished things had stayed the same. He wished he wasn't so damn confused.

"It's cool Freddif…Freddie." She walked toward him, glancing back at Carly's door. The last thing they needed was for Carly to walk in on some kind of scene. This situation was hard enough to deal with, the last thing they needed was their well-meaning best friend to stick her nose into the middle of it. "I admit, this is really weird and I don't really even know how I feel about it. But we agreed. We agreed that this was what was best and … we just have to get used to it."

'But what if I don't want to get used to it,' he thought. That's what he wanted to say, but looking at Sam, the picture of cool, he knew it was pointless. She was stubborn; if he was going to change this, he should have done it three weeks ago. He should have stopped her from leaving, told her this was a big mistake. He looked at her blue eyes; they looked steely and determined. There was no going back now. It was too late. He took a deep breath and tried to smile.

"Yeah, I guess so. So does this mean you're back to trying to beat me up every chance you get?"

He was smiling at her and she could tell he was really trying to make this work. This new return to the old version of Sam and Freddie. If he could try then she could too.

"Um…yeah! As a matter of fact" she patted her bag, "I've got an orange in here with your spine's name on it!"

They both turned as the door to Carly's apartment opened.

"What are you guys doing out here? I've been stuck in the studio with Gibby for an hour…and he's back to not wearing a shirt!" Carly waved them inside and for a split second, it felt just like old times.

* * *

"And that my friends, is how you make…"

"A BLG!" They screamed in unison.

"Bacon"

"Lettuce and…."

"Gibbeeh!"

"And that's it for tonight's iCarly….so remember"

"Poke a hobo"

"Get sand in your pants and…"

"Always…" Sam stopped short and her face went an unattractive shade of green. Scanning the room frantically her eyes settled on the hat Gibby was wearing, she snatched it from his head and unceremoniously lost her lunch inside.

"Always avoid puking in people's hats….ewww!" Carly cried, looking back at the camera. "So uh…I guess that's really all for tonight.

"And we're clear," Freddie lowered the camera, setting it down on the cart before hurrying over to Sam.

"Dude! She just ralphed in my hat!" Gibby complained.

"Not now Gib," Freddie warned.

"But my granddad gave me that hat!"

"Shut up Gibby!" Carly and Freddie screamed in unison.

Sam, who seemed to have recovered from her bout of vomiting looked up at Gibby, down at his hat and then wiped her mouth, handing Gibby's now soggy hat back to him with a halfhearted "Sorry Gib."

"Well I don't want it back now!"

Carly walked over to Sam, rubbing her back.

"Sam, you don't look so good. Are you okay?"

"Yeah Carls, I'm great…I just like puking for kicks and giggles." Sam's response lacked its usual bite.

Carly pouted, crossing her arms across her chest. "Hey! I was just trying to make sure you're okay."

"I know, I'm sorry Carls. I think I'm good now." She shook her head. That's what she got for eating day old pizza after it had been sitting out all night. Freddie had been right…her overactive hunger was going to be the death of her. "Must have been something I ate…or the idea of Gibby on a sandwich."

"I'm gonna go get you some ginger ale" Carly said, walking toward the studio door. Sam grabbed her bag and followed.

"I'm coming with. Later Gibby…sorry about your hat." She paused for a split second and looked at Freddie. He looked worried, which brought a small smile to her lips. The nub still cared. Nice to know. "I'll see ya Fredward."

"Yeah, see ya later Sam"

Descending the stairs Sam headed toward the kitchen where Carly was pouring a glass of ginger ale. She felt a fresh wave of nausea and had to take a seat at the counter.

"Ugh Carly, what the hell is that smell?"

Carly turned from the refrigerator and studied Sam with shock.

"I'm making you turkey bacon. I thought it would help your stomach if you ate something." She set a plate in front of Sam who recoiled like it was full of snakes instead of bacon.

"God, it must have gone bad. It smells like chizz!"

Carly grabbed the plate and sniffed, looking back at Sam in confusion. "It smells like bacon! You must really be sick…you're turning down bacon!" she reached over the counter to put her hand on Sam's forehead. "You don't have a fever. Do you want to go upstairs and lay down? You don't look so good."

Carly was right. She felt like crap. But going upstairs meant another awkward moment with Freddie… and hearing about Gibby's yack-filled hat. She wasn't in the mood to deal with either right now. All she really wanted to do was go home, crawl in her bed and sleep. She stood shakily from her stool and grabbed her bag, drinking the glass of ginger ale Carly had put in front of her. It actually helped a little.

"Nah, it's okay Carls. I think I'm just gonna head home. See you tomorrow?"

"Sam are you sure you're okay to get home by yourself? Spencer will be home in about an hour. He'll take you."

"It's alright, I'll take a cab." She waved at Carly over her shoulder, heading for the door, "Stay Brun"

"Stay blond! Call me when you get home!"

* * *

Sam had barely made it into her house when a fresh wave of nausea hit her. She sprinted up the stairs and made it to her bathroom a split second before her second vomiting episode of the day. Damn Carly and her rotten bacon. When it was over she lay her head against the cool side of the toilet and tried to work up the energy to get up and shower. She felt gross. An hour-long puke fest would do that to you, she supposed.

Turning on the shower, she removed her clothes slowly. She was so tired. It was only 9:00; she hadn't been to bed that early since the last time she was sick. Maybe she'd get lucky and wake up with strep throat, that would give her a few days with a guarantee of not seeing Freddie. She almost smiled at the thought. Stepping into the shower she immediately winced at the ache in her chest as the water jets hit her breasts. Great, now she was going to be sick and have her period at the same time. Her period.

Her heart stopped in her chest, picking up a second later, pounding so hard she swore she could see it. Her eyes were wide and frantic and her thoughts rushed as she tried in vain to make her mind focus. Okay, two months ago she'd started while she and Carly were at the mall. And then last month she'd gotten it at Carly's house she thought…they'd watched the new full length Girly Cow movie and Carly had to give her pain pills because she'd had wicked cramps. That was, what… the 10th? The 15th?

She jumped from the shower and hurriedly wrapped a towel around her. She ran to her desk and grabbed the calendar that hung on the wall above it. Why couldn't she be more like Carly? She kept a calendar with her "special days" circled in red. It wasn't exactly ingenious, but Lord what she wouldn't do for one of Carly's dorky calendars right now. There was only one day circled on this calendar. The second day of the month. The day she and Freddie had broken up. The day they'd…..

Shit. They'd had sex on the second. It was now the thirtieth. Her period was due the 10th, or the 15th, it didn't matter which. What mattered was that it had never come. She was no mathematician but she'd paid enough attention in health class to figure this one.

_'Holy shit'_ she thought, _'I'm pregnant.'_


	2. Walk the line

She'd spent the better portion of the morning on auto pilot. She woke up early, feeling like crap and spent thirty minutes praying to the porcelain gods. She got dressed, forced herself to eat some eggs, grabbed her bag, and headed for the store. If there was anything she was good at it was avoiding uncomfortable situations, but this was different. Just the few hours she'd spent last night wondering, before passing out from exhaustion, had been a nightmare. As awful as it was to think that she might be…she couldn't even say the word, it was even worse not knowing. So here she was, at eight in the morning, trolling the family planning aisle of the drug store trying to buy a pregnancy test inconspicuously.

The shelves in this place were low enough for her to see over the top of them. From where she stood, she could see the old hag who ran the place staring at her from the register, a smirk on her face as she shook her head. Dreading the encounter, Sam picked out six different tests and headed for the register. Setting them down, she tried to avoid looking at the woman.

"You want to be sure, huh?"

Sam frowned up at her, feeling her anger rising – along with the eggs she'd shoveled down on her way out the door.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion"

"Well aren't you a little ray of sunshine. Maybe you'll get lucky and the baby will have your personality!"

Sam took deep breaths trying to suppress her anger and the urge to vomit. She hated old people.

"Just ring up the stuff Methuselah. I don't have all day."

The woman huffed her disapproval, took gave Sam her change and handed her the plastic bag.

"Good luck," the sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Come back in nine months… I'll give you a discount on diapers," she called as Sam walked out the door. Sam flipped her bird and walked out into the Seattle morning.

The day mocked her, a cloudless blue sky, birds chirping, and people she passed were actually being friendly. It should be raining. She lived in Seattle for chizz sake, if there was any place in the world where you should be able to count on a rainy day when you felt like one, it should be here. Where was a good old-fashioned crappy day when you needed it?

She started walking, not really sure of where to go. She could go home, go into her bathroom and wait for her entire life to change… alone. That idea wasn't exactly appealing. She could go to Carly's. But doing that meant she'd have to tell Carly everything. She'd kept possibly the biggest event of her life a secret from Carly and if she told her she'd risk Carly killing her before she had a chance to tell her about the current predicament. That didn't sound very appealing either. Or she could take these tests, throw them in the nearest garbage can and pretend that none of this was happening. That sounded better than any idea she'd had all day and she stopped for a minute considering it. It wouldn't work. If she didn't find out now she'd worry herself to death about it. She definitely had to find out. The sooner the better. She tucked the plastic bag into her backpack, took a deep breath and headed for Bushwell Plaza.

* * *

Opening the door to Carly's apartment she was relieved to see that Spencer was apparently not there. She hoisted her backpack up on her shoulder and tried to work up the courage to go talk to Carly. Climbing the stairs, she thought she must know how death row inmates when they walked that last mile. But she was doing it without the benefit of a last meal; she'd left the last of her egg breakfast in a garbage can down the street. Her mouth tasted sour and she paused outside Carly's bedroom door to pop a piece of candy into her mouth. It was lemon flavored and she almost immediately felt better. If she really was pregnant, she'd have to remember that little trick.

"Hey Carls"

Carly turned from where she was sitting on the bed and smiled, removing her earbuds. She was surrounded by papers, pamphlets and books.

"Hey Sam! I was just getting ready to call you." She patted the only empty spot left on her bed and tried to move the papers around to give Sam more room. Sam walked over to the bed, chucked off her sneakers and sat down, putting her bag gently on her lap.

"What's all this stuff?"

Carly gathered up some papers in her hand, stacking them before placing them on her nightstand. "Oh, this is just some college applications and pamphlets. My dad called last night and wants me to take a look at them." Carly tried to keep a bright tone to her voice.

College was a sore subject. She'd started talking about it to Sam last year. She was freaking out at the pressure of deciding where to go, what to study, and the fear that she might not get in. Sam, on the other hand, seemed completely uninterested and actually got angry when Carly had tried to discuss it with her. She said that maybe she wasn't the 'college type' and she really didn't want to talk about it. Carly knew that there was any number of reasons of Sam not to want to discuss it. Sam's family didn't have much money and with her grades, scholarships were pretty out of the question. Carly, Spencer and Freddie were like the only real family she had and the idea that she'd lose them was probably scary. It scared Carly too. She hadn't told Sam, but she'd pretty much decided on her top three college choices and two of them were on the east coast. When she and Freddie had talked, he'd said he had his heart set on the National Institute of Technology – the top technology school in the country. Freddie was a genius and with his work on iCarly she knew he was a shoo-in for acceptance. Only one problem; N.I.T. was in Washington, D.C. Carly was excited that she and Freddie would be so close to each other, possibly in the same city if she got into Georgetown, but the idea of leaving Sam so far behind broke her heart.

Sam was quiet, staring at the papers on Carly's bed. She picked up a pamphlet for Georgetown and leafed through it absentmindedly, her face set in a frown. Carly waited quietly, she didn't want to say the wrong thing and Sam looked so sad that she just didn't want to make it worse.

"This one looks good… the guy on page 23 is cute." She smiled at Carly but it didn't mask the sadness on her face.

"Yeah…it's a really good school. They have an amazing pre-law program." Sam set the pamphlet back down and sighed, holding her backpack close to her chest. "But, you know, I may not even get in and…" she was at a loss as to what to say.

"You'll get in anywhere you want to go Carls. Any school would be lucky to get you." This time when she smiled, Carly could tell that she meant it, but there was something else; something in Sam's eyes that told her something was wrong- really, really wrong.

"Sam…I know you don't like to talk about college. I didn't mean to make you sad."

"It's not that Carly. I… I have something to tell you."

Carly sat up and moved closer to Sam on the bed. This looked serious.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"Yes…no…I don't know." She sighed deeply, trying to find the words to tell her best friend that not only had she kept the biggest secret ever from her, but that the consequences of that secret could possibly change her life forever. "I... God! This is so hard."

"Sam. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know. But you're going to be mad. And…and disappointed and you'll probably hate me and …. I just couldn't take it if you hated me right now." She was close to tears, gripping her bag for dear life and purposely avoiding looking into Carly's eyes.

"Remember when Freddie and I promised we'd never keep anymore secrets?"

"Yeah."

"Well…I'm so sorry Carly."

"What are you sorry for Sam? Just spit it out already, I'm getting an ulcer over here!"

"Meandfreddiehadsex" her words were a rush and she flinched in expectation of Carly's response. Carly was quiet, her eyes wide in shock, her mouth hanging open.

"Carly? Carls?" She snapped her fingers in front of Carly's face, trying to get her to snap out of her trance. "Carly! Did you hear me? I said that me and Freddie had…"

"You WHAT!" she screamed.

"We had…"

"I heard you! Don't say it again!" Carly sprung to her feet and started pacing in front of the bed. "When? Where? WHY?" she stopped in front of Sam, her face flushed. She was actually taking this better than Sam expected.

"Three weeks ago," Sam whispered

"Three WEEKS ago! Three freaking weeks ago and you waited that long to tell me!" She resumed pacing, "Wait a minute. Three weeks ago, that's when you broke up."

"One for the road?" Sam offered, trying to make a joke. Carly was not laughing.

"Oh my God Sam! This is not funny!"

"I'm really sorry Carly. I wanted to tell you but then we had to tell you we broke up and you were all 'it's so great to have my friends back' and you were talking about how left out you felt and how you wanted it to go back to normal and I thought that if I told you it would make things weird and I just…I don't know. I'm sorry. Really, really sorry."

Carly ran a hand through her hair and plopped down onto the bed next to Sam, seeming to calm a little.

"Wow… you and Freddie had sex. I can't believe it. How many times?"

"Just the once."

"So was it…I don't know, nice?"

Sam smiled. Typical nosy Carly, she couldn't live without details.

"It was..yeah, I guess it was nice."

"Well," Carly said sighing and looking to Sam. "It's over now and I guess I'll find a way to not make it weird. But it is you know….weird, I mean."

She didn't know the half of it. This situation was about to reach a whole new level of weird.

"Carly?"

"Yeah?"

"That's not the end of the secret."

"What else could there be? You kissed him and didn't tell me and then you had sex and didn't tell me. What else could you say to top that?" She laughed and leaned back on the bed, "The only thing to top that was if you got back together".

"Yeah, that's not going to happen."

Carly laughed again, staring at the ceiling, "Or if you were pregnant," she cracked up at her own joke and looked over at Sam. Sam wasn't laughing. Instead she was making her guilty face, biting her bottom lip and looking over at Carly with one eye. She sat up so quick it made her head spin. "Sam? This is the part where you laugh and say 'that's not going to happen'."

"Yeah… except it kind of already did."

"What!" she was back to pacing again.

"I don't know for sure yet." She opened her bag, pulling out the pregnancy tests. "I need to know for sure and I didn't want to do it alone. " she looked over at Carly whose face was a mixture of anger and shock. "Listen Carly, I know you're mad at me…hell, I'm pretty cheesed off at myself right now. And I know that I always come to you when I've made a mess of things and want you to fix it. I don't think this is really something you can fix and tomorrow you can go back to being pissed at me if you want, but today…" Her voice broke, "I really need you Carls. I can't do this by myself and …" she broke into tears then. "I'm so freaking scared."

Carly's face fell at the sight before her. Sam didn't cry. Hardly ever. And it was even rarer for her to say she needed anyone. She must be terrified, and Carly realized that she was scared too. This would change everything. If Sam was pregnant…she was only seventeen for crying out loud, how in the world would she take care of a baby? This was such a mess and part of her was so angry at Sam and Freddie for being dumb and irresponsible enough to get into this situation in the first place. But right now she couldn't be angry. Her best friend's life was falling apart. Sam needed her. She'd been there for Sam through everything for the last eight years, and she wasn't going to stop now.

Walking over to the bed, she kneeled in front of Sam and wrapped her arms around her. Sam sobbed into her shoulder, shaking like a leaf. The pregnancy tests clattered to the floor and neither of them made a move to pick them up. They weren't ready. But ready or not, this was a situation they couldn't ignore; they were going to have to deal.

"So that's why you puked in Gibby's hat?" Sam nodded, "And the 'rotten bacon'?" Sam sniffled and lifted her head from Carly's shoulder, nodding again.

"When I went home that night I kept getting sick and I guess I didn't think anything of it right then because aren't pregnant ladies only supposed to puke in the morning?" She didn't wait for Carly's response. "But then I got in the shower and the water felt like BB guns shooting at my boobs and I thought it was my period and then I realized…I never got it this month and I always get it. Like clockwork!"

"So you figured you were…"

"Pregnant. Yeah."

Carly sighed and reached down to gather up the tests. She wasn't one to wait on an answer, she'd rather have the facts as soon as possible.

"Well, I guess we need to find out." She reached for Sam's hand and squeezed it in her own. "You ready?"

"Hell no! But…you're right. I need to know." She stood and followed Carly to the bathroom.

"Do you need to like, drink some water first?"

"I drank like a gallon of Wahoo punch on the way here. I'm good" she took the tests from Carly and went into the bathroom. "Wish me luck."

"Luck" Carly said, squeezing her shoulder. And then she did something she'd never done – prayed for Sam to fail a test.

* * *

Thirty minutes and six tests later, Carly stood outside the bathroom door, which Sam had locked five minutes previously, listening to her sobbing inside. If the pink lines, plus signs, and blinking happy faces were any indication, it was official. Sam was pregnant.

"Sam. Come on Sam, open the door." A fresh wave of sobs was the only answer. Carly slid down the wall and sat beside the door. She had no idea what to say. This was the biggest thing either of them had ever dealt with. Next to her mom passing away, she didn't think she'd ever felt so completely lost. "Sam…listen, I know this is hard and scary, but we'll deal with it together, okay? I'm here, right here with you and I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are!" Sam cried, "You're going away to your fancy college and I'm going to be the seventeen year old statistic, stuck in Seattle with a kid and no money and no job and…" she was sobbing again.

Carly didn't have an answer for that. If anyone had asked her an hour ago she'd have agreed. In less than a year she'd be sitting in her dorm room at Georgetown, dreaming of a successful law career. And the idea of leaving Sam then had been hard but she knew they'd be okay. She'd be home for holidays and summer vacation and they'd still be best friends. But what about now? Now she was going to go off and chase her dreams while her best friend in the world was here, alone…with a baby. In only an hour her world had gotten so complicated. She could only imagine how Sam must be feeling.

"I don't really have any answers Sam. This is… hard. I don't know what to say to make you feel better or how to fix this." She was crying tears of her own now, "But I promise I'm going to be here for you. You're not alone in this. We'll work it out, we'll think of something. But we can't do that if you're locked in the bathroom."

She leaned forward and tried to stand as she heard the lock click from the inside. Sam opened the door and Carly's heart broke just looking at her. Her face was swollen, tear tracks running down her cheeks. Her eyes were rimmed and puffy and when she looked into them Carly saw a depth of despair that made her want to look away.

Sam walked over to the bed and fell onto it, laying back and staring at the ceiling. Carly followed her and laid beside her. In the silence she reached across the space between them and grabbed Sam's hand. She didn't have any words. All she had was love. A love for Sam that she knew couldn't be any deeper if she was blood related. This was her sister, her friend and as scary as this situation was, she refused to let her go through it alone.

"So," She whispered.

Sam sighed, "So"

"A baby"

"Mmm hmm… looks that way."

"Should we try another test?"

"I've just peed out my weight onto six tiny sticks Shay… I couldn't do another test if I tried. Besides…I don't think six tests could wrong. It's official. I'm a statistic. Maybe I can get on the next season of 'Teen Mom'" she tried to laugh and instead began to cry again. Maybe it was hormones, she'd cried more in the last two days than she had in the last two years. Puckett's were not criers. Well, maybe Melanie.

"So what do we do now?"

"You got me…I've never been pregnant before. But from what I understand, you get really fat and cranky and in nine months you push a tiny human out of your whoo ha"

"Not a great time to crack jokes Sam"

"Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to …"

"I know." Carly sighed and sat up. They had to make some plans and laying her feeling sorry for themselves wasn't going to do it. "Okay so, first things first. When are you going to tell Freddie?"

Sam was silent. She'd already made a decision on that, even before she was sure she was pregnant. Freddie was brilliant, some kind of freaky genius. When they'd been dating he talked all the time about this great school in Washington, D.C. and how it was his dream to go there. She was proud of him even though she knew that chasing that dream meant leaving her behind. In a way she'd already set her mind to the time they'd have to say goodbye, even before they'd broken up. Freddie was also a stand up kind of guy, not the type to get a girl pregnant and take off. If he knew she was pregnant, he'd give up all his dreams just to stay here with here and live the agonizing life of a teenage parent. He'd go to UW and he'd probably do great but in the back of his mind, of both their minds, there would always be that question: what if? What if she hadn't gotten pregnant? What if he'd been free to follow his dream? At first they'd ignore it and try to make it work, but eventually he'd hate her for it. Blame her for his having to settle for a mediocre life when they both knew he was destined for greatness. And once that hate settled in, it would just be a matter of time. He'd leave. Just like her father had. She couldn't live with that. Not with being responsible for him giving up what he really wanted. Not with him becoming a lesser version of himself. And not with him leaving. No. It wasn't an option.

"I'm not going to." She said; finality in her voice. She couldn't look at Carly. She already knew what she was going to say.

"Sam! You can't  _not_  tell him! This is his baby too…he deserves to know!"

"You don't understand Carly! I can't tell him. It'll ruin everything!"

"No offense Sam, but I think things are already pretty well ruined!" She winced at the look of hurt on Sam's face, "I didn't mean it like that Sam. I'm just saying that the situation is already pretty bad and it's partly his fault; his responsibility. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"Carly you know Freddie. You what's going to happen if I tell him."

She did know Freddie. He took responsibility very seriously—his mother's influence on him had its positive side. If Sam told him, Carly knew he'd step up and do the right thing. But just like Carly, Freddie had pretty big dreams about college. Dreams he probably couldn't reach with a baby.

"N.I.T."

"Exactly. He'll give it up. I can't let him do that just because of my mistake."

"But it wasn't your mistake Sam. At least not yours alone. You may not have paid much attention in health class but I hear it takes two people to create these types of situations." She looked over at Sam, "Speaking of that, how did this happen anyway? Didn't you use protection?"

Sam actually smiled at that. The whole condom thing had been a fiasco. They first one broke before they go it on. The second one ripped when he tore the wrapper too vigorously and then then the third one...

"We had, um… a little… trouble getting it on. It must have broke."

"But I thought you were on the pill."

"Yeah, my mom got them from the doctor she was dating. Then they broke up. No doctor… no pills."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"But still, I think you need to tell him. Let it be his decision what he does."

"Carly!" Sam sat up and looked at her best friend with fire in her eyes, "We are just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm. Not. Telling. Him. That's final!" she narrowed her eyes, "And you can't tell him either, Shay!"

"But Sam…"

"No buts! You have to swear to me that you won't say a word about this. If I decide to tell him; and that's a big if, I'll do it when I'm ready. Promise me Carly!"

"I thought we said no more secrets?"

"We said we wouldn't keep any secrets from you. You know, so it's not a secret. Besides, this isn't some stupid secret about first kisses. This is serious chizz, now promise me Carly. She spit on her hand holding it out to Carly. It was their super secret, important promise handshake. Carly hated spit – all bodily fluids really, so when they shook like this it was serious.

Carly spit on her hand and reluctantly joined it with Sam's.

"Alright, I promise. But you have to promise to at least consider telling him. He really does deserve to know."

"Alright, I'll think about it." She said shaking Carly's hand vigorously, then wiping her palm on her jeans, "But don't hold your breath."


	3. Desperate Measures

Something was fishy. He couldn't put his finger on it, had no real evidence or a specific incident to point to but still he knew: something was up.

The break up with Sam had been awful; he'd spent weeks trying to be okay with it. Trying to re-learn what it meant to be a part of her life. He thought he'd done a pretty good job. After two or three weeks they'd developed a shaky sort of peace, both of them poised in their corners of the world they shared, like boxers taking a time out. The awkward conversations were down to a minimum. Carly, Gibby and everyone else in their lives had accepted the break up and things had gone back to normal – if you could call any relationship they'd ever had normal.

To the casual observer it probably wasn't obvious that something was wrong with her. She'd missed a lot of school lately but she'd never been a perfect attendance candidate. And she was grumpy, moody – more pissed off than normal. But anyone who knew Sam was accustomed to her mood swings and bouts of violence. For all intents and purposes she was being herself; her angry, anti-social self-if you didn't know her. And regardless of the current state of their relationship, he knew her; better than she'd ever have admitted.

It was something in her eyes. Like the fire had gone out. Her insults had no bite and for the last two or three weeks she looked constantly on the verge of tears. On more than one occasion he'd entered the studio to find her and Carly huddled together. Sometimes they were whispering and other times it was obvious from the tone and volume of their voices that he'd walked in on a pretty heated exchange. They always recovered, gave him some explanation for what he'd walked in on, but when he looked into her eyes he could see it. She was holding something back. There was something going on and she had determined that he would never know.

It hurt, if he was going to honest about it. He'd spent six months being patient, waiting for her to open up to him. And eventually she had. She'd shared things with him that made his heart break. It wasn't just the facts; he knew most of those already. Her father left when she was young, her mom was definitely not in the running for mother of the year and her relationship with her sister was strained to the breaking point. The facts were horrible in and of themselves; when it came to life and family Sam had been dealt a really bad hand. But what she shared with him, what had taken him months of coaxing, listening and loving to hear was how she felt about those facts. Behind the tough, cold exterior she'd always shown to the rest of the world was a girl whose pain was something he'd never seen or experienced. She was broken and the only way she'd ever known to deal with it was to hide it, bury it so deep that even she could hardly access it. Loving her was choosing to feel that same hurt, to be there with her in it. Unfortunately, just when he'd made a break in the hard shell she surrounded herself with they were over and now in the aftermath he knew that he was the last person she'd let in. The wall had come up at midnight the night they'd ended things and she wasn't going to let it down again. At least not with him.

He wasn't sure how to deal with it-this feeling; knowing that Sam was hurt while also knowing that if she had her way he'd be the last one to help her heal. The options that had once been at his disposal were no longer his privilege. He couldn't invite her over, wrap his arms around her and whisper in her ear how much he loved her; how he would always be there for her, how she never had to deal with anything alone. He was now an outsider to her heart, a fact that frustrated him to no end because he knew it was a position he'd landed in of his own choosing. So he went through the motions. He pretended not to notice the whispered conversations and secret looks that she and Carly were sharing. He didn't push or prod; didn't try to drag it out of her. He figured that if she didn't want to let him in the least he could do was respect it. At least that's what he'd thought at first, but now it was driving him crazy.

He sat up nights wondering. Trying to put together the little pieces and clues he'd managed to gather. Trying to paint a full picture of what the problem could be. All he managed to do was create in his mind a jumbled mess of suspicion and innuendo. He had no idea what was going on, and no way of finding out. But that wasn't a fact he could live with. He knew it was probably a bad idea, knew that he should probably just let it go, let Sam deal with whatever was wrong in whatever way she chose to but he just couldn't do that. Call it controlling or persistent, either way he knew that he couldn't just sit by while she hurt. He wanted to know what was wrong, needed to know and, whatever it took, he was determined to find out.

This is how and why he found himself sitting in his room, making a list of the facts as he currently knew them, trying to piece together a plan that would, hopefully, help him find the truth of the situation. And maybe even give him a way back into her life, if not into her heart.

He looked at his monitor, where he'd pulled up the list he'd been working on for almost a week.

_She's missed school – 6 days_

_She always looks tired_

_She's cranky…more cranky than ususal…_

_She and Carly are having private conversations_

_November 1st – Sam: Let it go Carly_

_November 3rd – Carly: Just call already – it's important_

_November 4th – Carly: You're not being fair_

_November 6th- Sam: You told Spencer! What the hell is wrong with you?_

The last entry was his best clue yet. Spencer was notorious for not being able to keep a secret. He's spent a week after overhearing that conversation trying to talk to Spencer but every time he tried to get him alone Spencer had suddenly remembered something he had to do. This only succeeded in convincing Freddie that whatever was going on, Spencer knew about it.

He picked up his phone and dialed Spencer's number.

"Talk to me!"

"Hey Spencer, it's Freddie."

"Freddie my man! What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much. I was just wondering if you had a minute. I wanted to talk to you about something."

He head Spencer's hesitation in the silence. It was essential-he had to talk to Spencer. If he could get him alone he could get him to break and then he'd know what the hell was going on with Sam.

"Well…I'm actually Freddie, I was just getting ready to…" he paused, obviously trying to find something to say "I was gonna go to Socko's house to um, help him…mow his lawn." He was so vey obviously lying. Freddie couldn't let him off the hook, he was his last hope.

"Maybe I could go with you?"

"Oh… no, that wouldn't work."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because… Socko is…he's um… he's very protective of his grass. He doesn't like strangers, um… looking at it."

Freddie sighed. This was ridiculous. Spencer was lying- and not very well. Carly and Sam were deliberately keeping him in the dark and he'd had it with the whole situation.

"Listen Spencer. I know that you know what going on with Sam." His voice was filled with desperation. "You have to tell me Spencer. I'm worried. It's obvious something is wrong and I don't know if it's serious and I'm just… I'm going crazy over here Spence. Please." He sighed, putting his head in his hands. "I just… I just want to be there for her."

"Hold on Freddie." He heard Spencer talking to someone and then the sound of a door closing. "Freddie, I really wish I could tell you, but it's not really my secret to tell. Trust me, I think you ought to know and if I could tell you I would. But I can't. I'm sorry."

"It's cool Spence." He tried not to sound defeated, it wasn't fair to make Spencer feel bad – it wasn't his fault. "I understand, just…just look out for her okay? For me…"

"You know I will."

He hung up the phone and looked back to his list. Three weeks and he was no closer to knowing what was wrong than when he'd started. He considered calling Carly again, but he knew that was pointless. In the last three weeks he'd asked Carly countless times to tell him what was going on. Every time he'd been given the same answer:

_I can't tell you Freddie. Please stop asking me. Sam will tell you when she's ready._

He groaned in frustration, turning off his computer. He stood and stretched, walking to his dresser to grab a pair of pajama bottoms. Sleep had become a welcome escape for him. In his dreams, he could see her, smell her, and touch her. In his dreams, life still made sense. He turned down the covers of his bed and began to crawl in, stopping at the last minute as a chill washed over him. His window was open. He walked over to shut it and was struck with memories of all the times he'd looked into this window to see fiery blue eyes and a mass of wild blond hair. Sam was notorious for using the window instead of the door to enter his home. He never understood her aversion to doing things the normal way.

_'That's because you don't think like a Puckett,' she'd always say._

Climbing back into his bed he froze. Think like a Puckett. If you wanted to catch a Puckett then you had to think like a Puckett; sly, sneaky and possibly a little illegal. He'd been trying to figure out what was wrong with Sam by thinking like him. If he really wanted to know what was going on, he'd have to think like her, act like her.

He smiled at his own brilliance. He knew exactly what he needed to do and for the first time in three weeks he was certain that soon he'd know exactly what Samantha Puckett was hiding.

Game on.

* * *

**_One week later_ **

Today was the day. He could feel in his bones. He'd spent the last week using every underhanded Puckett trick he knew to get a line on what was going on with her. He'd looked through her phone…and Carly's. The only clue there was the fact that there was never a current text message from or to either of them saved which was weird considering the fact that they seemed to text each other constantly. So they were deleting their texts. Interesting. He'd followed them after school and even staked out Sam's house last weekend. The only information he'd managed to pick up from then was that Carly had an unhealthy obsession with Build-A-Bra (he already knew that) and Sam's mom must never cook because the take out guy was there almost every night. But then yesterday… yesterday it all changed. Yesterday he'd found the golden ticket and today he'd finally know exactly what she was hiding.

He had a plan now. A plan spawned by the conversation he'd 'accidentally' overhead yesterday while hiding in a stall in the girls' bathroom. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

**_Flashback_ **

_Freddie's legs were cramped and if there was any single moment of his life he could point to as the most embarrassing, this would be it. Here he was – Freddie Benson, smart, reliable and honest to a fault – hiding in the girls' bathroom of his school, crouched on a toilet, holding himself up with his hands on either side of the wall. This was humiliating – and it was all because of a girl._

" _Carly, I'm not going to talk about this again!"_

" _Shhh…" he heard Carly whisper and then held his breath as he heard footsteps that he assumed to be hers approaching his hideout stall. If she caught him in here he would never hear the end of it. And Sam might break his thumbs... or worse. She was walking in front of the stalls and as she approached each one he heard their doors being opened. Thee stalls down, two stalls down, one stall down. He swallowed hard and said a prayer._

" _Carly!"_

_Thank God for Sam and her persistent impatience. He heard Carly stop at the stall beside his, and almost fainted when he saw the shadow of her head as she peeked underneath the stall he was in._

" _All clear" she said, "Sam, just listen. I know you don't want to but you need to go."_

_'Go where?', he thought_

_Sam sighed. "It's hard enough already Carls. And you know I hate doctors."_

_It was true, he'd never seen anyone as scared of doctors as Sam. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd ever heard of her going to one, and most of the ones she'd visited had kindly asked her not to return. There may have been some mention of biting._

" _I know you don't like doctors but you have to go. There really isn't that much time."_

" _Ugghh! Alright! If I go will you shut up about it?"_

" _Probably not, but it's a start. I made you an appointment for 4:00 tomorrow."_

" _Tomorrow?"_

" _Yes, Sam, tomorrow. You can't put it off any longer."_

_The bell for fourth period rang out and Carly and Sam hurried for the door. Freddie waited until he could no longer hear the sounds of students in the hallway before venturing outside. Shakily, on legs that seemed to have lost their feeling, he left the bathroom. He walked out into the hallway, first making sure no one was looking, walked down the hall and headed for his fourth period Media Immersion class. The entire class was a blur-he didn't hear a word the teacher said. Thinking that something was wrong with Sam had been one thing but now, knowing that whatever it was required her to visit a doctor, he didn't even know how to feel. Was it serious? Why would she keep something like that from him? They might not be dating but he was still her friend, wasn't he?_

_The rest of the day he spent observing her from a safe distance, trying to see if he noticed something, anything that might be a clue. There was nothing more out of the ordinary than it had been the past few weeks. She still avoided him like the plague and when she was forced to be around him she never met his eyes. Carly was twitchy and nervous, making bad jokes and sticking to Sam like glue._

_They weren't going to tell him. But that was okay because come tomorrow at 4:00 he'd figure it out for himself. Take that Puckett!_

**_End Flashback_ **

He spent most of the day alternating between worry and relief. He was glad to know that soon he'd have the answers he'd been looking for but terrified at what those answers might be. He drifted though his classes like a zombie, barely paying attention to what was done or said. The only thing that really held his focus was Sam. He seemed to see her everywhere and every time he saw her, Carly attached to her side, she looked shaken. Her hair was even more wild than usual, her clothes were rumpled and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. He ached to reach out to her but resisted. Maybe, after today there would be a way for him to do that; to be there for her. He'd never wanted anything more.

The final bell of the day rang and he looked down the hall to see Carly and Sam huddled around Sam's locker. Carly was looking at her watch and rubbing Sam's arm. Sam just kept shaking her head before finally slamming the door of her locker and following Carly toward the entrance. He hung back, not wanting to give them any indication of what he was planning to do. He fooled around in the AV room. Checked the iCarly website and did some maintenance, looking, every five minutes, at his watch.

_3:50_

Reaching into his pocket for his pearPhone he pulled up the locator app. Sometimes it paid to be a tech genius surrounded by people who never put any thought into technology. He knew it would never have occurred to Carly that he could find them or would try to find them using the locator chips in their phone. He was counting on their obliviousness today.

1934 Industrial Drive. That was clear across town. Looking at his watch he slammed the door of his locker and raced for the parking lot. He didn't have much time.

He raced through the streets of Seattle, praying that he didn't get caught speeding. He didn't have time for a ticket. He almost screamed with relief when he pulled into the small business development. At the back of the development he found the building he was looking for. He let his breath out slowly, unaware until just then that he'd been holding it. He put his hand on the door handle, ready to exit the car.

'What am I doing?' he thought. What was he doing? Was it worth it? Sam obviously didn't want him to know about whatever it was she was doing here, and maybe there was a reason. Maybe this wasn't anything to worry about. Maybe he was making a big deal out of nothing. At the very least he was intruding on her private business and she wouldn't be happy about that if she ever found out. The moment passed and he opened the door of his car.

He walked into the lobby of the building, looking up at the large wall placard that held the names of the various offices.

Two dentists, a lab, a podiatrist, a gynecologist and an oncologist. Sounded like the beginning of a really bad joke.

Oncologist?' he thought, his heart dropping. 'Wasn't that a cancer doctor?'

He shook his head trying to get rid of the idea before it even formed. He scanned the lobby, trying to find a hiding spot with an unobstructed view. In the far corner, with a good view of the elevator, was a large group fake trees, their branches were full and would provide the perfect amount of cover. He couldn't believe he was about to do this. He was going to hide in a bunch of fake trees to spy on his ex. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

* * *

_5:05_

His legs hurt. One was planted firmly in the planter of the ficus, the other twisted at an odd angle and resting on the linoleum floor a foot and a half below. The branches of the fake trees scratched at his face, neck and hands and a rather persistent fly kept trying to land on his nose. The girls' bathroom suddenly seemed like a welcome respite. Where were they?

No sooner had he thought it then he heard a 'ding' and watched intently as Sam and Carly exited the elevator. Carly was animated, looking happier than he had seen her in days. He felt relief wash over him. It couldn't be too bad if Carly was smiling. Sam followed behind her, looking closely at the stack of papers she held in her hands. From his place among the trees he could see out the front door. Carly and Sam stood outside, Sam's eyes never raised from what she was reading – he wished he could see her face.

Spencer's car pulled up and Sam and Carly got in. As the door shut a small slip of paper flew from the bottom of the stack of papers Sam held. Neither she nor Carly seemed to notice as Spencer sped away. Freddie bolted from his hiding place as quickly as his half-asleep legs would allow and headed for the door. He hadn't been able to hear what Carly was saying. He had no idea what office they'd gone into or come out of. He was really no closer to knowing what the problem was than before he'd entered the building but still he felt lighter. Carly loved Sam more than anyone; there was no way in the world that she would be smiling and happy if there was anything wrong with Sam. She'd spent weeks looking like someone ran over her dog and now, after this doctor visit, she was suddenly back to herself. That had to mean something –something good.

He thought that maybe he could let it go now. Whatever the problem was, or had been, it was either resolved now or not enough of an issue for him to lose sleep over. Sam was fine. It still hurt like hell to not be with her and he hoped with everything in him that at some point he could fix that. But the most important thing was that she be okay. That she be safe and not in any danger. If she was okay then he had time to set things right.

Opening the door to the building he walked out into the cool, darkening Seattle evening. He pulled his jacket closer around him against the cold drizzle that had begun to fall. He walked toward the parking lot and stopped at the edge of the sidewalk. The small piece of paper Sam had dropped was stuck to the cement. He leaned down to pick it up. The rain made it difficult but when he did he saw that it wasn't a piece of paper after all. It was a small photograph, black with shades of grey and an oddly shaped white blob. His heart stopped.

It was an ultrasound photo. And along the top he saw the words that would change his life forever.

_Puckett, Samantha. 6 weeks gestation._

'Gestation?' he thought, his mind taking a moment to catch up to the situation at hand, 'That meant…'

Sam was pregnant.


	4. Sweet Child O' Mine

The room had been cold. The table she lay on froze her thighs through the thin layer of paper covering it. At least it gave her an excuse for shaking. She'd tried holding onto the edge of the table to still herself but it hadn't worked. Carly had reached over to her from the chair she sat on and held her hand. She vaguely remembered hearing Carly tell her not to be afraid, that it was going to be okay. That was really easy for her to say. As much as she might care about Sam and feel sorry for her predicament, at the end of the day there was only one person in this room whose life had completely fallen apart. Ever since she'd taken the pregnancy test two weeks ago, she'd become more and more adjusted to that fact. She was alone in this.

The doctor had entered the room and Sam was glad that Carly had found a female doctor – even though she'd never asked Sam her preference. The woman was young; too young, it seemed, to be a doctor. She was nice enough and Sam might have even liked her if it hadn't been for the persistent smile spread across her face. This wasn't a happy occasion and Sam did not feel like smiling.

"Hello ladies!" Sam thought there ought to be a rule against being so chipper. "I'm Dr. Dwyer. So, Miss…" she looked down at the chart, "Puckett is it?"

"Yeah, but you can call me Sam."

"Okay, Sam." She'd said, taking a seat on the stool across from Sam. "Tell me what's going on."

Sam shook her head and couldn't speak. This was the first time she'd ever dealt with this around anyone but Carly and Spencer. She'd never had to say the words out loud to anyone else and she suddenly realized that she wasn't able. She looked over to Carly, desperation in her eyes as she considered how quickly she could get dressed and leave this room, this building, this too young, ever smiling doctor who wanted her to say the words she couldn't say. Carly reached over and held her hand firmly. She wasn't going to let her go.

Looking toward the doctor, Carly answered for them both.

"We think she's…pregnant." Sam looked on the verge of tears, "She took, um, like six tests."

"How long ago was that?"

"Two weeks." Carly's voice was apologetic. She knew how important it was for Sam to see a doctor; she'd spent every day for weeks trying to convince her to go. But Sam was stubborn, the six tests taken in Carly's bathroom had been as much of the truth as she was willing to face.

Dr. Dwyer had smiled again then, reassuring them both that she understood it was a scary situation and explaining to them the tests she was going to administer. When it was all done the doctor had come back into the room and told them what they already knew…Sam was pregnant. Six weeks pregnant to be exact. Her due date was July 7th. Sam would be a mother before she'd graduated; before she even turned eighteen.

The rest of the visit was a blur of embarrassing questions, scary information and a long list of do and don'ts. Then she'd asked Sam to lie back on the table and taken out an instrument that made Carly suddenly very uncomfortable.

"So" Dr. Dwyer grinned down at Sam. "Are you ready to see your baby?"

Sam looked shocked. "We're going to see it… the baby I mean... like right now?"

"Yep, just gonna check in and make sure everything is okay." She put Sam's legs in the stirrups and turned on a machine beside the table, coating the instrument in her hand in a latex sleeve. It looked like…

"Wait a minute!" Carly cried, "What are you going to do with that thing?"

"Oh, we just use this to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Sam's only six weeks pregnant so this gives us a better picture of the baby…from the inside."

"You mean you're going to put that…put it in…"

Sam laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. "Yes Carls, she's putting it in my lady parts." She turned to the doctor, "Sorry about her…she's a bit of a prude."

Carly thought she'd faint but she needed to be strong for Sam. So she took a deep breath, held Sam's hand and tried not to look at anything but the machine's monitor.

While Carly sat beside her, obviously uncomfortable with the recent turn of events, Sam cast her attention on the monitor, waiting… she wasn't sure for what. Then in a rush the entire room shrank and her heart swelled as the monitor was filled with shades of grey and black, all surrounding a small white dot that had at its center a constant fluttering of light.

"There's your baby, Sam."

Her baby. It was so tiny, if she'd seen this picture anywhere else she wouldn't have known what it was.

"You see that flickering light there in the center?" Dr. Dwyer pointed toward the screen, "that's the heartbeat."

Her baby had a heartbeat. She lost the ability to breathe. This was it, it was real. A real baby, with a real heartbeat…and it was hers.

"Awww…" Carly said, her voice tight with emotion, "it's so tiny! It looks like a little…"

"Nub." Sam said in a reverent whisper, "It looks like a tiny nub."

They left the office after the nurses gave Sam what seemed like a million pieces of information to read. Before they walked out the door she handed Sam two small pieces of paper, pictures of the baby. She smiled softly, tracing her finger over it and thought that as scared as she was, for the first time in six weeks, she knew what she was going to do.

* * *

Freddie stood quietly outside of Carly's bedroom door, listening to the conversation going on behind it. He'd sped home, and into Carly's house without thinking, prepared to confront Sam with what he knew. He had no idea what he was going to say; anger boiling in his stomach – hot, irrational, and all consuming. It wasn't his usual M.O. to rush into a situation without a plan. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind that he should wait-take some time to think this over-but he couldn't. He needed to see her, look into her face, and force her to admit that what she'd done was wrong. Anger has a way of justifying even the most irrational of choices.

He laid a shaking hand on the door knob, poised to enter.

Carly's voice was light and teasing, "See Sam, you're changing already."

"Yeah I know, my boobs are gonna need their own zip code soon."

Carly laughed, "No ... I mean look at you. You're reading! You've had your nose buried in those papers since we left the doctor's office."

"I had no idea how much stuff there was to know."

"Can I see the picture again?"

"Yeah, here it is… wait a minute. Didn't they give me two?"

"Yeah…don't you have them?"

"I've only got one. Great… the kid's not even here yet and I'm already losing it."

She and Carly were laughing and for some reason it made him madder than anything else that day. There she was laughing and joking with Carly about  _his_  baby! A baby she hadn't even had the decency to tell him existed. Pushing the door open, he entered the room, his anger fresh as Sam hurried to put the papers she'd been holding behind her. Still hiding.

"Looking for this?" he said, holding up the ultrasound picture he'd found.

"What…what is that?" Sam said, looking genuinely terrified.

"Out Carly." he said, not taking his eyes from Sam. "Now."

Carly looked at Sam for approval and when she nodded, Carly headed for the door, squeezing Sam's hand as she passed the bed. At the door, she turned and looked back at them.

"I'll be right downstairs if you need me."

Neither Freddie nor Sam acknowledged her statement or took their eyes off of each other. Finally Sam broke the silence.

"Where did you get that?"

"I followed you… to the doctor's office. You dropped it on the ground outside."

"You were spying on me?" she raised her voice, eyes flashing.

"Are you kidding me? I had to find out  _this_ " he raised the picture, shaking it in front of her, " _on my own_ , you have the nerve to be mad at  _me_  for spying on you! I wouldn't have had to spy if you'd been honest!"

"Freddie…"

"No Sam! I don't want to hear any excuses. You had no right to keep this from me!"

"I was going to tell you …"

"When? When you couldn't hide it anymore? When the baby was born? Or maybe on his first birthday you'd give me a call…'Hey Freddie'" He said, mimicking her, "How are you? Oh, by the way… I had a  _kid_ and it's  ** _yours_**!" He was furious. He knew he was on the verge of going too far, but in this moment he really didn't care.

"That's not fair!"

"Fair! You want to talk to me about fair?"

"You think you're the only one upset right now? Really, Benson? Do you think I wanted this? You think I wanted to end up knocked up by a guy who doesn't even want to be with me?"

"Don't put this all on me, it was your idea; I just agreed to it!"

"Exactly! And the minute  _you_  agreed to not being together my raising this baby stopped being your problem."

His heart stopped. "Raising it? You're planning to keep it?"

Nothing he'd ever said would hurt as much as this. The look on his face was as if he couldn't imagine why she'd make that decision. She'd expected him to be mad when he found out. She'd expected a fight, screaming and tears but somewhere in her heart she'd hoped that when the smoke cleared he'd be there. She knew she'd planned to raise the baby on her own, planned to let him go out into the world and pursue his dreams. But her wanting that was a different thing from him wanting it. What she saw in his face wasn't just disappointment or disbelief – it was horror.

"Yes. I'm…I'm keeping it."

"Sam, are you crazy? Have you thought about this? We're seventeen! How in the hell are you going to raise a baby? What about college? Don't I get a say in this?"

"No, you don't get a say. I already told you…you're off the hook. You don't have to be a part of this. You're obviously not ready."

"That's rich. I'm not ready? And you are? What makes you so much more ready than me?"

Emotion filled her voice as she uttered the words that she hadn't known were true until just now.

"Maybe you're right. I'm seventeen, I've got no job and no money and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing." She stood from the bed and ventured toward him, "but the difference is that I'm going to do what it takes to  _get_  ready. I'm willing to do whatever I have to Freddie. I'm willing to sacrifice everything – everything I've  _ever_ wanted or  _ever_ dreamed to make sure that this baby… never has to feel what I've felt. It will never feel abandoned or unloved… or unwanted. It will always know that it was the most important thing to me." She set eyes of steel on him, "Are you willing to do that? Are you?"

She knew what she wanted him to say. Even as her mind told her it was irrational and unrealistic, her heart defied her mind and silently begged him to say the words she needed to hear.

'Of course I'm willing. I'll do whatever I have to, to be there for you…for the baby. I love you, I love you, I love you!'

It was crazy, but her heart didn't seem to understand that. She waited, watching his face, willing him to say something, to prove to her that her mind was wrong, that he really was who she'd always believed him to be. As the silent seconds ticked by, her heart's picture of him shattered and reformed until she found herself staring at a stranger.

He was silent. All rational words escaped him. He knew he should say something; should tell her that yes, he was willing to do all the things she said. He should cross the room and fold her into his arms and tell her that her and this baby…their baby were his main priority and he'd move heaven and earth for them. But the words wouldn't come. Maybe it was shock. Maybe it was fear, but whatever the reason the words she'd said only pushed him further into silence, and he'd never been more ashamed.

Her face fell, replaced almost immediately by a hurt that was physically painful him to witness.

"That's what I thought." She walked back toward the bed and fell onto it with a sigh. "Just leave Freddie. There's nothing left to talk about." She looked back at him, tears filling her eyes, "We don't need you."

"Sam…"

"Don't Freddie!" she screamed before lowering her voice a whisper, "Just don't. Don't start, because if you do you're going to say something you don't mean. And I might be stupid enough to believe you." She looked up at him, "I can't afford to believe you anymore."

He wanted so badly to say what she needed. He knew that this moment was a turning point. If he didn't do what he was supposed to now, he might never get another chance. He felt like he'd been set in cement – his feet wouldn't move, his voice wouldn't come. His fear and regret were paralyzing him.

"Go!" she screamed at him now and it shook him from his spot. He opened his mouth to say something only to close it back. Turning on the spot he headed toward the door, cursing himself all the way. 'Stop you idiot' his conscience screamed, 'You're ruining everything! Turn around…beg her to forgive you!'. But he didn't listen. 'Forgive me for what?' he thought. 'I'm not the one hiding things!' He was too angry to even look at her right now. He needed space, needed time to sort this whole thing out. Sam was mad, stubborn and being irrational… so was he. Nothing good could come of the two of them being in the same room right now. On the stand by the door where he'd left it was the ultrasound picture. Without a thought he picked it up, stuffed it in to his pocket and walked out the door.

Walking down the steps it felt like his feet were heavy. He dreaded facing Carly now, and Spencer. They would have expected him to do the right thing. Right now he wasn't even sure what the right thing was. Before he reached the landing, he heard the sound of feet scurrying away. Carly. Of course she'd been eavesdropping, it was her nature; she couldn't resist. At least he wouldn't have to tell her what he'd said, or not said to be more accurate. He could just leave.

"Freddie!" Carly called out behind him. "Wait a minute!"

He kept walking, willing her to be quiet. He couldn't deal with it right now. The situation was already bad; he didn't need to hear Carly's two cents about it.

"Freddie…are you really just going to leave? Go back up there and fix this!"

"Not now, Carly."

"What do you mean 'not now'?" She reached out and grabbed his arm, trying to turn him towards her. "Freddie, you can't just leave it like this!"

He ripped his arm from her grasp and stared straight ahead as he walked toward the door. Pausing with his hand on the door knob he finally let loose with all the frustration, anger and confusion he was feeling.

"Just leave it alone Carly! For once in your life…just…mind your own business!"

He knew he'd struck a nerve. He'd been too harsh, he shouldn't have said that. He didn't have to turn around to know how she was looking at him, but he did anyway. He was a glutton for punishment.

Carly was staring at him with a look of hurt and anger he didn't think he'd ever seen before. She narrowed her eyes and walked slowly toward him, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Mind my own business?" she laughed, "that's just great Freddie. After I've spent the last two weeks dealing with what should be your responsibility – being there for my best friend, who is _losing_  it by the way! Trying to help her figure out how to handle a situation that  _you_  helped to get her in!  _Now_  you want me to mind my own business? I've got news for you." She pointed toward the stairs, "That girl up there? She  _is_  my business. She's like a sister to me and I will be there for her in any way she needs me to for as long as she needs me to! And for the record, I would be able to mind my own business if I didn't have to mind  _yours_  because you aren't man enough to do it.

With that she reached over, yanked his hand off the knob and opened the door making it clear that their conversation was over. As he entered the hallway he winced as the door slammed behind him. He walked into his apartment, into his bedroom and dropped onto his bed. He'd never been so tired. He rolled onto his side pulling the pillow close to him. This was such a mess. This morning all he'd wanted to do was find out what was wrong with Sam. Now he knew what was wrong. And he'd made it worse.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the picture, looking at the tiny blob that was going to change his whole life.

_You're off the hook._

She told him he had no obligation. He could just walk away, scot free. He could go to N.I.T. and do all the things he'd dreamed of doing. He wondered how that should make him feel. Relieved? Happy? He felt neither of those things. He felt numb, stuck in an emotional limbo. He hadn't expected this…nothing could have prepared him for it. In the last six months he'd more than once considered what it would be like to have kids with Sam. He imagined a beautiful little girl who looked like her mother acted like him; maybe a little boy with his brown hair and her fiery temper. The thought had made him smile. But he'd figured it would be years away, after college and careers and marriage. Not now, in his junior year of high school, when he felt poised on the edge of getting everything he'd ever dreamed of.

He hadn't told Sam or Carly yet but he'd applied for early admission to N.I.T. and he had no doubt that he'd get in. He was made for that place. When July came, he'd hopefully be on his way to the Young Scholars Summer Program on campus – an eight week session where he'd be surrounded by the best and brightest in the country. July would look a lot different for Sam. While he was pursuing his dreams in Washington D.C., Sam would be here, giving birth to a child…his child … their child.

_We don't need you_

Maybe she was right. Maybe she didn't need him. Sam was strong, the strongest person he'd ever known. She had dealt with more in her seventeen years of life than anyone else he knew. And she complained about a lot of things, but she never complained about the lot life had thrown at her; even though she had every right to. But a baby…that was a different story. That was more than even she had dealt with before. It would be brutal. He didn't know much about babies but during the short weekend him mom had sat for his baby cousin Stephanie he remembered thinking that you'd have to be crazy to do that voluntarily. She'd woken up in the middle of the night screaming her head off – more than once. She had to be watched all the time and what she managed to produce in those diapers was the stuff of nightmares. That's the future Sam had resigned herself to, and she'd agreed to do it on her own. She'd let him walk. But did he want to?

He looked at the picture frame on his nightstand. Him and his dad. The picture had sat there for as long as he could remember. He picked it up and peered into it. He looked like his dad, his mom said it all the time, but now, looking into the face of the father he'd lost so many years ago, he had to admit it was true. In the picture he held in his hands, Jack Benson looked like a 30-year old version of Freddie; same strong jaw and brown eyes. The same wide brow. It felt strange, seeing all the resemblances. He wondered if it bothered his mother, looking into his face every day – like living with a ghost. He remembered bits and pieces about his dad. He knew that they'd fished together, that his dad took him to pee-wee baseball, and that he always made pancakes on Sunday mornings. He remembered piggy back rides and being chased by the tickle monster. Even all these years later, his father's influence left an imprint on his life. His father was a good man who had deserved to see the day he became a grandfather. In this moment he didn't think he could possibly be less worthy of being his son.

He looked again at the photo, running his hand over the tiny white dot that was his baby. His baby. It felt so weird to say. It was amazing when he really thought about it; terrifying, but amazing. He held in his hand a picture of a tiny human, a melding of him and Sam – the best of both of them. He was going to be a dad. No matter what he decided to about the situation, for the rest of his life there would be a person walking around this earth who was part him. And that would forever bind him to the woman with whom he'd created that life. Some men might see that as a burdensome obligation, an hour ago he'd acted like one of those men, but now, as the idea replayed itself in his mind he was in awe. The love they shared had created something that ensured they'd always be a part of each other.

He was confused and scared. He was ashamed of how he'd handled things with Sam. He was disappointed in himself. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, he still wasn't completely sure of what the right thing was. But he did know what the wrong thing was. Deserting Sam right now was the wrong thing. He had promised her that he'd never hurt her, and he hoped it wasn't too late to keep that promise.

Sighing, he held the picture tightly in his right hand as exhaustion pulled him forcefully into fitful sleep. He thought briefly that this was the beginning. His first day as a father.

He was not off to a good start.

* * *

She waited, sitting stock still until she heard the door slam. Then she broke. She'd tried to be strong these last couple weeks. Tried to avoid the issue or at the very least not completely give into her emotions over it. It was a problem. Sam was used to dealing with problems; it was the story of her life. She'd find a solution and deal with the consequences. But the last three hours had changed all that. She'd seen it, actually seen the baby and whatever fears or doubts she'd had before then she knew that keeping it was the only option for her. It wasn't that she wasn't scared anymore; she was terrified, but sitting in that freezing exam room with the light low as she stared at the flickering heartbeat of the life inside of her, those fears had been eclipsed by a love that was all encompassing. It was crazy, she knew it, and totally out of character for her but she loved this baby; more than she had ever loved anything or anyone, and she was determined to make it work.

That's what hurt so much. Freddie had always been the responsible one in their relationship; always the one who did what was right no matter what. The one who made her see the world outside of herself. And now, during what was likely the most important thing to ever happen to either of them, he'd let her down. For six months he'd promised her that he'd never hurt her, never do to her what everyone else had done. And now he was doing exactly that, only worse because now she wasn't the only one he was walking away from. She probably had no right to be mad, she'd told him she didn't need him; that he was off the hook. But something in his eyes told her that he might have made that decision no matter what she'd said and that fact made her question everything she'd ever believed about him.

So she cried. She lay on her side, drawing her knees to her chest and sobbed. She cried for herself, for the life she was now choosing to live. For all the dreams she'd never get a chance to reach for, for all the mistakes she knew she'd make. She cried for the baby – for this tiny person who hadn't asked to be here and who deserved so much better than her. And she cried for Freddie, for the man she thought he was, for the love she thought they'd shared. He was gone, and she cried harder because she didn't know how to bring him back.

The door opened and Carly entered the room, Spencer behind her. She heard them approach the bed but she couldn't move. Couldn't stop crying, couldn't seem to keep her heart from shattering. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold it all together, trying desperately not fall further apart. Carly climbed into the bed and rested Sam's head on her lap, brushing the hair from her forehead and drying her tears. Spencer sat at the foot of the bed, uncharacteristically quiet, rubbing small circles on her back.

"I'm sorry kid," he said, and she knew that he really was. "But it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this together."

And while she knew they meant well…believed every word they were saying, she knew the truth.

She was alone.


	5. Gone

Resolute. It wasn't a word she'd usually use; she was pretty sure she'd made fun of Freddie when he'd used it. He said it meant 'unwaveringly determined'. That's exactly how she felt this morning.

After her breakdown at Carly's last night she'd come home and done something she never did. She planned. She made a list, of all the things that she needed to fix, all the issues she was currently facing. And she'd made a plan, tried to figure out the best way to handle it all. She tried to be unemotional; thinking of what was best without a thought of what felt good. Good didn't matter…right was all that mattered now.

Her room was dark, the soft rays of sunrise only now beginning to creep in through the slats of her window shade. She stretched and looked over to the clock on her nightstand.

_6:00_

It was Monday, that would be a help. Carly and Freddie never missed school unless they were sick, which she knew they weren't. So for at least seven hours she was guaranteed not to see them. Carly would call her non-stop and texts would fill up her inbox, but those could be avoided; ignored. She could deal with virtual nagging. What she didn't need right now was to see Carly's face, or Freddie's either for that matter. It'd only confuse her … complicate things. And she needed a clear head.

She had three hours until she had to be there. She made the call last night and it was all set. Today she'd start over. Today she'd take the step toward fixing this mess. She knew that her decision wouldn't change things with Freddie; she'd possibly never recover from the ache that had taken up permanent residence in her chest. And she knew that Carly might never forgive her, but she couldn't think about other people now. She had to do what was best for her – she only hoped it would work.

* * *

Freddie woke with a start, momentarily disoriented. She'd been there last night, in his dreams. Flashes of her face, her smile, her eyes. He could vaguely recall the feeling of holding her close, the smell of her hair, the softness of her lips brushing his. The soundtrack had been her laugh, weaving through him and around him until, when he woke, he was partially shocked not to find her  _physically_  there in his arms. Then it came – a rush of memories from yesterday; her eyes like steel, her fists clenched at her side as she screamed for him to leave. His voice saying horrible things, things that in the light of day, he knew he hadn't meant. The fog over his mind lifted and cold hard truth descended.

Sam was pregnant. He was an asshole.

That about summed it up.

Looking at the clock he rushed through his morning routine, paying so little attention he was lucky to put his pants on right and not end up with his shirt on backwards. His mind had far greater things to consider this morning. He reached under his pillow before he made his bed, taking out the picture that was now his most prized possession. Slipping it into his wallet he grabbed his backpack and headed out of his room. He ate his cereal in a rush, standing over the sink. His mother would freak if she were here. She said that eating while standing gave you indigestion. Today, he couldn't care less what it gave him. He was in a hurry. He had things to do.

He'd made a pretty nasty mess of things. He could only imagine what Sam must be thinking. But he was going to fix it – today. But he needed something first.

An ally.

He locked the door behind him, dread building in his stomach as he approached the Shay's apartment door. Talking to Sam today might not go well. Talking to Carly first was a warm up. He ran over in his head what he intended to say as he waited for someone to answer the door. He usually didn't knock. He and Sam were there so often that no one thought anything of them just walking in unannounced. But last night the look on Carly's face had been murderous as she'd basically thrown him out. He didn't think it wise to take any liberties this morning. He needed Carly to hear him out. He needed her to help him plead his case with Sam. If he had Carly in his corner, the odds of a happy ending to his conversation with Sam weren't guaranteed, but they were significantly improved.

The door opened to reveal a puffy faced Carly, who looked only slightly less angry than she had last night. They stood there for a moment, observing each other and he said a silent prayer. Finally she rolled her eyes and stepped back to let him in.

"I hope you have something better to say than you did last night." Her voice was cool as ice but underneath it she sounded tired. From the looks of it she hadn't gotten any sleep. Carly could be the sweetest, most easy going girl you'd ever met. But when she didn't get her beauty rest, her temper would give even Sam's a run for its money.

"I just wanted to talk to you…" he started.

She stood across from him, arms crossed over her chest. "You're here, I'm listening."

He swallowed hard and called to mind everything he'd planned to say. He figured he'd start with the facts, then appeal to her emotions, wrap it up with a really good apology, and hope for the best.

"I'm an asshole."

Carly nodded her head but was nice enough not to say she already knew that. Instead she uncrossed her arms and put her hands on her hips. Progress.

"Go on."

"I didn't handle things right last night…with Sam. I was just in shock and I know that's not an excuse but it's the only explanation I can give you. I kept watching you guys these past couple weeks and I knew something was wrong but I never in a million years thought that it was…this! So I just…panicked and when I talked to Sam. I just…I said all the things I shouldn't have, and none of the things I should have."

"And what is it you think you should have said?"

"I should have told her that I'd be there. That I'd do anything in the world that I had to, give up anything I had to if it meant being there for her and for the baby. I should have told her that she didn't have to worry about anything because I'm going to take care of her…of both of them. I should have told her that even if we didn't plan it and it's crazy and we're both scared shitless with no idea what to do I will never look at this as a mistake, or a burden. I should have told her I love her, because Carly, I really do."

He stopped. That hadn't been a part of the speech he planned, but it was the truth.

"I'm sorry, Carly. I know that what I said to you yesterday was uncalled for. I had no right to get mad at you for being there for Sam when I couldn't. You were right. I need to step up."

Her face softened a little but she didn't move. She wasn't ready to forgive him just yet.

"She thinks you don't want it… your baby. She cried herself to sleep, Freddie. You really hurt her."

"I know. I know I did and I'm so sorry. I just…God! I really screwed this up. But I want to fix it, Carly. Will you help me?"

Carly sighed then and even though she didn't say it he'd known her long enough to know. She might not have forgiven him, but she'd help him…for Sam.

"Alright…I'll help you"

"Carly thank you so mu…"

She raised her hand to silence him. "But you'd better fix this, Freddie or I swear to goodness I'll kill you myself."

"Point taken," he smiled weakly.

She walked to the sofa and picked up her bag and keys. "But I'll be honest with you Freddie, I don't know how much help I'll be. Sam's being stubborn and she's determined to do this all on her own…without you."

Her words cut him but he didn't have time to concentrate on it. He'd make her see, he'd make her change her mind. He had to.

"I don't exactly know what I'm going to say to be honest with you. All I know is that Sam and…the baby, they're everything to me now. And I'll do whatever it takes to make her see that."

She put a hand on his shoulder as they walked out of the apartment. "I don't know who that guy was who was here last night, but I didn't like him"

"Trust me Carly, you'll never see him again. I hope I can make Sam realize that too.""

"Good answer." she smiled, "It's good to have you back. The two of you are too crazy for it to ever work with anyone else anyway."

He turned and hugged her. Having her on his side meant everything."

"Alright, enough with the mush." Carly laughed, pulling away and shutting the door, "Let's go get your girl."

* * *

Freddie was frantic. It hadn't started out that way. When they got to the front of Bushwell Plaza Sam hadn't been in her usual spot, waiting to walk to school with them. 'No big deal,' he thought. 'She's still pissed and I don't blame her for avoiding me…all in good time'. When they got to school, she wasn't at her locker. 'It's fine' he thought, 'she'll turn up.' Then she'd been missing from homeroom and first period and he'd started to get antsy. Now it was the end of the day and Sam had never turned up. He'd texted her ten times and gotten no answer. All his calls to her went straight to voicemail.

He paced back and forth in front of Carly's locker, talking to himself and checking his phone every few seconds.

"Freddie…calm down!"

"Calm down! How in the hell do you expect me to do that?"

"She's probably just sick at home."

He stopped pacing, his face masked in worry.

"Does that happen a lot? Her getting sick I mean…"

Carly's face softened. He was completely shaken.

"Yeah… she's been sick pretty much this whole time. She says she has 'all day sickness'. It's awful. I feel bad for her."

"But that's normal right? I mean…is she okay? Will it hurt her…or the baby?"

Until that moment she hadn't realized, this wasn't just happening to Sam, it was happening to Freddie too. Both of them were facing challenges she couldn't even imagine. Sam was sick, Freddie was worried and both of them were probably terrified.

"She's fine Freddie. The doctor says it's perfectly normal. Sam's okay…and so is the baby."

He dropped his head, shaking it slowly. He looked miserable.

"You really want to fix this don't you?" Not that she'd doubted him exactly, but watching him now, he looked so lost and desperate. Sam had given him a free pass, a pass that it initially looked like he might take, but instead he'd decided to jump right into the middle of this mess with Sam – he wasn't going to leave her alone. She'd always admired Freddie, that's why last night had hurt so badly. After Sam had told her what he said Carly had wondered for a moment if she really knew him at all. But the boy standing in front of her, this was the Freddie she knew. Responsible, and loyal – and she'd never been more proud of him.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Opening it he reached into a side pocket and pulled two pictures. The first was of Sam. He's somehow managed to catch her in a rare moment of stillness. The sun was shining on her face as she stared out in to the distance, smiling. She looked beautiful. Behind that she recognized the second picture as the missing ultrasound photo. He had them together, carrying them with him.

"I meant what I said Carly." he stared down at the ultrasound picture, his voice barely a whisper. "I know I screwed up; really made a mess of things but I swear to you, I want to fix this. I want to be there for her and for the baby. Nothing else is as important as that."

"Not even N.I.T.?" she asked. It had to be said. She needed him to understand exactly what kind of sacrifice this might be for him.

"I've dreamed about going to N.I.T. for as long as I can remember, but it's not a dream I want to pursue at all costs. I'm not going to do it on Sam's back, abandoning her to raise our child alone. My dream includes her now."

He put the pictures back into his wallet, sliding it into his back pocket. He looked up to see Carly laughing.

"I'm glad that baring my soul is amusing to you!" This only made her laugh harder until she bent over snorting and trying to catch her breath.

"No, Freddie….it's not that. Your…your wallet" she waved a hand in the air, trying to get her giggles under control.

"What about my wallet"

"You keep your pictures in that pocket. Isn't that usually were guys keep…you know"

"Condoms?" he said. Carly erupted in fresh laughter. "What's so funny about that?"

"It's just ironic. Most guys carry condoms… you carry momentos of why you ought to  _wear_  condoms!" she snorted again, leaning over with her hands on her knees.

"Ha, ha, ha, Shay. You are just a comic genius today."

Carly stood and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Honestly Freddie, this situation is so crazy that if don't laugh I might cry." She straightened and let out a breath, finally calm, "So what do we going to do?"

"I don't think I have any choice. I'm going to have to go to her house, make her talk to me."

She put her hand on his shoulder. "You are a brave, brave man Freddie."

"Not so fast. You told me you'd help me. I need you to come with me."

"To Sam's house? What if her mom's there? You know how her mom feels about me!" she pouted, "She calls me Polly Prissy Pants."

Freddie grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the exit.

"Whatever it takes Carly, remember?" he looked back at her, "Plus, if it doesn't go well you may have to administer CPR."

"Or identify the body" she said, following him out of the building.

* * *

They drove in silence. Freddie was trying to collect his thoughts, figure out exactly what he needed to say, and prepare to deal with the consequences. Pulling up to the curb in front of Sam's house he parked, turned off the car and sat with the keys in his lap. This was a scary proposition. He didn't know how much Sam's mom knew about the situation. And while she'd never been mother of the year, she still had a temper like her daughter and as Sam said 'Puckett's may not love together…but we fight together'. Inside that house were potentially two Puckett women calling for his blood. He was terrified. Not just because of what Sam's mom might say but because of what would happen if he failed, if he couldn't convince her that being together was the only answer that made sense.

"Well, it's now or never" he said, looking over at Carly. "You coming?"

"Whatever it takes, right?" she reached over and squeezed Freddie's hand, "It's going to be okay Freddie. It has to be." Her words were meant to be encouraging but his heart raced at the meaning behind them. He had to make this work.

He walked up the rickety porch steps, approaching the door. Carly stood behind him, dreading the thought of having to deal with Sam's mom, no doubt.

He reached out and rang the doorbell.

Nothing.

He waited a few seconds and rang again, more insistently this time.

Nothing.

He raised his hand and knocked leaning an ear to the screen door. Faintly, he thought he heard a television. She was here. She was here and ignoring him, probably watching from a window somewhere. The thought made him desperate and he raised a fist, banging it against the frame of the door.

"Sam! Sam answer the door! I know you're in there!" he raised his fist to bang again and Carly caught it in her hand.

"Freddie! Calm down. Maybe she's not home."

"She's in there, Carly. I know she is"

"And if she is and she doesn't want to see you, do you think screaming and banging her door down will change that? Maybe you just need to let her cool down. We can come back later."

He turned to her, his face frantic and flushed, "No Carly! I have to talk to her. Not later, not tomorrow, now!"

"Freddie…"

"I'm not leaving Carly! I'm not playing this game anymore! I'm not going to let her go one more day not knowing how I feel. I can't. I'll sit out here all night if I have to!"

They both jumped and turned towards the door as they heard a lock turn. Slowly the door opened. Carly moved to stand behind Freddie and they both stood stock still, overwhelmed by what they saw. In front of them in skin tight jeans, and grizzly bear slippers, a hot pink bra strap showing underneath a leopard print tank top was Pam Puckett.

"Well if it isn't Romeo and Polly Prissy Pants…you two don't know how to take a hint, do you?" she sized them up from behind the screen.

Freddie was frozen. He felt Carly poking him in the back, prodding him to speak and he opened his mouth but nothing came out. He heard Carly sigh as she stepped from behind him.

"What's the matter" Pam directed her gaze at Freddie, "Cat got your tongue?"

"Hi Mrs. Puckett…we came to see Sam."

Pam rolled her eyes and stepped further into the house moving to shut the door, "She ain't here."

"Wait!" Freddie cried, finally finding his voice. "We just…. I just need to talk to her."

"I think you said plenty already, don't you?" She laughed, but her voice held no humor and her eyes washed over him with something very close to hate. She noticed the shock on his face. "Yeah, she told me. You're awfully quiet for someone who had so much to say last night."

They stared each other down. Her words to him had made her position clear. He wasn't welcome here. He was shocked, to be honest. Sam and her mom had never been close. Her mom didn't make a fuss over her the way his mom did. There were no home cooked meals to come home to, no checking homework, no patient nursing when she was sick. She'd never been what anyone would call nurturing. Until this very moment he hadn't been so sure that she cared about Sam at all, but now, looking into her eyes he saw it: the fierce, protective power of a mother. Whatever her maternal instincts, or lack thereof, in this moment he knew – Sam's mother loved her. And he had hurt Sam; that made him the enemy.

"Carly." he said, never breaking his gaze with Pam. "Can you please go wait in the car?"

She needed no further coaxing and he heard her mumble a good bye to Sam's mom and walk quickly back to the car. He'd wanted Carly here as an ally, but he knew now. If he was going to face Pam Puckett, he was going to have to do it on his own.

"Listen, Mrs. Puckett."

"Uh, uh…you listen to me! You have a lot of nerve showing up here you know. A lot of damn nerve. You knock up my daughter, leave her to deal with it on her own and now…now you show up? I told her this would happen, tried to warn her. From the day you started dating her I was counting down the days until you took off, just like her good for nothing father." She laughed, "And I bet you think you're doing her a favor dontcha? Riding in on your white horse to save the little white trash girl. But I know you…I know your type. Mr. Big Dreams and Big Promises. You'll feed her a line about how much you love her and how you'll always be there. And then one day you'll be up to your eye balls in dirty diapers and unpaid bills and then what? I'll tell you what! You'll leave, take off and go back to your perfect little life and where will Sammy be then, huh? Who's gonna save her when  _you_  decide she's not worth saving anymore?" her voice lowered as she narrowed her eyes, "The same person who saved me…no one. Do yourself a favor, walk away now before you hurt her worse than you already have."

He wanted to scream at her, tell her that she had a lot of nerve trying out for Mother of the Year when she'd spent all these years playing Mommy Dearest. He wanted to demand that she tell him where Sam was; let him talk to her, but he knew that it wouldn't work. Looking at her he saw that the look in her eyes wasn't just anger and it wasn't just about Sam. This was a woman filled with years of pain that had soured into a bitterness that affected everything she touched, including Sam. His anger dissipated and in its place was pity.

"Mrs. Puckett, you're right about last night. I said horrible things, things I never should have said. I was hurt and confused and scared and I took all of that out on Sam. I was wrong, she didn't deserve that. But  _you're_  wrong about me. I'm sorry that Sam's father walked out. And I'm even more sorry that it made you so bitter and angry that you feel the need to make your daughter believe that there's no such thing as real love. But I love Sam… do you hear me? I love her! I messed up, I know that, but I swear to God I will spend the rest of my life making that up to her if I have to." He felt his face flush and his palms sweating; his heart pounding in his chest. "Now can hate me…and I don't even blame you – what I did was deplorable, but you can't keep her away from me. So you can either tell me where she is or I can wait right her until she comes home. I'll stay out here…."

"All night if you have to," she smirked at him, "Yeah, I heard you the first time you said it. But that would be a big waste of time on your part. I already told you…she ain't here."

"Then tell me when she'll be home."

"That's the thing," shaking her head, fresh anger flashing in her eyes, "She's gone. And she ain't coming back." she moved to shut the door, "You're too late."

The door slammed in his face but he hardly heard it. His brain was trying to process what he'd just heard.

_She's gone._

_Sam's gone._

_She's not coming back._

_You're too late._

_You're too late._

He stood paralyzed where he stood. She couldn't be gone. That wasn't a part of the plan. That wasn't how it was supposed to work. He'd imagined every possible scenario. He's prepared himself to grovel and beg, to spend the next seven and a half months convincing her of his sincerity. He's expected her to be mad and he'd been okay with that. He could deal with whatever she threw at him, because at the end of it all they'd be together. It's what they did. He'd spent almost every day for more years than he could count fighting with Sam. They'd had some pretty bad ones, even during their time as a couple, but the smoke always cleared and when it did they were okay. He'd taken that for granted.

He silently cursed himself for his stupidity and selfishness. He'd spent last night thinking about himself. How he felt, what he thought. And while he was busy wallowing in self-pity, the woman he loved was slipping through his fingers. He didn't know what to do.

_She's not coming back._

He raised his hand again to knock, but thought better of it. Pam had made it clear – she wasn't going to help him. A horn blaring jarred him from his thoughts and he turned toward the sound. Carly sat in the car, her face wrinkled in worry and confusion as she stared out the window at him. He was going to have to tell Carly. The thought of it made his feet leaden as he walked toward the car. She had trusted him, told him to fix this and believed that he could. How could he tell her that he'd made even more of a mess? That, because of him, her best friend – their best friend-was gone.

_She's not coming back._

He got into the car and started it, pulling away silently, avoiding Carly's eyes.

"Freddie? What happened? Where's Sam?"

"She's not there," he said, the rest of the story stuck in his throat.

"We already knew that…but where  _is_  she? Did her mom tell you?"

He shook his head, eyes forward.

"Well, when is she coming back?" Freddie was silent, trying to maintain his composure. He shrugged his shoulders in answer.

"Maybe we should check back at my house…she might be there." Her voice was rising. He was sure the look on his face was panic-inducing.

"She's not at your house, Carly."

"How do you know? Freddie?" she reached out and grabbed his hand from the steering wheel. "Freddie Benson, you tell me what the hell is going on right now!"

He pulled over; he couldn't drive and deal with this at the same time. He lowered his head and took a deep breath, returning his gaze to the window as tears formed in his eyes.

"She's gone, Carly."

"What do you mean…?"

"I mean gone, Carly! She left!" he lowered his voice to a whisper. "And her mom said..she said she's not coming back."

He heard her breath catch. He couldn't look at her. He wished he could get out of the car and run. Run as far away from this moment and this situation as he could. He chanced a glance over at her. Her shoulders were shaking as she stared into her lap where she was wringing her hands.

Her phone rang and she reached for it, hoping that it might be Sam.

"It's just Gibby," she said, putting the phone on the seat in between them.

Freddie looked down at the phone and slowly a smile formed on his face. Grabbing the phone he pulled up the internet, looking for the answer to their problem.

"Seriously, Freddie? The mother of your child is missing and you think it's a good time to surf the web?"

"Hush Carly…"

"Don't you 'hush Carly' me! We should be looking for Sam…"

"That's what I'm doing." She raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes, attempting to explain. "Remember when I told you that there's a pearPhone locator app that lets you..."

"Track anyone with a pearPhone! Anyone like…"

"Like Sam." He logged onto the application, entered Sam's information and waited for it to pull up a location. After a minute that felt like a year the phone vibrated, signaling that it had tracked Sam's phone. "Got her!" Freddie cried, with the happiness of one who has just seen the sun after a thousand years of darkness. "She's at…the bus station on 48th."

"Well what are you waiting for! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Carly screamed, strapping on her seat belt.

Freddie laughed and nothing had ever felt so good. He pulled out onto the street and sped off toward the north end of the city.

* * *

Fifteen minutes and three almost-accidents later they sped into the parking lot of the bus station. Freddie bolted from the car, parking across two spaces and barely remembering to take his keys from the ignition. He vaguely registered Carly running behind him, asking him to slow down. Impossible. He had to get inside and find Sam. Right now there were several buses in front of the building. For all he knew she could be getting ready to board any of them. Everything was riding on this.

Rushing inside he frantically scanned the crowd looking for a head of wild blond hair.

"You go that way, I'll go this way" he instructed Carly, running off toward the far end of the terminal. Still no Sam. Desperate he ran to the ticket stand cutting in front of at least five people who were vocal in their disapproval. Leaning on the counter he addressed the man behind it. The look on his face said 'I hate my job…and you're going to pay for it'. Freddie didn't have time to care.

"Excuse me sir" he said, pulling Sam's picture from his wallet, "Have you seen this girl today?"

The man looked annoyed and pointed to the people threatening revolt behind Freddie.

"Do you not see that there's a line of people in front of you?"

"Look, just tell me if you've seen her! This is the mother of my child and I need to find her. Just look at the freaking picture!" He realized that he was making a scene-Sam would have been proud if she were here. If she were here…

The man rolled his eyes but looked down at the picture.

"Never seen her before." He said, waving Freddie away. "But I see a thousand people a day…I probably wouldn't have remembered her even if she was here. Now can you please get away from my counter before I have to call security?"

Freddie stepped away, mumbling a thank you to the ticket agent and an apology to the people in line. They were not receptive to his apologies.

Carly ran up to him then, out of breath and from the look on her face she hadn't had any more luck than him.

"No Sam?" She said

"No Sam." He turned in circles, trying to see if there was any area he hadn't searched or anyone he'd missed. He ran to the cluster of chairs across from them, standing on one to see over the crowd.

"Freddie…" He looked down to see Carly handing him the phone. "Call her. If she's here we'll hear her phone ring."

He jumped down and hugged her, "Carly, you're a genius!" If the pearPhone locator found her, that meant the phone was on. And Sam had the most obnoxious ring tone ever, if her phone rang, even in this room full of people, he'd hear it. He dialed her number and headed to a darkened corner of the room he'd only just noticed. He waited, holding his breath. Then he heard it.

' _Answer your freakin' phone'_

It was the voice of some incredibly raunchy comedian that Sam loved. He hated the ring tone…until now. Now he wanted to find that comedian and kiss him square on the mouth.

' _Answer your freakin' phone'_

' _Answer your freakin' phone'_

He followed the sound. It was coming from the corner near the bathrooms.

"Carly, he called behind him, "I think I found her!" Carly's face lit up and she ran behind him. He thought his smile might split his face, the ring getting louder as he approached a bank of chairs. An empty bank of chairs.

He stopped short and Carly ran into the back of him. Her face fell a she followed his gaze.

' _Answer your freakin' phone'_

Sitting on a bench across from the restroom he saw it. Sam's phone. No Sam. Carly ran past him into the bathroom. He knew she was looking for Sam. He also knew that she'd come out empty handed. Sam wasn't here.

He turned off the phone, pulling it away from his ear as he approached the bench. The screen of Sam's phone was blinking.

_Missed Call: Carly_

'Maybe she's just walked away for a minute,' his heart said. 'Maybe she's still here, maybe it's not too late'. For the first time today he let his mind tell his heart to shut up. She wasn't here. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he knew. Sitting on the chair underneath the phone was proof that he was right.

A manila envelope, bent at the corner with a name scrawled across the front.

_Freddie_

She'd known. She'd known he'd come looking for her. She knew he'd come…and she left anyway.

Carly walked slowly from the bathroom. Freddie over to her and she shook her head.

No Sam.

Coming to stand beside him she put an arm around his shoulder as he slumped down onto the bench. She sat beside him and held his hand as they looked out the big terminal window. The buses were gone, the lot empty. Exactly the way he felt.

"We should probably get home." She said quietly. Freddie stood, picking up Sam's phone and the envelope underneath. It was light, a hard square inside. "What's that?" she asked.

He handed her the envelope. "It's from Sam. It's for me. She left it for me." He was tired. This had been the most exhausting afternoon of his life. He wanted to go home and sleep forever. Carly pulled on his arm, leading him back out the doors and to the car.

They sat there together in silence, the encroaching darkness surrounding them. They were each lost in their own thoughts. Wondering where Sam was now, what she was doing, where she was going. His heart ached at the thought of her, out there somewhere alone. Never knowing that he was sitting here, waiting for her, filled with a love so intense it threatened to break him.

"What's in the envelope?" Carly asked.

Freddie didn't answer. He handed the envelope to her.

"It has your name on it, Freddie. You don't have to show me if you don't want to."

"It's okay Carly. You deserve to hear it too. It's the least I can do."

He heard her open the envelope. He'd been right. Inside the envelope was a plain white CD in a clear case. Written on the disc in Sam's loopy writing were four words.

_Peach Union. Play Me._

"What is Peach Union?" Carly asked.

He smiled despite himself. "It's a band," he said, "They're vintage."

 

**_Flashback:_ **

_They were sitting on the fire escape. Their fire escape. They'd come out here to study. Well, more accurately, Freddie was studying while Sam doodled in her notebook, her head bobbing to the music on her headphones._

_The day was bright and hot. Sam sat opposite him in a tiny white tank top and short shorts. The summer sun had given her a deep tan. She was tapping her foot against the metal floor._

" _You're staring again"_

" _Is that a problem? I can't help it…you shouldn't be so beautiful." He leaned in a placed a kiss on her forehead. They'd been dating for almost three months. He had a hard time believing it sometimes. There had been bets on how long they'd last. No one had thought they'd last this long. But to everyone's surprise, even theirs, they'd not only made it but had developed the kind of relationship that other people envied. They still fought – still heated, just not as often. But that was what made it so amazing. They'd fallen in love – and still remained who they were. He loved her like she was and as much as she complained about how nerdy he was, she wouldn't have changed him for anything. He was astounded at just how easy it was – learning to love her and now he couldn't imagine it being any other way._

" _You know I'm already dating you…you can quit sucking up now."_

" _You love it," he said_

_She tilted her head as if she were considering it, "Yeah… I kind of do. Let the sucking up continue."_

_She reached up then and pulled his lips down to hers. It was soft and sweet and he was pretty sure if he died now he would go a happy man._

_When they broke the kiss, he pulled out one of her earbuds, putting it to his ear. "What are you listening to?"_

" _Peach Union." She laughed at the confusion on his face, "You wouldn't know about them 'Top Forty Freddie', they're vintage"_

_He listened to the song that was playing and wrinkled his forehead. It was definitely not his thing. The music sounded old. Probably early nineties, if he had to guess. The lead singer was delivering some of the saddest lyrics he'd ever heard, but the beat was up-tempo._

" _A sad dance song?" he handed the earbud back to her, tucking a piece of stray blond hair behind her ear, "No thanks. I'll stick to my Top Forty."_

_She laughed at him. "How in the world did I end up with someone with such awful taste in music?"_

" _Because of my charm and boyish good looks?"_

" _And your willingness to pay for my ham."_

" _Then there's that."_

_She studied his face. "Seriously, Freddie. Don't you ever wonder how two people as different as us wound up together. Do you ever wonder if one day it'll be a problem?"_

_He slid down to sit beside her, wrapping his arms around her._

" _Do you worry about it?"_

_She leaned into his shoulder. "Sometimes." She whispered._

" _Well don't." he leaned down to place a kiss on the top of her head. "We work because we work. I don't need to have a reason why." they sat quietly for a moment, "Besides" he said, "You know what they say…opposites attract."_

" _Oldest saying in the book, Benson."_

" _It's not old. It's vintage."_

" _Like us?" she said, turning to look up at him._

_He smiled, leaning in to place soft kiss on her lips. "Just like us."_

_  
_

**_End Flashback_ **

**_  
_ **

He reached over and took the disc from Carly, sliding it into the car's CD player. The opening strains of the song filled the car and he was suddenly surrounded by Sam.

 

_Baby  
No, it's not that I don't care, maybe It's a change in atmosphere_

_And I've seen the signs I know, that it's right for me to go_   
_I'm on my way_

_So when you think of yesterday, remember all the things we said  
I've got to see it through alone, I've got to do this on my own_

_You could say that it's unfair, maybe I've got nothing left to share_   
_And I've seen the signs I know, that it's right for me to go_   
_I'm on my way_

_So when you think of yesterday, remember all the things we said_   
_And through the course of history, I hope you'll still remember me_   
_And there can't be no other way, there's nothing left for us to say_   
_I've got to see this through alone_   
_I've got to do this on my own_

_On my own_

_  
_

As the final notes rang out, they were left again in silence. But this time it was heavy, weighing them both down as they considered Sam's parting words to him. Carly cried in earnest now and Freddie wished he could cry too. But it was all just too much, and he feared that if he started he might never stop.

"She's really gone," Carly whispered, her voice choked with tears. "What are we going to do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

Carly turned to look at him and he wanted to apologize but 'I'm sorry' wouldn't fix this. Her eyes shone, her lip trembling. "Do you think she'll come back?"

This morning he'd been full of hope. Planning already the future he, Sam and the baby would have. The baby. It wasn't just Sam that he'd lost. And at that thought he broke not bothering to wipe away the hot tears falling onto his cheeks. He was out of answers.

"I wish I knew Carly. I wish I knew."


	6. In the Family Way

_ Willacoochee, GA _

_ November 17, 2011 – 8:30am _

Everything hurt. From her eyelids to her toenails there was a dull throbbing that beat in time with her heart. She would have blamed it on being pregnant but as she'd never been pregnant before she had no idea what was normal – or what wasn't. So instead she chalked it up to the fact that she'd been sitting in the world's most uncomfortable seat during what had to be the world's longest bus ride. She'd gotten on the bus in Seattle at nine in the morning on Monday. It was Thursday now, 8:30 Thursday morning to be exact. She'd been on a bus for three days. Three days that were a blur of smelly bus stations, bad fast food, and endless landscapes passing outside the window.

'I wonder what Freddie and Carly are doing,' she thought, chastising herself as soon as she thought it. She turned her thoughts, instead, from where she'd been to where she was going. In thirty minutes she'd be in the backwoods of southern Georgia, living with her grandmother, J'Maw Maw. She smiled at that thought. Freddie had been right, her family was filled with freaks and mutants – and at the head of the motley crew was her grandmother, a woman whose eccentricity knew no bounds. She was feisty, loud, crass, and, according to her, older than God's underpants. Sam loved her to death.

When Sam's dad left, her mom had escaped into the bottom of a bottle. Her dad being gone had rendered her and Melanie invisible to their mom and they spent two weeks fending for themselves in the best way that five year olds could. But eventually the trash piled up, baths were forgotten and the lights went out. Sam told Melanie not to worry, she could take care of them, but the Social Services worker who showed up at their house at the insistence of a nosy neighbor did not agree.

She and Melanie had spent two days with a foster family; an older couple who spent both days asking if she was okay and talking under their breath about what a shame it was that women like her mother were allowed to have kids. She hadn't known what they meant then. All she knew was that she'd lost her daddy, her mommy had let them take her away and all she wanted to do was just go home- but she didn't know where that was anymore. She'd never told Carly about it. Some things were too painful to share…even with your best friend.

After those two horrible days, Social Services had managed to track down her grandmother and when she and DadDad had shown up to get them, taking up two parking spaces with their long gold Cadillac, Melanie had run straight to her, burying her face in J'Maw Maw's legs, the whole ordeal already forgotten. Sam had stood back, observing them. She'd wanted so badly to be rescued but now that they were here she was scared. What if they decided to leave too?

J'Maw Maw had locked her eyes on the tiny blond girl in her princess dress and moon boots, a tiny stuffed penguin under her arm, and approached her slowly. When she got close she knelt down until they were face to face.

"Hey, Sammy."

"My daddy's gone," Sam had said. It was the first times she'd spoke in two days, and it was like a dam breaking. Her grandmother hadn't said anything. Hadn't looked at her like she felt sorry for her, or filled her ears with promises.

"I bet that hurts awful bad," she'd said and then she'd opened her arms and swept Sam into them, whispering in her ear, "sometimes it's okay to let the sad out". It had been like a dam breaking and Sam had cried her five year old heart out. She cried because Daddy was gone. She cried because Mommy was sad, and mostly she cried because just when she thought she was all alone in the world, her grandmother had come in and rescued her.

She never forgot that and it had bred a fierce affection for the brash older woman. In her eyes, J'Maw Maw could do no wrong.

Calling J'Maw Maw and telling her about the baby had been the hardest thing she'd ever done. Sam prided herself on not giving a flying Fig Newter what other people thought about her, or at least being able to act like she didn't. But J'Maw Maw was different. It mattered what she thought. It mattered a lot and telling her that she'd found herself pregnant at seventeen by an ex-boyfriend, with her only prospect raising the baby alone, had not been comfortable. J'Maw Maw wasn't the type to cut corners or tell you things just to make you feel good. This hadn't been any exception. She'd told Sam that for a smart girl she sure did some stupid stuff, but in the next breath she'd asked her how she could help. There was only one thing Sam had needed in that moment – to get as far away from Seattle as possible. J'Maw Maw had asked her about Freddie, wanted to know if she'd told him she was leaving. Sam's silence was answer enough.

"Well I think you're putting horse shit on bear shit and expecting it to smell like flowers…but I got an extra room with your name on it if you need it."

And just like that she was on her way to a new life. In Willacoochee, Georgia.

The steady rumble of the bus, combined with the fact that for the first time in two days she was sitting in her row of seats alone, lulled Sam into dreamless sleep. A sleep she was jarred from thirty minutes later by a very large, very sweaty man. She wasn't sure what reached her first, his loud wheezy voice or the smell of garlic and tobacco on his breath.

"Hey, little lady! Bus is outta service. You gotta get off!"

She barely resisted the urge to start swinging as three facts registered in her mind all at once: she was tired, she was starving, and this pervert was staring down her shirt.

"Eyes up, Lester!"

He spit a stream of foul smelling black liquid onto the floor of the bus, laughing with his mouth wide enough for Sam to see it was easier to count how many teeth he had than how many he'd lost.

"Suit yourself… I was just tryin' to be nice." With that he turned, grabbed a dirty army green duffle bag from the overhead compartment, and started toward the bus exit doors. Before he descended the doors to exit he turned to her, flashing a leering grin, "Welcome to Willacoochee!"

If her mood had been foul before, it was murderous now. She stood and grabbed her bag from where it sat on the seat beside her, threw it over her shoulder and headed for the exit door. Life in Willacoochee was not off to a great start.

The bright Georgia sun made her squint as she stepped off the bus onto the dirt parking lot in front of the bus station. She headed toward the side of the bus where the other passengers were waiting for the driver to open the luggage compartment. The driver, however, was busy chatting up a woman whose only claim to fame appeared to be the ability to chew gum, giggle, and bat her eyelashes simultaneously. Standing behind the woman a few yards away a tall, blond boy who looked around her age leaned lazily on the hood of a green pickup truck that had seen better days, an amused smile on his face. Well she was glad someone found this funny. She did not.

Looking around at the other passengers she groaned in frustration. Why did she always have to do everything? She threw her bag over her shoulder, walked up to the luggage compartment, and started to yank on the handle. It was locked – and she was annoyed. She dug around in the bottom of her bag until she found what she was looking for – a bobby pin. Sizing up the lock, she bent the pin to the position she figured would fit, slid it in and began the process of popping the lock.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" The driver had pulled his eyes reluctantly from his skeezy lady friend and was rushing toward Sam, arms waving.

"I'm trying to get my luggage," Sam said over her shoulder.

"You can't do that!"

She heard the lock pop and pulled up on the handle to open the door. "I think I just did…so you can go back to sucking face with your friend."

The rest of the passengers were shocked at the scene in front of them. This tiny blond with the big mouth was taking on a man twice her size. They didn't know whether to turn and leave or stay and watch.

Sam reached into the compartment for her bags, only to be stopped by the driver who was blocking the compartment with his body. Now she was really getting pissed.

"Look! I have been riding this God forsaken bus for 2 days twenty hours and thirty minutes. I am hungry. I am tired. I smell like a swamp and I was just woken up by a dude who smells even worse. I want to get the hell out of here! Now you can either let me get my stuff or I can throw you under the bus…literally!" She was screaming now, making a scene, and really didn't care.

"Hey Billy" she turned to see that the boy who'd been leaning on the car had walked over during her tirade and was now moving to stand between her and the driver. They seemed to know each other as he reached out and shook the driver's hand. "Looks like she's had a hard day. Why don't you just let her get her luggage?"

The driver scowled at her but moved out of the way. Sam walked forward grumbling under her breath and proceeded to yank at her luggage, which was conveniently stuck right in the middle of the rest of the bags. She pulled and twisted the handle attempting to release it. Finally pulling her bags free, she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and headed for the bus station.

"You must be Samantha." She turned to see the boy following her, the grin still plastered on his face. She stopped at the door to the station and turned to face him.

"Who the hell are you and how do you know who I am?"

"I'm a friend of your J'Ma…" his words were cut off by the sound of arguing.

"J'Maw Maw." She knew that voice anywhere. She smiled, gathered her bags, and headed in the direction of the ruckus. Walking around the corner of the building she laughed for the first time since she left Seattle. There in the middle of the parking lot was her grandmother, Jerilyn Young – J'Maw Maw to those who knew her well-and she was having an obviously heated discussion with a police officer who looked at a loss as to how to deal with her.

"Jerry, you know you're not supposed to be driving."

"Clayton Davis, I've been driving since you were on the tit and I'm not gonna stop just because of a little accident!"

"Accident! Jerry, you tried to run that woman over!"

"She shouldn't have tried to take my parking spot…damn SMART cars. Might have cut her some slack if she drove a real car!"

"You're lucky she didn't press charges! Now Jerry, I don't wanna have to run you in but I will if I have to. Now why don't you just let Ryland drive you home…?"

"Clayton, I've got dentures older than you so don't go pulling that 'long arm of the law' crap with me. I'm not hurtin' nobody, I'm just here picking up my granddaughter." Turning her head she broke into a wide grin as she noticed Sam standing near the building. "Sammy!"

"J'Maw Maw!" Sam ran toward her as she exited the truck's cab, throwing a disapproving frown at the officer who moved out of her way, mumbling his frustration. "Still getting in trouble, I see."

"Would you expect anything else?" J'Maw Maw wrapped her arms around Sam and gave her a squeeze. She smelled like fresh baked bread and Virginia Slims. "I see you met Ryland." She looked over Sam's shoulder to the boy who'd been following Sam. So Country Boy had a name.

"Yeah, we met J'Maw Maw," he said, grabbing Sam's bags and throwing them in the back of the truck. "I knew she was related to you right away. Poor Billy may never recover from that tongue lashing she gave him."

"Billy ain't got the sense God gave a horse fly," she said winking at Sam. "He probably deserved it. Now if Clayton here has no objections we'd better get started home."

Clayton looked toward the truck, his eyes pleading with Ryland who only laughed in response.

"Don't worry about it Clayton. I'm driving. She was just sitting in the cab waiting for me."

Clayton looked back at J'Maw Maw. "Jerry…you should've just said you weren't driving!"

J'Maw Maw wrapped her arm around Sam and led her toward the truck, squeezing her side. "Well you didn't ask me if I was drivin' did 'ya? You know what they say about assumin'!"

Clayton shrugged his shoulders, turned and started walking toward his police car, parked behind J'Maw Maw's truck.

"Don't you forget to tell your mama I said 'hey'." Clayton waved over his shoulder and kept walking. J'Maw Maw called after him "And tell her I ain't forgot about that apple cobbler she promised me!"

"Yes ma'am," he said, sliding into his car and peeling out of the parking lot.

"Well Sammy, let me have a look at you!" J'Maw Maw held her at arm's length, "You look good girl…it's those Young family genes! Go on and get in the truck so we can get home. You hungry?" she asked, opening the door for Sam.

"Starving!"

"Yep, that's the Young genes too! Eat like a horse and never gain a pound!"

Sam slid into the back seat, leaning back against it as Ryland started the car. Looking over to her grandmother, she felt at peace for the first time since this whole mess had started. With a soft smile on her lips and the sound of her grandmother's voice surrounding her, she drifted to sleep and dreamed of home.

**_ _ **

_ Bus number 382 for Georgia and all points east, now boarding! _

_ She'd been sitting quietly in the darkest corner of the bus station. Just in case. She'd gotten to the station an hour early. It was the first time in recent history she could remember being early for anything. But this was more important than anything else she'd ever done and she couldn't chance being late. If she was late she'd miss her bus, and if she missed her bus she might be tempted to forget her plan and go home. Home to Carly…and Freddie. It was out of the question. And even though she'd made up her mind, there were at least twenty times in the last hour when she'd seriously considered grabbing her bags, calling a cab, and leaving the bus station in the dust. _

_ She sighed and bent down to pick up her bags. A large duffle bag and one suitcase; it was all she'd brought with her. She figured that her clothes weren't going to fit much longer anyway and she hadn't had time to put much thought into her packing. She'd brought the essentials. She'd wanted to bring as little reminder of this life as possible. The only sentimental item she'd allowed herself – a picture frame with two pictures in it - was packed deep in her duffle bag, hidden from sight. Unfortunately it wasn't so easy to stuff the memories of the people in those pictures away. Carly and Freddie. They'd been her life for as long as she could remember, and leaving them was killing something inside of her. But it was for the best. It was going to be hard walking away from everything she'd ever known, but she had to believe that eventually it would get better – easier. And in the end she would have given the two people closest to her a gift they didn't even know they needed – freedom. As long as they'd been friends, Carly and Freddie had always been there, cleaning up her messes and fixing her problems. She needed to learn how to clean up her own messes now, and give them the freedom to live their lives. _

_ There was only one complication – the baby. They knew about it now, a fact she blamed herself for. She should have taken that test alone, then when she left they'd have just blamed it on Sam being her regular flaky self. As it stood she knew that they'd be worried about more than just her. At least Carly would. It was her nature to be a mother hen. It was funny really, of the two of them Carly was so much more suited for motherhood. She'd be a great mother when the time came. Sam on the other hand seriously doubted motherhood would come easy for her. Doing it alone almost guaranteed that. But she was going to give it her best shot – if nothing else she knew she'd be better at it than her mother had been and that was some small comfort. _

_ She wondered what Freddie would think. Would he be relieved? Would he accept her decision to walk away – and take their baby with her? She'd thought about that a lot in the day since he'd found out she was pregnant. She'd replayed their conversation back in her head a million times and no matter how many times she did the outcome was still the same. She gave him an out… and he took it. There wasn't really anything else to consider after that. He didn't want a baby and if he didn't want the baby, then he didn't want her. That fact made her sick to her stomach – or maybe it was the morning sickness. Either way she knew she'd have to deal with it. She had to shut that part of her life out, put it away someplace deep; it was the only way she'd stay sane. _

_ She looked down at her phone. She had fifteen missed calls. Ten were from Freddie. She knew him; if he was calling it was because he'd thought about their conversation. But she meant what she'd said last night-she couldn't listen to what he said. That boy was prone to guilt. She was sure he felt bad for yelling at her, but if she talked to him now and he said all the things she'd been so desperate to hear only hours ago, it would be from guilt not love. He'd step up and do the right thing and end up hating her. The thought got her feet moving and she stood from her seat. In the top of her duffle was a manila envelope with Freddie's name on it. It was a long shot. There was no guarantee that he'd ever see this. It would probably end up in the hands of some random traveller. She looked at the envelope. She supposed it didn't matter if he found it or not. She'd done it because she needed to explain things to him – for her own sake. She set the envelope on the seat and placed her phone on top – she couldn't take it with her. She might make fun of his dorky technical skills, but in truth the boy was really good. There wasn't much he couldn't do…including track her down though her phone. That was why, thanks to Rip-off Rodney and a fake I.D. even Carly didn't know she had, her bus ticket said she was Tracy Finchel, headed for Tifton, Georgia. He was good, but so was she. _

_ Her phone rang, the light of the screen blinking against the envelope it sat on. _

' _Answer your freakin' phone'_

_ She smiled. Freddie hated that ring tone. She resisted the urge to see who was calling, and tried to ignore the hot tears that were leaking down her face. This was it…no turning back. She took a deep breath, turned on her heel and walked out of the station. _

**_ _ **

"Sammy? Sammy?"

She felt herself being shaken and heard a voice calling her. The fog of exhaustion was lifting slowly, leaving her disoriented.

' _Where am I?'_

She blinked rapidly and sat up, trying to get her bearings. Her hair was stuck to the side of her cheek by sweat and… oh God, she'd been drooling. Her hand snapped up to wipe the wetness on her face. J'Maw Maw was peeking into the backseat smiling and Sam took a minute to get a good look at her. She hadn't seen J'Maw Maw in two years. Her grandmother didn't care much for Seattle and Sam had been so wrapped up in life with school and iCarly and her friends that she'd turned down her last two invitations to come for a visit. She felt bad about that now. After all the years of invitations and requests for a visit, it had taken an unplanned pregnancy to get her down here.

She accepted her grandmother's hand and let herself be pulled from the backseat. When her feet were solidly on the ground, she held onto J'Maw Maw's hand for an extra moment, giving a squeeze.

"Thanks J'Maw Maw…thanks for letting me come."

J'Maw Maw wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulder, pulling her close as they headed for the faded yellow farmhouse that had been the scene of many an adventure in her childhood.

"No thanks required. I'm _glad_ you're here" she looked down into her face, "both of you."

'Both of us' she thought, walking quietly up the steps and into the house. 'Me...and the baby.' She was ashamed to say that in the three days since she'd left Seattle she'd thought about the baby as little as possible. Thankfully, she hadn't been sick much, and that made it easier to ignore. But late at night, when the rest of the passengers were quiet and the only light came from the towns they were passing, the thoughts would intrude on her mind and she was forced to consider what her life had become. She was going to be a mother; the thought was still foreign to her. In those moments she thought of her future, how, in less than 8 months she'd be holding in her arms a tiny person that was a perfect melding of the best of her and Freddie. She wondered if the baby would look like her…or like him. And she wondered how she'd handle spending every day for the rest of her life with a living breathing reminder of what she'd lost…what she'd walked away from. It was in the quiet dark of those nights, the rumble of the bus trying to lull her to sleep, that she felt the most alone.

But she wasn't alone now. The warmth of her J'Maw Maw's arm around her reassured her that even in the middle of what was probably the most difficult situation she'd ever dealt with, there was someone who loved her, who accepted her and who welcomed her – and the baggage she carried.

The old farmhouse looked just like she remembered it. A little more worn, the paint a bit faded but all around there were reminders of the fact that at some point in her life she'd been happy. When J'Maw Maw and DadDad had come to get her and Melanie from the foster home they'd brought them back to Willacoochee and she had spent the best summer of her life, fishing with DadDad, helping J'Maw Maw with the animals they'd had back then, running around barefoot on the dirt road until they were covered in dirt and smiles. Every evening she and Melanie would run around the yard chasing fireflies and each other while J'Maw Maw and DadDad sat on the porch watching. There was always enough to eat, the lights never got shut off, and by the end of the summer Sam was sure that there would never be anywhere else in the world she'd want to be. But like most good things it came to an end. Sam's mom swore she'd cleaned up her act and that she missed her kids, a fact that in hindsight Sam had a hard time believing. J'Maw Maw tried to get Pam to move back down to Willacoochee; said that the slow pace would be good for her. But Sam was adamant, she wanted her kids with her – in Seattle.

That last day at her grandmother's had been hard. Everywhere she looked, she saw all the things she'd miss. The animals, the post fence by the neighbor's field that had three missing posts…just big enough to squeeze through, the fireflies at night and the feeling of being loved all day. But J'Maw Maw had told her she was only a phone call away. She'd even taught Sam and Melanie how to dial her phone number. Knowing that had somehow made the trip home easier. If it ever got bad again she knew her grandmother would be there again, as many times as she needed to – to rescue her.

She supposed that what was happening now. Even though she'd gotten on a bus and travelled half way across the country. It still felt like she was being rescued. Walking into the house the memories swept over her and she felt herself moving toward a shaky peace. She was hurt – and she was pretty sure that it wouldn't go away overnight but being here, surrounded by memories of happiness and the acceptance of the woman she loved more than life she knew…it was going to get better.

"Well come on then…don't just stand there letting the grass grow under your feet." A voice brought her back to the present. J'Maw Maw stood, with her hands on her overall clad hips, in front of the steps leading to the second floor. Her silver hair was pulled up in a ponytail and there was a smudge of dirt on her nose that she probably acquired out in the garden before going to the bus station. "I guess you probably remember where you room is…can't go up there with you, me and them steps don't see eye to eye anymore."

She walked over to Sam and wrapped her again in an embrace. Pulling away, she held her at arm's length and looked into her eyes.

"You're gonna be alright Sammy. You and that baby are gonna be just fine."

Sam nodded her head, wishing that she felt as confident as J'Maw Maw sounded. But J'Maw Maw had never led her wrong, and never lied to her. So even if believing her felt impossible, somewhere in her heart she felt the stirrings of hope.

"You go on upstairs and get settled and I'll get started on dinner." She looked back at Sam, "we need to feed you up…you're too skinny, like all those tofu eatin' bean poles out in Seattle." With that, J'Maw Maw headed toward the kitchen, mumbling under her breath about that 'city full of hippies and vegetarians.'

Sam laughed and started up the stairs. Her grandmother's cooking was the stuff of legend and her mouth was already watering at the thought of a plate full of home cooked food. Then just as quickly as the thought of food had made her mouth water, it made her stomach lurch and she ran the rest of the way upstairs bursting into the bathroom just in time to lose the blueberry muffin she'd had when the bus stopped in Tifton, Georgia this morning. The nausea came in waves and she clutched the side of the toilet willing it to be over. When her stomach finally calmed, she slid from her knees to a seated position, her head between her legs. She leaned her back against the cool tile wall of the bathroom and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. This sucked; and it was only the beginning. If any of the websites she'd looked at were right, she had another seven and a half months of this – and about a million other things, none of which sounded good. There were her sore boobs, the random crying and the constant puking. Then once that passed there'd be swollen ankles and a giant belly and she read a post where one lady said that every time she laughed she peed a little. She was going to be a fat, crying, peeing, puking statistic. Wonderful.

When she felt a little less shaky, she stood up, rinsed her mouth in the sink, and headed toward her room. Opening the door she was shocked and then angry to find Ryland kneeling beside her bed, the contents of her duffle bag scattered at his feet. In one hand, he held her pictures of Carly, Freddie and the baby and in the other hand were…

"Oh my God you pervy red-neck! What the hell are you doing with my underwear?" She stalked over to him, yanking the items he held from both his hands, "Give me that! What are you doing in here! Are you in the habit of pawing through strangers things?"

Ryland's face was six different shades of red and he was stuttering as he tried to explain himself and get out of the way of the tiny blond whose eyes were blazing fire.

"I'm sorry Sammy, I just… J'Maw Maw asked me to bring your stuff upstairs and then I was trying to put it on the bed and the top must've come undone cause it just busted open and…and I was trying to put your things back." All his words had come in a rush and he stood now, rubbing the back of his neck, looking sheepishly at Sam through long eyelashes. "Sorry about your…your …"

"If you say panties I will kill you with my bare hands." She moved toward her bag, stuffing the underwear as deep as she could.

"Oh…" he said, holding out the picture frame he held in his hands. "Here's your picture." She grabbed it from him and held it close to her.

"Are those your friends from back home?"

She nodded, refusing to look at the picture.

"They look nice." He said, his voice soft. Reaching to the white desk beside him, he picked up the ultrasound photo, looking at it for a moment before holding it out to her. "So you're…um…"

"Knocked up? Up the duff? Preggo? On stork watch? Riding the baby train?" she shot off her words rapid fire hoping to make him uncomfortable. 'What business is it of his?' she thought.

He smiled the same slow lazy smile he'd had at the bus station and leaned back against the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. "Actually, I was just gonna say 'from Seattle'" He laughed for a split second before the look of rage on Sam's face stopped it in his throat. "Well, I guess I'd better be goin'. I got some things to take care of." He started toward the door.

"Yeah, why don't you do that; I'm sure there's some cows somewhere that need tippin'" she said sarcastically.

He stopped at the door and smiled, unaffected by her words. "You know… you're way too beautiful to be so mean." He winked and started down the stairs.

'Just great!' she thought, 'a redneck Romeo…that's the last thing I need.'

Sighing in frustration, she pushed her bags for the bed and sat down heavily. Suddenly she was tired, very tired. She lay down, her head against the cool pillow that smelled like the Georgia sun. It was quiet. No honking cars, no alarms or people shouting. It sounded nothing like home. She rolled over onto her back and, against her better judgment, turned the picture frame around and stared into it. Her stomach turned into a knot, and she knew it wasn't the baby this time. Just seeing their faces hurt more than she would have imagined possible. These two people had been her whole world for as long as she could remember. Ever success, every failure, every day of her life they'd be there; loving her supporting her, putting up with her crap. If you'd asked her six months ago where she'd be right now the answer would have been easy; somewhere with Carly and Freddie. But that was over now and the more she forced herself to accept it the larger the hole in her heart became. She put the picture frame down and picked up the ultrasound photo.

Everything was changing, and this tiny white blob was the reason why. She felt warm tears snaking down her cheeks, pooling at her chin. She wasn't ready for this. She looked down at her still flat stomach, placing her hands there gently; heart pounding in her chest. "But you're coming anyway aren't you?" she whispered, amazed at how natural it felt, talking to this tiny human that she couldn't see yet. "Ready or not."


	7. Hide and Seek

**One week later…. Willacoochee, Georgia**

Sleep and cry. Cry and sleep. That's all she'd done for the last seven days. Her routine was interrupted sometimes by morning sickness and she vaguely recalled being forced to eat from time to time. Her first night she'd spent hours staring at the picture, the ache in her chest building as she thought of him. It was like punishing herself – she'd let herself remember; the good moments, the bad moments and every one in between. By the time the sun had set in Willacoochee she was convinced she'd never feel happy again. It was like the color had been sucked out of the world and she was left existing in a grey haze.

J'Maw Maw had called up the stairs for her, telling her dinner was ready, but she hadn't answered; it was like she'd lost her voice. Eventually she heard the older woman making her way slowly up the stairs, entering Sam's room and sitting softly on the edge of the bed, placing a cool hand on Sam's forehead. She'd pretended to be asleep. She couldn't talk to J'Maw Maw right now – she couldn't talk to anyone. Her life was a mess, and she didn't have an answer for what to do about it.

She missed Freddie so much it was physically painful. Like a jagged hole had been ripped into the center of who she was, and every time she thought it might be healing, she'd think of him and the pain was fresh again; the jagged edges of her love for him now so damaged she didn't see a way they'd ever fit together again. Part of her wished he was here, wished she could bury her face in his chest and hear him tell her that everything would be alright. But she'd already told him she didn't need him. That he was free to follow his dreams; to live a life free from the responsibility of parenthood. She really didn't want to see him give up his future and everything he'd worked so hard for just so he could take care of her and a baby he didn't ask for.

She rolled over in her bed and faced the wall, curling into a ball as fresh tears slid down her already swollen face. Placing her hands on her stomach she felt the firmness of it – her body was changing already. She was eight weeks pregnant today. This thought only brought on fresh tears. She'd spent her limited hours of consciousness this past week murmuring apologies to the baby. She wasn't even sure if it could hear her yet, but she had a desperate need for the baby to know that she was sorry. Sorry that she'd ruined it's life before it had even taken a breath outside of her body. Sorry that she was all it had, sorry that she'd made such a mess of things.

The door to her room swung open and she shut her eyes, once again feigning sleep. All week the door would open and she'd hear her grandmother approach softly, sometimes wiping the hair from Sam's forehead, sometimes standing beside the bed and watching her, other time just setting a tray of food on the desk and exiting as quietly as she'd come in. The trays were barely touched. Sam wasn't sure if it was morning sickness or the breaking of her heart, but for the first time she could remember – she wasn't hungry.

Today her grandmother's feet were quick and determined across the room's hard wood floor. Walking resolutely toward the window Sam heard her as she yanked the drapes back and opened the blinds, filling the room with sunshine. Sam cringed at the intrusion of light. She liked the room dark; it matched the way she felt. She tried not to make any discernable moves, hoping that J'Maw Maw would leave and she could go back to the sweet relief of sleep. A blast of cool air drifted over her – great, she'd opened the window. J'Maw Maw's heavy footsteps were coming back toward her but instead of moving out the door, they stopped right beside the bed and she felt the blanket unceremoniously ripped from her.

"Alright… we both know you ain't asleep so get on up!" J'Maw Maw's voice had an edge. She wasn't angry, but she meant business. "I'm serious Sammy. Get your butt out of that bed!"

"I'm tired," Sam whined, trying to grab the blanket that J'Maw Maw was keeping well out of her reach.

"You're not tired. You're feeling sorry for yourself…there's a difference. Now you heard me Sammy. Up!"

"I don't feel good. I've been throwing up all morning."

"You're pregnant, Sammy. I doubt it was the first time you threw up and it sure as heck won't be the last." She stood by the opened blinds with her hands on her hips, "Plus, once you go into labor you'll be wishing for the days when your biggest problem was upchuckin' your Cheerios." She walked toward the door, throwing a glance back over her shoulder. "Breakfast is in ten minutes and I expect you to be there. Do not make me come back up here, Samantha."

Sam groaned and contemplated rolling over and going back to sleep but thought better of it. J'Maw Maw was as sweet as pie, unless you crossed her – then she was as dangerous as a hornets' nest. She sat up, putting her feet on the floor. Maybe J'Maw Maw had a point. She'd come here to start a new life and all she'd done so far was obsess over the life she'd left. She had bigger things to deal with. She might as well start now.

Freshly showered and dressed, she walked down the stairs for breakfast to join J'Maw Maw, who was on the phone. She paused on the steps, not wanting to interrupt what sounded like a heated conversation.

"She'll talk to you when she's ready!" J'Maw Maw said in a tense whisper, "No, she hasn't talked to me about it. And it doesn't really matter how we feel about the situation or if we agree with how she's choosing to handle it. This is her baby and her decision." She paused and sighed in frustration at whatever the person on the other end was saying, "The boy is the last of my worries right now. Maybe he's a good guy…doesn't really matter right now, does it? She's decided, for whatever reason, to walk away from him and we can't force her to do anything different. You know Sam. She'll have to do things in her own time. Now I have to get off this phone, she's on her way down now." She paused again, "I'm not gonna tell her to call you…I already told you, she'll talk when she's ready." Her voice softened, "I love you too, and next time you don't have to wait until your sister shows up here before you call your grandma!" She chuckled to herself and put the phone back in its place on the wall. Turning she smiled as Sam entered the kitchen.

"Well, the dead have arisen! It's a Thanksgiving miracle!"

Sam smiled in spite of herself. She couldn't stay mad at J'Maw Maw. "Yeah," she said walking to the table, "Some crazy old lady came in my room and woke me up. Don't suppose you know anything about that?" she said, sitting down at the small wooden table.

"You call it crazy, I call it persistent, either way it got you back among the living." She ruffled Sam's hair as she walked past, putting a platter of homemade biscuits at the center of the table, "Now come on, this food ain't gonna eat itself. Dig in!"

They spent the next hour in an easy conversation. Sam ate until she felt like she'd bust, filling up on biscuits and country ham with hash browns and eggs. She could barely keep from moaning in delight at how good everything tasted. J'Maw Maw laughed at the enthusiasm with which Sam ate and told stories about how she'd been the same way as a child. That led to a lengthy conversation about all the things Sam remembered from childhood. She felt herself smiling for the first time in a week. J'Maw Maw's eyes twinkled and she threw her head back, allowing the throaty laugh that Sam loved to fill the room. She made a fuss over Sam, filling her plate and her glass and reaching across the table periodically to squeeze her hand and tell her how happy she was that Sam was there. It was like being five years old again, and she wished she could stay in the moment forever. But, eventually the laughter slowed and the room grew silent and heavy with all the things they weren't talking about.

"So…" J'Maw Maw's face turned serious.

Sam panicked. It was time to talk…really talk, and she wasn't ready. She stood quickly, grabbing dishes from the table and taking them to the sink to start washing them. Anything to avoid this.

"Sammy, come sit here with me."

Her voice was shaking already and whether the hormones or the fear of what her grandmother was going to say, she felt tears building behind her eyes. "I'm just going to start these dishes for you J'Maw Maw."

"Sam…leave those dishes be and come sit down." Her voice left no room for argument. Sam obeyed and sat across from her, eyes down. "So, are you ready to talk?"

Sam sighed, "About…the baby?"

"We can start there."

"The doctor says I'm due in July. I'm eight weeks now."

"And…"

"And what? What else is there to say?" The older woman raised an eyebrow. Sam knew she wanted more, wanted to know how she was feeling. And even though she didn't trust herself to talk about it without completely breaking down, she knew that silence wasn't an option. "J'Maw Maw, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I'm confused and scared and… not sure I'm making the right decision? Do you want me to tell you how ashamed I feel?" her voice broke as the tears began to flow, "Or maybe I should tell you about…about…him. About how I told him we didn't need him. Or how he doesn't want me…or this baby?" she felt on the verge of hysterics, "Because all of that is true! I've messed up everything, everything! And I have no idea how to fix it so I'm here and I'm having a baby and I can't…I can't stop crying. I can't stop hurting. And I just want it all to go away!" She lowered her head to the table, sobs shaking her shoulders. This was exactly what she didn't want to do. She didn't want to look at it. She'd tried to maintain an outsider's view of the whole thing, looking at it only when necessary and even then feeling like it was happening to someone else; scared to face it head on and admit, even to herself, that this was her life now. And there wasn't anything she could do to change it.

She heard a chair scrape against the floor and then felt soft hands running over her hair, soothing words being whispered in her ear. She cried in earnest then, the dam of emotion she'd held so tightly releasing and washing over her, threatening to sweep her away.

"Samantha, look at me." Sam raised her head to look into her grandmother's eyes. "You know me well enough to know that I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you. Having a baby at seventeen is hard, probably the hardest thing you'll ever do, but you are only as alone in this as you choose to be. I know you're scared and hurting and if I could take it all away for you I would, in a heartbeat. But the truth is that I can walk this road  _with_  you but I can't walk it  _for_  you. You may not believe this but there is a day on the other side of this situation where things will be easier, where you'll be happy again. But the only way to get there is by finding the strength inside you to walk through this hard place. You've had a bad time of it all of your life-I know that better than anyone. Your mama meant well but she let all of her anger and bitterness flow right over onto you, and now I look at you and hear you talk like her and it breaks my heart. You try so hard to look tough, but inside that shell," she tapped a finger to Sam's heart, "in here is a scared little girl who doesn't believe anyone could love her enough to stick around. Who's scared she's not worth the effort. But hear me when I tell you…you're worth it Sammy. There are people who love you and value you." She reached a hand to cup Sam's chin in her hand, "You are more worthy of love than anyone I've ever known… I only wish that you could see you the way that I do, honey."

"I just don't… I don't know how. I don't know how to trust people and I'm so scared that the baby will come and I won't be able to love it the way I should. That I'll be like Mom." She'd said it out loud. Her worst fear.

"Now you listen to me! You are not Pam! Your mama experienced a pain most people wouldn't understand and it nearly killed her. Loving somebody and watching them walk away is a hurtin' thing. When your daddy left she disappeared inside herself and I don't think she ever really came back out. But that doesn't have to be your story. Your mama isn't the way she is because of what happened to her, she's that way because of how she chose to deal with what happened to her. She turned all those feelings inside and let them eat her alive. We can't choose what knocks us down in life, but we can choose whether or not to get back up. You have a choice Samantha and that choice, not this situation, is what will determine your future."

Sam sat, quietly considering what J'Maw Maw had said. She had a choice. And there was a life depending on her to make the right one. She'd made a mess of things. She'd handled things all wrong with Freddie and she'd probably broken Carly's heart by leaving. She'd been rash and emotional and impulsive but hearing her grandmother's words she understood. There wasn't anything she could do about that. It was already done and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't spend her time thinking about the mistakes behind her. She had a world of choices in front of her, choices that required her to think, not of herself, but of the baby she was carrying. She could only hope that one day she'd have the chance to make things right.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, sighing as the weight of what was ahead of her began to sink in.

"So what now?" she said.

"Well," J'Maw Maw stood and walked to the counter, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a pad of paper. "First of all, you've gotta stop spending your days in that room feeling sorry for yourself. What's done is done but we've got a sweet little baby to get ready for." She looked at Sam, pencil poised. "So first things first…we need get you to a doctor."

"Do you have one in Willacoochee?"

"We're country – not medieval!" J'Maw Maw laughed.

They spent the next hour planning. J'Maw Maw had called Dr. Parsons and scheduled an appointment for the next day. They'd talked about her options for school. To Sam, starting a new school in the middle of the year AND pregnant wasn't an option so they'd agreed that she could look into going online. J'Maw Maw also said it wasn't healthy for her to just sit around the house all day.

"If you're gonna raise this baby alone then you're gonna be working pretty much the rest of your life. Might as well start now."

She said she had the perfect job for her, but wouldn't say what it was. Just that it paid peanuts but the experience would make it worth it. Sam was too tired to ask for details. Finally, their planning done, Sam started to feel better, more settled. The situation hadn't changed. Her heart still hurt. But as she placed her hands against her stomach she felt a small pride at the steps she was taking, however small, toward giving this baby – her baby—the best life she could.

"Now…" J'Maw Maw sat back and propped her feet on the table. "Tell me about this boy of yours."

"Freddie?" She hadn't said his name out loud since she'd left Seattle. Where she thought she'd feel anger, the word actually wrapped around her like a warm blanket.

"Freddie! That's it…he's that cute little thing with the beautiful smile."

"How do you know what he looks like?"

"You think my granddaughter can become some hot shot star on the internet and I wouldn't watch?"

"You watch  _iCarly_?"

"A fair few times. I don't have the internet here but I watch it over at my friend Wanda's house. I have to say, as hard as you were on that boy, I always knew there was something between the two of you. Anyone could see it in the way he looked at you. Never saw two people fight like that since your granddad and I."

Sam shook her head, "Doesn't matter now I guess. We tried it and it didn't work."

"Yeah…I gathered that." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "Your sister called earlier." Sam's face was blank as J'Maw Maw continued, "she said he's pretty broken up about it…you leaving…and the baby. Your girlfriend too. You wanna tell me what happened?"

"It's…complicated, J'Maw Maw."

"Try me."

"We were already broken up when I found out…about the baby. I didn't know how to tell him and I…I didn't handle it very well. Neither did he. I just, I guess I just wanted to save him from having to deal with all of this. Freddie, he's like a genius or something. I mean, he could do anything he wanted to. He's not like me – his future is set and I just didn't want to take that from him. You know what I mean?"

"Well… no I don't. That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard. Did he tell you he didn't want to be a father to this child?"

"Yes…no…well, sort of. I guess. Maybe."

"I see … No, I don't see."

"I mean… when I told him he started yelling and he got angry and then he said it was crazy to think we could raise a baby at seventeen, then I told him we didn't need him and he just…he just stood there. And then he walked away."

"From what your sister tells me, you weren't the one to tell him about the baby."

She nodded her head.

"So, what you're telling me is that a seventeen year old boy, and lord only knows the level of stupid they can get to, heard his girl was trying to hide a pregnancy from him and had the nerve to get angry and scared? Wow…that's awful! And you mean to tell me that he didn't think raising a baby at seventeen was a good idea? Well hell's bells… no wonder you left him!" she said sarcastically.

Sam's cheeks flushed red. J'Maw Maw had just said the words she'd already thought at least once since she left Seattle. She'd been so scared when she found out she was pregnant that her stomach had stayed in a permanent knot for days. And as angry as she was for the way he'd just walked away from her she couldn't exactly say his reaction was irrational or uncommon. In short, she'd wanted Freddie to do what she couldn't – handle this like an adult.

The truth of what she'd done was rushing in on her. She'd left, abandoned the two people who loved her. She'd told him she was having his baby and then taken off to the other side of the country. She tried to keep telling herself that it was for the best; that she'd done what was necessary, but every time she did she saw his face in her head, so full of confusion and fear. He was just as terrified as her.

"I told you this was a mess," Sam said.

"You got that one right." She reached over to squeeze her hand. "But it's not a mess that can't be cleaned up. If this boy loves you, and according to your sister…it's a fair bet that he does, then there will be time to fix it. And if you love him there'll be room in your heart when the time is right. But right now you aren't the priority, and he's not the priority. What matters most right now is my great grandbaby. That's the first thing you have to learn about being a Mama, Sammy – there will never be anyone or anything more important than your babies."

There was some comfort in that. She and Freddie had a mountain of unresolved issues. She knew that part of the blame for that lay with her, and she hoped that one day she'd have a chance to tell him that. To tell him that she loved him, and that she'd been wrong. She hoped that one day she'd be able to tell him that she did need him. But right now there was someone who needed her. Someone she did not intend to let down.

* * *

**Meanwhile…In Seattle**

Sam had been gone for a week, and the pain had not lessened a bit for Freddie. Every night he spent thinking of her. Every night he dreamed of her in his arms and every morning he woke remembering that she was gone, trying to find a way to deal with the devastation she'd left in her wake. He had gone through the motions of going to school, but couldn't recall a single detail of what had happened there. All he saw in his mind, all he thought of, was her. Carrying his child. He had no idea where, and he had no idea if she was even safe. He couldn't eat, he barely slept and spent most of his waking hours alone in his room staring at pictures of her and hating himself for ruining everything.

Everyone had tried to help. His mom was being especially understanding. He'd see her looking at him and knew she wanted to talk, wanted to understand what was wrong with him, but so far she'd respected his wishes when he said the issue wasn't up for discussion. He'd withdrawn from the world. He wasn't even doing  _iCarly_  anymore. He told Carly that he just couldn't do it without Sam; it was too painful. He felt bad for it. Since Sam was gone, Freddie was basically all Carly had, and he'd deserted her too, but he couldn't help it. Looking at Carly made it impossible not to think about Sam. And seeing the hurt in Carly's eyes made his guilt palpable. Carly was hurting, Sam was missing, and he was helpless to do anything about it.

There was a soft knock on his door and he groaned in frustration. Probably his mom, digging for clues as to why he was depressed…again.

"Not now mom…I don't want to talk!"

His door opened to reveal Spencer, his face more serious that Freddie had ever seen it.

"Want to or not…we're talking Fredman."

"Oh," he said, shocked to see Spencer. He hadn't talked to him since Sam left. He's purposely been avoiding the man who'd become more of a brother to him. He knew how disappointed Spencer must be in him. To Spencer, Sam was like a sister, and because of Freddie he might never see her again. "Hey Spence, is Carly with you?"

"No, she went out shopping with Wendy. I sort of made her go. I'm worried about her. And I thought you might need some company. How're you holding up?"

Freddie turned around again. "I'm alright, I guess."

Spencer walked into the room and sat on the chair across from Freddie's bed, looking directly at him. He's never seen Freddie in this condition. His hair stood up at odd angles over his head...probably the result of having spent most of his spare time in bed. His clothes were rumpled and there was an unpleasant odor in the room that he could only assume came from Freddie.

"Hate to say it Freddo…but you don't look too good. As a matter of fact you look bad…real bad." Freddie flinched at Spencer's words; they were harsh but true. He was anything but all right. "So, do you wanna talk about it?"

Freddie didn't know where to begin. When Sam left last week he'd been hurt, then angry, and finally confused. Now he was just numb. "I still don't know what to say, Spencer. She's gone. No warning. NO explanation. Nothing. She didn't tell us where she was going, or who she was with. And she lied to me! She didn't tell me a thing. If I hadn't confronted her she might never have told me! And now my kid is out there, and I don't even know where!"

Spencer continued to sit, his face without expression. He understood what Freddie was saying, and on some level agreed with it. He hadn't approved of Sam's insistence on keeping her pregnancy from Freddie. On several occasions, he had come close to telling Freddie himself, but held back out of respect for Sam. If he had known Sam was going to skip town, and had it to do over, he probably would have taken the risk of telling him.

"Freddie, I'm as shocked as you are. I've been looking at Carly's face for a week now, seeing what she's going through. But I'm not entirely surprised. You know how Sam is. She doesn't trust anybody completely, and if you think this is a lot for you to deal with, think about what she's going through. She's carrying this child-it's growing every day inside her. Now I'm not a parent, but I can imagine how hard this has to be for her."

"She had no right! It's my child!" Freddie's face was turning darker shades of red. And suddenly, Spencer had enough.

"No right? She wasn't the one who threw Carly out of her own room so she could start screaming! She wasn't the one who carried on like a child whose toy had been taken away! And she might have been the one to leave town…but she wasn't the first one to walk away."

"That's not fair, Spencer!"

"Isn't it? You're so upset that she left with the baby. Why do you suddenly care so much?"

"It's my baby too, Spencer! She can't go raise it … alone! I have a right to be there, to see it born. To help her raise it!"

"Your  _right_? You're worried about your rights? Freddie, you're still talking about this baby like it's your property! A baby is your  _responsibility_!"

"I know that, but I can't be responsible if she won't let me, if she won't even give me a chance. She should know what a bad idea this is! We both grew up without our fathers. Why would she purposely make the baby…our baby, live the same nightmare. Maybe Sam doesn't want me…but the baby needs me!"

"Do you really believe that Sam doesn't need you?"

"That's what she said."

"That's not what I asked you Freddie. Do you believe that she doesn't need you?"

Freddie sat still, not answering. Spencer lowered his voice.

"Do you love her Freddie?"

"What?"

"I said, do you love her?"

"It doesn't matter Spencer. It's too late. I …."

"Do you love her!" Spencer's voice echoed in the room. Freddie had never seen him so serious.

"Yes, okay! Yes! I love her more today that I ever have. I love her so much that just thinking of her…saying her name, carves a hole into the center of my heart. I dream about her every night and every day when I wake up and she isn't here I just…." His voice was a whisper, "I just want to die." He sighed and looked up at Spencer. "Spencer, of course I love Sam. She's been a part of my life since I've been, what, five? I don't think a day has gone by for the past five years that I haven't seen her. Our breakup didn't even change that. Just when I find out that we are going to have a baby, that we're going to have this new and permanent bond, she disappears. Look, I  _miss_  her, Spence. I just want the chance to show her that I love her, and that I love and want this baby. I took the news badly, okay? Yeah, I thought about myself first, and I was wrong for that. I want to earn her forgiveness, and I'm not even going to get the chance!"

Spencer reached across the space between them and patted Freddie's shoulder.

"If you love her like that…then you should know that she needs you just as much as you need her." He paused before continuing, "Freddie, you're absolutely right that your and Sam's baby needs its father, but the reasons are all turned around. Nobody owes you anything. The baby needs you, but right now, it's your child's  _mother_  that needs you! Stop worrying about yourself, and start worrying about Sam! You can claim to love her until you're blue in the face. You have to  _show_  that you love her and right now I don't see that you've been doing that, Freddie. You're a mess. You don't go anywhere, you don't talk to anyone…and I'm pretty sure it's been a while since you had a shower. If Sam came back right now, right this minute...is  _this_  what you would want her to see? If she had the baby right now...is  _this_  the kind of father you want to be?"

Freddie shook his head in response, suddenly ashamed of what he'd allowed himself to become.

"So do something productive with these feelings, Freddie. Honestly, I know you love her. I've seen you together, and not just when you were dating. You're opposites, yet you manage to fit together so well. You almost have a yin-yang thing going on, reading each other's minds and completing each other's sentences. But she's not going to come back on her own. You have to convince her to come back. You have to convince her that you want to make a life with her—because you love her and not just because of the baby."

"How can I convince her when I can't even talk to her because I don't know where she is?"

"Freddie, there are surely ways. Nobody just drops off the face of the earth. You need to sit down and think instead of panicking – or sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. Carly and I will help you however we can."

Freddie sighed. "All right. Thanks, Spencer, not just for this, but for putting up with me for the last week. I'm biting everyone's head off when I'm really angry with myself, for losing my cool at the worst possible time. When Carly gets home, could you just let her know I'd like to see her, just to talk?"

"Of course. She's just as upset as you, you know?" He stood and Freddie stood too, giving each other a 'man hug'. "And you know I'm here if you need anything…unless it's to whine and moan," he said with a smile, opening the bedroom door to leave.

"Thanks Spencer, I appreciate it." A second later Spencer poked his head back in the room.

"Oh, and Freddie?"

"Yeah Spence?"

"Take a shower, will ya? You're starting to smell like the inside of an old safe."

Freddie laughed, heading toward the bathroom. Spencer was right…and not just about the shower.

* * *

Carly entered her apartment in a rush, her eyes scanning the room, rapidly wishing Spencer were there. She had big news. Huge news, and she really wanted to share it with someone. She'd spent the afternoon at the mall. Since Sam had left she'd tried to find ways to occupy her time. If she wasn't in constant motion she found herself, more often than not, obsessing over her friend. Wondering where she was, what she was doing, if she was okay. Going from seeing Sam every day to not seeing her at all was jarring, like she'd woken in an alternative universe and it convinced her of one thing: a world without Sam wasn't one she was happy to live in.

She missed Sam, that was a fact, but she also knew Sam well enough to know that wherever she was, she was there because she thought it was what was best. Sam could be selfish…very selfish. And she was often impulsive and stubborn, but Carly knew that Sam loved her and would never hurt her on purpose. Carly's main concern at the moment was the baby Sam was carrying. The baby was innocent in all of this and Carly worried that right now the baby's parents were so caught up in their own feelings and problems that the baby wasn't the priority it should be. And if she were to be honest, she had to admit that she was sad to be missing out on the baby's progress. Sitting in the doctor's office with Sam, hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, she knew that in many ways she'd already fallen in love with this child she'd never even seen. She'd been excited to think of seeing the baby for the first time, holding this tiny thing that was a perfect mixture of Sam and Freddie. Sam was like her sister so, in her mind, she was going to be an aunt. Now she didn't know when or if she'd ever get that chance.

But Carly wasn't a person who liked to wallow in sadness so she'd tried to find ways to occupy herself. Today she'd gone to the mall with Wendy after school. By now everyone at school had noticed that Sam was gone without a trace and the rumor mill was in full force. Some were saying that she'd gotten sent to juvie for attacking a hobo. Some were saying that she was on the run, hiding out from the police. And some were saying that she'd dropped out of school to be a roadie for Cuttlefish. Carly had no idea where people got this stuff, but she knew that as the self-proclaimed head of the Ridgeway Rumor Mill, Wendy probably only invited her to the mall to see if she could dig up any dirt on Sam. Carly had accepted the invitation, glad for an excuse to get out of the house. She knew that she'd never tell anyone Sam's secret, but over the course of the afternoon Wendy had tried every way she could to ask indirectly where Sam was. Finally, she just came out with it.

"So…Sam's been gone all week. Where'd she go?"

"She had to go out of town for a little while. She'll be back eventually." Cary prayed that she was right.

"You know what I heard? I heard she got herself knocked up." Wendy studied Carly's face for a reaction.

Carly called on every shred of self-control she possessed to make her face a mask of shock and annoyance instead of fear. "Pregnant? That's crazy! I'm her best friend, if she was pregnant I think I'd know." She laughed then, trying to throw Wendy off the scent. "I told you, she had to go out of town – no biggie."

"So who'd she go with? Was it like a family emergency or something?

"Yeah… a family emergency, that's exactly it." It wasn't a lie exactly. The baby was family and, to Sam, the need to leave had been an emergency. Carly would have been happy to leave it at that, but several more times this afternoon Wendy had brought Sam up, likely trying to see if Carly would have the same story or if she would contradict herself. And each time Carly had assured her again.

Sam was gone. No one knew when she was coming back. Family emergency.

It was during one of these reassurances that an idea struck Carly like lightning, and she'd apologized to Wendy, telling her she had to leave, and rushed back to her apartment as fast as she could. She smiled all the way home and wondered how she hadn't thought of it before. The first few days after Sam left, she and Freddie had racked their brains to come up with where Sam could have gone, but they had no answers. Pam had slammed the door in their faces and other than her they didn't know anyone Sam was really close too. It had been frustrating and sad. But now, thanks to Nosy Wendy and her inappropriate questions, Carly was hopeful for the first time in a week. She had stumbled onto the loose brick in Sam Puckett's wall of silence.

Melanie.

It hadn't even crossed her mind before. Sam wasn't exactly Melanie's biggest fan, so it stood to reason that she probably wouldn't tell her about the baby or where she was going. But Pam Puckett was a card carrying member, if not the president, of Melanie's fan club. If Sam was pregnant and skipping town, Melanie was likely the first person she'd call. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that this was exactly the break she and Freddie had been looking for. She only hoped she could drag him out of the funk he'd been in all week long enough to hear her news.

"Spencer!" she yelled into the quiet apartment, "Spencer where are you?" She whipped around at the sound of the door opening. "Spencer! Where have you been?" She ran at her brother and stood in front of him, hopping from one foot to another.

"Um…hey?" Spencer was scared. Perky Carly was difficult to deal with but 'I'm so excited I can't even stand still' Carly was usually indicative of a really bad plan getting ready to be put into action.

Carly started walking back and forth in front of Spencer, talking fast, her hands flitting like butterflies.

"So I was at the mall with Wendy and we were getting a pretzel…"

"At the pretzel place?"

"Yeah."

"Regular or cinnamon?"

"Cinnamon."

"Did you bring me one?"

"No Spencer, now shush! So we were talking and she was asking me where Sam was and she was all 'where's Sam' and I was all 'she had to go out of town' so she was all 'well I heard she was pregnant' and I was all 'OMG, Sam's not pregnant' and she was all 'then where is she' so I was like 'she's out of town' and Wendy was like 'family emergency?' so I said yes and she said okay and then I had the greatest idea ever and now I know how to find Sam and I am a freaking genius!"

Sam coming home was reason for excitement and suddenly Spencer was just as fidgety as Carly.

"So tell me your idea!"

"Melanie!"

"Sam's sister?"

"Exactly!"

Spencer looked at her with confusion. Sam hated Melanie, there was no way that any problem regarding Sam could be solved by her sister.

"So how is Melanie the answer to finding Sam?"

Carly was getting irritated at Spencer's inability to see the genius of her plan. "Ugh, Spencer!" she grabbed his hand and dragged him to sit on the sofa. "Sam's mom won't tell us where Sam is."

"Because she hates you and Freddie!"

"Right, but there is one person in the world that she really doesn't hate. And it's a pretty safe bet that if there's anyone in the world that she did tell where Sam went it would be…."

Spencer's eyes lit up as he realized where she was going with this. "Melanie!"

"Yes!"

"You  _are_  a genius!"

"I know, right? So all I have to do is call Melanie, get her to tell me where Sam is, go find her and…"

"Bring her home!"

"Yes!" Carly stood and headed for the door, "Now let's go get Freddie and tell him the plan." She paused at the door when she saw that Spencer wasn't following her. "Well? Aren't you coming?"

"Yeah Carly…about that. I don't think it's a good idea to tell Freddie just yet."

"What do you mean? Of course it's a good idea to tell him! We have to tell him! Why wouldn't we tell him?" She was back to 'can't stay put' Carly.

"I just talked to him this afternoon and he was really a mess Carls."

"But he'll be fine once we find Sam."

"That's exactly it Carly…he'll be fine once you find Sam. But if you go get him now and get his hopes up and then you call Melanie and she doesn't tell you where Sam is – it's gonna kill him." Carly came and plopped down on the sofa beside Spencer, deflated. She knew he was right and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Freddie, but she just missed Sam so much and she knew that Freddie did too.

"I just… I just want to fix this mess Spencer."

He reached over and patted her knee "I know you do kid. And I think contacting Melanie is a great idea. I really, really hope that she will help find Sam. But you have to understand. Freddie and Sam…they're having a baby now. That's a big responsibility and if they're ever going to be able to handle it, they're going to have to learn to fix their own messes. You can help, and you can be there for them but things with them will never get better if you're the one coming to their rescue. This time, they're gonna have to rescue themselves."

"So what do I do now?" Carly asked.

"Call Melanie, see if you can find out where Sam is, and then we help Freddie figure out how to get her home."

"But what if they mess it up?"

"It's Sam and Freddie…of course they'll mess it up!" he laughed as Carly groaned and put her face in her hands, "but when it's all said and done they'll do the right thing."

'God I hope he's right' she thought as she picked up her phone and searched for Melanie's number in her contacts. Her heart was racing as she dialed the number and a perky voice answered on the other end.

"Melanie? It's Carly. Listen…. I need a favor."


	8. Until Forever Ends

_February 11, 2012 - Seattle_

The holidays had passed in a blur. Carly spent Christmas with Spencer and her grandfather in Yakima where most of the day had involved awkward conversation as both Spencer and her grandfather tried to cheer her up. She appreciated their effort, and she really tried to make an effort in return, but all day long, her mind kept drifting to her best friend, a best friend who was away from her for the first time in eight years. Her best friend, who was now five months pregnant by Carly's calculation and still no closer to being found. She felt like The Grinch, only this Christmas her heart grew three times smaller. She missed Sam more than she could possibly put into words. It was as if a part of her was missing, like someone had taken away her ability to be happy and she didn't even have the energy to try to get it back.

She'd called Sam's sister three months ago. She'd begged Melanie, unsuccessfully, to tell her where Sam was, and had to admit that she was surprised at Melanie's reaction. Sam and Melanie were never close. They had always seemed like sisters in name only but suddenly Melanie had become fiercely protective of Sam, and though she admitted that she didn't exactly support Sam's decision to leave Seattle and keep Freddie in the dark about her pregnancy, she said she wanted to respect Sam's choice and that meant that she couldn't tell them where she was. She did, however, agree to keep Carly updated on Sam's pregnancy and tell her how Sam was doing. At first she thought it would be enough, at least with Melanie updating her she'd know how Sam was, know how the baby was, but the more she heard about Sam's new life – wherever it was – the more the hole in her heart seemed to expand. She didn't just want to hear about Sam-she wanted Sam to be here in Seattle with her and Freddie, where she belonged.

She'd tried several times to change Melanie's mind. She'd told her how much she and Freddie cared about Sam. She told her how sorry Freddie was for what he'd said and for how he'd acted. She even told her about the calendar Freddie was keeping on his pearPhone that he thought no one knew about. It was an alert that told him on a weekly basis how the baby would be progressing, what it would look like, what Sam would be experiencing. To Carly it was proof that in Freddie's mind he was already a father and was prepared to do what it took to make a life with Sam. Melanie didn't see it the same way. As much as Melanie liked Freddie- and she swore that she did- she said that she had an obligation to her sister and if Sam wasn't ready to allow Freddie in her life or the baby's, then she had to respect that. She did raise a good point. Freddie was  _saying_  how much Sam meant to him and he was  _saying_  how ready he was to be a father but he wasn't  _doing_  anything. Everyone knew that Freddie was some sort of tech genius…if there was anyone in the world who could figure out a way to find Sam it would be him, but as far as Carly knew he hadn't made a move to do it other than tracking her pearPhone when she left. His words were wonderful, admirable even, but his actions were leaving a lot to be desired.

She sighed and rolled over in her bed, reaching for her phone to check her new text message.

_Melanie: Baby Puckett got a clean bill of health… 4.5 months to go!_

_Carly: You mean Baby Puckett-Benson…_

_Melanie: OMG! A baby that's half Sam AND half Freddie…scary! ;-) Wonder who it will look like?_

_Carly: Wonder if I'll even get to see what it looks like at all..._

_Melanie: Just give it time Carly…she'll come around eventually._

_Carly: I hope so. We both do._

_Melanie: How is Freddie?_

Carly hesitated to respond. She could tell Melanie whatever it took for her to give them the information they wanted about Sam's whereabouts; tell her that Freddie was searching for Sam, taking action to reunite his family, but then she might ask for proof and that would be impossible. Because the truth was that over the last two months, Freddie had lapsed into silence. He hardly mentioned Sam anymore, barely reacted when Carly did except to change the subject and when she tried to confront him on his lack of action all he would say is 'Just let me handle this my way, Carly'. It was frustrating. His way wasn't getting them any closer to Sam.

_Carly: Same_

_Melanie: that's 2 bad. He's a good guy. I 3 Sam but sometimes I wonder if she knows what she's doing. How are you?_

_Carly: Missing Sam_

_Melanie: she misses you 2_

_Carly: y don't you give me her # so she can tell me that herself?_

_Melanie: carly…u know I can't do that…_

_Carly: yeah, yeah. I know…respecting her privacy, blah blah blah_

_Melanie: im not trying to b mean Carly…_

_Carly: I know…it's okay. Thanks for telling me how she's doing. I gotta go._

_Melanie: 3. Call me later?_

_Carly: yep_

Had she been a violent person, she might have thrown her phone across the room, but in their trio she'd never been the aggressive one, so violence didn't feel natural. What did feel natural was fixing the messes that other people made, so even though she'd promised Spencer, Melanie and even Freddie that she'd keep her meddling and her opinion to herself she flung open her bedroom door, marched down the stairs, and across the hall…determined to set this thing right. Even if it killed her.

* * *

February 6, 2012 - Seattle

Freddie dragged a hand wearily across the back of his neck. It was ten o'clock and he had a pile of homework that needed done but tonight, unlike most other nights over the last three months, he felt like he was right on the verge of success. It was so close he could almost taste it and if it weren't for the fact that he was so bone tired, he might actually be expressing his excitement physically. As it was though, all his worn out body would allow was a weak smile as he stared intently at his computer monitor.

No one knew. In the beginning it felt like a long shot and he didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. Then as days stretched into weeks and weeks into months with no success, he'd begun to feel foolish and wondered to himself if he was just wasting time, to stubborn to let go. Technology was his thing, it always had been, but this project had proved nearly impossible, even for him. In all honesty this was due less to his skill level and more to the fact that what he'd needed to do had been, strictly speaking, illegal. At times like this he really missed Sam. Say what you wanted about the girl, but there didn't seem to be a law she couldn't get around. But Sam helping him with this would have been a bit awkward, since she was the object of his latest obsession: finding her.

It was February now. She'd been gone exactly three months, two weeks and four days. Every single one of those days had seemed like an eternity. It was the longest he'd gone without seeing her since they met and he was sometimes surprised to see that the pain hadn't lessened at all; it was still raw and palpable. But since his talk with Spencer he'd determined to turn the pain into motivation. He'd done what was good at; he looked at the problem, broke it down into small manageable pieces and come up with a plan to fix it.

_Find Sam_

_Prove to her that I'm ready to be what she needs_

_Bring her home_

Three steps that were anything but simple. The first step alone had almost stopped him in his tracks.

_Find Sam_

That had proved to be like putting a leash on a dog made of smoke. He had her phone. It was tucked safely into the bottom drawer of his nightstand so that was a dead end. He and Carly had discovered that she left her laptop in the iCarly studio so there was no way to track her that way either. He'd gone to all her favorite message boards and forums, feeling every bit the stalker as he spent night after night, logging in and hoping against hope that her screen name would pop up. No luck there either. He was ashamed to say that he'd even hacked into her email account, figuring that he could see what messages had been sent and track the IP address they were coming from. But, according to her outbox, Sam hadn't logged onto her email since the day before she left. The browser history on her laptop had been cleared and the cache was empty…he'd taught her well.

_Find Sam_

He devoted every spare moment to the cause. Now that  _iCarly_  was on hiatus, he spent very little time with Carly. She'd complained at first, told him he was being ridiculous, and even produced tears when yelling hadn't worked. But he couldn't spend time with Carly the way he used to. First, it was too painful—he couldn't look at Carly without his mind seeing Sam next to her-and the atmosphere around them was always awkward; filled with all the things they couldn't mention because talking about them meant addressing the elephant in the room – that Sam was gone. Second, now that he'd become determined to find Sam, he just wasn't ready to share it with Carly. He knew that if he did share it and wasn't able to find her, it would only hurt Carly more than the situation already had. And if by some stroke of luck he was able to find Sam, he knew that Carly would never agree to the plan he had in mind. Waiting patiently was not high on Carly Shay's list of character traits.

_Find Sam_

Strangely enough, if his current attempt was successful, he'd owe it all to Carly. Carly and her inability to leave well enough alone.

**_Flashback:_ **

_Since talking to Spencer, Freddie had cleaned up his act. He was making more of an effort in school. Although much of the time he found himself daydreaming about Sam, he was doing the things he knew he needed to do – showering, spending time with his mom, and occasionally with Carly. But in many ways he was still withdrawn from the world. He couldn't deny that Sam leaving had changed him; impending fatherhood had changed him even more. He wanted to be the kind of father that his father had been to him. He wanted to be someone that Sam and the baby could be proud of. So, without telling anyone, he'd started working. Simple things, building websites, editing videos. He'd found a website where he could post a profile listing his skills and examples of his work and people could bid on his services. He wasn't going to become a millionaire but it was a step toward being able to support a family – his family. All he needed was for his family to come home._

_His work, coupled with his dogged pursuit to find Sam, kept him busy. So busy in fact that last weekend she and Spencer had shown up at his apartment and dragged him forcefully across the hall for Spaghetti Taco night. Carly said she hadn't seen him in forever and she wasn't taking no for an answer. He was too tired to put up a fight. Plus, if he said no, she might decide to stay at his house and try to hang out with him-he couldn't risk her seeing something she shouldn't see. So he'd gone, and had even enjoyed spending time with the people he considered a second family._

_After dinner they'd decided to watch a movie and Freddie had been left in the living room alone while Carly ran upstairs to change and Spencer went across the street to rent a movie from BlueBox. As he sat staring at the television, trying not to remember the last time he'd sat there with Sam, Carly's phone had begun to vibrate, knocking itself of the edge of the coffee table where it had been perched precariously. Leaning down to pick it up, he glanced at the screen and felt his heart leap into his throat as he saw the text message flashing over the screen._

_Melanie._

_His problem solving mind went into action before he even had a chance to register how he felt and by the time he heard Carly descending the stairs he'd gotten Melanie's phone number, forwarded a text from Melanie to his phone, deleted the forward, put the phone back and was headed toward the door._

" _Where are you going?" Carly asked, clearly disappointed._

" _I just remembered something I have to do," Freddie said, opening the front door._

_Carly walked onto the landing and stood with her hands on her hips, "We were supposed to hang out!"_

_Freddie tapped his foot impatiently. He needed to get home now! "Carly… I have a report that's due Monday and I haven't even started." He paused and softened his voice. "I'm sorry Carls. I promise we'll hang out next weekend, okay?" He shut the door behind him, not waiting for her answer. He rushed into his apartment, feeling bad for leaving Carly and even worse for what he knew he was about to do without her help or knowledge._

_Thanks Carly he'd thought, but I'll take it from here._

**_End Flashback_ **

* * *

February 11, 2012 - Seattle

Carly rapped on his door three times, careful not to knock too hard in case his mother was home. Marissa Benson made no secret of the fact that she hated her, and Carly had no time for dealing with angry Mrs. Benson today. Knocking again, more insistently this time, she sighed in frustration when her knocks continued to go unanswered.

In an uncharacteristic move, she tried the door knob and was surprised to find it open. Stepping into the apartment, she called Freddie's name softly into the darkness. The only light was coming from underneath Freddie's bedroom door down the hall. Mrs. Benson must be at work-if she knew that Carly was creeping though her apartment after having entered through a door that had been left unlocked, she would have, as Sam would say, lost her chizz. Carly had to smile at the thought.

She stopped in her tracks and turned toward Freddie's bedroom door, her brow furrowed. She could hear music, soft romantic music. And Freddie was talking to someone, in a voice that did not say "I'm talking to a friend."

_I love you._

_Think about you all the time._

She could make out very few words, but what she had heard made her blood boil. Freddie was in this dark apartment, in his bedroom no less, telling someone he loved them. And she one thing she knew for certain… that person was not Sam.

* * *

February 6, 2012 - Seattle

He'd done it. He was having trouble believing it was true. He'd tried every ethical, legal, common approach to getting the information he needed and when that hadn't worked he had a choice to make. Be a boy scout or find the woman he loved. The choice was easy.

As upstanding as he was, it was impossible to be as involved as he was in the technology community and not have made a few friends who knew how to do things that were on the grey side of legal. He knew hackers, he knew super hackers, and he knew people that, for the right price, could find you hiding in the mountains of Siberia. But even those people needed something to go on and for months Freddie had nothing. Thanks to Carly that had changed.

He'd taken the phone number he had, contacted an 'associate' on one of the software development forums he frequented and asked him how much he'd charge to give him every phone number that had dialed in or out of that phone in the last three months. He also had that list cross referenced with Sam's mom's phone to see what numbers they held in common. He'd almost choked at the cost but never once hesitated to pay it. Sam and the baby were worth every penny and more.

Six hours and five hundred dollars later, he sat unmoving in his room, staring at a screen that held a message with the key to his future.

**_To: TechNub94_ **

**_From: GhostInTheMachine_ **

**_Dude, I got the wire, here's the info we discussed. You lucked out. There's only one phone number in common, and I got an address on it…no charge._ **

**_85421 County Road 183_ **

**_Willacoochee, GA 31650_ **

**_912-555-8861_ **

**_Hope she's worth it man…this Willacoochee place is like totally off the grid. This phone is a landline! Who even uses those anymore! Anyway, good luck._ **

**_P.S. – Destroy this after reading_ **

* * *

February 11, 2012 - Seattle

Freddie was anxious. The fidgety sort of feeling you get when you realize that what you're going to try may not work but it's too late to change your mind. He'd had Sam's address for exactly 6 days now. And during that time he'd used Spencer's advice and his own intuition to hatch a plan, one that he hoped would mean that soon he'd be holding Sam in his arms. And he swore to himself that if he ever got her back, he'd never let her go again.

The problem with the plan was that it wasn't exactly what would seem to make sense to the outside observer. Over the years he'd watched about a million 'chick flicks', one of the downsides to having best friends who were girls, and if they could be believed then his plan was not only uncommon…it was quite possibly wrong. In the movies it all happened so fast, there was no thinking or planning; there was just rushing in and rescuing. But he'd done the rush in without thinking thing before…and by the time the smoke cleared, Sam had fled to Georgia. If he'd taken his time; thought about the situation with Sam and the baby then he might have handled things differently and he'd be holding her in his arms now, thinking about names for their baby, planning their future as a family.

Nope, rushing in wasn't an option. As agonizing as these past three months had been, he was seeing they were necessary; they had taught him something about Sam and about himself. As much as he and Carly talked about how strong they thought Sam was, they never really gave her a chance to show it other than physically. Sam was strong and smart, but whenever there was a problem or an issue they rushed in and fixed it, never giving her a chance to be the one to shine, never giving her a chance to prove that she was capable. He regretted that now; regretted the fact that he'd loved her but he'd never really shown her that he trusted her decisions. When she'd told him she wanted to keep the baby he hadn't even paused to listen to her rationale or her reasons why…he'd told her he didn't think she was capable of making the decision at all. And that was just one of a million times he'd remembered over the past few days. He was ashamed to think of how loudly he proclaimed his love for her without considering that respecting her decisions and trusting her judgment was just as important.

He wanted Sam back here with him, where she belonged, there was no denying that. But he wanted her here because she wanted to be here. He wanted her here because she trusted him to be a part of her life and the baby's life. And he was convinced that in order for that to happen he had to prove to her that this was where she needed to be. Spencer had been right; he'd been acting like it was his right to have Sam and the baby here. But really it was a privilege, a privilege that he'd proven himself unworthy of. He was ready to change that.

He stood from his desk chair and went into the bathroom. Staring into the mirror he assessed himself from Sam's perspective. His hair was spiky the way she liked, he was wearing her favorite black button up. His face was flushed but there was no helping that – he was too nervous to look any other way. He looked okay he guessed and he'd memorized what it was he was going to say. Showtime.

He crossed the room to shut his bedroom door. His mom was at work but what he was getting ready to do felt too private even to be shared with the empty apartment. Sitting back at his desk chair he turned on his computer and booted up Cutting Room Flow 8. His image filled the screen and he tried to adjust the web cam to get a clearer picture, but his hands were shaking so hard it looked like he was filming himself in the middle of an earthquake.

He clicked on pearTunes and pulled up the playlist he'd created. Five of Sam's favorite songs to be played on a loop. He'd practiced this and figured it would take about 10 minutes – if he got through it without crying. God, he hoped he didn't cry. He looked directly into the camera and with a shaky voice addressed Sam for the first time in three months.

"Hey Sam." His mind suddenly went blank as he stared at the screen. Every word he'd practiced disappeared. He took a deep breath and continued. "I had a whole list of things I was going to say to you. They were pretty good too…I think. But now I can't remember any of it. So I'm just going to tell you what's in my heart. You're probably wondering how I found you. Let's just say you aren't the only one who can use illegal means to get what they want. Like you always say…I know a guy." He smiled then, and hoped she'd smile too. "It's been hard since you left. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I know that you left for a reason and as much as I want to hop on the next plane out of Seattle, come get you and bring you back here… I know it's not time yet. You can't imagine how much it hurts to say that….or maybe you can. I want you here with me…all the time. I dream about you and then when I wake up and you're not here it feels like something breaks inside. I think about you all the time…and the baby. I wonder how you are and if you're safe. I wonder how the baby is and what you look like now. I bet you're beautiful. You've always been beautiful to me." He looked down at his hands before continuing. "I'm rambling now…you hate it when I ramble. I just…I'm so sorry Sam. I don't think I can find words to tell you how sorry I am…for everything. I'm sorry that when you needed me to be calm, I freaked out. I'm sorry that when I should have been there for you, I walked away. I'm sorry that I allowed you to think I didn't care, that I didn't want to be with you, that I didn't want this baby…our baby. I'm sorry that I was such an immature, selfish ass who left you to deal with something so big all alone. And most of all I'm sorry that the only way you thought you could fix all of this was to leave."

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel regret for just letting us walk away from what he had that night in the elevator. For not fighting for us, for not telling you that I didn't want to let you go. And for thinking our problems weren't something we could fix together."

"I promised you once that would never hurt you, and… I didn't keep that promise Sam. I would totally understand if you never forgave me for that. But…I'm hoping you will. I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to show you that I've changed, because I really have. I understand things now that I didn't when you left. I understand that having you in my life isn't something I'm entitled to. Loving you is my privilege Sam."

"I know I gave you a lot of reasons to leave. I'm hoping I can give you a reason to come back. Because I love you, Samantha Puckett. I love you more than I ever thought possible. And all I want is for you to let me show you how much. I can't promise you perfection…I'm learning that there's no such thing. But I can promise you that if you let me, I will spend every second of every day for the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to make you happy."

"I guess that's all for now. But this isn't the end Sam…you'll have to do more than run off across the country to get rid of me," he laughed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, loving you and whenever you're ready, just say the word and I'll come running." He lowered his voice to a whisper, fighting back tears and said the words they'd only ever said to each other. "Until forever ends."

He turned off the webcam and stopped the recording, releasing his breath in a rush.

"That was beautiful."

Freddie spun around in his chair, shocked and a little afraid to hear a voice other than his own in an apartment that was supposed to be empty. He racked his brain for something to say. Something that wouldn't make her suspicious or start rattling off questions he wasn't ready to answer.

"Carly."

She walked into the room and he saw that she'd been crying. It was, unfortunately, a pretty common sight these days. She laughed softly as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I thought you had a girl in here."

"What? Why would I have a girl in here?"

"I just...the door was open and I heard some of what you were saying…and the music. I guess I just assumed…"

"Assumed that I'd have anyone in here who wasn't Sam? No offense, but that was a pretty dumb assumption, Carly."

"I know, I'm sorry." She sighed and leaned forward toward him, "So what were you doing?"

He had a choice. Tell the truth and risk her freaking out now or lie and risk her freaking out later.

"I was making a video. For Sam." He left it at that. He'd let her reaction determine his decision.

"A video? But I don't understand. I mean…how is she going to see it?"

"You and Spencer have been telling me how I'm not doing anything, not making the effort to get Sam back. So, I… I did something."

"What did you do Freddie?"

He looked into Carly's face, her cheeks stained with tears, her eyes a mixture of sadness and confusion. He hated keeping secrets from her. The night he found Melanie's text on Carly's phone, he'd come home and struggled with what to do. Part of him was angry to know that Carly had heard from Melanie and had even been getting information on how Sam and the baby were doing, but hadn't shared it him. But, in truth, he knew that those first weeks and months with Sam gone he'd been in bad shape. If she'd told him about Melanie he'd have run off half-cocked making demands and trying to push his way back into Sam's life. She'd had a reason to keep that secret, he supposed, even as hard as that was to accept. And he wanted to hold onto the belief that he had reason to keep this from her. But he knew that Carly had almost as much to lose as he did if Sam never came back. He'd just have to trust that once he told her she'd let him handle it. For any of this to work, they were all going to have to start trusting each other.

He took a deep breath and answered her, hoping he was making the right choice.

"I found Sam."


	9. Not That Far Away

**February 11, 2012 - Seattle**

The room was completely silent and felt like it had shrunk to the size of a closet as Carly tried to process what she'd just heard.

_I found Sam._

She stared across at Freddie's face. His mouth was moving and it vaguely registered that he was saying something, but she couldn't hear him. On a loop in here head were three words.

IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…IfoundSam…

She stood up, then sat down, then stood again and started pacing in front of Freddie's bed. She as trying to say something, but every time she opened her mouth her throat got tight and she had to stop.

"Carly? Carly are you okay?" Freddie was concerned. Three minutes and Carly still hadn't said a word. She was pacing back and forth in front of his bed, in a perpetual state of motion. He wasn't sure how she was feeling. She might be mad…he had kept a pretty big secret from her, and she didn't even know yet that he'd been searching for Sam on his own for months. He reached out for her hand and stopped her in front of him. "Carly listen, don't be mad. I was going to tell you I just…"

"You found Sam?" Carly said in a voice just above a whisper.

"Yeah… I did."

"You found Sam…" Her face crumbled, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks that she didn't even bother to wipe away.

"Carly…" His words were cut off as Carly launched herself across the space between them and pulled him into a bone crushing bear hug that threatened to cut off his air supply. She was crying in earnest now, soaking the shoulder of his shirt with her tears. After his initial shock he patted her back, trying to help her calm down. "Carly…don't cry. This is a good thing right?"

She pulled away, sniffling. "I can't believe it. How? When. Where is she?" She walked back toward the bed and sat down, waiting for his response.

"According to the information I have, she's in Willacoochee, Georgia. I think I remember her saying her grandmother lives there so it makes sense. I've been working on it for a while now – ever since you and Spencer told me that I wasn't doing enough to get Sam back home. But I really owe finding her to you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Last week when I came over for Spaghetti Taco night and you went upstairs to change, you got a text message from Melanie."

Carly's face flushed red. "Freddie, I'm so sorry…I totally wanted to tell you but I just didn't know how and I was afraid you'd freak out again and do something…"

"Stupid. Like the last time."

"I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay Carly, really. I haven't handled this whole thing very well and I was pretty much a mess the last couple months. I don't really blame you."

"You don't?"

"No, and it doesn't really matter now. I mean…I found Sam, that's what matters."

"Right…so finish telling me how this all happened."

"After I saw Melanie's text I got her phone number and contacted a guy I know. He was able to track down Sam's address by cross referencing the calls on Melanie's phone with the outgoing calls from Sam's mom's phone."

"Look at you…going all James Bond." Carly smiled, "Sam would be so proud."

It was the first time in three months that they'd mentioned Sam and not felt the painful ache of her absence. This time the atmosphere around them wasn't filled with sadness or hurt; it was alive with hope.

"Yeah… I think she would."

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, I do have a plan for that. But I'm not sure how you'll feel about it."

"Freddie…you found Sam. After all this time you're the one who's going to make it possible to have her in our lives again. I'm behind you, whatever you want to do. I trust you."

Freddie looked at Carly's face and was sure that she believed every word she was saying. But once she actually knew what his plan involved he wasn't so sure she'd feel the same way. Taking a deep breath, he laid it out for her.

"Okay. I know that what we want more than anything is to have Sam and the baby back here in Seattle with us, right?"

"Right."

"But we want her to do that because she wants to, not because we forced her or pressured her. We want her to know that we trust her judgment and her decisions, even if we don't agree with them."

Carly did not like where this was going. "Okay… so what exactly does that mean?"

"I made a video for Sam tonight. Just telling her how I feel, how much I miss her and how much I want her and the baby here with me. I told her that I trust her and that I'm waiting for her with open arms or ready to run to her at a moment's notice… when  _she's_  ready. I'm going to send her the video, and I'll keep sending them every week. I'm hoping that once she sees that I'm different, ready for her and for the baby, she'll change her mind about being in Seattle."

"So you're not going to get her?"

"Not yet. Not until she tells me she's ready."

Carly sat quietly. It was definitely not the plan she'd expected. When he said he'd found Sam she'd started doing a mental inventory of how much money she'd need to buy plane tickets to get Sam, already packing her bag. She figured they'd leave, get Sam, bring her home and then the whole thing would be finished. This, however, was a shock. Freddie wanted to woo her back. That would require patience and trusting that his plan wouldn't blow up in all of their faces. Patience wasn't an easy thing for her but as she looked into the face of her best friend, the man who had so much more to lose in this situation, she realized that he needed her to trust him. Sam was her friend and always would be, but Sam and the baby were even more than that to Freddie. They were his family and, hopefully, his future. It would be his job to take care of them and she had to trust him to do that job.

"Okay…tell me what you need from me."

Freddie stared at her in shock. He couldn't believe it. He'd expected her to put up a fight, tell him he was being ridiculous, force him to rush off to Georgia and drag Sam back here, kicking and screaming if necessary. But she hadn't. She was trusting him to handle this and in this moment he'd never been more happy to call her his friend.

"Thank you Carly. Thanks for trusting me."

Carly reached out for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "We're in this together Freddie. And I know that if this is what you think is best, it's work out…eventually. Now come on…let's get to the post office before they close."

* * *

**February 15, 2012 – Willacoochee, Georgia**

Over the past three months there had been a million times when Sam had wished she could talk to Carly and Freddie. Sometimes she'd see something funny or her grandmother would do something crazy and she'd find herself reaching for her phone so she could text them. Then in the next moment she'd realize the phone wasn't there – it was back in Seattle with Carly and Freddie or whatever hobo found it at the bus station-and a loneliness like she'd never felt would wash over her. This was one of those moments.

She stood in front of her dresser staring into the mirror. Placing her hands softly on the swell of her stomach she turned to the side. It was part of her morning ritual since the slight bump she'd arrived with had begun to grow. It never ceased to amaze her. Lifting her shirt she stared at her reflection. The skin of her stomach was tight – she looked like she swallowed a soccer ball. She ran her hands over it waiting quietly. Her eyes lit up as she felt it, the soft thump, thump beneath her skin that reminded her of the life she carried. She patted her stomach gently.

"You're up early this morning aren't you?"

It had felt weird at first, talking to the baby. But as time went on, it had become a routine, something she not only enjoyed but looked forward to. She found herself at various points in the day, rubbing her belly and talking to the baby-–sharing her heart, telling it funny stories, playing hide and seek as she'd thump one side of her belly and wait for it to respond. Every time she felt it move her heart swelled and she understood what J'Maw Maw meant when she said that you could never love anything the way you loved your baby.

She didn't know the baby's sex yet. Technically, she was supposed to be able to find out at 16 weeks; that was 6 weeks ago and still no word. According to her doctor she was going to give birth to the most stubborn baby he'd ever delivered. She didn't bother to tell him it was hereditary. Every time they'd put the monitor on the baby it had turned away from the screen; legs shut tight. No amount of prodding or poking had been able to get it to move. It was almost comical – at one point the baby had gone to sleep. Like mother like…well, she guessed she'd have to wait and see about that. She was okay with it she supposed. It gave her something to look forward to. And honestly she wasn't sure she had a preference. In the privacy of her room at night, she wondered what Freddie would think. Would he want a girl or a boy? She could see him with a little girl, spoiling her rotten. And she could see him with a boy too, passing on all his nerdy tech boy knowledge. She tried not to think that way too often. It was too painful.

"Sammy! Get the lead out! You're gonna be late!" her grandmother called up the stairs. J'Maw Maw had only two volumes: loud and louder.

She pulled her shirt back down over her stomach, grabbed her bag from the bed, and headed out the door. Walking down the stairs she had to smile to herself. No one from her old life would ever believe it if she told them where she was heading. Samantha Puckett had a job, a real, live job that required work and paid money. Carly would be shocked. Anyone who knew Sam would really be shocked. Being a part of the workforce was never something that had appealed to her. It involved waking up early and doing manual labor when she'd rather be sleeping. And as much as she had dreaded doing this when J'Maw Maw had first mentioned it, the gig had grown on her over the three months she'd been doing it. As always, J'Maw Maw knew best.

She entered the kitchen and sat down opposite J'Maw Maw, helping herself to the scrambled eggs, toast and fruit. Yet another change: real food. Since she'd arrived J'Maw Maw had cooked every day, twice a day. No fast food, no fatty ribs, no pizza. At first Sam had been in withdrawal, craving fat cakes and smoothies and anything with grease. But now she was shocked to find herself eating vegetables and fruit and actually enjoying it. She chalked most of that up to the baby – the kid might be stubborn like her but its appetite was Benson all the way. She craved things that, back in Seattle, she'd have cut off her pinkie toe before eating. Just the other day she'd eaten a giant salad that tasted so good she wanted to cry. She was quite possibly going to be raising a child that liked to eat healthy – it was a scary thought.

"How you feeling this morning honey?" J'Maw Maw asked the same thing every morning but Sam never got tired of hearing it. It was nice to have someone caring about her, loving her at the hardest moment of her life.

"We're good J'Maw Maw." She rubbed her stomach as she shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. Some things had changed but her table manners weren't among them. "But this one kept me up all night, tap dancing on my bladder."

"Did the Doc tell you when you'll know what you're having?"

"Nope. He said I could come in this afternoon and we'd try again."

"Stubborn…well, that's your baby for sure! What time are you supposed to go in?"

She wiped her mouth on a napkin, picking up her plate to take it to the sink. "He said he could squeeze me in at four."

"Oh, Sam honey…I can't take you. I've gotta go down to the police station."

Sam turned around and raised an eyebrow at her grandmother. Since she'd arrived in Willacoochee she'd realized that her grandmother and the four officers who made up the police department had something of a love-hate relationship. They loved her, but hated all the trouble she caused.

"J'Maw Maw! What did you do now? You said you were going to behave!"

"I am behaving! It's not my fault if somebody cut down Lettie McCormick's rose bushes…and her azaleas…and half of her tree."

"Isn't Mrs. McCormick your neighbor? J'Maw Maw…what did you do?"

"Well, I told her that her flowers and that stupid tree were hanging over my property line and she got all snippy with me and told me to 'deal with it'…so I did. And she called the police." She laughed at the look on her granddaughter's face. "Don't worry about it honey, all I gotta do is sign some papers and pay for a new rose bush for that old hag. But I have to be there at four so I can't run you out to the doctor's."

"Don't worry about it, I'll reschedule."

"You don't have to do that, Ryland would run you out there if you want."

Sam tensed, a reaction that wasn't lost on J'Maw Maw. Ryland had been something of a problem since she'd arrived. After catching him in her room with a handful of her unmentionables, they'd achieved a sort of tense tolerance of one another. Well, she'd been tolerant; he, on the other hand, had tried everything in his power to be friendly. He'd taken her to a drive in on J'Maw Maw's insistence and she'd been impressed that even in Middle-of-Nowhere, Georgia he'd found a first rate horror movie showing at a drive in. It had been fun. He'd filled her up with the junk she'd been craving and she'd been surprised to find out that underneath all his red-neck, good ole boy exterior lurked the heart of a nerd. He said he was working and saving up for college where he wanted to study graphic design. She hadn't even bothered to mask the shock on her face at that revelation.

'What'd you expect' he'd said, 'thought I wanted to join the rodeo or something?' He'd spent the rest of the night telling her about how much he loved graphic design and how much he was looking forward to seeing the world outside of Willacoochee. He asked her lots of questions about Seattle but was nice enough not to mention Freddie or Carly or ask anything too personal. After that night it had gotten more uncomfortable, not less, to be around him. And it was uncomfortable because being around him made her feel normal for the first time since arriving. She was scared to admit, even to herself, the reason for that.

"I don't think so J'Maw Maw. I'll just wait until you can take me."

"Sammy, come sit down."

Great…another 'J'Maw Maw' talk. She'd begun to dread these. They always involved her thinking of or dealing with something she'd rather not. She supposed that was the point.

She sat reluctantly and waited for J'Maw Maw to start.

"What's going on with you and Ryland?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"You're a pretty good liar…to other people. But I know you too well. I thought you two were getting along? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just…" She sighed, "It's just weird."

"Weird how?"

"He's just. He's really nice and he's always trying to do nice stuff for me and take me places and telling me about his dreams and asking me about mine and…"

"The last time I checked that was called being a gentleman. What's the problem?" She raised an eyebrow at Sam who was staring her lap, rubbing her stomach. "Oh…I see. So things are a little more than friendly with Ryland."

Sam nodded.

"And you don't want that?"

She nodded again.

"Has he told you he's feeling…more than friendly?"

"Not exactly, but…I can tell. It's not what he says, it's in all the things he doesn't say."

"I can't say that I'm shocked. I've seen him looking at you sometimes. I guess I just didn't figure he was in that deep already. And you don't want him to like you that way?"

Sam shook her head. "Ryland is a nice guy. A really great guy, and maybe if this was another time and another place and I wasn't…" she gestured toward her belly, "you know… maybe then it would be different. But, it just can't right now. I can't."

"I have a feeling that this has to do with more than bad timing. You're thinking about…"

"Don't say it! Please, don't say it. I…" she sighed, "I really don't want to talk about it."

"You've been saying that for three months now, and I've been patient, but Sammy you didn't make that baby by yourself and sooner or later you're gonna have to deal with that. You can't ignore him forever."

"It's easy to ignore someone you can't see," she mumbled under her breath.

"Whose choice is that honey?" She reached across the table to hold Sam's hand. "Listen honey, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or make you sad. You've made so much progress since you've been here and I'm so proud of you, and the way you're stepping up to be a mother to this baby. I just don't want you to keep running away from the things you need to look at head on. Running from them won't make them go away."

She nodded her head and stood with J'Maw Maw, ready to head out the door for work. The ride in the truck was quiet, the cab filled with music. Sam had to smile; since she'd gotten to Georgia it had been all country all the time. She hated to admit that it was actually growing on her. The song on the radio right now was called 'Not That Far Away', it was by a new artist named Jennette McCurdy. She and Ryland had gotten into a rather heated debate the other day about whether or not she and the singer looked alike. Ryland swore they could be twins. Sam didn't see the resemblance—and at any rate, having one twin out there was enough.

"Seriously, J'Maw Maw, we gotta update your music!"

"I like my music just fine. I don't want to drive around listening to all that hippity hop stuff you kids are so crazy about these days. Country suits me just fine."

They drove into town, passing the limited shops lining the main street. Pulling off onto a side street, they stopped outside of a modest white house with black shutters. The house had seen better days but the tenants did the best they could, planting flowers along the cracked side walk. Sam scooted out of the cab – getting out of cars was getting increasingly difficult- waved at J'Maw Maw and told her she'd see her later. She headed up the stairs and onto the porch…littered with children's toys. The door to the house swung open and she was almost knocked over by a blur of blond hair.

"Sam!"

"Hey kiddo!" She laughed as she leaned down to hug the small boy wrapped around her legs. He leaned his head up to see her and she saw that his face was covered in grape jelly. Looking down she also noticed that he had on nothing but a pair of Superman underwear, a cap and a pair of red cowboy boots. She cracked up; this kid could keep her amused forever. "Jason…where are the rest of your clothes?" she said, walking with him into the house, holding one sticky hand in her own.

"I'm a super hero, my clothes are invidible."

"Invisible."

"That's what I said, invidible."

She chuckled under her breath.

"Alright Superman, let's get you cleaned up before you get the rest of your breakfast on Sam's shirt." Sam looked toward the voice coming from the kitchen and smiled. It was Jason's mom Sarah. She walked toward Sam and Jason with a wet washcloth in her hand, her bright eyes twinkling. Sarah was Ryland's sister and they were like male and female carbon copies. Her long blond hair fell straight to her shoulders, her green eyes framed by lashes that looked too long to be real. She was beautiful. J'Maw Maw said that she'd been something of a queen bee in high school: cheerleader, homecoming queen, dating the quarterback of the football team. It sounded cliché but Sarah had experienced high school in a way that most girls only dreamed of. Until she got pregnant.

She'd been working for Sarah for three months now and she was the closest thing she had to a friend here aside from Ryland, if that was even the right term to use for him. Sarah was twenty two years old and Sam had to admire her for the life she'd managed to carve out for herself. She had Jason at eighteen, right of high school. Mr. Quarterback had gone to college, leaving her and Jason in Willacoochee without even looking back. Sarah said she'd never received a dime of support from him and the only communication had been a letter sent two weeks after Jason was born that simply said 'I'm sorry'. Sarah said it didn't really hurt her anymore but she was sad that Jason didn't have a father in his life. Ryland and Sarah's parents had died in a car accident when Jason was only six months old, so they were really all each other had. But Ryland loved the skin off of Jason and did everything he could to be a good influence. Sam knew that as much as he looked forward to life outside of Willacoochee, leaving Jason and Sarah weighed heavy on him. But Sarah wouldn't hear of him staying. She wanted him to go out in to the world and live the life she hadn't been able to.

Sarah went to college online and worked full time as an office assistant for Dr. Parsons. She intended to be nurse one day, but going to school for such a rigorous degree was difficult when she had Jason. Sam often stayed later than she was being paid for, just to give Sarah a chance to study, or just take a break from the hectic life of a single mother. Sam observed her often, taking notes on how she handled Jason, how she managed to work and go to school. If she decided not to go back to Seattle or allow Freddie to help with the baby, Sarah's life would be her own reality very soon. It was a thought that turned her stomach into knots.

"Hey Sam," Sarah called to her cheerfully. That was what amazed Sam the most about her-in spite of how difficult things were for her she always maintained an optimistic outlook. "You ready for another day with the rug rat?"

"I'm not a rug rat mommy! I'm a super hero! Right Sam?" he turned his big brown eyes on Sam and she melted. She had already fallen in love with this kid – hopelessly and completely.

"Sure thing Jason. But you can't save the world with jelly on your face so you'd better get cleaned up." She reached out for the washcloth in Sarah's hand. "I've got this Sarah, you can go ahead, I know how you hate to be late." Sarah seemed to consider it for a moment before handing off the washcloth. She'd come to see Sam as something of a second mother to Jason, she trusted her implicitly and appreciated the help more than she could say. She was paying the girl peanuts and she felt bad about that but Sam never complained. She said that spending time with Jason was good practice and Sarah had to agree.

When she'd met Sam she'd had her doubts on how the arrangement would work out. Sam had obviously had no experience with kids and Sarah found herself calling the house a million times a day to check and see how things were going. She never said that she was less worried about Jason and more worried about the young girl watching him. Finally one day Sam had had enough and she'd told Sarah in no uncertain terms that she was crazy about Jason and she'd never let anything happen to him, but if Sarah kept calling she was going to take the phone off the hook. At first, Sarah had been a bit taken aback by Sam's abruptness but eventually came to appreciate the way Sam always shot straight from the hip. And she had to admit that Sam and Jason had really hit it off. She did an amazing job taking care of him and Sarah was sure that Sam would be a great mother. She only wished Sam didn't have to go through the situation alone.

Sarah knew first-hand how hard it was to raise a child alone with no help from the father. She'd asked J'Maw Maw what the story was with Sam and the baby's father and had been shocked to find out that it was Sam who'd walked away, not the other way around. Apparently, he hadn't taken the news of his impending fatherhood well – Sarah hated to tell Sam but there probably wasn't a seventeen year old boy alive who would take it well, especially on the first try. But instead of trying to work it out she'd fled Seattle in secret. Sam was an amazing girl but Sarah had to wonder at the wisdom of her choice. She wished that she'd had a chance to work it out with Jason's father, wished that things could be different. J'Maw Maw said that Sam's sister kept in contact with one of Sam's friends back in Seattle and from what she'd heard the father of Sam's baby was pining away for her. But Sam was resolute and refused to discuss the situation whenever Sarah brought it up.

Grabbing her back from the coatrack by the door, she bent down to kiss Jason's now jelly-free cheek.

"You mind Sam now."

"I will Mama."

"And no going outside in your underwear."

"Yes, Mama." He nodded, his tiny face solemn.

"I love you."

"To the moon."

"And back." She gave him one final kiss and headed for the door. "You have an appointment at four, right?"

Sam turned to her "Yeah, but I'll have to re-scheduled. J'Maw Maw has to go down to the police station so she can't take me."

"I'll take you."

Both women turned toward the voice coming from the back of the house. Ryland entered the room with his characteristic smile, buttoning up his shirt. 'Why does he have to be so cute' Sam wondered. It made the whole thing even more awkward.

"Alright then," Sarah said brightly, "problem solved."

Sam opened her mouth to protest and was cut off by Sarah.

"I'll see you at four. Have a good day!" and with that she hurried off the porch and to her car.

Sam sighed as she shut the door, watching Jason's cape flutter as he ran toward his bedroom crying at the top of his lungs 'up, up, and away!'.

"So who is he today?" Ryland asked. Jason had a super hero fixation – most day he dressed up as one or another of his favorites. Today was Superman. Yesterday had been Iron Man and last week he spent the whole thing as The Green Lantern. Sam had helped him fashion a ring out of a green marble and aluminum foil.

"Superman."

"Cool," Ryland said. They both stood there silently. They were both aware of how strange things had gotten between them lately. Ryland regretted having made her uncomfortable. Last week he'd taken her on a picnic and as they sat laughing at a story Sam was telling about Jason the baby had moved. Sam placed her hand on her stomach and she'd looked so beautiful sitting there that he'd lost himself for a moment and placed his hand on top of hers as it rested on her belly. She'd looked up at him in shock and without thinking, he'd leaned in to kiss her. She'd jumped up then an asked him what he was doing. He'd apologized profusely, it was the wrong time. He knew she still had unresolved issues with the baby's father back in Seattle. It was just that being around her made him feel something he never had before, and he'd reacted on instinct, an instinct he now regretted as he stood in the awkwardness of his living room looking at Sam as she appeared to want to disappear into the floor.

"Listen Sam…"

"Ryland…"

"You first," he said, although he was about 100% sure he didn't want to hear what she was about to say.

"Ryland, you're such a sweet guy. And honestly, I've had so much fun with you. It's just…this really isn't a good time. I mean…I'm pregnant! Who wants to date a pregnant chick?"

"What if I do?"

She groaned and rubbed her hand over her neck in frustration. "Ryland… we can't do this. I can't do this, and you shouldn't want to. I have…things I need to deal with."

"You mean Freddie."

She sighed, "Yeah, and other things and I just can't. I can't do this with you right now. I'd love for you to be my friend. But right now…we can't be anything else." She looked up at him and sincerely hoped he understood. Sometimes looking at him, seeing how he looked at her, how he treated her, how he went on and one about one geeky topic after the other-she felt herself pulled back to Seattle. Being around Ryland reminded her of Freddie. "You're just so much like him you know…"

"But I'm not him." He said it with finality. It was, honestly, something he'd suspected for some time. The familiarity she showed him, like she'd known him for years instead of months. The way she watched him when she thought he wasn't looking. It was like she was looking at someone else…and he knew who that someone else was. "It's okay Sam. Really it is. I'm not going to lie, I like you – a lot. But I understand your situation and I don't want to make things harder for you." He took a deep breath and walked toward her, hand outstretched. "Friends?"

Her face broke into a wide smile as she accepted his hand, pulling him into a hug. "Friends," she said, whispering into his ear, "Thank you"

"No problem," he said, pulling away, "But if you ever change your mind…"

"You'll be the first know," she laughed.

"Okay, well I better head out. Do you want me to pick you up for your doctor's appointment?"

"You really don't have to do that."

"I know I don't. But I want to. What are friends for, right?" he tried to laugh but it's hard to laugh with a breaking heart.

"I appreciate it Ryland. I have to be there at four."

"Okay, I'll be here for you and Jason at three forty-five." He bent down to grab Jason, who was streaking through the living room, cape billowing behind him, "Alright big guy, I'm leaving for work."

"Aww…can't you stay and play with me and Sam?"

"Sorry, gotta go to work."

"I hate work," Jason pouted, crossing his arms over his tiny chest.

"My kind of kid," Sam laughed, herding him into the living room. "Have a good day," she called to Ryland over her shoulder.

He watched her walk away and sighed, heading out the front door. He hoped that dude in Seattle knew what a lucky bastard he was.

Sam spent the day chasing after Jason. They'd played Superman-saves-the-Princess twice; she was flattered that in any game they played, Jason always wanted her to play the part of the princess – Army commandos save the princess, Giant mutant sea slugs save the princess and, her personal favorite, Prince Jason saves the princess. Jason was about the cutest thing she'd ever seen and she hoped her baby would be just as sweet as he was. Although with her blood running through it, the only thing she could completely count on was that the baby would for sure be as mischievous as he was.

It was that character trait that had her pulling her hair out right now. Ryland would be here in fifteen minutes and Jason was nowhere to be found. She'd checked all the closets, under the bed and in his favorite hiding spot – the kitchen pantry. No luck. So now she was in the family room on her hands and knees checking under the sofa. When he wasn't there she sat down on her knees, rubbing her belly and trying to catch her breath. She had a little over four months left in her pregnancy and as tired as she was now, it was hard to imagine how she'd make it all that way. Already her protruding stomach made it hard to do anything; much less chase after an active four year old. She heard a soft giggle and followed it to the wooden end table. Peeking from behind it were ten tiny toes. Standing up, she grinned.

"I wonder where Jason is. I bet he's not behind the coffee table." More giggles reached her ears and the toes were withdrawn behind the table. "Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to leave without him." She made a show of starting to walk out of the living room, grabbing her keys from the table beside the door and jingling them.

"No Sam, wait!" she heard Jason cry out behind her and turned to find his sweet face crumbling in tears. "Don't leave me!" she kneeled down and he threw himself into her arms.

"Oh, buddy…I was only teasing. I'd never leave you." She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

"Promise?" he asked in a small voice, mumbling into her shoulder.

She leaned back and, with her hand on her chin, raised his face so she could look into his eyes. "I promise."

"Even after you have the baby and go back to Sea Battle?"

She chuckled, "You mean Seattle."

"That's what I said, Seabattle."

She looked at him earnestly, "I promise that no matter what happens you and I will always be friends…even if I'm in Seabattle."

He wrapped his arms back around her neck and she felt more love for him than she could stand.

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too buddy."

Jason wiped his face and pulled his arms from around her neck, holding her hand as they walked to his room so he could get dressed. "Sam?"

"Yes, Jason?"

"When I grow up and I'm a big guy like Uncle Ryland will you marry me?"

She couldn't help but laugh, "Why would you want to marry an old lady like me?"

"Because you're pretty, and your hair smells good and you always play Superhero with me." She tickled him as she pulled his shirt over his head, "And because Uncle Ryland says you're gonna make somebody a damn good wife one day."

"Jason" she warned, "Watch your mouth. And tell your Uncle Ryland to quit using those words around you."

She heard Ryland's car pull up outside and hurried Jason to the door, grabbing her bag and keys on the way out.

"Hey" Ryland said, standing beside the car door, opening it up for her. "We all set?"

"Yes we are," she said, snapping Jason into his booster seat, "And on the way to the doctor we're gonna talk to Uncle Ryland about his language, right Jason?"

"Uh, oh," Ryland said, closing the door as Sam sat down, "I get the feeling I'm in trouble."

Sam laughed as he slid behind the steering wheel and started the car. The ride to the doctor was easy, filled with Jason telling stories about his afternoon with Sam. Pulling up to the doctor's office Ryland asked her if she wanted him to come with her.

"No…that's okay, but can you keep an eye on Jason?"

"No problem, I'll just keep him until Sarah gets home. I saw J'Maw Maw earlier and she said she'd be here as soon as she got done at the station."

She waved at Ryland and Jason and walked into the office. It was small, the waiting room held only four chairs, a magazine rack filled with old magazines. She walked up to the reception desk and smiled at Sarah seated behind the counter.

"Hey, little mama," Sarah said, smiling out at her as she handed her the sign in sheet on a clipboard, "You excited to find out what you're cooking in there?"

"That's if it even lets us find out today. This kid is super stubborn," she said.

"Wonder where it gets that from?" Sarah said as a nurse walked out from the door beside Sam, calling her name to see the doctor.

"Wish me luck," she said.

"Luck!" Sarah called after her.

She'd been to the doctor enough now that she knew the routine. Climb up on the table, lift the shirt, lower the pants and wait for them to squirt that nasty jelly on her stomach. The door opened and Dr. Parsons walked in. He didn't look like your typical doctor. For one, she didn't think she'd ever seen him in anything but jeans. Today his white coat covered a bright blue dress shirt and a tie she was sure one of his children had given him. There were yellow ducks covering it and it clashed so completely with his shirt that she wondered for a moment if he got dressed in the dark. But she liked him. Since her first appointment he'd proven himself to be gentle and comforting – always setting her at ease.

"So, Sam; are we ready to see what this baby's doing today?"

"Ready as I'll ever be…but I'm not holding my breath that it's gonna cooperate."

"I hear it gets that honest…sort of runs in the family, huh?"

"I see you've met my grandmother."

"And you." He laughed, pulling the monitor closer to them. He turned out the lights and ran the instrument over Sam's belly. She was instantly comforted by the soft 'whoosh, whoosh' of the baby's heartbeat. She loved that sound. It told her that all as well, that as hard as life was right now, there was a something that made it all worth it. Dr. Parsons ran the instrument over her belly at different angles, his brow furrowed. Sam was fairly certain that this appointment was going to end the way the others had. With her knowing she had a healthy baby, but still in the dark on what kind of baby it was.

She heard the sound of arguing outside and the door to the exam room opened.

"This is my grandbaby and my great grandbaby and you can't tell me not to go in there…Sarah…tell this woman something will ya?" J'Maw Maw entered the room pulling her purse over her shoulder. Her face spread into a smile as she entered the room. "So, did I miss it?"

"Nope, you're just in time," Dr. Parsons said as his face lit up. J'Maw Maw walked over and grabbed Sam's hand.

"Well, look who wants to say hello!" he rested the instrument on the side of Sam's stomach, "You see that," he said pointing to the screen. Sam sat up a little and looked intently at the monitor.

"What is it?" she asked

"Well, I think it's pretty safe to say that this, Ms. Puckett, is your son."

Her eyes immediately filled with tears as she gazed in wonder at the screen. She had never seen anything so beautiful. A son. She was going to have a son.

"Well, hot damn!" J'Maw Maw cried and as Sam turned to her she saw the older woman had tears of her own in her eyes. She leaned down to place a kiss on Sam's forehead. "Don't that about beat all?" she wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders as they both stared at the screen.

Dr. Parsons got a towel and wiped off Sam's stomach, offering a hand to help her sit up.

"So everything looks good, still on target for July. Have you thought about where you're going to have this little guy?" he asked, sitting down on the stool beside the exam table. "We have a great hospital just one county over in Tifton. Shouldn't take you longer than twenty minutes to get there. But I wasn't sure if you'd still be here or…"

"Back in Seattle?" Sam offered. It was a valid question and had she been asked a week ago, or even a day ago, she'd have felt confident to say she'd be having her baby at Tifton Memorial. But, seeing her son's tiny body today, she felt…different somehow. It wasn't just 'the baby' anymore. It was her son…Freddie's son. And she thought that she'd better put some quality time in to the decision. "I don't know yet." She said, not meeting his gaze, "I think I need to think over some things."

Dr. Parsons patted her knee. "I was hoping you would say that. My door is always open for you Sam…I hope you know that."

She thanked Dr. Parsons, fixed her clothing and prepared to leave the office with J'Maw Maw. Sarah was already gone by the time they left. It was just as well; she wasn't sure she was really ready to talk to anyone. Her heart was filled with emotion; her mind filled with questions that she didn't have answers for. Today had been a game changer.

The ride home was quiet. She felt J'Maw Maw looking at her periodically, but she never said anything. Pulling into the drive outside the house, J'Maw Maw pulled the keys from the ignition and sat quietly, neither she or Sam making a move to exit the truck.

"So…you got a lot of things to think about now."

Sam nodded her head.

"Sammy, when you first told me you wanted to come here I have to admit I was a little torn. I don't hold much stock in people running away from their problems." She held up her hand to silence Sam, who opened her mouth in protest. "Now hold on and let me finish." Sam shut her mouth and sat back in her seat. "Once you got here I think I understood things a little better. The situation you have back at home must have been a scary one, but you're one of the most fearless people I know – nothing scares you off, plus, this situation sort of came here with you. So I don't think that's why you were running away. I've been talking to your sister and she told me a little about the baby's father. How smart he is and how much he loves you. She also told me what he said to you." Sam looked at J'Maw Maw in shock; she couldn't believe Melanie would do that. As angry as she had been at Freddie, she didn't want anyone else to think badly of him. "I'm sure that what he said and what he did must have hurt you something awful. But I can't help but believe that that's not really the reason you're here either. I think you being here has less to do with him… and more to do with you." She looked over to Sam, who was now staring into her lap. "Did you know that your mama and Dr. Parsons used to be an item?" That got Sam's attention and she looked with obvious shock at the revelation. "Yep, I know. It was a shock to everyone. Dr. Parsons was like a local celebrity when he and your mama were in school. Garrison Parsons; he was smart and talented; went to college on a full scholarship. He could have had his pick of any of these little small town debutantes but he was head over heels for your mama. It was quite a big deal around here. The town golden boy fell hard for a girl from a different side of the tracks." J'Maw Maw leaned back in her seat, her eyes smiling. "You should have seen your mama back then. Lord but wasn't she a beauty! Looked just like you and your sister. And she was a lot different than then she is now-softer, and she had a smile that would light up a room.

"When she and Garrison dated his mama about had a coronary. Pam wasn't exactly what she had in mind for Garrison. But I don't think he cared a bit, he just loved her. Whenever she came in a room it was like he forgot anyone else was there. They were together for a couple years, then it came time for graduation and college and one day Garrison's mama came over and asked to have a talk with Pam. They were out on the porch for a long time and when it was all done Mrs. Parsons walked back to her car and your mama went to her room, and stayed there for days. I don't think she did much more than cry and sleep. Garrison came to this house every day trying to get her to talk to him, to see him. I felt bad for the boy.

"Three days later Pam came out of her room, walked out on that porch and told Garrison she couldn't see him anymore. I think it just about killed him. He spent a whole summer trying to change her mind. He sent flowers, he sent candy, I think he even sat outside her window singing 'Are you Lonesome Tonight?' He had it bad. But your mama was just as stubborn then as you are now and she would not budge. He finally gave up…left for school and no one heard a word from him until he showed up here ten years ago and took over the practice in town. Sam looked at her grandmother, but remained quiet. The story was so familiar that she felt sure of what was coming next.

"I asked your mama once, what Mrs. Parsons had said to her. I remember she sat beside me on that old porch swing and started out into the yard, she couldn't even look at me. 'She said I'd ruin his life and that if I really loved him I'd let him go'. That's all she ever said to me about it. Not too long after that your daddy showed up and she took off with him for the west coast. The saddest thing about it to me was always knowing that the reason she and Garrison weren't together wasn't because they didn't love each other. It wasn't because he didn't need her. It was because she allowed herself to believe she wasn't good enough to be what he needed."

"Now you may never admit it to me, but at some point you need to admit to yourself Samantha, that what you're doing – walking away from what you love-isn't because you're being noble. And it's not even because of some amazing life you think he can have without you. It's because you're scared. Plain and simple. And if you allow yourself to continue living in fear it will destroy everything that's beautiful in your life. Do you know what I mean honey?"

Sam nodded, holding back tears.

"I've watched you over these months you've been here and I can see in your eyes that the story isn't over between you and that boy. I don't want to tell you what to do; if you decided that you and the baby were gonna stay here with me till they roll me in the ground I'd be happy as a pig knee deep in mud. But I don't want you to stay because you're too afraid to go back; too afraid to stand beside the person you love and know that you are worthy to be there. I don't want you to be here, when your heart is in Seattle."

"It's hard," Sam whispered.

"Oh, honey…life always is. But after all the bitter comes the sweet." She said, running a hand over Sam's belly.

J'Maw Maw grabbed her purse and started from the truck, Sam following behind her. Once inside all she wanted to do was lay down. It had been a crazy, emotional day and she wanted to escape in sleep. Maybe then she'd know what to do.

"Oh, I almost forgot," J'Maw Maw called up the stairs after her. "Some mail came for you today. I laid it on your bed."

Sam walked into her room curious. Maybe it was from Melanie. Laying her bag on the chair she slipped her shoes off of her swollen feet and walked toward the bed, picking up the manila envelope that had her name printed in familiar handwriting.

Freddie.

She dropped the package like it was made of hot coals. Turning around she rushed down the stairs and dialed her sister's number.

"Hey Sam!" Melanie's usually chipper voice rang in her ear. "How are you? Did you find out what you're having yet?"

"Don't 'hey Sam' me, Melanie! You told!"

Melanie got quiet on the other end. She knew exactly what Sam was talking about. Carly told her about the videos and she'd been waiting since yesterday for this call, sure that Sam was going to think she was the reason behind the package – the weak link in Sam's wall of silence.

"Told what?" she whispered.

"Don't play dumb Mel! You told Freddie where I was!"

"No! I didn't Sam, I swear!"

"Then how did he know?"

"I can't tell you that."

"If I wasn't pregnant and thousands of miles away from you I'd wring your neck right now! But I'm gonna drop this kid soon enough, so if you don't want me coming for you then you'd better start talking. Now!"

"Sam, just listen. I can't tell you anything, but everything you need to know is on the video." She got quiet as she heard Sam sigh. "Just watch it Sam. Just give him a chance."

Sam shook her head. This was a conspiracy for sure but deep inside, she'd known from the moment she saw her name in his meticulously neat print that she was going to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

"Alright…I'll listen."

Melanie squealed on the other end. "Call me as soon as you get done, okay?" she said and a dial tone cut off any response Sam might have made.

She trudged back up the stairs and shut the door, pulling the new laptop J'Maw Maw had gotten her up with her on the bed.  _Well_ , she said, pulling a DVD case from the envelope,  _here goes nothing_.

 


	10. He Said...She Said

The monitor flickered as her media player came up. Her heart was thudding in her chest and suddenly the baby was determined to play a rousing game of soccer in her stomach. She guessed they were both nervous.

She gasped; her breath caught in her throat as his image filled the screen. On reflex she hit the stop button and stared at his face, unmoving on the screen. She wasn't prepared for how this would feel. She hadn't seen his face in over three months, at least not outside of her dreams. Seeing it now, as close to in person as she was sure to get for a while caused a flood of feelings to rush in at her. She leaned in at the screen and her hand went to her stomach as the baby gave a hard kick. It was like he knew who that was up on the screen.

"Yep, little one, that's your daddy."

He was wearing her favorite shirt and his hair was doing that spikey thing she liked. He looked so handsome, but what broke her heart was how sad he looked. She reached out and clicked the mouse on the play button, steeling herself for whatever he might say.

" _Hey Sam_." He looked suddenly nervous, and confused. _"I had a whole list of things I was going to say to you. They were pretty good too…I think. But now I can't remember any of it. So I'm just going to tell you what's in my heart. You're probably wondering how I found you. Let's just say you aren't the only one who can use illegal means to get what they want. Like you always say…I know a guy."_ She laughed out loud. Freddie had done something illegal – she was sort of proud.  _"It's been hard since you left. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I know that you left for a reason and as much as I want to hop on the next plane out of Seattle, come get you and bring you back here… I know it's not time yet. You can't imagine how much it hurts to say that….or maybe you can. I want you here with me…all the time. I dream about you and then when I wake up and you're not here it feels like something breaks inside. I think about you all the time…and the baby. I wonder how you are and if you're safe. I wonder how the baby is and what you look like now. I bet you're beautiful. You've always been beautiful to me._ He looked down at his hands before continuing. _"I'm rambling now…you hate it when I ramble. I just…I'm so sorry Sam. I don't think I can find words to tell you how sorry I am…for everything. I'm sorry that when you needed me to be calm, I freaked out. I'm sorry that when I should have been there for you, I walked away. I'm sorry that I allowed you to think I didn't care, that I didn't want to be with you, that I didn't want this baby…our baby. I'm sorry that I was such an immature, selfish ass who left you to deal with something so big all alone. And most of all I'm sorry that the only way you thought you could fix all of this was to leave._

" _There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel regret for just letting us walk away from what he had that night in the elevator. For not fighting for us, for not telling you that I didn't want to let you go. And for thinking our problems weren't something we could fix together."_

" _I promised you once that would never hurt you, and… I didn't keep that promise Sam. I would totally understand if you never forgave me for that. But…I'm hoping you will. I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to show you that I've changed, because I really have. I understand things now that I didn't when you left. I understand that having you in my life isn't something I'm entitled to. Loving you is my privilege Sam."_ She felt warm tears streaking down her face.

" _I know I gave you a lot of reasons to leave. I'm hoping I can give you a reason to come back. Because I love you, Samantha Puckett. I love you more than I ever thought possible. And all I want is for you to let me show you how much. I can't promise you perfection…I'm learning that there's no such thing. But I can promise you that if you let me, I will spend every second of every day for the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to make you happy."_

" _I guess that's all for now. But this isn't the end Sam…you'll have to do more than run off across the country to get rid of me," he laughed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, loving you and whenever you're ready, just say the word and I'll come running."_ He lowered his voice to a whisper, fighting back tears and said the words they'd only ever said to each other. _"Until forever ends."_

The screen went black and Sam set her laptop on the floor, curling up in a ball on her bed, her whole body racked with sobs. She had no idea how bittersweet this would be. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed him. How hard it would be to hear his voice. She ached to touch his face, to wipe away the tears that had run from his eyes. To take away the hurt she was causing him.

Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn't she find a way to make her head agree to what her heart wanted? Why couldn't she tell him how she felt?

She sat up, wiping the tears from her face. On her desk was a deep purple, leather bound book that J'Maw Maw had given her when she'd arrived. She'd told her that sometimes it was hard to say what you needed to say out loud, but you needed to find a way to say it just the same. She'd given her the journal then, told her that it might make it easier to say what she needed to. She hadn't touched it since then, too afraid to write what she felt. Writing it made it real and she hadn't been ready to deal with it – until now.

She stood from the bed and walked softly over to her desk, running her hand over the soft leather, picking it up and taking it with her back to the bed. She wasn't sure what she was doing. She only knew that she'd come to a point where there were too many words she hadn't said, and she needed to get them out, even if he never heard them.

**Dear Freddie,**

**I got your video today. I almost ripped Melanie's head off for telling you were I was – even though I know now that she didn't. I should probably call her and apologize. It's weird, because even though I yelled at her I think maybe part of me was glad; glad that you found out. Happy that you tried to find me. I wasn't expecting that. In my family mothers stay and make you miserable, and fathers leave. I gave you the chance to walk away and it doesn't look like you're doing that. I'm not completely sure how I feel about that.**

**It really hurt you know, what you said to me the last time we saw each other. You've always been so responsible and …just…good, and I guess I never really expected to see such a different side of you. But since I've been here I've done a lot of thinking and I guess it wasn't really fair for me to expect you to handle it well. I didn't handle it so well myself when I found out. I'm sorry for that. For expecting more of you than I should have.**

**I'm sorry for a lot of things these days. It sounds like you are too. Quite a sorry pair we make right now. I make fun of you for all the dorky sci-fi stuff you watch but right now I sort of wish I had one of those time machines. I wish I could go back and do things differently. Make different choices, different decisions. But there are two things I wouldn't change. I wouldn't change being with you. Not one second of it. And I wouldn't change having this baby.**

**Today was actually a really big day. I wish you could have been here. The doctor says we're having a son. A little boy, can you believe it? I think I'm still in shock. Before I found out what I was having it was like the baby was this…idea. Real but not real. Now it's more real than anything I've ever felt. Now when he kicks I can say 'that's my son kicking', our son kicking. We're going to be parents soon. I can't believe it. And you're not here. That's the hardest part.**

**Every time I feel him move. Every time I hear his heartbeat I think of you and wonder if I made a mistake. You're such an amazing person. A better person than me ten times over and I can't help but wonder if not having you here with him…with us, is the right thing to do.**

**I love you Freddie. I wish I could tell you that. I wish I could tell you how amazing I think you are and how much I miss everything about you. Right now I guess all I can do is hope, hope that somehow we can fix the mess we've made. And I'll have to be happy knowing that even if I don't have you, I have this baby…our son, and he's the very best part of you.**

**Until Forever Ends,**

**Sam**

She looked down at what she'd written. Some of the words had run together as her tears wet the paper. She breathed deeply and felt better, lighter somehow. He might never know what she'd written, or maybe he would… one day.

She placed the journal on her night stand, turned out the light and for the first time in three months, fell into completely dreamless sleep.

* * *

**February 21, 2012 - Willacoochie**

Sam ran into the house, checking the table for the mail. After her video message from Freddie she'd called Melanie, apologizing for yelling at her when, she'd discovered, that it wasn't Melanie's involvement that had assisted Freddie in finding her. She hadn't given Melanie all the details but she'd told her enough for Melanie to know that a small crack had developed in Sam's resolve. Melanie had rushed off the phone and called Carly, both of them rejoicing at this development. Melanie hadn't wanted to give away the details of Freddie's plan, simple as it was, but she'd dropped the hint that maybe Sam should be checking the mail a bit more regularly.

And so every day since then Sam had rushed into the house, hoping to see the familiar manila envelope. And every day she'd been disappointed. She'd continued to write in her journal, even beginning to look forward to it every day. She found herself capturing moments from her day, thinking of how she was going to tell Freddie about them. That's really what the journal had become, a way to talk to Freddie even if she was still to confused to do it in person.

J'Maw Maw had observed it all with quiet pleasure. She was glad to see that the boy had finally got off his do nothing and done something. She'd never met him but from what she'd been told he was a pretty good egg. A damn sight better than Sam's father had been. She'd yet to meet him in person, but she had a feeling that she would in good time. This boy was not going to give up easy.

"I already put the mail on your bed" she said to Sam who was trying to look casual as she sifted through the mail on the table.

"Thanks J'Maw Maw," Sam called over her shoulder, rushing up the stair as fast as her rapidly growing midsection would allow.

Stepping into her room she threw down her bag, ripped open the manila package sitting on the bed and pulled up her laptop.

Once again she held her breath as his face filled her screen. He looked a little happier today. His face held a smile as he adjusted the webcam and she couldn't help but smile back at him. She rested a hand on her stomach as his voice filled the room.

" _Hi, Sam. It's me again."_ Freddie decided not to try to write a script for his messages, the way he had with his first. He hadn't been able to get through without crying, and in any case, he discarded it once he was recording, in order to speak from the heart. He also wasn't too sure what to say. He still felt everything he said in the first message, and he had no response from Sam to speak to.

" _I hope you are getting these messages. If I got that address wrong, I suppose someone in Georgia is listening to further evidence that Seattle is full of weirdos."_ He laughed and Sam found herself laughing too _. Everything is … well, the same here. School, spending time with Carly, my mom. Well, one thing isn't the same. We stopped doing_ iCarly _. We did it without you once, and it just wasn't right. It's not_ iCarly _without you. And so we haven't done one since you left. Maybe you already knew. I go through the logs of people looking at the site, and when I see someone access from Georgia, I wonder if it's you…"_

" _I hope you're okay. Carly talks to Melanie sometimes so I heard the baby is well, and so are you. Did you know that they talk? Not all the time or anything. Carly just checks in to see how you are. I think she called Melanie right after you left. But she didn't tell me. That was just as well. It just would have made me do something stupid. But she wanted to know you and the baby were safe, and Melanie promised her you were. And Mel never told her where you are, so don't be mad at her. Or if she did tell Carly, then Carly never said a thing to me. Like I said, I found your address myself. I did tell Carly I was sending you this message, but I didn't give her your address. It's funny … I never liked keeping secrets from Carly, any more than she liked having things kept from her, but every secret I didn't tell her has seemed to have something to do with you. I never told her how I felt about you, or that we started to go out. Or what happened the night we broke up. You know, I was never afraid to tell her I was with you. I was proud as hell. Being with you is one of the things in my life I was most proud of. But … being alone with you was special. So special it was just for the two of us. So I never told Carly much about us. And I didn't tell her I was looking for you nonstop for two months. Now that I know she'd been talking to Melanie…I don't know…I guess we were both looking for you in our own way._

" _I still miss you. Every second of the day. I hate going to sleep, because I just dream about you, and it makes me feel so helpless, because I wake up, you're not here, and I realize that I can't bring you back. I never realized how many little things I do every day remind me of you. I can't go to school and not see where you sat in class, or stare at your locker until I accept that you're not going to show up. I haven't been in the Groovy Smoothie. I can't stand being there now. I yelled at Spencer last week for what I thought was no reason. Then I realized it was because I smelled the bacon he was frying._

" _I know those are all little things, but your spot in my life is a whole collection of little things. Tiny memories, tiny events that I don't think meant a thing in themselves. I only remembered them because you were there. Right from the first day we met … and you introduced yourself with that shovel … you've been an important part of my life. Every single day. Everything that's been worth remembering … you were there. Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you saw them. It's about all the times you're doing something and just can't enjoy it because that person isn't there to share it with you. That's been every moment of every day since you left. I can't find the words to say how empty I feel without you here. Both of you. Please come home, Sam. Tell me to come for you. I want us to be a family."_

She reached over for her journal.

**Dear Freddie,**

**I'm working now. You'd probably be shocked to hear that. I have a real job where I have to get up early and work all day. But the real surprise is that I love it. I babysit for a little boy named Jason. He's four and is just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I take care of him all alone all day. I didn't think I'd be able to at first but now, it's like a piece of cake. Well not exactly a piece of cake. I mean, it's hard, knowing that someone else is so dependent on you, but I figure that's a feeling I should get used to. His mother, Sarah, and I have become pretty good friends. She thinks I'm going to be a good mom once the baby gets here. In the beginning I wasn't so sure but now, sometimes, I think she may be right. Taking care of Jason makes me feel whole. It's like finding out that this is the one thing I've been missing my entire life.**

**Sarah is a single mom. She got pregnant at seventeen like me. The guy was a real douche. He took off and left her and Jason. She does everything by herself; she works, goes to school, and takes care of Jason. She has a brother named Ryland who helps her out a lot but for the most part, she's on her own. When she told me her story, I felt really bad. Not just because it had happened to her, but because I had the nerve to be sitting there feeling sorry for myself when I don't have it half as hard as her. She got pregnant by some idiot who just wanted to cop a feel after prom and then hit the road. When she asked me about you, I was ashamed to tell her that I was the one who left. I was the one who walked away from caring, responsible guy and took away his chance to be a dad.**

**You can't imagine how bad I feel about that. But now I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I can face you and Carly and even Spencer after all of this. And if I'm being completely honest I'm scared. I mean, my mom and dad loved each other once. My grandmother says they were absolutely crazy about each other. So what happened? What makes people who love each other start to hate each other? What if that happened to us?**

**As hard as it is to be away from you now, I know it would be harder if you ever walked away later. God, this is harder than I ever thought it would be.**

**UFE,**

**Sam**

* * *

**March 5, 2012 - Willacoochee, Georgia**

The weeks that followed continued in much the same way. Sam spent her days with Jason, growing to love the little more each day. She and Ryland seemed to have come to a comfortable agreement. She appreciated having him as her friend and it appeared that he had come to terms with his feelings for her, never again pressing her to be more. Her appointments with Doctor Parsons were going well. The baby was growing and healthy, every new appointment found her more and more amazed at the life growing in her.

Her afternoons were the best times. She spent time leafing through the stack of baby books Sarah had lent her. Her favorite was 'Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth about Pregnancy'. That Jenny McCarthy was hilarious, and while she was laughing she found she was learning a lot. The other book with pages dog-eared beside her bed was 'The Complete Book of Baby Names'. That one was actually even funnier than 'Belly Laughs' sometimes. She was amazed at the jank names people picked for their kids.

**Dear Freddie,**

**Mutton… there is actually some wahoo out there who named their baby Mutton. I mean, I like meat and all, but you have to draw the line somewhere, right? Of course, I'm saying this to a boy whose mother named him Fredward. Do you ever wonder why she did that? This baby will not be a junior, I can say that for sure.**

**I'm tired today, so I don't have a lot to write.**

**I miss you. Every day. I'm an idiot…but I think you already know that.**

**Until Forever Ends,**

**Sam**

The next two videos from Freddie came on the same day. So she'd watched the first on immediately, saving the second one for the next morning.

" _Hi, Sam. I guess it's been, what, a week since the last time we talked? Well, since I talked, at any rate. How is the baby? I think about our baby all the time. It's almost six months now. In just a couple of months we're going to have a son or daughter. Do you think about names for the baby? I do, but I can't say there's any name that I really like. I don't think I want to name the baby after anyone, at least not in my family. Not that we have a great track record."_ Freddie began to laugh. _"My name is Fredward, for crying out loud! That's neither one thing nor the other! It's like my mom was filling out the forms after I was born, and changed her mind halfway through and was too lazy to go back and erase. I shouldn't have said that. It sounds like something you would do."_ Freddie smiled.

" _I've never told you that I like your name. Not Sam. Samantha. It's a beautiful feminine name. There's nothing girly about it. It's a name for a beautiful woman. And it fits you. One day I'm going to call you by it. And you might even let me._

" _Who do you think the baby will look like? I hope he looks like you … for his own sake. I'm nothing special to look at, and I need to kill myself in the gym every week just to stay at that point. You turn heads even if you don't do so much as comb your hair. And I hope he gets your metabolism. Do I need to go out and invest in a pig farm so I can keep two ham and bacon addicts satisfied?_

" _Good grief, two of you with Puckett blood! I'll be outnumbered. And loving every minute of it. What if she's like you but a tech nerd like me? She'll be an evil genius who will stop at nothing to get her way. But she'll always get her way, like you do, because I'll spoil the both of you rotten. And if I inherit any parental instinct from my mother, she'll be the most disinfected child on the continent._

Freddie stopped and let out a breath. He picked up a little stuffed bear that he brought out of his closet the morning after learning Sam was pregnant. It was the bear his mother put in his crib. He held it up to the camera. _"Sam, this is Charlie. I had him when I was a baby. I don't think I looked at him for ten years, but the night after I learned you were having our child, I found him here in my room. I went to your house the next day, and I had him with me, because I wanted our baby to have something from Dad close by. But you were gone already. He'll be waiting here. Just like I am._

" _Are you feeling well? Are you in any pain? Do you … still get sick in the morning? Can you feel our child inside you? I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child inside you, growing. I guess no man can. But I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to hold my son or daughter in my arms. I'd really like to have that chance. I miss you, Sam. Please come home."_

**Dear Freddie,**

**It's late and Jason had me running around all day. I'm exhausted, but your son won't let me sleep. Apparently he thinks jumping on my bladder at midnight is a fun time. He's wrong.**

**You said you miss me. I wonder if it could possibly be as much as a I miss you.**

**UFE,**

**Sam**

**P.S. – Charlie's cute.**

" _Hi Sam, me again. Although I guess no one else has sending you videos like this. It would be weird… I'm still here, still carrying on. More or less. I've actually been busy, and I have something to tell you about."_ He held up two pieces of paper.  _"I got some letters this week, letters that once upon a time would have been good news to me._

Dear Mr. Benson:

On behalf of the Committee on Admissions of the National Institute of Technology, I am delighted to admit you to the Class of 2016. In recognition of your stellar academic record, and in particular for your innovative extracurricular work with communication and information processing technology, it is my privilege to inform you that the Committee has directed the Financial Aid Office to grant you a four-year full tuition scholarship. We also look forward to welcoming you into our Young Scholars Program, a special arrangements that we offer to the fifteen most outstanding entering first year students…

" _So, I got into N.I.T. Mom was excited. She called relatives I didn't even know we had. She ran out and bought stacks of books on Washington, D.C., mostly to find out which areas of town are the cleanest. Spencer went nuts too—who would have expected that? And it's a dream come true. But Sam, I just don't think it's my dream anymore. I know it's an_ _amazing place, and I'd be surrounded by all these amazing people. The letter came in a big package, with booklets telling me how great my future is going to be, how being there would change my life._

" _But Sam, and all I could think of is that this future can't possibly be great ... it couldn't possibly be what's best for me if you're not there. I don't want to chase a dream without you in it. I don't want to see a future where you aren't there. I love you and it doesn't matter if you believe it or if you accept it. I love you and I love our baby...already. This baby, it's a symbol of everything that's right with us. It's the best parts of who we are. I don't care if we didn't plan it and I don't care how hard it's going to be. I want to have a family with you.. And I know it's going to be hard ... dirty diapers and bills and jobs and school but that's just it, Sam. I don't care! I don't care how hard it gets, because the last five months have shown me that the worst day in the world with you is better than my best day without you. I'm not asking you to forget what's happened. All I'm asking is that you let me love you...both of you. Forever."_

He held up the second sheet of paper _. "Sam, this letter came from the College of Computer Science and Engineering at the University of Washington. The names and titles are different, but they've offered me the same thing. The College has a fantastic reputation. Students come from all over the world for this program. And it's right here in Seattle, right at home. Right where there are a whole lot of people who love you and who want you right here with them. Starting with me._

Freddie then held up a third piece of paper, one Sam didn't realize he had. It was the image of her very first ultrasound, back in Seattle. _"Sam, those letters don't hold my dream on them. This one does. The dream I want to pursue is a life at your side with our child. Raising this child with you will be ten thousand times better than anything I might accomplish at N.I.T. I love you. Please come home."_

So it had happened. Freddie had gotten into N.I.T., his biggest dream. N.I.T was in Washington D.C. Nowhere near Seattle or Georgia. From what he said, they'd told him all the things she'd said herself. That was smart and that they wanted him there; that being there would change his life. So here she was, confronted with her greatest nightmare and a decision she didn't quite feel prepared to make. J'Maw Maw had been right. She did want the best for Freddie, but she hadn't left because she wanted the best for him. She'd left because she was afraid that she wasn't the best for him. She came from white trash, she wasn't going to set the academic world on fire, and there were at least a dozen other reasons why he'd have been so much better off without her.

But she was now able to also see that regardless of how she might feel about herself, Freddie loved her. Enough to give up N.I.T to be with her. Six months ago it was unthinkable, but now, sitting her, feeling the regular kicking of her son she wasn't so sure.  _What if?_  she thought.  _What if we tried to make it work? What if we built a family together? What if I just let him love me?_

She stood and began to pace the length of her room. The early morning sun peeked into her room. She was off today. Dr. Parsons was at a medical convention so Sarah didn't have to work. So there was nothing to distract her, nothing to occupy her time or help her avoid thinking about her current problem.

Pulling out her journal she began to write, hoping the answer would appear to her.

**Dear Freddie,**

**N.I.T. Wow, that's a really big deal. I bet your mom freaked. For once I don't blame Crazy for being, well, crazy. It's amazing Freddie. I'm so proud of you. And UW too. You're just kicking college butt and taking names, aren't you? Not that I'm shocked. I've always expected great things from you. But it makes things hard. I've been watching these videos your sending and thinking and wishing and wondering. And no matter where my thoughts start, they always end back at you. Always.**

**I'm so confused right now Freddie. I love you and I love the baby and I'm trying to learn to love myself but it's just so damn hard. I want to do what's right, for all of us. I just wish I knew what that was.**

**Until Forever Ends,**

**Sam.**

* * *

**March 12, 2012 – Seattle**

Freddie was tired. He has sincerely hoped that the idea of communicating with Sam would give him new energy, and that he would always be inspired to say new and encouraging things to her. But it had been a whole month, and this was his fifth message to Sam. She had never responded, even though she had numerous ways to do so. And Melanie never said anything to Carly that pointed at these videos being viewed in Georgia. He was increasingly confident that he was sending these videos to the correct address. If Sam was not answering, he could only draw one conclusion.

He didn't try to fix up his hair this time, or wear anything special. His appearance and his clothing reflected his mood of resignation. He clicked the button in Cutting Room Flow to start the recording.

* * *

**March 16, 2012 - Willacoochie**

Today had been a bad day; a really bad day.

She woke up late and found a note from J'Maw Maw saying she'd had to run an errand and to call Ryland for a ride. By the time she got to Sarah's it was thirty minutes after when Sarah was supposed to be at work. She'd spent the day with a very cranky four year old who's only word seemed to be 'no'. Then in the afternoon she'd been so tired she'd fallen asleep while Jason was napping and awoke to find him sitting in the middle of the kitchen covered in flour. He said he was trying to make cookies. It took her over an hour to clean up the mess and by then she was so cranky she'd spent the ride home glaring out the window as Ryland tried to make small talk.

Ryland pulled up to the house and Sam was out of the car almost before it stopped. She heard him calling out a good-bye and she threw a half-hearted wave over her shoulder. She trudged up the front steps, cursing as she stumbled on a step, catching herself with the bannister.

Three more months. Three more months of a giant belly and swollen ankles, embarrassing gas and heartburn that felt like fire-breathing dragons had taken up permanent residence in her chest. She really didn't think she was going to make it. A loud belch escaped her as she entered the house and she glared at J'Maw Maw who was standing just inside the door chuckling under her breath. She loved her grandmother but she was not in the mood to be made fun of today.

"Glad you think my pain is funny!"

"Aww… what's the matter? Bad day?"

Sam simply nodded, heading slowly up the stairs. At least the baby was cooperating, he'd been calm all day, a fact she was grateful for.

"Well, I think there might be something on your bed that'll cheer you up." J'Maw Maw called after her before walking into the kitchen. "Dinner in thirty minutes."

Sam paused briefly before picking up the pace and walking into her room. Just as she'd hoped, there on her bed lay the tell-tale manila envelope that let her know Freddie's latest message was here. She had come to look forward to them, and to the clarity they were helping her to achieve. She opened the package and lay back on the bed, perching the laptop on her stomach.

" _Hi, Sam, if you're still watching me. I've sent you a few of these messages now, and I think you know I feel. How I feel about you, about us, and our child. I'm sorry that I behaved in a way that made you feel unwanted and unsafe, and that you felt that you had to leave. You've known me for more than ten years, Sam. You know the kind of person that I am, and how important the people I love are to me. I hoped you'd realize that the person you saw the last time we were together wasn't the real me, and that you'll never see that person again._

" _You know how I feel, and I don't know what else I can say. I don't think I can go on speaking into a camera like this, never knowing what you're thinking, or if you even watch. I'm sorry. This will be the last message. You haven't said anything back, and it eventually gets to a place where I have to take that as an answer in itself._

" _I'm truly sorry, Sam. I always held out the hope in my heart that we would get through this and find our way back to each other. I never let myself think about what living the rest of my life without ever seeing you or our child again would be like."_ Tears started to crawl down Freddie's face, but he did not stop recording. _"But I realize now I have to deal with this, starting with the fact that I only have myself to blame. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Sam Puckett. I hoped we'd have more time together. Even a lifetime. But I only wanted it if you wanted to be here too._

" _Sam, please know above all that I want you and our child to be happy, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, and whoever you are with. The last thing I ask of you is to please let our son or daughter know that they have a father who loves them, and who wanted to be with them. Please tell them about me, and about their family in Seattle. And when the time comes, please show them how to contact me. And I promise to help every way that I can to provide for them._

" _I'll never forget you, my first friend, and the first woman I loved. Thank you for everything. I love you both and always will. Until forever ends."_

Her bad day had just gotten worse. She sat staring at the monitor long after it had gone dark.

_This will be the last message._

Her breathing was fast and shallow. Her head was swimming and she'd gone numb.

_This will be the last message. The last message._

He was done. He'd given up. And it was all her fault.

All these months she'd felt like she had all the time in the world. And then when the videos started coming she'd been even more confident that she could take her time and make the right decision, because he'd be there. She'd written page after page of her thoughts and feelings. She'd poured her heart out but now had to admit that Freddie had been the courageous one, putting himself out there without knowing how she'd respond. Even after she'd walked away he'd found a way to her, found a way to let her know he loved her still. And she'd been a coward, hiding here, behind lame excuses and ridiculous insecurities. She'd left her words on a page instead of in the hands and heart of the man she loved more than life.

She'd had over three months to make a decision. Three months to come to terms with seventeen years of fears, doubts and insecurities. Sitting her now, she realized that healing might quite possibly be a life-long endeavor. The scars went that deep. But there was something else she'd learned, something far more important.

She loved Freddie. Loved him with every fiber of her being. And she wanted to have a life with him and their son. She didn't know how it could work or even if it would work. But hearing him say that this was the end made her entirely sure of one thing…she wasn't ready to let him go.

She grabbed her journal, closed the lid to her laptop and headed down the stairs. Rushing down to the kitchen she paused to lean on the door frame, catching her breath.

"Good Lord Sammy! What's wrong?" J'Maw Maw rushed over to her, concern washing over her face.

"J'Maw Maw," she said in a rush, "You were right. About everything. I was scared… and I made some really stupid decisions but I'm ready to fix it. I have to fix it. Will you help me?"

A soft smile spread over her grandmother's face. "Of course I will. You just tell me what we need to do."

"I need a ride. To the post office."

"You planning on mailing yourself back to Seattle?"

"No…"

"Are you sure this is how you wanna…"

"J'Maw Maw please…just trust me." Her eyes pleaded with the older woman.

"Well alright then," J'Maw Maw reached for her purse and keys. "I hope you know what you're doing." She headed out the door.

"I hope so too," Sam said, following her out and shutting the door.

An hour later she was back in her room, the receipt for her overnight shipment to Seattle still warm in her hand. By 8:30 tomorrow morning things were going to change…she hoped for the better.

* * *

**March 17, 2012 – Seattle 8:15 am**

Freddie woke to the sound of knocking on his door-persistent knocking. He hadn't slept well. Since he'd sent the last video to Sam and been met with silence, he'd slipped back into the darkness he'd existed in before discovering Sam was in Georgia. At least when he hadn't known where she was, there was the hope that if he found her he could change things. Now there wasn't any hope. He'd tried, thrown his heart out there and been met with silent rejection.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes he walked through his apartment to the front door. His mom had worked the late shift at the hospital and was due home any moment. He thought for a moment that it was her at the door, having forgotten her keys. But he immediately dismissed that idea…his mother never forgot anything, except perhaps the fact that he was almost a grown man.

The banging began again, in earnest this time.

"Hang on!" he screamed at whoever was on the other side as he began undoing the door locks, "I'm coming!"

Opening the door he was shocked to find the building doorman, Lewbert, standing with his back to Freddie in the hallway. He was smoothing he hair down with a wet hand. Freddie was afraid to ask what the wetness was. Lewbert turned and glared at Freddie with open hostility.

"Where's Marissa!" he screamed.

"She's at work! Why do you want to know?"

"You've got a package!"

"Well then just give it to me!" Freddie said, reaching for the USPS Overnight Express package Lewbert was holding. Lewbert pulled it out of Freddie's reach, peering around him into the apartment.

"Are you sure Marissa isn't here?"

"Yes Lewbert! I'm sure my mother isn't here. And if she was, I'm equally sure she wouldn't want to see you!" Lewbert glared at him, holding the envelope behind his back. "Hey, I think that's her getting off the elevator." Freddie lied, pointing down the hall. As soon as Lewbert turned to look he yanked the envelope from his hand, backed into his apartment, and slammed the door.

"Argh! You lied!" he heard Lewbert yelling from the other side of the door and chuckled to himself as he walked back toward his bedroom. He sat at his desk, turned the package over and his heart stopped when he saw the post mark.

Willacoochee, Georgia.

His hands were shaking so hard he couldn't open the envelope. This was the moment he'd been waiting for three long months. He was certain that in this envelope was his whole future—the acceptance letters from the colleges were nothing next to this. The answer to whether he'd ever have the privilege to hold the small warm form of his child against him. Whether he'd have a chance to build a life with Sam and the baby. Nothing he'd ever received had been as important and he was frozen with blind fear. What if she said no? What if this package was simply to say goodbye? What he never got to see her again, hold her again, see the face of his baby and dream of the life he could give him or her?

He picked up his phone and dialed.

"Carly…I need you to come over here… NOW Carly, Right NOW!" He hadn't meant to scream. His nerves were getting the better of him. If he'd thought about it he might not have called Carly. After all this could very well be the saddest, most humiliating moment of his life and he wasn't sure if having a witness to it was a good thing. But he was willing to risk embarrassment; he just couldn't face it alone.

He paced in front of his front door, holding the envelope as he waited for Carly. He didn't have to wait long. He heard Carly approaching and opened the door before she had a chance to knock. She looked terrified as she rushed in.

"Freddie! Oh my God, are you okay? What's wrong? What happened?" Her words were rushed and she walked around him, looking for injuries.

He still wasn't able to talk and instead handed her the envelope. She looked from it to him and back again.

"It's from Sam?"

He nodded.

Carly grabbed his hand and pulled him to the loveseat. Once they were seated she placed the envelope gently on her lap and turned to him.

"Are you ready to open it?"

He shook his head. As much as he wanted to know what was inside, needed to know; he just couldn't bring himself to open it. Carly reached over and patted his knee.

"Do you want me to open it?" she asked and began to gingerly open the envelope when he nodded. She pulled from inside a small, leather-bound purple book. Opening it to the first page he cringed as he heard her draw in a sharp breath.

"What is it?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

Carly flipped through the pages. "They're letters. From Sam." She turned to look at him. "To you." She waited for him to tell her what to do. She saw the fear in his eyes and knew what he must be thinking. Honestly, she was afraid too. After a month with no response she was more than nervous to see Sam's reaction to Freddie's messages to her. Taking a deep breath she began, her shaking voice barely a whisper.

_Dear Freddie._

After an hour or so she reached the back page. It was dated March fifth. Before his last video to her had arrived.

"Is that it?" he asked. Carly looked over to him and felt a rush of affection for the friend who was like a brother to her. He looked so tired, she could only imagine what this entire ordeal had been like for him. And even with these letters there was still no real answer. They knew now why she'd left. Knew how she was feeling but she still hadn't given him an answer to the real question; was she coming home? Moving to close the book the last page fell over and a smile broke out on her face.

"No." she said, "There's one more note." She picked up the pink post it note stuck to the page and handed it to him. "I think you should read this one."

"Carly…"

"Just read it!" she demanded, forcing the note into his hands.

Freddie peered down reluctantly at the note in his hand. It was dated March 16th and the ten words it contained pulled him from the depths of despair to the pinnacle of joy.

_I'm ready._

_We're waiting for you._

_Until forever ends._


	11. One and Only

**March 17, 2012 – Seattle**

"Freddie Bear! I'm home!"

He heard his mother approaching and began to mentally prepare himself. He and Carly had just spent the last two hours talking and planning. At this point the biggest decision to be made required no thought on his part; he was going to Willacoochee. The question wasn't what to do but when. After reading Sam's final letter to him, every second he wasn't on a plane headed to Georgia felt wasted. He was ready, and now he knew that Sam was too.

There was only one problem. He was supposed to be on a plane headed for Washington D.C. in the morning. N.I.T. had offered him a spot in their Young Scholars summer program. It required him to meet with the director of the program in Washington D.C. He'd gotten the letter along with his N.I.T. acceptance and just three days ago, with no word from Sam, he'd accepted. The meeting was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. His mother had been packing for two days now; he'd never seen her so excited or proud. He'd never really gotten excited about it. Any life path that didn't include Sam or his son wasn't one he was particularly interested in. But when he'd had no word from Sam, he'd had no reason to give his mother for turning it down, so he agreed to go. Now he'd have to tell her that plans had changed. He'd still be on a plane tomorrow, heading toward his future, but that future now lay in Willacoochee, Georgia.

He stood over his suitcase, the same one he'd packed for his trip to N.I.T.; he'd had to make some changes to the contents. He'd gotten rid of all the dress shirts and ties, traded his dress shoes for Chucks and gotten rid of the portfolio he had planned to show to the Dean of Electrical Engineering and Computer reached down beside his suitcase and picked up a small blue gift wrapped box. Inside was his old stuffed bear Charlie. He wanted to bring something for the baby, and Charlie seemed like just the right thing. He placed the box gently in the corner of his suitcase on top of the small framed picture he normally kept under his pillow. It was a picture of him and Sam. They were dressed up, getting ready to go out to dinner when Carly had snapped the picture. Sam looked gorgeous, her blond hair down and loose, a fitted black dress hugging every curve. She had on arm wrapped around his neck and was making a goofy face at the camera. He was staring at her with a smile on his face. He remembered that he'd been thinking how lucky he was to be standing there with a woman that beautiful who wanted to be with him. He smiled at that thought.

As crazy as this whole situation was, he couldn't concentrate on the difficulties right now. He was much too absorbed in his thoughts of Sam and the baby. In less than 24 hours he'd be with them, holding them, loving them. He'd be able to plan a future that revolved around the two most important people in his world. He knew that it wasn't going to be easy, but in his gut he knew that as long as he had Sam and his son, everything else was just details.

"Freddie, honey? Didn't you hear me calling you?"

He turned to see his mother standing in the doorway. She was still dressed in her scrubs from the hospital but in her hand she held the clipboard. It was the same one she used anytime there was something to plan and in Marissa Benson's world there was always something to plan. Running her eyes over it quickly she looked back up at him.

"Are you all packed? Do you have your ticket? Did you pack your personal first aid kit? And your vitamins? And the anti-bacterial wipes for your carry-on?" She barely gave him a chance to reply as she ran down her list, rattling off instructions. When she finally came up for a breath he looked at her intently.

"Mom…I need to talk to you about something."

She didn't look up from her list "Freddie, honey, does it have to be right now? I have a million things to do and we've got to be up early for the flight. Tomorrow's a big day and you know you need your…"

"Mom!" he said, more insistently this time. This wasn't the time for one of her rants. He had important things to discuss, and not much time to do it in. "No, it can't wait. I need to talk to you now."

That got her attention. Freddie raising his voice at her didn't happen often and when it did, it tended to be over something she didn't want to hear. From the look on his face, this wasn't going to be any different. She walked into his room and sat on the bed.

"Well, what is it?"

He took a deep breath and walked over to his desk, pulling out his N.I.T. acceptance letter. Walking back to the bed he moved the suitcase over and sat beside her, handing her the letter.

"Fredward," she said, looking frustrated, "Why are you giving me this? I've read it 14 times. I have a copy of it framed in the living room." She reached over and patted his hand, a smile on her face now. "I'm so proud of you honey. You worked hard and now you're getting this amazing opportunity. I just can't wait for…"

"Mom" he said evenly, "I can't go."

"Oh, Fredward. I know you're nervous…anyone would be but this is going to work out just fine. They're going to love you! There's nothing to be nervous ab…."

"No Mom, you don't understand. I'm not going. I'm not going to N.I.T., not tomorrow and not in the fall."

"Fredward! What in heaven's name are you talking about? N.I.T is all you've talked about for three years. It's your dream! And they've already accepted you. This makes no sense!"

He handed her another letter. The acceptance letter from the University of Washington. He hadn't told her that he'd applied; this would require telling her why staying in Seattle was so important. And with the issue of where Sam was still up in the air, he hadn't thought it smart to talk to his mother about it. But now, there was no way around it. She had to know.

She read over the letter and looked up at Freddie.

"So you want to go to The University of Washington instead?" Freddie nodded, "When did you decide this? Why didn't you tell me? I thought N.I.T. was the only school you wanted to go to?" She paused and frowned. "You're going to have to start explaining yourself Fredward, because I don't understand."

"I applied to UW two months ago. I was pretty sure then that N.I.T. wouldn't work for me, but I wasn't ready to tell you why." He looked over at her before reaching down into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. Opening it he reached into the pocket and withdrew a small picture. Taking a deep breath he glanced down at the picture before handing it to his mother.

He studied her face as he handed it to her. As he watched her eyes go wide, a gasp escaped her lips. Her hands were shaking as she held the picture, looking from it to him and back. He watched as she took it in, the small white dot that was his son, and then saw her eyes travel to the top of the picture and he knew what she was reading.

_Puckett, Samantha._

He was sure his mother, unlike he, knew what the photo was as soon as she'd seen it. She was a nurse in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit. If there was anyone in his life who'd know an ultrasound photo at first sight, it was his mother.

"This is why you can't go to N.I.T.?"

Freddie nodded.

His mother looked at him, her lips trembling. "But Fredward…this is…it's…." She was floundering in her inability to say the words.

"It's my son. Mine and Sam's."

The silence was deafening as Freddie watched his mother for a reaction. She did not disappoint. Her face crumpled as she began to cry silently, her shoulders shaking. She dropped the picture to the bed and buried her face in her hands. The sound of strangled cries escaped from behind her hands but she offered no words.

"Mom…Mom say something. Please." Freddie reached to pull her hand away from her tear-soaked face and cringed as she recoiled.

"What do you want me to say Fredward!" a flush of red building from her neck and flooding her face as her eyes bulged in anger. "I'm sorry but I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to say when my seventeen year old son tells me that he's ruined his life!"

"Mom! I haven't ruined my life!"

"Oh really?" she said, standing from the bed quickly, the papers she'd been holding in her lap fluttering to the floor. "Then what do you call it, Fredward?" she laughed mirthlessly, "Am I supposed to be happy about this? Am I supposed to shake your hand? Say congratulations? You got a girl pregnant Freddie! And of all the girls in the entire world…Sam? I thought it was over between you two!" Her breath was becoming rapid and shallow. He'd never seen her this way, completely out of control. For a split second he wondered…is this how he looked when he'd confronted Sam?

"Mom…you need to calm down." He reached out to her, his eyes pleading. "I'm so sorry…I know it's a shock and I know I should have told you sooner but…"

"Sooner? You mean you knew about this before now?" The tears returned, running unhampered down her cheeks. "Freddie…how could you do this to me…to yourself? What about your plans; your future?" She walked over to his desk, bracing herself against the edge, her back to him. "Is this why I haven't seen her lately? Is this what's been going on?"

"She left four months ago. I...I didn't handle it very well when she told me."  _Sort of like you_ , he thought. "I didn't know where she was or if she was even going to let me be a part of the baby's life. But I found her. She's in Willacoochee, Georgia." He paused and tried to think of a way to soften his words; there wasn't one. "I'm leaving tomorrow to go get her…and bring her back to Seattle. That's why I can't go to D.C." He sat staring at his mother's back, waiting for her to say something, wishing he knew how to make this easier for her. "Mom…I'm so sorry I hurt you. And I'm sorry that I kept it from you this long. But I won't apologize for my son, and I won't apologize for doing what I have to do to be a part of his life. I know you had plans for me…I had plans for myself. We've had my future mapped out for as long as I can remember. But Mom, Sam…and the baby, they're my future now."

They sat in the tense quiet for several minutes, neither knowing what to say or how to react to the other. Finally his mother turned to face him. His heart broke at the disappointment he read there. It was a look he hoped he'd never see again. Anger flashed on her face, matched only by the hurt he saw in her eyes.

"I will not let you throw your life away. I won't allow it." Her voice challenged him, but what was at stake was too important for him to back down.

"I'm not throwing my life away." He stood and faced her, shoulders squared, accepting her challenge, "And I'm not asking your permission."

They stood staring into each other's eyes, neither willing to give in or back down. His mother broke contact first, swinging her eyes to the floor as she rushed quickly from the room.

"Mom!" he called after her. His words were met with a slamming door.

He sighed deeply and sank onto the bed, shaking his head.  _That could not have gone worse_ , he thought. Leaning down, he picked up the ultrasound photo from where his mother had dropped it. He ran his finger softly over the small form of his child.

"You're worth it," he said, "you and your mommy are all that matters now." And though he knew it was true, he still felt the sharp pain of disappointment at his mother's reaction. He hadn't expected her to be happy and he'd expected her to be disappointed, but when all was said and done he thought she would be here, supporting him, loving him. He'd spent seventeen years with his mother as she coddled, crowded and sometimes smothered him. He couldn't count the number of times he'd wished for a space of his own. But now, when he really needed the reassurance of her presence – she'd walked away.

He looked down at the bed and picked up his boarding pass. He had to be at the airport in 8 hours. He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself or to wish that things were different. He'd been given another chance to do things right for Sam and for the baby. He couldn't let anything interfere with that, not even his mother.

He finished packing, zipped his suitcase, and took it out of his room, setting it beside the front door, his boarding pass on top. He checked the door locks, turned out the lights and headed back to his room. He saw a soft light coming from beneath his mother's door and stopped in front of it. He placed a hand lightly on the door, imagining what she must be doing behind the door. He could hear soft sobs and the thought of her in there alone and crying almost broke him. His mother loved him; that was a fact he was sure of. She wanted the best for him and he couldn't blame her if being a father at seventeen wasn't on her list of things that were best for him. He understood.

"Mom" he called softly, knocking lightly on the door. He sighed when his knocks went unanswered. "You're not gonna answer me are you?" He slid down to sit beside the door. "Maybe it's better this way. I can talk and you can listen. Mom, there isn't really anything I can say that will change this situation. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'd change it if I could. I know this isn't what you hoped for me. And it's not what I expected for myself either but … but Mom, you've always taught me to do the right thing – even when it's hard or takes a sacrifice. You taught me to be the kind of man who accepts his responsibilities; who protects the people he loves. 'The right thing isn't always the easy thing', remember when you told me that? Well this is the right thing, mom. You might not understand it or see it now, but I do. I can feel it in my gut and even though it's the hardest thing I've ever done I refuse to walk away from my responsibility. Because that's not who you raised me to be." He sighed, wondering if she was listening, "I spent most of my life without Dad. Don't get me wrong, you did an amazing job raising me on your own but it was hard not having Dad here. There were so many times I just wished I could have him here with me…just for a minute. I wondered why he had to die, why I had to live my life without him. You always talk about what an amazing man he was and I wish I could have witnessed it too. I know that he would have been here if he could; he would never have made a choice to walk away from me. That's not a choice I can make either, Mom. I have a child out there who deserves to have a father – the kind of father I wish I'd had, the kind of father dad would have been if he could." The sobs behind the door had quieted but there was still no answer.

Standing to his feet he prepared to return to his room. "I leave at six in the morning. I left all the information on the table. I wish you'd come. I want you there with me. You've been there for everything my whole life. Big things, small things…always there." His voice tapered into a whisper as he fought the desire to cry. "I need you mom." He stared at her door but his words were met with silence. "Okay. I guess I'd better go to bed." Turning from the door he headed toward his room, shutting the door behind him.

The screen to his phone was blinking as a text message came in.

Carly:  _Did you talk to your mom?_

Freddie:  _Yep_

Carly:  _How did it go?_

Freddie:  _….._

Carly:  _That good huh?_

Freddie:  _She's locked in her room crying_

Carly:

Freddie:  _Can't think about that now. You all packed?_

Carly:  _Yep. You ready to see Sam?_

Freddie:  _Never been more ready for anything in my life. I'm heading to bed_

Carly:  _see you at 6…daddy_

Freddie:  _I like the sound of that. Night_

He changed his clothes and lay down on the bed, turned out the light and prayed for morning.

When his alarm went off, he woke with the distinct feeling that he'd never really gone to sleep. He reached over to turn it off and felt his stomach wrap itself in a knot as he remembered what today was.

He was going to get Sam.

He jumped from the bed, tripping on the blankets tangled around his legs and falling to the ground. Great, he's show up in Willacoochee covered in bruises…Sam would love that. He couldn't help the smile that slowly spread over his face. In less than 12 hours, he'd be looking at her face. He'd be able to hold her and kiss her, see his son growing inside of her. He could hardly contain his excitement. He felt like he'd been waiting forever for this moment, this chance.

Looking at the clock, he realized he only had thirty minutes before he had to meet Carly across the hall. Spencer was going to take them to the airport. He wasn't too excited about them making such a long trip alone, but he had a sculpture that had to be finished in two days, so coming with them wasn't an option. He'd hoped his mother would be coming with them; he hadn't realized just how much he'd wanted that until he realized it wasn't going to happen.

It was going to be a long trip. Sam's location was so remote that they'd have to fly into Jacksonville, Florida and drive the rest of the way. Ten hours on a plane and two hours in a car, driving into the middle of rural southern Georgia. Discovering how far from the airport Sam actually lived had almost ended the trip before it started. Neither he nor Carly were old enough to rent a car and it would cost a small fortune to pay a taxi to take them all the way to Willacoochee. Melanie had actually been the answer to that problem. Carly had called her after she and Freddie made plans to travel to Georgia. She'd been happy to hear that Sam and Freddie had finally come to their senses and after a few calls to her grandmother, who promised not to tell Sam of their plans – he wanted to surprise her, they'd arranged for a friend of the family in Georgia to pick them up from the airport. Her name was Sarah; Freddie recognized her name from Sam's letters. She was the single mother Sam worked for; her son was the little boy Sam was so fond of. He didn't even know her yet but was eternally grateful for her willingness to help them.

It was all set now, he thought, he was packed, showered, dressed and ready to meet Carly. He took a final glance around his room, wished himself good luck, and walked toward his front door. Stopping outside his mother's bedroom on the way out he put an ear to the door. There was no sound and he wondered if she was even awake yet. He raised his hand to knock and thought better of it; he'd said everything there was to say. It was time to go.

Grabbing his suitcase and his keys, he stepped into the hallway and froze. Standing nervously in the hallway beside a visibly uncomfortable Carly was his mother – suitcase in hand.

Their eyes met as he shut the door softly behind him.

"Mom?" he stood fixed to his spot beside the apartment door. She placed her suitcase on the floor beside Carly's and walked slowly toward him.

"I…um…I think I forgot to pack…something." Carly stuttered, opening the door to her apartment and stepping inside. "I should probably go and um…get it." She shut the door, casting a look of pity at Freddie.

"Mom…what are you doing here?"

"Freddie" she said, reaching for his hand, "This baby…it's not at all what I dreamed for you, what I wanted for your life…"

"Mom, if you're going to give me another lecture you can just save it." He said, yanking his hand from hers. "I've got a plane to catch." Reaching down to grab his suitcase, he moved to walk away.

"Freddie wait! Just let me finish." He paused, impatience and frustration coloring his face. "It isn't what I imagined for you, so when you told me…I just…I didn't know what to do. And…I reacted badly, and I'm sorry for that." Her face softened as she squeezed his hand. "You're my little boy, you're all I have in the world. When your father died I promised myself that I'd do everything in my power to protect you, keep you safe… and raise you to be the kind of man your father was. Somewhere along the line I guess I forgot that part of you being a man is learning to make your own decisions and deal with your own mistakes." She placed a hand to his face. "You've been an amazing son but last night I realized that you've grown into an amazing man. The kind of man who stands up to his responsibilities no matter what it costs him, the kind of man your father would have been proud of." She took a deep breath and smiled as tears gathered in her eyes. "I can't say that I'm not disappointed in how this all happened, but you were right last night. Your son deserves to have his father in his life. And any child that is a part of you, is a part of me; I can't walk away from this baby anymore than I could walk away from you."

He dropped his suitcase to the ground and wrapped his arms around his mother. He hadn't realized until just now how much he needed her, how much he wanted her to share this moment with him. He held her as she cried and thanked God for this small miracle. Pulling back, she wiped her eyes and patted his cheek.

"So… you ready to go get my grandson?"

"I am now" he said, smiling as he knocked on Carly's door. Carly peeked her head out, glancing at him and then his mother.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, stepping into the hall and shutting the door behind her.

Freddie looked at his mother and smiled. In a few short hours he'd be in Georgia, surrounded by the people who meant the world to him.

"Couldn't be better."

* * *

**March 17, 2011 - Willacoochee, Georgia**

Sam was not patient. Anyone who knew her could tell you that. She'd once gotten food poisoning because she hadn't been able to wait for the pork chops she was cooking to finish. Apparently eating half cooked pork was bad for your health. But this waiting was far worse. Her entire life was hanging in the balance and all she could do was wait.

She groaned and rolled onto her side. Not only was she impatient, she was also tired, and sore and generally tired of being pregnant. For the last week, she hadn't been able to find a comfortable position to sleep in and her son and suddenly decided that he wanted to sleep all day and then keep her up all night using her bladder like a conga drum. So she spent half the night peeing and the other half trying to get comfortable, only to have the baby start in with his kicking, sending to the bathroom again. It was a never ending cycle of misery. Either this baby hated her or it had a horrible sense of humor.

She rubbed her hand over her stomach. She was really getting big now. J'Maw Maw had taken her into Tifton to get new clothes, since the clothes she'd brought with her were of no use now. And it wasn't just her stomach, her boobs now needed their own zip code and just looking at them made them hurt. When she complained to J'Maw Maw about it, she'd just laughed and told her to wait…it only gets worse. She couldn't imagine that…didn't even want to try.  _I should write a book_ , she'd thought. She was sure that if girls her age could get a real picture of just how horrible pregnancy could be-stretch marks, projectile vomiting, leaky aching boobs and mood swings that made you feel demon-possessed-they'd super glue their knees shut.

She felt the soft thump of the baby kicking and smiled. That was the only thing that made it worth it. This tiny person who'd taken up residence inside of her. This baby that she already loved more than anything in the world. He made it worth it.

"Go easy on mommy today, will ya?" she laughed, rubbing soft circles over the side of her belly. "I'm still waiting for your daddy. I hope he got my letters. I hope…I hope you'll get to meet him soon." Another thump pressed into her hand. It was always like this. She wasn't sure if it happened for other mothers, she hadn't read anything about in her books, but every time she talked to him, it was like he was really listening to her; like he knew what she was saying. The books did say that he could hear her, and that if she talked to him he'd be born recognizing her voice. She liked the sound of that; he'd be born already knowing who his mama was.

"I think you're going to like him… your daddy I mean. He's the smartest person I ever met. Not regular smart, he's off-the-charts smart; he knows something about everything. And he's funny…sometimes. He makes me laugh…sometimes with him, sometimes at him. He's not good at sports though, so if you want to learn how to throw a football properly you're gonna have to ask mommy to teach you." She smiled at that thought, imagining herself outside throwing a football to a smaller version of Freddie. This was one of her favorite pastimes lately, imagining what her son would look like, what he'd be like. She hoped he was like Freddie. Being a bit of a delinquent had been fun, but raising one seemed less appealing.

It was a beautiful day out, one of those days that made her see why people complained about Seattle. The middle of March in Seattle was cold, rainy and miserable. But here the Georgia sun was bright in a clear blue sky, the air warm. She reached over to the nightstand and grabbed her new phone. J'Maw Maw had taken her to pick it out last month. She said that Sam needed a phone in case anything happened and since she'd left hers behind in Seattle, she was now the proud owner of a run of the mill bargain basement flip phone. It wasn't even by Pear, but a pearPhone would not do much in Willacoochie's spotty coverage in any case. Freddie would laugh for sure, if he could see it.

She dialed Sarah's number and waited for her to answer. She had the day off today and Sam thought maybe they could pack a picnic and take Jason to the park. She couldn't get enough of that little boy and if she ever decided to leave Willacoochee, he was what she would miss most, next to J'Maw Maw.

"What's up buttercup?" Sarah's voice was bright on the other end.

"I'm bored out of my mind…come get me!" she pouted. It sounded like Sarah put her hand over the phone's receiver. "Sarah?" she called, unsure of whether she'd lost connection. Damn cheap phone.

"I'm here. But I'm um…busy now so I can't come get you."

"Busy doing what?"

"Oh…you know…this and that…" Sarah laughed nervously. Something was up. Sarah was almost as bad a liar as Carly…and that was saying something.

"Sarah, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" she said, her voice moving up an octave. "Hold on Sam." She heard whispering in the background and grew impatient as Sarah left her on hold. "Okay…I'm back. Listen Sam, I really have to go."

"Wait a minute! It's nice out…let's take Jason to the…."

She heard giggling in the background and an exaggerated 'shhh', "Sam, honey I really gotta go. I'll stop by later."

She hung up before Sam could say another word. She closed her phone and put it back on the nightstand. Sarah was the first and last name on her friend list. Without her around, there really wasn't anyone else to call.

"Well, little one" she said, stretching as she stood, "looks like it's just you and me today. So what do you want to do?" her stomach grumbled in answer. "Food. My thoughts exactly!" She started down the stairs and into the kitchen, calling out for her grandmother. When she received no response she went to the front door, opening it to look out into the driveway.

No, J'Maw Maw. No Sarah and no idea what to do with a whole day to herself. She supposed she could do some schoolwork; yet another requirement for residence at the 'J'Maw Maw Home for Unwed Mothers'. She'd stated going to an online high school a few weeks after arriving. School had never been her strong suit. It wasn't that she lacked intelligence, but she definitely lacked motivation. She didn't come from a home where doing well in school was a requirement. Melanie's academic success was like some sort of fluke. And while Carly and Freddie tried to help her, they generally just accepted her underachieving traits as another part of her personality, and didn't force the issue. But since coming to Georgia and knowing that soon she'd have a baby to take care of, she'd found the motivation she needed to get her butt in gear and she was pleasantly surprised to see she was not only capable of doing well in school but she found that it gave her a deep sense of pride. Principal Franklin would be proud if he could see her now; well if he could see her and not her pregnant belly.

Pulling out her laptop, she sat at her desk and waited as the website for Keystone Academy loaded. While she waited, she opened another window in her browser. She hadn't checked her email since she left Seattle; she knew it was a sure way for Freddie to find her. She figured there was no point in avoiding it now…he knew where she was, even if she had no idea exactly what he'd done with the information. During her time in Georgia she'd tried to avoid the internet all together. It was just too tempting to visit the iCarly site and in the beginning, her longing for Carly and Freddie had just been too strong to risk seeing their faces. If she did she knew she'd fold. Melanie had told her iCarly was on indefinite hiatus. Freddie had confirmed it and it gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach to know that she was the reason for something so amazing coming to an end. iCarly was at the center of some of her very best memories. But, if she were honest, at least a small part of her was glad that it wasn't going on without her; that would have hurt even more.

She looked over at the clock: 4:30. Freddie had received her package over 24 hours ago. She wondered what he'd thought. Wondered if it was too little too late. She'd checked the mail this afternoon on instinct, even though she knew there'd be no video waiting for her. Every time the phone rang she hurried to answer it, even though the chances that it would be him were slim. In short she'd spent the last 24 hours waiting for something – anything – to happen. And so far she'd been met with disappointment.

She couldn't concentrate. The day was beautiful, she was bored and her mind was playing memories of Freddie on a constant loop. She closed her laptop and walked over to the bed. Laying down she turned to reach into the top drawer of her nightstand. She'd finally taken Freddie's picture out of her duffle bag and put it here, concealed enough to avoid constant reminders of his absence but close enough that, at times like this, she could allow herself the briefest of moments to look at his face.

"I hope you look like him" she said. "He's a nub, but he's a cute nub." She rolled onto her side, holding the picture to her. "And I miss him."

With the picture to her chest, she drifted into sleep, surrounded by memories of her past and hope for her future.

* * *

**March 17, 2012 - Jacksonville Airport**

Freddie was tired. He didn't think he'd ever been this tired. But underneath the surface of his exhaustion nervous energy tingled, coursing through his body like electric current. He'd just endured what felt like the longest plane ride of his life (even though the logical part of his brain told him the flight to Japan had to have been longer), during which he'd had to tell his mother the entire story about Sam. It had been hard. He couldn't explain Sam leaving without admitting what he'd said, how he'd reacted. He'd seen the disappointment in her face but she said she understood, after all, she'd taken it pretty badly herself. Immediate irrational responses seemed to be hereditary.

He'd told her all the facts and when that was done he'd told her how he felt, how scared he was, how he had no idea what he was doing. She'd patted his hand and tried to reassure him; told him that this baby was a Benson, and Bensons stuck together. She said that once they saw Sam, they'd sit down and figure it all out. He had to admit he was more than a little nervous to get his mom and Sam in the same room, especially considering the present circumstances. He hadn't even seen Sam since she left and now he was showing up with his mother in tow. He hoped she understood; this wasn't something he felt prepared to do alone and Carly had missed Sam so much that once she saw her, he wouldn't be able to count on her being much of a support to him.

They'd arrived at the airport exactly on schedule and met Melanie at baggage claim as planned. When Carly told her that they'd be coming to Georgia, her exact words had been 'that is one reunion that there is no way I'm missing'. Her grandmother had bought her a ticket and it all made Freddie wonder how Sam was going to take it when she found out that they'd both been in on this. He hoped that she was happy enough not to care about being left in the dark.

Seeing Melanie standing beside baggage claim had been jarring to say the least. She'd worn her hair down and loose, like Sam used to, and if it hadn't been for the fact that she was dressed in pink from head to toe, he'd have wondered if it really was Sam he was seeing. She'd run up to hug Carly, both of them squealing, jumping up and down. Carly seemed unfazed by the resemblance – she'd known them both long enough to be used to it, he supposed. But for Freddie, seeing Melanie only increased the nervous energy that had been building in the pit of his stomach since they'd left Seattle. He had to shake his head to chase away the irrational irritation that cropped up. He wanted the original Sam, not her duplicate. He was ready to see her.

He hugged Melanie, introduced her to his mother – who was uncharacteristically quiet, grabbed their bags off the carousel and tried not to snap at Melanie and Carly as the speed with which they were talking seemed to slow their steps. Prodding them as gently as he could, he finally managed to get the outside the terminal where they were supposed to meet Sam's friend Sarah.

Looking around he tried to remember what Melanie had said she looked like, but his mind was filled with Sam to a point that picturing anyone else was nearly impossible. He sat his bags down on the ground and looked to Melanie who was now frantically waving at an approaching blond with a wide smile.

"There she is…" Melanie walked toward her and hugged her when they met. As far as Freddie knew, Melanie had never met Sarah, but that was just part of who Melanie was; she'd never met a person she couldn't make her friend.

"Hey, I'm Sarah." She reached out to shake Freddie's hand. "You must be Freddie," she gave him a knowing smile that made him wonder exactly what she'd heard about him, "And you are Carly…I'd recognize you anywhere. I've watched some episodes of iCarly since Sam's been here." She seemed to notice Freddie's mom then and a look of confusion crossed her face as she glanced at Melanie, "And you are?" she asked, extending her hand.

"This is my mom, Marissa Benson." He made the introductions and again found himself irritated. Every moment they stood around playing 'Nice to Make your Acquaintance' was another moment he wasn't with Sam. "So, is that your car over there?" he asked, hoping he was getting his point across without being too rude.

"Oh, yeah…I guess you're probably ready to get this show on the road, huh?" she winked at Freddie and turned to lead them all to her car. He sighed and shook his head. Ten hours flying across the country and now he, his mom, Carly, Melanie and Sarah were apparently going to spend the next two hours in a Honda Civic. Family togetherness…great.

They piled their bags in the trunk and then went about the business of squeezing five people in a car that was better suited for four. His mom sat in the front with Sarah and he, Carly and Melanie folded themselves into the backseat. Sarah looked over her shoulder as she pulled out into traffic.

"Sorry for the cramped quarters. I wasn't expecting such a big group and the only other car we have is a pickup truck."

Freddie smiled at her and tried to reassure her that it was fine. He'd have gladly ridden in the back of a trailer carrying horse manure, if it took him to Sam. The women chatted easily around him and thankfully left him out of the conversation. He wouldn't have had much to add. Right now, his thoughts were turned to Sam. He looked out the window and thought about what he'd say when he saw her. Every time he saw her face in his head and thought of what it was going to feel like to hold her again, feel the tickle of her hair against his face, the warmth of her body pulled close to his, his throat closed up and he began to wonder seriously if he'd even be capable of words.

He laid his head against the cool glass of the window and as his exhaustion finally overtook him, he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep.

* * *

J'Maw Maw sat on her porch, cleaning the catfish that the Perkins boy down the road had brought her. That was the nice thing about living in small towns-people looked out for each other. It was getting close to dinner time. Usually Sam helped her; it was when they had their best conversations, but today when she'd come home she'd found Sam curled up on her bed, holding the picture of the boy. She had one arm wrapped around her abdomen and the other holding the picture frame, a small smile on her lips. Lord, but it did her heart good to see that girl smile. Sam had dealt with more sorrow and trouble in her young life than she should have; all she wanted now was to see her granddaughter happy.

When Sam had arrived four months ago, scared, angry, and with a chip the size of Texas on her shoulder, she'd been worried. Being a mother required a level of sacrifice and responsibility that she wasn't sure Sam had at the time. But over the last four months she'd watched Sam growing and maturing in ways that made her heart swell with pride. The girl asleep in that bed upstairs was not the same girl who'd arrived on her doorstep in November. While she'd always loved her granddaughter, now she couldn't imagine what life would be like without her here. But Sam not being here was a reality she was going to have to deal with soon enough.

She smiled to herself. Young people were so funny; they never understood how important and valuable time was. When you got old like her it was easier to see how short life was; to understand what was really important and for her money there wasn't anything more important that having a life filled with the people that you loved. It looked like Sam's young man wasn't your run of the mill teenager, or you run of the mill man for that matter. She'd watched with sadness as Sam and Melanie's father abandoned them; leaving behind his family and his responsibility. It was, unfortunately, not an irregular occurrence. Men did that every day of the week. So when Melanie had called her to say that Freddie was on his way to Georgia, she couldn't help but develop a bit of respect for the boy. While Sam's father had fled across the country in his determination to leave her behind, causing the scars that plagued her even now, this boy was coming across the country to get her back, and J'Maw Maw could only hope that being the object of a love like that would begin to heal the hurt Sam had carried most of her life.

She peered out at the road, shading her eyes as a familiar black Honda Civic approached. For a moment she considered going up to wake Sammy but thought better of it. She'd like a chance to speak with the young man herself before he saw Sam, if she could. She truly hoped that this went well. She knew that Sam loved this boy and had an instinct in her gut that this boy loved Sammy too. But the things they were going to have to deal with in the future were enough to put a strain on any couple, let alone a couple comprised of two teenagers. But there would be enough time later for worrying about that. Right now she only wanted to see Sammy happy, back in the arms she'd been missing for four months – even if she'd only recently admitted it.

She stood and walked to the top of the porch steps as the car pulled into the driveway. 'Here it is' she thought, 'The moment of truth'.

* * *

He was staring into her face, her blue eyes dancing with laughter. Her hair blew around her as her lips said the words he'd craved for over four months.

"Freddie…I love you. Freddie…" he reached out to touch her but as he did she began to fade. His heart raced, he couldn't let her go. He needed her with him. She turned and was running from him, smiling at him over her shoulder, her lips forming words he couldn't hear.

"Wait! Don't go!" he cried.

"Freddie…Freddie!" He felt his shoulders shaking and jerked upright, temporarily disoriented. The eyes looking into his weren't blue, they were brown, and filled with concern. "Freddie!" He blinked and tried to right himself, wiping a hand over his face. It was a dream, just a dream. Slowly his mind began to register where he was and his heart began to race again. He looked past Carly, who had leaned over him, shaking him awake, and out the front window of the car. They were sitting in front of a large farmhouse with a wide porch.

Sam.

His breath sudden came in loud, ragged gasps. He couldn't breathe. His hands shook and he realized that all eyes in the car were on him.

"Freddie-bear…are you okay?" His mother had turned in her seat and was now trying to force his head between his knees while Carly pulled forcefully on his arm. He heard her calling his name from what felt like far away.

"Freddie! Breathe…"

He complied, lowering his head as he tried to calm himself. He'd expected nerves, even some anxiety, but the thought that inside that house was the woman he loved, the mother of his child, sent him into an emotional whirlwind he was not prepared to handle. She was inside. Waiting for him.

"Is he going to be okay?" He thought that was Sarah's voice but dared not raise his head for fear of passing out and missing his reunion with Sam all together.

"He'll be fine, I think he's just nervous." That was definitely Carly. He felt her hand cool on the heated skin of his neck. "Just give him a minute. Melanie…why don't you go inside and… just give us a minute." Carly, the eternal problem solver, had come to his rescue again. He heard a car door open and risked raising his head. Melanie and Sarah had left the car and now his mother and Carly stared at him, their eyes full of sympathy and concern.

"I'm sorry you guys. I don't know what happened. I just…"

"You're just nervous, honey. It's perfectly normal." His mother turned to look out the window. On the front porch of the house stood an older woman who could only be Sam's grandmother. She stood beside Sarah, who was gesturing toward the car. Probably telling her about the wimpy father of her great grandchild who was too chicken to get out of the car. He lowered his head again, this time in shame. This was not how it was supposed to go. His mother looked back at him and took a deep breath before grabbing her purse. "You stay here. I'm going to go talk to Sam's grandmother." She reached around the seat to put a hand firmly on his shoulder. "Freddie you listen to me. You can do this. You are a strong, intelligent amazing man. Now you take a minute to get yourself together and then you get your heiney out of this car and do what you came here to do. It's time." She gave his shoulder a final squeeze and exited the car, leaving him alone in the silence with Carly.

"Are you ready for this?" she said.

"Are you?" he asked.

She sighed and leaned back into the seat beside him. "I've been missing her for so long. It feels like forever since I've seen her, and I've dreamed a million times of what it would be like to see her. But now that we're here I guess I'm a little nervous. What if it's different? What if she's different?"

He turned to her and his words gave him strength. "We're all different Carly. This baby, it's changed all of us. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Life may not look like it used to, but that doesn't mean it won't be amazing."

"Well…oh wise one. You sound ready." She smiled at him.

"You know what?" he took a deep breath and reached over to open the car door. "I am."

* * *

"Sam. Sam…Sam, wake up."

She heard the voice from somewhere far away, the fringes of her dreams still clouding her mind. She felt someone shaking her softly and opened her eyes slowly. Any remnants of sleep fled and she was immediately alert as she studied the face above her.

'Melanie!" she cried, scrambling to sit up on the bed.

Melanie's eyes were misty as she sat on the bed beside Sam, leaning over to wrap her in a hug. She hadn't realized how seeing Sam would affect her. They'd never been close, but since Sam moved to Georgia, they had spent a lot of time talking. At first it was just regular 'like I'm talking to a stranger' conversation, but over time they'd started to talk about the things the mattered: what it had been like growing up with Pam, Dad leaving, how Sam had felt when Melanie left for boarding school, and how Melanie had felt knowing how much closer Sam was to Carly than to her. Some of the conversations had been difficult. Some of the feelings shared were painful to hear. Melanie suspected that, in the beginning, Sam had only talked to her because she had no one else, but it didn't matter why it had started. The end result was that she had her sister back, closer than they'd ever been.

Melanie felt wetness on her shoulder and pulled back in shock.

"Sam? Are you crying?"

Sam laughed through her tears, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"It's the hormones! If I'm not eating or peeing then I'm crying. This baby is turning me into a sap!" she laid a hand on her belly and rubbed light circles. She smiled down at her stomach and Melanie was struck by how different she was, softer somehow. Melanie reached out her hand and placed it lightly on Sam's belly.

"I can't believe it," Melanie said quietly.

"Yeah, I know…I'm huge."

"Oh, Sam… stop it! You aren't huge, you're…." her words stopped in her throat as a gentle push met her hand. "Oh my God!" Her eyes were wide and she moved her hand around, trying to feel it again.

Sam laughed, moving Melanie's hand to the spot he was always kicking. "Well, Aunt Melanie, I think your nephew is saying hello."

Before Melanie could respond, J'Maw Maw's voiced called to them from the bottom of the stairs.

"Melanie! Did you tell her?"

"Tell me what?" Sam asked.

"Not yet!" Melanie replied.

"Tell me what?" Sam's voice grew more insistent.

"Well, hurry up! I'm an old woman and I'd like this to happen sometime before I die!"

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

Melanie reached across the bed and held Sam's hand in hers.

"I brought a present for the baby."


	12. After All

Sarah and J'Maw Maw looked down the steps as the tall brunette woman approached. Walking up the steps she smiled at them both. J'Maw Maw wanted to burst out laughing right there but had a feeling the woman might take offense to that. She'd never seen anyone looking so uptight. She held her purse to her side as if she thought a band of thugs might accost her at any minute. Her eyes darted toward the bucket of fish guts J'Maw Maw had accumulated while cleaning the catfish.

"You got her just in time for dinner!" she said as the woman's eyes grew wide. She followed her eyes to the bucket and couldn't hold the laughter then. "That's not dinner," she said, "pointing toward the stack of catfish, freshly cleaned and sitting on newspaper. "That's dinner," the woman didn't look any more comfortable. This had to be the boy's mother. She was just like as Sam had described. She'd seen scarecrows with smaller sticks in their backsides.

Sarah looked back and forth between the two women. "J'Maw Maw, this is Freddie's mother, Marissa Benson. Marissa, this is J'Maw M…I mean, Jerilyn Young., Sam's grandmother."

J'Maw Maw wiped a hand on her overalls and offered it to Marissa. "Pleased to meet you, Marissa."

Marissa accepted her hand and tried not to think about what she might have been wiping off on her overalls. "Likewise.".

J'Maw Maw looked at Sarah and jerked her head toward the house. "Sarah, why don't you go in and get some drinks. Marissa, what's your poison? I've got lemonade and water…and a little Jack Daniels if you're partial."

Marissa looked at the older woman, her blue eyes were twinkling. She wasn't the type to like people right away, it went against her nature, but there was something about this woman that was different. She took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders. "I'll take lemonade, if it's not trouble."

Sarah smiled at them before disappearing behind the door.

"Well…I'm sure you didn't come up here to shoot the shit, so let's have ourselves a seat." She led Marissa to the old porch swing and gestured for her to sit down. "So where's that son of yours?"

Marissa tried not to feel defensive. "Freddie's in the car. He's… a little nervous. I thought I'd give him a moment and maybe you and I could talk."

Sarah came back out with two tall glasses of lemonade and the women accepted them, sitting in silence, both staring out at the car. Finally the older of the two spoke up.

"Sam says you're crazy you know." She laughed at the shock on Marissa's face. "Oh, don't get upset. I told her she'd be hard pressed to find a mama on this planet that wasn't at least a little crazy. What the rest of the world calls crazy, we call a mother's love." She reached over and patted Marissa's knee, "She'll understand that soon enough I suppose."

Marissa nodded. It was nice to have someone understand. Loving a child changed you. "So, how is she…Samantha? Is she doing okay?"

J'Maw Maw continued to stare out into the yard. "Well, it was pretty hard in the beginning. She was scared and angry; she didn't want to admit she needed help. She's a stubborn one Sammy." She looked over to Marissa, "But I suspect you already knew that. But she's not the game girl she was when she got here. She's done a lot of thinking, and some growing. She's a lot more ready to be a mama now."

Marissa nodded again. She'd never met a young woman as stubborn as Sam. But she'd also never met anyone as strong. She'd never admitted it but she could see why her son had fallen for her. "And the baby…is everything okay with the baby?"

"Oh, he's just fine. Getting big and the doc says everything is going just as it should." She looked over to Marissa, "You're pretty young to be a grandma, huh?"

Marissa laughed. "Way too young. Everyone in this situation is too young. But…there's nothing we can do about that now." She looked sincerely at the older woman, "Jerilyn, I only found out about the baby and where Sam was less than twenty four hours ago, so I haven't had much time to adjust. But I want you to know, my son loves Sam. I know he's young and I know he didn't exactly behave properly when he found out Sam was pregnant. I guess it's hereditary…I didn't behave so well myself."

"Well, hearing your seventeen year old is gonna be a daddy ain't an easy thing to hear I'd suppose. Don't be too hard on yourself Marissa."

"I had a lot of dreams for Freddie, things I thought he would be and do. Parenthood at seventeen wasn't on the list. I'm still terrified for him…for both of them. I don't know what's going to happen or how they're going to handle it. But there is one thing I'm sure of – he loves Samantha. He's already made sacrifices to be here and I think he'll continue to sacrifice in any way he has to so that he can make sure she and the baby are safe and happy. I raised him not to run from his responsibilities but his coming here, I think it goes beyond obligation. He's not here because he has to be here, he's here because he wants to be here. He says he wants to make a life with Sam and the baby…and I believe him. I just…I didn't want you to think that he was just some irresponsible little punk who wasn't going to do right by your granddaughter. He's made some mistakes…they both have, but Freddie is a good boy."

"Listen, I'm an old woman – I've been on this earth more years that I care to remember, but in that time I've learned that there ain't a person alive who never made a mistake. There is no such thing as perfection." She looked over at Marissa, "Sammy's been through a lot in her life. She's had a lot of people tell her they'd be there only to watch them turn and walk away. I'm not expecting your son to be perfect. I just want him to love her. I want her to be taken care of. I want her to be happy."

"Samantha is family now. We're going to take care of her. You have my word on that."

"Well, that's enough for me." She smiled, "plus, if he messes up, I got a shotgun out in the shed I've been itching to use." Marissa's eyes went wide and J'Maw Maw slapped her knee, laughing loud and long, "I'm just foolin' with you… I should have had her slip some Jack Daniels in that lemonade!" She reached over and patted Marissa's shoulder, "We gotta get you to loosen up Rissa. Can I call you Rissa?"

"Well, actually, I'd prefer if…." J'Maw Maw didn't wait for an answer, walking to the front door and calling up the stairs. "Melanie! Did you tell her yet?"

Marissa headed down the steps toward the car. It was time for her son to meet the family he'd chosen to be a part of.

And Sam called  _her_  crazy.

* * *

"Come on, get up." Melanie said, pulling Sam's hands to help her stand. "God Sam, you're like a life size Weeble-Wobble." She laughed as Sam rested a hand on her back, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"A what?"

"A Weeble-Wobble. You know; Weebles Wobble but they…"

"Don't fall down. Hilarious Melanie…go ahead, laugh at my pain. I've got stretch marks to…wanna laugh at those too?" she frowned at her sister.

"I'm sorry. It's cute!" she squeezed her hand and Sam stuck a tongue out at her. "Now come on Mama, my nephew's present is waiting."

"Melanie I'm pregnant, and tired. Can't you just bring it up here?" she whined.

"I could, but I'm not going to. Come on Sam…you're ruining it!" She pulled on Sam's hand leading her down the steps. Sam grunted and followed reluctantly, complaining all the way.

They walked out onto the porch and Melanie situated her in the middle of the porch steps, standing behind her.

"Melanie, this had better be good or else I'm gonna…" She stopped short, looking out into the yard. Sarah's car sat in the driveway, a woman was leaning into the passenger's side, her face obscured. When she stood Sam turned to look at Melanie in confusion. Melanie, Sarah, and J'Maw Maw stood together behind Sam, each of them smiling at her. She looked back at the car, closed her eyes, and shook her head. It couldn't be what she thought it was.

Marissa Benson was standing in her driveway. But if Marissa was here then…

Marissa stepped away from the door, a smile playing on her lips as the opposite back door to the car opened. A head of long brown hair emerged and Sam's breath came out in a rush.

Carly.

This was a dream. She knew it was because she'd had it before. Carly standing there smiling at her, arms outstretched. But it felt so real. Too real. She felt herself moving down the stairs toward her best friend and vaguely registered that her face was already soaked with soundless tears. Carly rushed toward her and as she reached out for her she saw the door to the car open again. She stopped right where she stood. She turned away from Carly and for a fleeting moment she thought of how that must have made Carly feel, but the moment passed – her mind occupied with what was now in front of her.

A head of spiky brown hair emerged. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. She wasn’t completely sure she was awake. But if she was dreaming she never wanted to wake up. He looked at her from over the top of the car and began to walk toward her slowly. The world around her disappeared. Nothing existed except those eyes, that face. He was still walking toward her and the feet she commanded to move were rooted to their spot. When he reached her, she closed her eyes tightly. If this wasn't real it would kill her. Her heart cried out inside her, filling her with a joy she was terrified to give in to. And then he touched her, his hand warm on her chin, tilting it softly toward him. She broke then, the feeling of his skin on hers, the realization that it wasn't a dream. He was real. He'd come for her. She opened her eyes and met his gaze, tears obscuring her view of him. He was really here.

Freddie had lost the ability to speak. Never in his life had he felt like this. It was like he'd been floating in space for four months, unanchored, and the moment he saw her face his life found its center and for the rest of his life everything that mattered would revolve around her and the memory of this moment.

She'd always been beautiful, but he didn't think she'd ever been as beautiful as she was now. Her skin was sun-kissed, glowing as if she'd been lit from the inside out. The blue eyes that looked into his contained barely a hint of the brokenness he'd been used to, instead they shone, illuminated by the tears that filled them. His hand ached to touch her.  He was shaking with the love that overwhelmed him. She'd haunted his dreams for months and now seeing her and feeling her was almost too much.

"Sam," his voice shook, "I'm…I'm so sorry baby. I was wrong. I should have been there, I should have…"

She reached out and placed a finger to his lips, fresh tears streaking her cheeks.

"What took you so long?" Her words were like healing balm to every broken place in his heart. He rushed forward and pulled her to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he felt her shaking with sobs, tears wetting his chest. He whispered soft reassurances in her ear.

"I'm here baby, and I swear to God I'll never let you go again."

He could have held her like that forever. Inhaling the smell of her hair, relishing the feeling of her in his arms. But as he held her close, he felt a soft thump. Pulling back in shock he peered down at her. His eyes raked over her and came to rest on the soft swell of her stomach. Reaching out for his hand she placed it softly on her stomach and he was again met by the soft 'thump thump'. He'd held back his tears until this moment; he'd thought his joy was complete until this moment.

"I think someone wants to meet you," she said as she looked up at him. "Little one," she said, placing her hand over Freddie's, "This is your daddy." Their eyes locked, and the love he felt for them then was bigger than his heart could contain. With his hand still on her stomach, he pulled her to him and this time he was the one crying.

He felt his whole world break apart and knit itself back together in that moment and everything was suddenly clear to him. He'd come across the country to bring Sam back to Seattle, to bring her home. But regardless of where they went from this moment it wouldn't matter. This was home, and he'd never leave it again.

 


	13. Taking care of family

Sam sat on the porch swing next to him, curled into his side. She'd fallen asleep thirty minutes ago, her head resting now on his chest. He hadn't wanted to wake her and had sat here instead rocking slowly as the Georgia sun set, surrounding them a kaleidoscope haze of ebbing light. He was content, and for the first time in a very long time he felt sure of things. The last five months had been filled with worry, doubt and questions he'd had no answers to. Now his mind was clear and he held the answer here in his arms. His mistakes had sent him on a roller coaster of emotion, from the depths of regret to anger, from fear to redemption. He closed his eyes and savored the moment. As difficult as it might have been to get here, right now it felt worth it.

The last five months had been a unique brand of hell. Seeing the pain on Sam's face as he'd said the words he'd always regret, the agonizing days he'd spent not knowing where she was or if she was okay, the fear of not knowing if he'd ever see her again. It had all been more than he thought he could stand. But now, in hindsight, he could see that as horrible as those months had been, he'd needed them; they both had. The time apart had been necessary. He'd needed to stare the prospect of life without Sam and his son in the face to realize just how much he needed them both; how much he wanted them to be a family, regardless of how young they were. He needed to put his priorities in order, and realize that there were more important things than some abstract plan to rule the technological world by the time he was 25.

And Sam was so different now; even in the short time he'd been here he could see it. There was still the familiar mischievous twinkle in her eye but there was something more behind it now. A softness and joy he couldn't help but notice every time she ran a hand over her belly. She'd needed the time too, he thought. She'd needed time on her own to come to terms with the fact that being a mother was a serious undertaking and that nothing would ever be more important than the well-being of their child. And she also needed to face the atrocities of her past and trust that they wouldn't be replayed, that she was capable of providing their baby with the love she'd never received from her own parents. She needed to let herself trust. Trust in her family to stand by her when she needed their help, trust in her own ability to be the mother she wanted to be, and trust him to love her, take care of her and their child. Trust that he'd never abandon them.

Sam let out a soft sigh and snuggled deeper into his side. Reaching down, he touched the soft blond curl that fell across her face, tucking it behind her ear. He couldn't believe he was here; couldn't believe that all those months apart were finally over. He was here, they were together, and he knew now with absolute certainty that he didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Ever.

It felt good now to sit here side by side and be able to spend his time dreaming of their future; now that he was certain they would have one. He imagined his life back in Seattle with Sam and the baby. Watching Sam get bigger as the baby grew, getting ready for him, picking names and making plans. Most of all he looked forward to the moment he'd be beside Sam, meeting their son for the first time. It gave him a thrill he could hardly express with words. He knew it wouldn't be all roses and sunshine but in the end, no matter what they had to face, they'd do it together and that was enough for him.

Sam stirred beside him and he looked down and smiled as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty."

"Hey yourself," she stretched and pulled herself up to sit beside him. "How long have I been sleep?"

"A while, but I figured you needed it. It's been a pretty hectic day."

She smiled up at him "I can't believe you're really here."

"Believe it. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere….ever. You're stuck with me Princess Puckett," he laughed.

"Stuck with you, huh?" She laughed and twined their hands together "I think I can deal with that."

They sat in silence, looking out into the deepening Georgia night. By now the stars had come out.

"The stars are never this clear back in Seattle."

Sam sighed deeply beside him as she stared out into the skies dark canvas, the stars set against it like diamonds.

"I know. I wish the baby could see it." She touched a hand lightly to her stomach.

"He will. We'll come visit."  
"I know, but it's not the same. He'll grow up with smog and rain…and more rain. He won't get to run around in a yard like this. Or chase fireflies. Or be around J'Maw Maw." She smiled softly, "I lived here for a while when I was a kid. Did I ever tell you that?" He shook his head as she continued. "After my dad left, my mom was pretty messed up. Melanie and I…we were sort of left on our own. It was scary. Really scary."

She went silent and Freddie sat still beside her, pulling her closer to him, encouraging her to continue. Sharing her feelings or scenes from her past was something the old Sam would never have done. She took in a deep breath and drew her knees up beside her on the porch swing. He could feel the swell of her stomach against his side and it filled him with love for both of them.

"We ended up in…in a foster home for a while. It was awful. I try really hard not to think about it. I think it's one of the things that scared me the most about all this, being a mom. For a long time I was scared that I'd do the same thing, ya know? Be like her."

"You won't Sam, you could never be like that."

She smiled up at him and patted his leg. "I know that…now." She looked down at her belly, "I could never abandon him. The little nub means everything to me. Him…and you."

He laughed, "Little nub?"

"Yeah, it's fitting don't you think?" she said and laughed the laugh he'd missed, her head thrown back, mouth wide. She looked out into the yard again. "J'Maw Maw came to get us. Just when I thought no one in the world cared if we lived or died she came…I'll never forget that."

"You guys are pretty close, huh?"

"She's amazing. Really amazing. If I can be half the woman she is I'll be doing good."

"Well, I happen to think you're already pretty amazing."

She stared at him, her face serious.

"I can't believe you'd say that after…after everything that's happened. After everything I've done." She looked down into her lap.

"Sam, look at me." He turned, placed a hand on her chin and lifted her face until he could look into her eyes. "I love you. There isn't anything more important than that. We made mistakes, both of us. I was the world's biggest jerk. I said things that were completely inexcusable so I don't blame you for leaving. And the time away from you was horrible, but it's over now. We're here…together. That's what matters. You, me and the baby…that's what matters. All the rest of it is the past. I'm here now, and I swear to you I'll never leave you again."

Using his thumb he wiped away a tear as it fell from her eyes.

"Princess, please don't cry."

She shoved him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm happy. And hormonal…this kid has turned me into the world's biggest sap. The world's biggest everything really." She looked up at him "Seriously, I'm huge. Melanie said I look like a Weeble Wobble."

"A Weeble what?"

"You know, "Weebles wobble…"  
"But they don't fall down…"

"Exactly. So will you still love me when I'm even bigger than this?"

"Are you kidding? I think you look beautiful. And you're not huge…you're pregnant." He leaned down and placed a kiss on her nose, running a hand over her belly. He'd never get used to how good that felt. "And you are the cutest pregnant woman I've ever seen."

"Good answer nub, good answer."

The sound of laughter drifted from inside the house, carried on the wind and echoing into the night. He smiled as he distinguished the sound of Sam's grandmother's voice above the rest. She was probably telling a story. In the few short hours he'd been in Georgia he'd discovered that just like Sam, J'Maw Maw had a way of telling a story that made you feel like you'd been there. Her words were peppered with wisdom and humor and when he looked at her he thought he knew what Sam would be like at that age; feisty and full of life. The sounds of country music mixed in with the voices the way it had been all evening. He'd like to say it was growing on him, but all he could say after this evening was that he'd never be a country music fan.

After their reunion in the yard, Sam and Freddie had been virtually inseparable. Just the thought of letting go of her hand was unthinkable. He'd been away from her for so long that he couldn't get enough of her presence. All the little things he'd taken for granted when she'd been in Seattle were now like new discoveries. The way her hair fell in waves down her back, the tiny freckle on her left shoulder, the way she smiled, the way she smelled – everything about her was now his favorite thing.

He's caught his mom staring at them more than once, but she hadn't approached them. She was giving them space to get readjusted to being together and he appreciated that, for once, she was withholding her normally suffocating nature. Carly hadn't been so generous. After he'd finally let Sam go, their hands still linked, Carly had rushed off the porch and gathered Sam into a hug, alternating crying and screaming, sometimes doing both at the same time. She'd missed Sam, that much was apparent, and Sam had missed her too. They'd tried to squeeze five months of information into a thirty minute conversation. Carly wanted to know about the baby and life in Willacoochee, Sam wanted to know about Spencer and if Carly had met any new guys. It had felt like old times, sitting there with his two best friends, listening to them trade girl gossip and sometimes throwing in his two cents.

Melanie had joined them as J'Maw Maw herded his mother into the house. Sarah and Ryland stood off to the side, not wanting to intrude on the reunion, and he caught Ryland shooting some confusingly pained looks their way. He'd meant to ask Sam about that but hadn't had the chance. Finally they'd approached the foursome tentatively, Sarah holding Ryland by the hand, and they'd all sat on the steps, enjoying the Georgia sun and each other's company.

Eventually it had turned into a party. J'Maw Maw had invited some of their friends from Willacoochee over for what she called a good old fashioned southern dinner. The smells coming from the kitchen reminded him that he hadn't eaten since this morning when his mother forced him to eat a stale muffin from a coffee shop at SeaTac. He'd been too nervous to think about eating, but the smells drifting from the kitchen brought his appetite back full force. J'Maw Maw called him and Ryland into the house and he reluctantly let go of Sam's hand, placing a kiss on her cheek that the girls made a big deal over as Freddie promised to come back as soon as he could.

Once in the house, J'Maw Maw had directed him and Ryland into the back yard, where long picnic tables spread haphazardly around needed to be wiped down and arranged for dinner. He and Ryland set to work in silence, each studying the other with suspicion. Finally Freddie broke the silence.

"So, you and Sam are friends?" it was a dumb question, but he didn't know any other way to approach the topic.

"So you and Sam are having a baby," he said gruffly.

Freddie stopped in his tracks, dropping the end of the table he was holding. "Is that a problem?"

Ryland dropped his end as well, leaning over on the table's edge. "Not as long as you treat her right…this time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know exactly what that means. Sam is amazing…"  
"I know that. Tell me something I don't know."

"Okay, how about this. How about I tell you how hard she's had it since she got here? How about I tell you that she cries herself to sleep when she thinks no one notices? How about I tell you that you're a jerk who broke her heart?" He approached Freddie, his face red. "How about I tell you she's one of the most amazing girls I've ever met and she didn't deserve what  _you_  did to her?"

He wanted to be mad. He wanted to walk over and punch Ryland in the face. But he had to admit, even if only to himself, that the guy had a point. He had hurt Sam, and while he'd been in Seattle full of regret, this guy had obviously played some part in Sam's life. It hurt like hell to think that another man had been there for her, but he knew in his heart that Sam was still his. This guy wouldn't be so mad if wasn't the loser in the battle for Sam's heart.

He sat down hard on the bench beside the table, dragging a hand through his hair.

"You're right."

Ryland stopped. He hadn't expected Freddie say that. He'd expected a fight, he'd actually welcomed an opportunity to take his frustration out on someone. But from the look of the man sitting in front of him, he wasn't going to get it. He sat down across from Freddie and said nothing.

"You're right. I was awful to her. And I can't lie and say that it doesn't burn me up to think that you were here for Sam when I wasn't, but there's something you should know. I love her. I love her and our son. I'm going to build a life with them and I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make her happy. I can see that you don't particularly like that idea but you should know that there isn't anything you can do to change it. I love her and she loves me and I'll gladly move anything… or anyone that tries to stand in the way of that." He looked at Ryland with a strength he hadn't known he possessed. "I appreciate that you were there for her. I really do. I can see that you've got…feelings for her and I understand it – Sam is amazing. But she and the baby…they're my family now and  _I'm_ going to be the one taking care of them from now on…and for the rest of our lives."

Ryland stared at Freddie for a moment and shook his head..

"You are one lucky bastard, you know that?" he reached across the space between them and offered his hand.

"Yeah," Freddie said, taking the hand Ryland extended "I know."

"Just take care of her, okay?"

"Don't worry. I will. Always."

"Okay" Ryland said, standing to his feet and walking back to the table's edge, "Enough of the girly feelings talks, let's get back to work. You don't know it yet, but J'Maw Maw doesn't take kindly to slackers."  
Freddie walked back to his end of the table, lifting it. "So," he said, "You and Sam?"

"Calm down lover boy, nothing ever happened. She was way too caught up in some goofy dude back in Seattle to give me a chance." He laughed, "but I hear she's got a sister who's pretty hot." They'd both laughed and Freddie offered him some tips on how to get to know Melanie – and warned him that while she and Sam might look alike, that was where the similarities ended.

Later in the evening, Freddie was sitting next to Sam at the dinner table in the back yard. He was happy to see that Sam hadn't lost any of her appetite. It was hard to say she was simply "eating for two" when she already ate enough to feed two divisions. Freddie might not have liked country music, but he loved Southern cooking. Seeing the big plates of fried chicken, pork chops, and ham, he suddenly understood why Sam was so fond of them. She must have had them a lot when she and Melanie spent time here growing up.

And speaking of Melanie, she and Ryland had been having a very animated conversation since dinner started. He nudged Sam and gestured to them. Sam caught her twin's attention and raised her eyebrows. Melanie blushed, and frowned back.

"Melanie is enjoying herself tonight. Does she have a boyfriend?" Freddie asked.

"She tells me about going on dates, but I don't think she's ever dated any guy for a long time—she's kinda like Carly. She used to talk about  _you_  a little too much for my liking, you know. What did you do with her that night, anyway?"

"If I asked you to just let it go, would you?"

"Of course I wouldn't!" she laughed, "now spill!"

Freddie sighed. It was embarrassing enough having pursued Sam's best friend for years, but since realizing that Melanie was real, he'd tried to forget the night she kissed him. "I still wasn't entirely sure Melanie wasn't just some trick you were playing on me. Remember, you never mentioned her around me, and I never saw the two of you together. I went out with her thinking that at some point during the date, I could prove what you were doing. It turned out Melanie thought I was sending her signals, so when we were dancing, she sort of…well, kissed me."

"Well, that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Why after she got home, she was all 'Freddie's so cool' and 'Freddie's so nice' and 'Freddie's shirt smelled like pears,'" Sam said, batting her eyelashes in best Melanie impression. Seriously, I'm a good actress but even I couldn't pull off that level of perky…you really thought it was me?"

Freddie nodded his head in embarrassment. "I even wore stripes, because I thought you hated stripes."

"She spent the whole next day asking me questions about you – what were you like, what kind of girls did you like, were you single, blah, blah, blah; just about drove me nuts. I must have looked jealous though because then she started asking me if I liked you. I told her no – but she knew better. I finally told her the truth; she's the first person I admitted it to. I even told her about our first kiss. After that, every time she called she bugged me to tell you how I felt."

Freddie smiled and leaned into Sam, kissing her below the ear. "I'm glad you did…" Then he whispered, " _and you spoke of it…_ "

Sam slapped Freddie's thigh and said "time to go bother them. Help me up, Fredly." Freddie helped her lift herself off the bench, as he noticed first that she let him help, and second, how good Sam's nicknames sounded to his ears.

Sam sat next to Melanie while Freddie took a seat across from her, at Ryland's side. "So, still got double vision?" Freddie asked.

Ryland laughed. "I still can't believe you two are sisters. Not only are you different, but I've never met twins who were absolutely identical. Except for the eyes. Melanie's eyes are almost green."

Sam and Freddie both turned to Melanie and smirked. Somebody was quite taken with her.

"Plus she's not as big as a house and unaccompanied by a jealous nub," Sam said, rolling her eyes at Ryland. "So, Mel, what are you up to tonight?"

All three of them turned to Ryland, who cleared his throat and seemed to look for something to say. "I know you haven't been to Willacoochie for a while, Melanie. Would you like to come for a walk with me downtown? I'd like to show you a new bakery and café that just opened on Main Street."

A broad smile appeared on Melanie's face. "I'd like that, Ryland. I'd like that a lot."

After the dinner dishes were cleared away, everyone went into the house where they were now, some playing games, others gathering in groups and talking over J'Maw Maw's delicious pecan pie with fresh whipped cream. He and Sam sneaked away and went out to the porch, both craving time alone. Sitting here with her he still had trouble believing it was real, but he could honestly not be any happier.

Sam groaned beside him, rubbing her belly. He was immediately concerned, sitting up, placing his hands over hers.

"What's wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" he asked, worry filling his voice.

Sam only laughed, "It's fine Freddie, calm down. He's just a little more active today than normal. He likes to move around at night. I don't think I've had a good night's sleep in months."

He placed a hand on the side of her stomach and was jarred again at the soft 'thump thump' that was his son making his presence known.

"That's the most amazing feeling in the world."

"Yeah, because he's not tap dancing on your bladder. Seriously, the second this kid comes out we're putting him in soccer."

"I can't wait."

"For him to come out?" she asked.

"For everything. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to hold him and hear him cry; to teach him to ride a bike and tie his shoes. I can't wait to see you with him. I can't wait for us to be a family."

"You really are the girl in this relationship, you know that right?"

He laughed then and pulled her into his arms.

"Whatever…you've cried more than me today!"

"I told you…hormones!"

"Oh…and it couldn't just be that you love me?"

She reached up to pull his face down to hers.

"Absolutely…but don't tell anyone. I still have a reputation to protect."

She pressed her lips to his and the heat passing between them was palpable. Their first kiss today had been soft and sweet, full of the love they hadn't been able to express during their separation. But this kiss was full of longing and passion. Sam moaned softly into his mouth and he could barely contain his frenzied desire to be closer to her, skin to skin. He deepened the kiss, tangling a hand in the blond curls at the back of her neck. He couldn't get enough: the feel of her, the taste of her. He moved his lips to press hot kisses along her neck, dragging them across the exposed skin of her collar bone, encouraged by her soft whimpers. He came back to her lips and nibbled at the bottom one, eliciting a moan from her that threatened to undo him.

The sound of a throat clearing brought them both, reluctantly, back to their senses and they separated, looking toward the front door. Sarah walked toward them, ever present smile on her face.

"Hey ya'll," she called, sitting on the railing across from them. "I've got to go pick up Jason but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

Sam stood slowly, holding her hand to her back in a way that made Freddie smile.

"Thanks for everything, Sarah," Sam said, reaching out to hug her. The friendship between the two was obvious. Freddie hoped they were able to maintain it once Sam went back to Seattle. She didn't have many girlfriends, and having one who understood teenage parenthood would be good for her.

"You're more than welcome, honey. Now don't make me cry. I'm gonna see you before you leave tomorrow. Don't forget, your appointment is at nine. Not nine fifteen, not nine thirty." She scolded playfully, looking over to Freddie, "Seriously, is she ever on time for anything?"

Freddie laughed and stood beside the two women. "Not in recent memory, no. But she makes up for it in cuteness and general know how."

Sam pushed his shoulder lightly. "No fair ganging up on the pregnant lady!" He wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a kiss on top of her head.

"You know I'm just kidding…sort of."

"Oh Sarah, I almost forgot. I've got that DVD with the iCarly episodes on it for you. Let me run up and get it." She turned to Freddie. "Sarah here has become a bit of an iCarly addict."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you!" Freddie smiled as Sam retreated into the house. Sarah turned and sat on the swing, patting the space beside her. Freddie sat reluctantly, wondering how many more 'take care of Sam' lectures he'd have to endure before they actually let him take her back to Seattle. Unlike her brother, Sarah jumped right into the conversation.

"She loves you, you know."

"I love her too. Her and the baby."

"And she's become like a sister to me."

"Thank you for watching out for her. I appreciate it."

"I know what it's like to have my child's father take off and leave me alone to raise him. If you ever hurt her like that you'll have a whole gang of us calling for your blood."

"Point taken. But you don't have to worry. I don't intend to ever hurt Sam again."

"Good, so we're understood." She patted his knee and smiled at him.

"You don't bother with small talk do you?" he asked.

"Who has time?" She laughed, "Plus, Sam is too important for me not to say the important things first." They turned as they both heard Sam approaching. "And for the record Freddie, I know you're gonna do right by her. I've got a good feeling about you." She stood and patted him on the shoulder walking over to Sam who'd just come out the door. "This one's a keeper, Sammy."

Sam grinned at him, handing Sarah the DVD case.

"Yeah, he's alright I guess," she said. He walked over to her and the two of them stood watching as Sarah walked to her car. From around the side of the house, Ryland and Melanie approached the car. He had an arm swung around her shoulders and she was chatting animatedly, as usual, as he smiled down at her.

Watching Melanie it occurred to Freddie that it'd been a while since he saw Carly. Glancing around the yard, he caught sight of the brown hair of their best friend and he smiled, nudging Sam.

"Looks like Melanie isn't the only one enjoying the best Willacoochee has to offer."

Sam glanced toward where Freddie pointed. There in the side yard Carly sat on top of a picnic table, her girlish laugh tinkling into the night. She was surrounded on all sides by no fewer than five men, all vying to be the center of her attention. He'd never pegged her as the cowboy type but to a girl as boy crazy as Carly it didn't matter much what package they came in; so long as they were cute, she was an equal opportunity flirter.

"Looks like love is in the air," Freddie said, smiling at them.

"With Melanie and Carly if a cute boy is within 50 yards, then love is in the air." Sam laughed.

"Hey you two," Sam called to Ryland and Melanie. "Ryland, are you going to show my sister off to your friends? You know you'd better have her back by midnight." Ryland turned around to scowl at Sam, never letting Melanie's hand go. "She may look like a daffodil, but remember she's a Puckett. You know what we're capable of."

As they got into Ryland's car, he looked at Melanie and said, "I can't believe you two are sisters."

Melanie laughed. "I've had this conversation before. Sam has always wanted to fool people into thinking we're the same person, but we're just too different to pull it off. So, Ryland MacGregor, where are you taking me?"

"I plan on taking you on an exhaustive tour of the sights and sounds of Willacoochie. Since I like you, I'll leave out the tour of the smells. Then we'll go into the center of town. Your sister's sorta right about something. You're the kind of girl any sane guy would love the chance to show off."

Since he was watching the road, Ryland didn't get to see the smile Melanie shot back at him. She turned on the radio, and Ryland's usual country music came on.

"Melanie, don't you think you and Sam look like…"

"That country singer? Not you too! I get that all the time at school, so let me end this right now. Same color hair, same chin, the rest is makeup, okay…"

* * *

Freddie and Sam entered the house hand in hand, Sam yawning beside him.

"Tired, baby?"

"Exhausted. I could fall asleep standing right here."

"Let's get you to bed. I just want to say goodnight to everyone first."

They entered the kitchen to find J'Maw Maw and Marissa sitting at the table laughing over mugs of coffee. Freddie had never really seen his mom as relaxed as she'd been since they'd arrived. J'Maw Maw had that effect on people; something about her just put you at ease. It was something Marissa needed, badly, and he was hopeful that J'Maw Maw would continue to be a part of their lives once they returned to Seattle. Somehow he didn't think she'd have it any other way.

"Well speak of the devil!" J'Maw Maw laughed and Sam walked over to her open arms. "How you feeling Sammy?"

"So tired my eyes are burning."

"We were just talking about you two," Marissa looked over to Sam, her eyes trailing from Sam's face to her belly as she smiled. "I think there are a couple things we need to discuss."

Sam moved past Marissa and began to lower herself into a chair beside her. She looked so tired. Freddie walked over to her and held her side, preventing her from sitting.

"Actually, Sam is really tired, and I was just getting ready to send her to bed. Can we talk about this in the morning?"

Sam looked up at Freddie in shock, as did his mother, but J'Maw Maw just smiled, laughing under her breath.  
"Well…Freddie. Don't you think we should talk now, before we leave for home?"

"Go on up to bed Sam, I'll be there in a minute," he kissed her softly on her cheek and turned her toward the stairs.

Sam continued to look shocked but for once she listened to him, walking toward the stairs, waving good night to them all.

Freddie waited until he heard her door shut and then turned back to the table. "Mom, Sam's tired and it's been a really long day…for all of us. There's nothing we'd talk about tonight that we can't talk about tomorrow morning."

"But Freddie…"

"Listen to the boy, Marissa. He's trying to take care of his family…let him do it." J'Maw Maw patted his mom's hand and stood from the table, placing both coffee mugs in the sink. "I for one agree with him. I'm ready to turn in myself." She walked toward the living room, calling out to the stragglers left over from the party. "Alright, party's over. Ya'll ain't gotta go home, but you gotta get the heck out of here!"

With no other option offered to her, his mother stood and followed J'Maw Maw and Freddie as they headed out of the kitchen. Freddie headed up the stairs, calling a good night over his shoulder.

"I guess you're right, I'm feeling tired myself." he heard his mother say as a second set of footsteps started up the stairs behind him.

"Hold on there, Marissa. I've made up the guest room down here for you. Carly and Melanie are taking the one upstairs."

"But where is Freddie sleeping?"

Freddie smiled to himself and continued up the stairs. He was sleeping with Sam-that was a foregone conclusion in his mind and there was nothing his meddling mother could do to stop him.

"Well I suppose he's gonna sleep with Sammy."

"But…But…" his mother stopped in her tracks and stuttered. He felt her eyes boring into his back but kept moving as he heard J'Maw Maw's voice behind him.

"I know what you're worried about Marissa and I think it's safe to say that that ship has sailed…Grandma." She chuckled, and he heard his mother's steps retreating.

He knocked softly on Sam's door and then opened it.

"Hey" she said. She was curled up on the bed in a light blue night shirt that strained against her belly. The front of the shirt said 'If you think I'm cute…wait until you see my kid."

"Nice shirt."

"Compliments of Aunt Sarah. It's dorky, I know." She laughed as she smoothed the fabric over her midsection.

Freddie walked over to the bed and sat beside her "I think it's cute. I think you're cute." I placed a kiss on her lips. "Sarah's pretty cool. You guys seem close. It's weird to see you so close to a girl who isn't Carly."

"Weird, bad?"

"No, not weird bad. Just different I guess." He pulled a pair of pajama pants from his bag and began to change. "A lot of things are different now. You're different."

"I guess you're right," she said, "But some things are the same." She moved over in the bed to make room for him.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" he asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her to his chest.

"Well, I still like meat…a lot. And I'd still rather sleep than work." They both laughed, "and I still love you."

"Well, that's good to hear," he said, leaning down to kiss her.

As he pulled back he felt her hand move to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her. As nervous as he was to be making out with Sam with a house full of people – one of which was his mother-his body craved the contact with her and overrode his discomfort. He lay back and wrapped his arms around her parting his lips, savoring the way she tasted. Her lips were so soft and as his hands ran over her back, feeling the tiny panties she wore beneath the nightshirt he groaned inwardly. No giant maternity panties for Sam…his mind and his body disagreed on the wisdom of her choice.

Sam was draped across him, their bodies pressed impossibly close but still she seemed to want to be closer still. She pressed her chest into his and her lips broke their contact as she nibbled at his ear. She knew that was his weak spot; although right now anyplace she touched him would be his weak spot.

"Sam…" Freddie tried to pull myself to a sitting position; a difficult endeavor pinned as he was beneath her.

"Less talking…more kissing" she murmured into his neck, continuing her trail of kisses to his jaw.

"But Sam…"

Sam growled her frustration, "Seriously Benson, I haven't seen you in five months and you want to stop…this?" she pointed a finger between them.

"Sam I think we are both aware of just how much I want…this. But what about your grandmother…and my mom! They're right downstairs!"

She leaned in to him with a mischievous smile, "Is that all?" she said, placing open-mouthed kisses against his neck, "I'll be quiet I swear."

"But what about Melanie and Carly?"

She continued to kiss him, undeterred by his arguments. His body was loudly and obviously agreeing with her.

"Melanie is still out with with Ryland. And Carly…she'll understand. Let's just say I told her to wear earplugs." He would have laughed if he weren't so terrified.

"But what about the baby?" That got her attention.

"What about the baby? I mean, he can't talk yet so I don't think he'll object." She smiled at him and it took all his strength not to throw her to the bed.

"No, I mean… could we. Could it, you know…hurt him."

She stopped kissing him then, burst out laughing, and continued until tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm glad you find this funny!" His indignation only made her laugh harder. "Seriously Sam, it's not funny!"

She sat up and attempted to stop laughing, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry Freddie, really…" she leaned into him and lay her head on his chest. "Really, it's fine. We wouldn't hurt the baby. But if you don't feel right about it we can talk to the doctor tomorrow…so you'll know I'm telling the truth. Okay?" She looked up at him sweetly and he relaxed into the bed, running a hand up her side.

"But you'd better stop doing that or I can't be responsible for my actions."

They both laughed and settled into the bed, silent for a moment.

"I loved your videos by the way," she said. "Especially the one with Charlie in it."

Freddie sat up suddenly and walked over to his suitcase, digging into the bottom for the small blue box he'd brought with him.

"What are you doing?" Sam said, sitting up and leaning on one elbow.

"I brought a present for the baby," he walked back to the bed and handed the box to Sam, sliding into the bed beside her.

"You didn't have to do that. You being here is present enough."

"Just open it."

Sam smiled and unwrapped the ribbon from the box, her eyes filling with tears as she removed the box top. "It's Charlie." She looked up at him, tears falling down her cheeks. "You brought Charlie."

"I wanted…I wanted the baby to have him." He moved down on the bed until his head was level with her belly and placed a kiss there.

Sam placed the bear to her belly with one hand and with the other she ran her fingers softly through his hair.

"Hey little one," she said, "your daddy brought you a present."

Freddie laid a hand over Sam's belly, running his hand over it.

"His name is Charlie. My dad gave him to me when I was a baby." He stopped then, his voice choked with emotion at the realization that he'd never be able to share this moment with his father. "You'd have liked him I think – your grandpa. And I know he would have loved you. I'm sad you won't get to meet him. But mostly I'm happy today. I'm happy that tomorrow you and your mommy are coming home with me. She's pretty amazing – your mom, but you probably knew that already. Just wait until you see her – she's beautiful, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You're gonna fall in love the minute you see her, just like I did." Sam lay a hand over his, twining their fingers together. "I can't wait to meet you. I'm gonna teach you all sorts of cool stuff. And your mom is probably gonna teach you all sorts of illegal stuff," he laughed. "We're going to be a family. And no matter what happens I'm going to love you, always. The same way I love your mom." He felt a drop of wetness on his hand and looked up to see Sam wiping furiously at her tears.

"Hormones?" he asked with a laugh.

"Not this time," she said, snuggling into his chest as he turned off the light, "This time it's you. I love you Freddie."

"Until forever ends," he said, and they both fell into the most peaceful sleep they'd had in months.


	14. Goodbye

The next morning Freddie woke slightly disoriented at the feeling of something soft and warm at his side. Looking down at Sam's sleeping form he remembered; today was the day. The day he got to take Sam home and start their lives together. He stared into her face and smiled. She was even beautiful now, with her mouth open, filling the room with her loud snores. Between her and a crying baby he might not sleep again for another couple years but it was a price he was more than willing to pay. Any price was worth it, if it meant waking up to feel Sam in his arms every day for the rest of his life.

He looked over at the clock. Seven thirty; they'd have to get up if they wanted to get packed, to the doctor and off to the airport on time. He knew that as happy as he was that this day was finally here, Sam was probably going to be sad. She'd been here for five months with people she loved, who loved her, and now she'd be leaving them all, unsure of when she'd see them again. He wanted to make that as easy for her as he could.

He tried to remove his arm from around her without waking her up. Feeling him moving she grabbed onto his arm and wiggled herself closer into him. At this hour in the morning having Sam this close wiggling around was only going to bring on a repeat of last night's conversation. And as he was no closer to being comfortable with being with her...that way, he thought it best to get up – now.

Laying a kiss on her cheek he pulled his arm away and rose slowly from the bed. He stretched and walked to the window that overlooked the front yard. It really was a beautiful place-he could see why Sam would miss it. Even having only spent a short time here himself, he thought a small part of him would miss it as well. It was so quiet here. He found it easier to think. Or maybe it was just the fact that Sam was so close, right here near him, that made everything more peaceful. He made his way to the door and down into the kitchen and was surprised to find his mother already there, in the same spot she'd been sitting in last night, staring into a mug of steaming coffee. He cleared his throat to make his presence known. She raised her head and smiled at him.

"Oh, Freddie, honey. Good morning."

"Morning, Mom."

"How, um…how did you…sleep?"

He laughed to himself. She'd probably spent half the night wondering what he and Sam were doing upstairs.

"I slept fine. The baby was moving all night though; not sure Sam got much sleep."

"I remember those days. You were a particularly active baby. He must take after you."

Freddie liked the sound of that. He liked the idea that his son might be like him. His mom pointed to the spot across from her.

"The only thing that ever calmed you down was your father's voice." She went quiet, a sad smile etched her face. "Seeing you with Sam brings back a lot of memories. I wish Jack could be here. Sometimes I just...I just miss him so much."

"I know Mom, I miss him too," he said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.

"It's just hard. Knowing he won't be a part of all this. But I know you're going to be an amazing father. You can't help but be…it's in your blood." She smiled across at him. "So, have you and Samantha made any plans?"

"Well, we haven't talked much about it. But Sam said something about staying with Spencer and Carly."

"Nonesense!" his mother cried out, taking her hand from his, "I can't have my grandson staying in that hazardous playland they call an apartment! She's family now-she'll stay with us of course!"

"I was hoping you'd say that," he smiled

"You don't have to do that, Mrs. Benson"

They both looked toward the doorway where Sam stood, her wild curls all over her head, rubbing sleep from her eyes and she stared at them.

"Call me Marissa, and I want to. That's my grandson you're carrying."

"I know, but I just…I don't want you to think you have to take care of us. Carly said I can stay with her and Spencer and I've been working…taking care of Sarah's son while I've been here. I thought I could get a job…at a day care center or as a nanny. I can make my own money. You won't have to take care of me…or the baby." She played with her fingers, something she only did when she was nervous. Freddie opened his mouth, intending to tell her that she was nuts…he was going to take care of both of them, no matter what she said, but his mother patted his hand to silence him.

"Samantha, I meant it when I said that you're family now. And family doesn't keep track of who owes whom. They support each other because…because they love each other. I'm going to be there for Freddie and the baby and you – not because I have to, but because I want to. I know it's hard for you to understand, but you're just going to have to trust me. Now, if you and Freddie decide you want to work until the baby comes then fine – but if not, that's okay too. I want you to concentrate on school and get ready for your future. Giving you and Freddie the opportunity to do that is the best gift I can give my grandson."

What Sam did next was a shock to both of them. She looked up at Marissa with wide eyes and then took quick steps across the kitchen and into his mother's arms, the women held each other in a hug while he looked on speechless.

"Thank you," Sam whispered.

"You're most welcome" his mom said, rubbing Sam's back. "Now you'd better get some breakfast. I hear you have a doctor's appointment and then we've got to get to the airport. It's time to go home."

* * *

They arrived at the doctor's office, a caravan of bodies all squished into J'Maw Maw's pickup truck. It was originally intended to be just Sam, Freddie and J'Maw Maw, but Carly and Melanie feigned offense at being left out. Then his mother said that as the only medical personnel in their group she needed to be there to make sure she was clear on anything special the doctor might want Sam to do when they arrived in Seattle. He knew she just wanted to be there and he couldn't deny her that privilege.

They managed to arrive on time and he caught Sarah's surprised smile as they walked in.

"I see you really are a good influence," she laughed, as Sam signed in, rolling her eyes at both of them.

"I try" he said, following Sam to a small loveseat in the waiting room. He was nervous; Sam said she'd have an ultrasound today. That meant he was about to see his son, outside of a picture, for the first time. He felt like a kid at Christmas. Sam reached over and placed a hand on his shaking knee.

"Nervous?"

"That obvious?"

"Well I figured you were either nervous or you had to take a whizz… either way, you need to calm down. You're making  _me_  nervous."

Before he could answer, a nurse stepped from behind the door and called Sam's name. Immediately six people stood and moved toward the door.

"Sorry, only three people."

Sam looked at the disappointed faces of her friends and family in the lobby. She looked back at the nurse.

"Can you make it four….just this once?"

The nurse sighed and beckoned them in.

"Alright, but it's gonna be a tight fit."

"Carly and Marissa" Sam said, "Do you mind if I take in Mel and J'Maw Maw? I mean…you can both come to appointments when I get back to Seattle. This will be the last time for J'Maw Maw, and probably the only time for Mel."

"Of course sweetheart," Marissa said, flicking Carly on the shoulder when she started to protest. Carly, in her usual fashion, had a pout on her lips as she sat back down in the waiting room chair.

Melanie squealed and ran over to Sam. Once again, Freddie was amazed at the differences between the sisters. Sam never squealed…about anything. Ever.

"Alright people, let's get a move on. Baby Benson awaits," Sam said, and they all followed her through the door and into the exam room.

Sam sat down on the table and lay down, lifting her shirt.

"Whoa Sam! You're hu…."

"She's beautiful!" Freddie said, shooting daggers at Melanie who at least had the good sense to look ashamed of herself. Sam sat up, pulling her shirt back down.

Before she could make a comment the door opened and the doctor walked into the room.

"Wow… looks like we got a party in here! Who brought the beer?" he laughed loud and long at his own joke and Freddie found himself liking this doctor already. Even if making jokes about pregnant women drinking beer was just a bit inappropriate.

"Hey Doctor Parsons. This is Freddie, the baby's father. And this is…"

"Your sister Melanie, of course." He moved toward Melanie and shook her hand after shaking Freddie's. "You both look so much like your mother when she was your age. Beautiful, just like she was."

Melanie threw a look of confusion at Sam and the doctor.

"You know our mom?"

" _Knew_  our mom," Sam said, "They played tonsil hockey in high school."

"Sam!" Freddie said. He loved her but she had no verbal filter whatsoever.

"What?" Sam said, "It's true, isn't it doc?"

"Pam and I were a bit of an item in our day. I loved that woman to pieces…but she broke my heart and the rest, as they say, is history." He clucked his tongue as he looked at Sam's chart, sitting down beside the exam table. "Now, how is our littlest patient doing these days?"

"Oh, he's fine. Kicking dents in my internal organs. You know, the ususal."

"So he's moving a lot?"

"Yeah, mostly at night."

"Are you getting any sleep?"

"I'm trying, but he seems to have other plans," Sam said, rubbing her stomach.

"Well, try a warm shower before bed and chamomile tea…that might help"

Sam wrinkled her nose. She hated tea.

"I'll make sure she does it, Dr. Parsons." Freddie offered. "Is there anything else I should be doing for her?"

The doctor smiled at him "Well, Freddie, the most important thing is to keep her from being stressed, but I suspect that you might have already fixed most of that problem, just by being here. She also needs to be eating healthy," he cast a suspicious gaze at Sam, "that means no Fatcakes, no raw or processed meat and plenty of vegetables and water."

"Vegetables suck."

Doctor Parsons laughed as he helped Sam lay down on the exam table and turned on the ultrasound machine. "Oh Samantha, you are such a delicate flower." he joked, "Now, let's take a look and see how the baby's doing."

Sam lifted her shirt and Freddie shot a look at Melanie, who put hand over her mouth. The doctor squeezed a clear jelly onto Sam's stomach and Freddie tried not to stare. He couldn't get over it. The last time he'd saw Sam's stomach exposed it had been completely flat. Now it was round, the skin stretched tight, as if she'd swallowed a soccer ball. It was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

The doctor turned down the lights and walked back over to the ultrasound machine, taking a wand-like instrument, dragging it over Sam's stomach. Freddie stared at the screen and felt his heart stop as the room filled with the sound of rushing water. A loud 'swish, swish, swish'. He looked to Sam who smiled up at him and grabbed his hand.

"That's his heartbeat. How cool is that?" she said.

He was without words. His son's heart. It was beating and he could hear it. Sam always called him the girl in their relationship and if he let loose the tears threatening mutiny behind his eyelids, she'd know for sure that it was true. A wide grin swept his face. He never played football, but if he did now would  _definitely_  be the time for a touchdown dance. He lowered his face to hers and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Coolest thing ever." He said, his heart threatening to burst from his chest in pride.

"You haven't seen the coolest part yet Freddie," the doctor said, moving the wand around on Sam's stomach. "Take a look at…this."

Freddie eyes focused on the screen and if he thought the sound of his son's heartbeat had been a lot, this made him want to run from the room screaming his happiness. There on the screen in front of him was the easily decipherable form of their baby. He could see everything; his head, his tiny hands curled into fists, his legs open wide.

"Looks like he wants to make sure you know he's a boy." Sam laughed.

Freddie just stared at the screen, trying to take in everything, ever part of this moment so that he could hold it tightly; etched on his heart..

"I felt the same way the first time I saw him." Sam said.

Freddie was silent, and he stayed that way through the rest of the appointment. He had a vague knowledge that people talked to him at some point, but he couldn't answer. He was dumbfounded. It was all very real now. He was having a baby. He and Sam were having a baby. A real live baby that needed…stuff. Stuff he'd have to provide. And his child had a mother. A mother he happened to love more than anything in the world. A mother he hoped would be his wife one day. Wife. That meant marriage. Did Sam want to get married? Did she want to get married now? They were only seventeen. But Sam was a girl and didn't girls want that, even non-girly girls? Maybe he should he propose? But to do that he'd need a ring, and rings were expensive. And even though he was doing some side jobs, he'd planned to use that money to get things for the baby. The baby that cost tons of money who had a mother who wanted to get married, that he couldn't marry because he didn't have a ring. His thoughts rushed in unrestrained and filled his head with a symphony of anxiety and worry. Holy Chizz! What the hell was he going to do?

"Freddie? Freddie? Freddie!"

He jerked to attention as he heard Sam calling his name.

"Um..yeah…What's up?"

"Time to go, nub…you have embarrassed me sufficiently for the day. Appointments over." Sam laughed as she struggled to sit up.

Freddie offered her his arm to help her up. Looking around he saw that he and Sam were the only people left in the room.

"Where did everybody go?" he asked.

"They left a little while after you went comatose." She laughed easing down to stand beside the table. Her laughter stopped and her smile was replaced with a look of concern as she studied him. "Are you alright, Freddie?"

He struggled to respond, his heart and mind fighting to be the first to let her in on his internal battle.

"Yeah…No…I mean." He stopped and stared down into her face. "Do you want to get married?" he shouted. Sam took a step back from him so he lowered his voice. "I mean…should we get married?"

It was her turn to be shocked now.

"Married?" she sputtered, "You mean like…rings and vows and to death do we part?"

"Yeah…I mean. God, this is a horrible way to approach it. I'm sorry. And I understand if you don't want to marry me. I'm such an idiot." He turned from her, putting his face in his hands. He felt her touch his bag, pulling him to turn around and face her.

"Freddie. What brought all this on? I mean…I love you and I'm so happy that we're together now. But marriage? What made you ask that?"

"I just. I just want you to have what you want. And I just thought that…"

"That since I was pregnant, I'd want to get married." She reached out and placed a hand to his cheek. "Freddie. You're right. You are an idiot." She laughed, "Of course I want to marry you…one day. But not now. I don't need a ring to tell me that we belong together. We don't need a ring to make us a family. All we need is this" she placed a hand to his chest. "This is all I need."

He reached out and gathered her into a hug, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Sorry… for…you know."

"Scaring the hell out of me?" she laughed, "It's fine. Comes with the territory I think. This whole teen parenting thing is pretty freaking hard." She grabbed his hand as they toward the door, "But we'll be fine."

"I know." He said

"Oh, and you'll be happy to know that Dr. Parsons gave us the green light."

"Green light?" he asked, "What does that mea…..oh….green light, I get it."

"So get a good nap on the plane because when we get home we've got lots of time to make out for."

"You mean make up for." He said, opening the door to the waiting room for her.

"Quit correcting me Fredly…I said exactly what I meant."

"Whatever you say Princess," he laughed, following Sam into the waiting room. The next two and a half months were going to be interesting.

* * *

They arrived back at the house to find Ryland's truck outside. Melanie immediately lit up at the sight.

"Slow down there tiger," J'Maw Maw said, "I'm not trying to have two new babies in the family. I might have to have a talk with Ryland."

"J'Maw Maw!" Melanie cried as she crawled over Carly in her haste to exit the truck. "Don't embarrass me!"

"Better she embarrass you than have a giant belly do it!" Sam yelled after her, "Glue your knees shut!"

Melanie stuck her tongue out and ran over to the truck where Ryland stood in all his Southern glory, leaning casually against the cab.

"You're going to have to keep an eye on those two this week." She said to J'Maw Maw as they walked into the house.

Melanie had opted to spend her last few days of spring break in Willacoochee with J'Maw Maw instead of accompanying them back to Seattle. She said it was because Sam had plenty of people to take care of her there and she didn't want to intrude while Sam settled back into life in Seattle. But they all knew the truth. There was an awful lot of chemistry between her and Ryland and she wanted to explore it. Freddie was glad Ryland had someone besides Sam to occupy his time.

Sam and J'Maw Maw had hooked their arms around each other's waist as they headed into the house. This was the moment she'd dreaded since waking up: saying good-bye. Carly trailed behind them ahead of Freddie. He looked at his watch and saw that they only had thirty minutes before they had to leave. Sam had packed up yesterday, for the most part, so all they really had to do was get her bags downstairs and there weren't very many of them. He looked over at his mom and wrapped an arm around her.

He squeezed her shoulder and walked into the house, letting the screen door slam behind him. His mother looked down at her watch.

"We don't have much time before we have to leave. Why don't you head upstairs and bring Samantha's bags down for her?"

He nodded and headed for the stairs. Before entering Sam's room he looked into the room Carly and Melanie had shared and saw Carly sitting on the bed, staring out the window.

"Carls? You almost ready?"

"What?" She asked, pulled from her thoughts, "Yeah, I'm ready, I guess. I only brought one bag." She closed the top of the suitcase, zipped it and set it on the floor. "How about you, are you ready?"

"Yeah, I only brought one bag too so as soon as I get Sam's bags downstairs we can head for the airport."

Carly smiled. "That's not what I meant. I mean are you ready for all of this?"

He walked into the room and sat down beside her. It was the first time he'd really had a chance to talk to her alone since they arrived.

"Ready? Well, I'm as ready as I'll ever be I guess. Really, who's ever ready for all of this? I'm scared and freaked out and sure I'm going to screw something up. But I'm also…happy." He looked over at her, "Really, really happy. I get to have Sam and my son home with me. I get to build a life with them. So that sort of makes everything else not seem like such a big deal."

Carly sighed, "It's just going to be so different now. I mean, I'm glad Sam is coming home with us, I've really missed her. But… I don't know, now that it's time and we really are leaving I jsut wonder, ya know? How's it going to be when we get back? Sam has you and the baby and I'm leaving for college soon. In a matter of months everything is going to be different."

"Different doesn't have to be bad though." he said, putting an arm around Carly's shoulder, "Some things will change but some things are  _never_  going to change. We'll always be friends, we'll always make time for each other and even when you're off at Georgetown, setting the legal world on fire…you'll always be a part of our family, Carly. Don't ever forget that."

Carly leaned a head on his shoulder and smiled "When did you get so wise?"

"Easy with the compliments Shay, his head is big enough already."

Freddie and Carly turned to the door where Sam stood, face flushed, trying to catch her breath as she set the last of her luggage down beside her in the hall.

"Sam!" they both screamed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Freddie rushed to her side. "You shouldn't be trying to carry that!"

"Relax. I'm pregnant, not handicapped." She walked into the guest room and sat beside Carly. Freddie followed her taking a seat at the desk beside the bed. "You ready Carls? Or maybe you want to spend another day filming 'Carly Wants a Cowboy'?" Sam teased.

"Shut up, Sam!" Carly rolled her eyes at Sam and laughed. "But you have to admit…there's something about that southern drawl that makes a girl a little weak in the knees," she sighed, "I'm gonna miss Willacoochee…but I'm ready to get back. I talked to Spencer last night, he's so excited to see you and he's said he's already making space in my room for another bed and…"

Sam and Freddie exchanged glances.

"About that Carly…" Sam said, "I know we talked about me staying with you and Spencer but…"

"Sam and I were talking…" Freddie said, "and we just think…"

"We think it would be better for me and the baby to stay with Freddie." Sam bit her lip nervously, staring at Carly who forehead was furrowed in confusion.

"You mean you're not going to come stay with us?"

Sam shook her head

"You're going to stay with Freddie…and..his mom?"

"It was her idea actually."

"Really?" Carly said in shock.

"Yeah! I know, weird right?" Sam reached out for Carly's hand but addressed Freddie. "Hey Fredlumps, can you take our stuff out to the car please?"

Sam had asked for help and said please all in one sentence – he was too proud to protest.

Both girls watched as Freddie grabbed the suitcases and headed outside.

"Listen Carly, I don't want you to be upset, and I totally appreciate you and Spencer offering me a place to stay, but last night when Craz…I mean Marissa asked me to stay with her and Freddie it was…it was like she really meant it, like she really wants us to be a family and…" she placed a hand to her belly, "I feel like I owe it to the baby to give it a shot."

"I get it Sam. I understand what you're doing and why you're doing it but, like I told Freddie, it's just…weird to see how different everything is. To see you and Freddie together now; being all grown up and responsible. And…as happy as I am for you, I'm also a little sad I guess." She squeezed Sam's hand, "For as long as I can remember it's been you and me. Me cleaning up your messes, you making my life interesting, us…taking care of each other. Now you've going to have a little person to take care of, and Freddie is determined to take care of you. And I guess…I guess it's hard to know you won't need me anymore."

"Carly! Are you nuts! I am getting ready to be a parent! Me! The girl who can barely boil water, never remembers to take vitamins and is on a first name basis with half the King County Juvenile Probation department. I'm going to be living with my oboyfriend and his overprotective mother who will probably insist on special pre-natal tick baths, and in less than three months I'm going to have a brand new crying, pooping infant that has to depend on  _me_  for survival." she paused to take a breath, "If there was ever a time in my life I needed you Carly – it's now." She reached out and drew Carly into a hug, "I'll always need you Carls… always."

"Sam, Carly!" Marissa's voice called up to them from the foot of the stairs. "Are you ready? We really have to get going."

"Are you sure you want to live with  _that_  indefinitely?"

"Meah…She's not so bad...sometimes." She laughed at the look on Carly's face, "Oh, shut it Shay."

The two linked arms and headed down the stairs and out onto the porch.

* * *

Freddie carried Sam and Carly's luggage out to Sarah's car. They'd all be squished into her car for the trip to the airport, and he admitted he was not looking forward to being in such close quarters again. But it was a necessary evil to get Sam and the baby back home. Dr. Parsons had given her the okay to fly but said it would have to be the last time until the baby was born, which meant this was the last time she'd see J'Maw Maw, Sarah, Ryland or Jason until after the baby was born. He'd already been thinking of how much he'd need to save in order to surprise with her with a trip to Georgia for Christmas. He was determined that she wouldn't have to give up the people she cared about here. They'd taken care of her when he couldn't; making the maintenance of those relationships a priority was the least he could do to repay them.

Placing the last of the luggage in the trunk of the car, he walked up the steps to the front porch. Ryland and Melanie were off playing kissy face somewhere. He and Ryland had come to a tentative peace but he couldn't say he was ready to be the guy's best friend. Just the fact that he was so enamored by someone who looked just like Sam made Freddie a bit uneasy, to be honest.

Sarah had brought her son Jason with her to say good bye to Sam. He could see why Sam was so taken with him, he was a pretty cute little kid; blond hair and blue eyes and a smile that lit up his whole face. Sarah walked over to introduce them and when Freddie stuck out his hand to the little boy he was met with a full on scowl.

"Are you Sam's boyfriend?"

This family did not believe in small talk. "Yes," he'd said, "I am. And who are you?"

"I'm her prince. My name is Jason."

"Wow…a prince. That's pretty cool." He smiled, hoping to win him over. Jason was not an easy win.

"Did you know that Sam was a princess?"

"Yes…actually I did."

"Well did you know that since she's a princess you have to treat her real special and always be nice to her and let her share your fruit snacks?"

"My fruit snacks? Really…all of them?"

"Even the red ones."

He looked at Sarah, who was trying to stifle a laugh and then knelt down until he was eye level with Jason, looking at him solemnly.

"Well Jason, if that's what I have to do to keep Princess Sam happy then I will  _always_  be nice to her AND share my fruit snacks."

"Promise?"

Freddie held out his hand to Jason again, "I promise."

Jason smiled then and shook Freddie's hand, running down the steps and out into the yard, their conversation already seemingly forgotten. Freddie stared after him, watching the wind blow through is blond hair, listening to his laugh. His heart swelled as he thought of all the years to come where he'd stand in this very spot and watch his own son in this very same yard.

"Yours is gonna be that big before you know it. It goes fast." Sarah said, following Jason into the yard.

Freddie stood and walked toward the porch swing where J'Maw Maw sat holding a glass of lemonade. He sat beside her. He'd been expecting this since he's arrived and had been wondering when the older woman was going to sit him down for a talk. He took a deep breath and waited for J'Maw Maw to speak.

"Freddie, I hope you know you are the center of my granddaughter's world. When she first got here she didn't say much about you…or about anything really, but after a while it got so I couldn't go a day without hearing 'Freddie this, and Freddie that and Freddie the other thing'. She's crazy about you – whether or not she ever says it out loud. But I suspect I knew how she felt about you before she got here; maybe even before she knew it herself."

"Really?" Freddie asked, "How did you know?"

"Whenever she'd call I'd hear about you. Half the time she was complaining and the other half pokin' fun at you but still, it was always you. Me and my friend Wanda even watched a couple of those internet show's ya'll do – you're pretty good by the way – and you and Sammy were always at each other throats, still, underneath it all, I knew there was something more – it was written right there on her face. I'm suprised it took you so long to figure it out. But I guess that's the thing of it, youth sometimes makes you blind...and stupid"

Freddie laughed. He was getting used to J'Maw Maw's unique way of dispensing wisdom.

"She cried for a week when she got here, got so I forgot what her face looked like when it wasn't stained with tears. But even in the middle of that I don't think she ever stopped hoping that you would come for her. At night, when she thought I couldn't hear her, she talked to that little baby inside her nonstop about his daddy. She wants to be a good mama to him." She stared out into the yard, her features marred with a frown. "Freddie, you've met her mother. I tried to raise Pam right, and to give her a loving home. I thought I did, but maybe it just wasn't enough. She has her … issues, and she's taken them out on her daughters. Both Sam and Melanie had a rough time growing up. We had them here for a while after their daddy left."

"Yeah. Sam told me about that. I always knew it was bad...after her dad left. I just didn't know it was  _that_  bad."

"It was a pretty nasty mess. I don't think either of them ever really got over it. Melanie dealt with the emotions better. Sammy just bottled everything up inside, behind that wall of hers. She don't show it much but she's pretty sensitive, Freddie, and she's so scarred from being hurt by people claiming to love her; people who usually ended up disappointing her."

"J'Maw-Maw, My entire life, Sam's been there. The first time I met her, in kindergarten, I wanted to be her friend and -she whacked me over the head with a shovel. It was that way for a long time, us fighting and arguing and finding new ways to drive each other crazy. But even during all that there's always been something special about her, something special about us. I can't define it and for a long time I didn't dare say it...but it's like…It's like she was always meant to be at my side. I've fought more with her over the years than anyone else I know, but at the end of the day, we always find our way back to each other. After awhile I guess I started to realize what all the arguing was really about and what it was I really felt for her. It was the scariest thing in the world, realizing I was in love with her – but the happiest thing in the world when I realized she felt the same way." He sat silently, working up the courage to tell the rest of the story. It was still hard to talk about, or admit to anyone, just how bad things had gotten. "When I found out that Sam was pregnant, and that she was keeping the news from me, I panicked; completely lost it. I said things that I'm ashamed to admit. I was really selfish. When she left I was angry at first but honestly, I couldn't blame her, nothing I said would have made her believe I was ready to love her and the baby the way they needed me to, so she came to the place where she knew she'd get that love. I have to thank you for that; for taking care of her when I was too blind and stupid to do it."

"You don't have to thank me for that. We all make mistakes Freddie…it's what we do after the mistake that makes the difference." She reached across the porch seat and patted his hand.

"I really thought I lost her forever. I shut down for a couple of months, but then I realized that I had to decide, once and for all, what Sam was going to be to me, and where I wanted her in my life. And I didn't need to think at all. She and the baby are my family. They're going to be with me, and when the right moment comes, when we're a little bit older and really sure of our decision, I'm going to marry her. I'm going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them. They're what's important; nothing matters if the two of them aren't with me."

"Well...you just said a mouthful. And for what it's worth, I believe you. I like you kid…I think Sammy's pretty lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one"

"Yeah…that's true too!" she laughed, and then turned to stare into his eyes, "I was going to give you some advice, but I've been hearing everyone give you heaps of advice since you got here. The fact is, you already had it all figured out on your own, just like Sammy told me you would. She loves you, Freddie, and all she'll ever want is for you to love her back. That's all I'm asking you to do.

"Now it's time for you to get ready. But I want to tell you this. I love my granddaughter and my first great-grandson. And as long as they're a part of my family, so are you. You're welcome here whenever you want, the three of you. And I'd especially love to have you here for a real Georgia Christmas."

"We'll be here, J'Maw Maw, you can bet on it."

"Sam!" Jason had caught sight of Sam walking out of the house and was rushing from his spot in the yard, up the steps and into her open arms.

"Hey buddy!"

"I missed you!"

Sam ruffled his hair pressed a kiss to his crown. "I missed you too. You been behaving?"

"Yes"

"And not giving your mom a hard time?"

"Yes"

"Good boy," she leaned down as Jason beckoned for her to come closer.

"I met your boyfriend," he whispered.

"Oh yeah? What'd you think?" Sam whispered back.

Jason shrugged, "He's alright I guess. But do you really gotta leave Sam? Can't you just stay here with me?"

Sam knelt down and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry honey…I'm sorry I have to leave. But you can call me whenever you want and you and your mommy can come visit when I have the baby."

"And we can play Superhero saves the Princess?" he said, tears clouding his blue eyes as he clung to her neck.

"Oh, honey…of course we can." She pulled back, using her thumb to wipe the tears from his eyes. "You're my very favorite four year old in the world…you know that right?" He nodded his head, more tears falling.

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too."

"To the moon?"

"And back." She stood and tucked him into her side, walking down the steps toward Sarah. It looked like the goodbyes had begun. Melanie and Ryland walked hand in hand from the side of the house and joined Sarah beside the car. Standing on the porch steps he watched as Sam walked down the steps and launched herself at Sarah and they spent several very teary moments full of promises to stay in touch and threats of what would happen if they didn't. When they finally pulled apart, Jason was still clinging to Sam's side and her face was red and puffy, tear tracks staining her cheeks.

Carly and Marissa had hugged J'Maw Maw and were now standing beside the car, trying to give Sam the space to say her goodbyes. Freddie felt J'Maw Maw's hand on his shoulder and smiled over at her, both of them heading down the stairs and toward the car. There was limited room in Sarah's car and even less in J'Maw Maw's truck so the decision had been made that J'Maw Maw would take Sarah's car and drive them all to the airport.

Sam was hugging Melanie now, laughing at something Ryland had said. Melanie leaned down to place a kiss on Sam's belly and Sarah moved in to hug her again.

"Alright, alright! Ya'll act like she's dyin'! She's just gettin' on a plane and if you don't quit your yappin' she won't even be able to do that!" as usual everyone snapped to attention at the sound of J'Maw Maw's voice. Marissa, Freddie and Carly slid into the back seat. Sam said her final goodbyes and maneuvered her way into Sarah's bucket seats.

Pulling out of the driveway he waved at the little group gathered in the yard, smiling as Jason ran down the drive after them, red superhero cape fluttering in the breeze. When they were far enough away he couldn't see anyone anymore he reached a hand into the front seat and rubbed Sam's shoulder. Leaning toward her seat, he whispered in her ear.

"You okay?"

She nodded but made no sound. She reached up and grabbed his hand, placing the other on her belly. In that moment he felt a powerful connection, to the woman that he loved and the baby she carried. In a world full of people it was the three of them that mattered – they were their own family now, and it all started today.


	15. Coming Home

Sam hated…layovers. Maybe it was the fact that she was pregnant-pregnant and tired and completely unable to get comfortable in these seats. Whatever the reason, she was ready to get the hell out of Washington Dulles International Airport…now!

She lay with her swollen feet in Carly's lap and her head on Freddie's chest. Everything was achy, her feet looked like two inflated water rafts, and the baby refused to quit moving even after Freddie's off key rendition of the Galaxy Wars theme song. To top it all off, she was hungry.

"Freddie, please!"

"No Sam, you heard the doctor. No processed meat."

"It's not processed meat. It's a delicious wiener."

"It's processed and full of nitrates, which are bad for the baby."

"I have to agree with Freddie on this one, Samantha," Marissa said, not bothering to look up from her  _AggressiveParentingMonthly_.

"Big shock there," Sam said under her breath, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Sam…" Freddie warned.

"Freddie she's hungry and pregnant…be nice!" Carly said.

"And that, Carlotta, is why you are my favorite!" Sam said.

"Oh…because she's a pushover and always gives you your way?"

"Now you're finally getting it, Freddifer."

"Hey!" Carly cried, "I am not a pushover!"

"Uh…yeah you are," Freddie said.

"You really are, Shay," she said turning to Freddie, "She is, right?"

"Absolutely."

"Great, so now you two are united in your desire to pick on me?"

Carly watched as Sam and Freddie both laughed and Sam settled back into his chest. Freddie wrapped an arm around her, resting his hand on her belly while he scrolled through his pearPhone. It was amazing how they could go from explosive argument to making kissey faces in no time flat. Just another thing that proved conclusively, at least to Carly, that Freddie and Sam were meant to be together.

"Oh...Sweet!" Freddie yelled, looking over at Carly and Sam."You guys! There's a mini pearStore here, pearExpress! It sells nothing but attachments and apps for pearPads and pearPhones, and they install everything right here! I want to see if they have the new version 10.4 graphics upgrade, which adds 154 more colors and loads them 17% faster! I can have them for the flight!"

Carly and Sam both stared at him open-mouthed.

"Um…I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to say to that." Sam said, "You really nerded out on us there."

"Do you want to come with me to check it out?"

"Absolutely…not," Sam said.

"Carly?"

"I've never wanted to do anything less."

"Fine, but you guys are missing out. They have all the new apps, even ones that won't be on pearTunes for two more weeks! Don't you want to see if there's anything for your phones?" He frowned as they both shook their heads. "Fine, I guess I'll just go without you…but you're really missing out!"

"I will try to contain my disappointment," Carly called after him.

"Bring me back a wiener!" She turned to Carly, who was blushing as other passengers shot her dirty looks. "I guess that sounded a bit inappropriate." Sam rubbed her belly, standing slowly. "Come on Carls, let's go."

"Go where?" Marissa called over to them.

Sam looked over at Freddie's mom. "Um…to the bathroom. You know us pregnant women with our overactive bladders!"

"Oh, good. I'll come with you." Marissa said, following behind them, "It's too bad they wouldn't let me bring my industrial strength hand sanitizer on the plane…there are all sorts of evil germs lurking in public restrooms!" she shuddered.

When all three had finished they exited the bathroom, Sam turning left instead of right, calling over her shoulder, "We're gonna go find Freddie, Marissa. We'll be right back." She said, dragging Carly behind her.

Carly followed her and noticed almost immediately that they weren't headed in the direction of pearExpress.

"Sam…the Pear place is the other way. Where are we going?"

"Disneyworld! Where do you think Carly? Robin's Weiners!"

"Sam…"

"What? Freddie's in pearExpress. We'll probably have to have security drag him out of there before the plane takes off. Don't worry!"

"Oh man," Carly groaned, "Bad things always happen when you say that."

"Hey mom," Freddie said as he plopped down in the seat beside her, opening the small bag he'd gotten from pearExpress. "Where are Sam and Carly?"

"Samantha? Isn't she with you?" Marissa asked.

"No, she's not with me. Isn't she here?"

"Um…no. She and Carly left to meet you at the pearStore."

"You let her get away from you?"

"She's a person Fredward…not a puppy!" his mother chastised. "Although, with her manners…"

"Mom…" Freddie warned.

"Sorry…we went to the bathroom and she said she wanted to go find you at the tech store."

Freddie shook his head started off toward the food court.

"Do you want me to come with you?" she called after him.

"No thanks, I got this." He didn't need any help. He knew exactly where his perpetually hungry girlfriend was.

"Well hurry Fredward, the plane will be boarding soon." His mother said before sitting down with her magazine again.

He picked up his pace to a light jog, dipping in and out of the thickening group of passengers heading into Terminal B.  _This is ridiculous,_  he thought as he ran,  _I'm running through an airport trying to preventmygirlfriend from scarfing down hotdogs_. Only he and Sam would have these problems. Other couples fought over infidelity; he and Sam fought over processed meat.

Turning a corner, he spotted her, and he had to laugh at the sight. She was standing with her back to the wall beside a garbage container, partially hidden by a fake fichus and, from the looks of it, using Carly as a lookout. Carly was glancing nervously in the direction Freddie had just come from, likely trying to make sure Sam wasn't spotted. He ducked in with a group of passengers who were passing, hoping that they wouldn't see him. He wanted to sneak up on them.

So far so good.

He walked past where she stood and doubled back, creeping up behind her slowly. From his spot a few feet down he could hear them talking and see Sam clearly. She was rubbing her belly with one hand and stuffing a foot long chili dog in her mouth with the other.

"Sam…Freddie's gonna flip if he finds out about this."

"Nmpheewomt"

"What?"

Sam rolled her eyes, irritated at not being understood but enjoying her Robin's Weiner too much to stop eating. "Mi Phed Nmpeewomt" she said the words slowly as if that would somehow help her be understood.

Freddie took his time and waited until she'd shoved the last bite in before approaching her. He crept up behind her silently and placed a finger to his lips to silence Carly when he realized she'd spotted him.

"Hey Sam!"

She jumped in the air as far as her belly would let her but couldn't scream because of the mouthful of wiener. Her eyes were wide and he could tell she was in a bit of a dilemma. If she started chewing Freddie would know what she'd done, but if she didn't chew she couldn't swallow so she wouldn't be able to talk. Taking in her options, she did the only thing she could – waved at Freddie and smiled as wide as her mouth full of hot dog would let her.

"What are you guys doing down here?" he asked.

Sam looked desperately at Carly who refused to meet her gaze. "I was, um…just leaving." Carly said, hurrying down the terminal back to their seats. Sam's mouth was still too full to talk but the look she gave Carly's back, with narrowed eyes, said volumes.

He looked over to her and tried his hardest to keep a straight face. "Sam…have you been eating at Robin's Weiners?" She shook her head furiously. "No? Okay then, whistle." Her eyes said  _whatthehell?_ "You heard me…" Freddie said, "I'm willing to bet every dime I have that right now you are packing a mouth full of Robin's Weiners. If I'm wrong then prove it…whistle."

Never one to be proven wrong Sam tried desperately to swallow enough of the food in her mouth to muster a whistle. Rolling her eyes, she pursed her lips, leaned close to him and blew, sending bits of weiner, bun and what he assumed was chili sauce all over his face and shirt.

"Sam!"

Sam doubled over laughing, along with quite a few random people who'd witnessed the scene. She held her side and laughed until she snorted and had tears streaming down her face. Meanwhile Freddie wiped his face and pulled bits of hot dog bun out of his hair.

"I'm…I'm…so…sorry…" Sam was still barely able to talk, her voice shaking with laughter. Seeing the mutinous look on Freddie's face only made her laugh more.

"Not funny, Sam."

"Oh, baby…" she said, reaching up to wipe chili sauce from his face. "Seriously, I'm sorry I spit on you…but it's sort of your fault."

"My fault? Did I just spit hot dog on myself?"

"No, but you shouldn't have told me to whistle!"

"You shouldn't have been sneaking around eating hot dogs! You heard what the doctor said, no processed meat. I'm just looking out for you and the baby. Seriously, am I gonna have to start checking your bags for contraband Fat Cakes?"

He took one look at the sheepish look on Sam's face and knew the answer.

"Hand it over, Sam."

"Hand over what?" she said, trying to sound innocent as she drew her bag closer to her.

"Give me the Fat Cakes, Sam." He held out his hand and Sam reluctantly tossed her bag at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What are you? The food police?"

He opened up her bag and as much as he wanted to be mad, he couldn't, and instead burst out laughing. Sam's bag was filled to the brim with Fat Cakes, and she even had a second Robin's Weiner wrapped up inside.

"Seriously, Sam?"

"What? I was hungry! It's your kid I'm trying to feed!"

He laughed and pulled Sam into his chest, rubbing her back.

"Do you have any idea how cute you are?" he asked.

"Cute enough for you to give back my Fat Cakes," she mumbled into his chest. He pulled away and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Not a chance." Sam groaned as she watched Freddie dump the Fat Cakes into the nearest trashcan. He thought he might have even heard her cry a little. "Now come on, we've got a plane to catch." He offered his hand and she grabbed it reluctantly.

They walked toward the terminal where Carly and his mother were waiting, Sam murmuring about him throwing away her Fat Cakes and Freddie laughing at just how enamored she was with the sugary snack.

"Haven't you heard it's dangerous to take food from a pregnant woman while she's eating?"

"I think you're thinking about dogs…I've never heard that story about pregnant ladies."

"That's only because the people who took food from pregnant ladies never lived to tell the tale!"

He wrapped an arm around his pouting girlfriend.

"Sam…you've only got two and a half more months and then you can eat all the Fat Cakes you want. As a matter of fact, I will personally pack a stash, bring them to the hospital and feed them to you myself just as soon as he's here."

"Promise?"

"Would I ever joke with you about food?"

"Good point."

The continued walking, Sam trying to appear interested as he told her about the next-generation pearPad he'd seen at pearExpress.

"It was amazing, Sam! A faster processor, more memory, Pear's own version of Smash, and both the hardware and software to run the next generation of wireless access. It's even going to work in Japan and Korea! The guy says it comes out at the end of the summer. But if it's anything like the prototype it's gonna be epic! Sam? Are you even listening to me?"

"What? Oh, yeah, of course. You saw the new prototype and it changed your life."  
"You have to admit, it does sound interesting right?"

"Freddie, if you want me to get excited about technology, you should invent a smart phone that can make me a sandwich and wash my hair;  _that_  I would be very excited about."

He shook his head as he watched Sam walk over to his mom and Carly. She waddled when she walked now, not that he'd ever tell her that; he valued his life and would like to be around to see his son born. Plus if he told her she'd try to stop and he thought it was cute. Just another reminder that pretty soon the baby would be here.

Gathering their things he walked behind Sam to stand in line as the plane began to board.

"Shouldn't they let me board early? I mean I am with child!"

"You're pregnant Sam, not handicapped!" Carly quipped, using Sam's own words against her.

"Just wait Shay, one of these days you'll be in my shoes and then I'm going be the one laughing at your pain!"

Freddie looked at them both.  _This is how it's supposed to be_ , he thought. The three of them, laughing, picking on each other, being random and weird together. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed it.

"Samantha, honey. Come look at this article on ear wax in infants. It's fascinating!"

Sam rolled her eyes but walked over to see the article Marissa held out to her. Carly laughed and caught Freddie's eye.

"It's nice isn't it?"

"What?"

"Having her back." He nodded his head and they watched in amusement as Sam tried to look interested in Marissa's article. "It's like a giant hole suddenly got filled, huh?"

"Yep, a giant Sam-shaped hole."

* * *

_This is your captain speaking. We'll be landing at Seattle-Tacoma in fifteen minutes. Thank you for riding Uniterican Airlines._

Freddie felt Sam stir beside him. He could look at her and see just how exhausted she was. She'd had a hard day, saying goodbye to her family and friends in Willacoochee and then enduring two long plane rides during which she seemed not to be able to get comfortable for more than a few minutes at a time. The baby was moving a lot, and he found himself touching her stomach often, unable to get over the amazing feeling of his son turning and pushing inside. He really was an active baby and Freddie wondered if that would continue once he was born. He expected it would. Sam was a fidgeter; when she wasn't sleeping she was in perpetual motion. If the baby took after her at all, they were in for a wild ride.

The baby. They'd have to give him a name soon. Calling him 'little one', 'the baby' and, Sam's favorite, 'little nub,' was fine for now but he found himself wanting to something else to call him. As much as they loved each other, he and Sam rarely agreed with each other on things initially and compromise wasn't a hallmark of their relationship – or at least it hadn't been before. He hoped that it would be different for now but he had a feeling that the topic of the baby's name was something that would likely not be settled before he entered the world. He smiled at that thought. There were a lot of things he'd missed about Sam when she was gone but, as strange as it sounded, their back and forth bickering was one of the things he'd missed most. He looked forward to having it out over the baby's name, and a million other things. If he had it his way, he'd be arguing and making up with her for the rest of his life.

His mother and Carly were sitting together further back in the plane and he was grateful for these last few minutes of quiet with his own thoughts before they landed. Staring down into Sam's face he was filled with happiness at the idea that he was getting ready to take her home and start a life with her, but while his time in Willacoochee had been filled with thoughts of all the wonderful things he and Sam would now experience together, in the moments he had left until the landed his thoughts turned to the more practical aspects of this new arrangement. They'd decided that Sam would live with him and his mom. They had a spare room that was small but would be fine for the baby. He had to be honest and say that the idea of his mom and Sam living under the same roof made him more than a little nervous.

Sam's eyes fluttered open and she grumbled at Freddie.

"Why do you insist on watching me sleep?"

He caught her hand in his. "Because you're cute when you sleep. You look like a princess…and snore like a trucker."

She punched him playfully on the arm, "I do not snore."

"I beg to differ. If I'd thought about it I bet I could have tracked you down to Georgia just by the snore alone… it surely carries across state lines."

"Ha, ha, Benson. Very funny." She pushed herself up and removed her legs from his lap. "So, I wanna know something."

"What you wanna know?" he asked in a horrible imitation of an Italian accent.

"How did you find me? Really."

Freddie stared at their hands linked together and sighed. He knew he was going to have to answer that question eventually but he hadn't banked on it being brought up before they even got back to Seattle. Sam was used to Freddie being dependable and responsible; he wasn't sure how she'd react to the truth. It was a risk he'd have to take.

"Hacking." He whispered, looking around to make sure no one overheard.

"What did you say?" Sam asked, her voice raising.

"Hacking Sam, hacking."

"You did what!" He didn't know if she was mad or shocked; possibly both.

"Shhhh!" he said, "Well, it wasn't me exactly. I mean…I didn't actually do the hacking. I paid someone else to do it." She was staring at him her mouth gaping like a trout.

"Details. Now." Her expression was blank.

"Um…okay, well. I saw a message from Melanie on Carly's phone so I got the number and then I found an…associate, who could hack her phone. So we hacked her phone…and your mom's and then they compared the call records and it turned out that there was only one number that both phones had called."

"J'Maw Maw."

"Exactly. It was a Georgia area code and you always talked about your mother's family there. So once we had that number it was just a matter of tracking down the location, which was easier because the phone was a landline. I got the mailing address, and the next day the first video was on its way."

Sam remained silent, just staring at him.

"Sam? Say something. Are you mad?"

Finally, her face broke into a wide grin, "Mad? Are you kidding? It is quite possible that I have never been more attracted to you than I am right now. You mixed your brains with my evil influence."

"If you want to find a Puckett, you gotta…"

"Think like a Puckett. Impressive, nub. Very impressive." She looked down and patted her stomach. "Look at the genes you're getting little boy…you're daddy's right. You  _are_  going to be an evil genius." Turning her head to one side she studied Freddie's face. "You broke the law for me."

"Yeah…I guess I sort of did."

"And you came all the way across the country…with you mother, to get me." He could only nod. "You're pretty amazing, you know that?" she leaned in to kiss him, "for a nub that is."

* * *

She must have been running on adrenaline; the trip from Willacoochee to Seattle had been uncomfortable and she'd slept some, but she hadn't realized just how tired she was until they de-boarded the plane in Seattle. As soon as they arrived at baggage claim, she began to feel her eyes drooping despite her best efforts to keep them open. Freddie kept an arm around her waist and she was glad of that. Otherwise she wasn't so sure she would have been able to remain upright. Even the baby, it seemed, was ready to sleep – for the last few hours she'd gotten a bit of a reprieve from his constant motion. She hoped his resting period lasted long enough for them to get to Bushwell and her to get in the bed. It was all she could think of. Well, it was almost all she could think of.

She'd read quite a few books about pregnancy while in Georgia. Well, to be honest, she'd skimmed a lot and read a few. One thing they all agreed on was that at some point in the pregnancy (there were varying opinions on exactly when) most pregnant women experienced an increase in their…drive. Sam had laughed at that-she was a Puckett and Pucketts were born with drive. She'd figured that that little piece of pregnancy would likely skip over her…until she saw Freddie again. As tired as she was, a flush still built from her neck to her face when she thought about just how good he looked standing beside that car when he first got to Willacoochee.

Their first kiss after he arrived had been PG-13 (his mother was standing right there), but when they'd gone to bed that night she got her first glimpse of what all the books and magazines were talking about. Every time he touched her, it felt like she was catching on fire from the inside out. No matter where his hands were, she could think of a dozen more places she wanted them to be – all at once. She was pretty sure she'd scared him. She scared herself; they'd had heated make out sessions before but this feeling was beyond anything else she'd ever experienced with him, with the exception of their first time. The feeling made her bold, bold enough to try to seduce him in full earshot of his mother and half a dozen other people. He'd turned her down. He was scared to hurt the baby. She thought that was sweet but now that the doctor had given them the green light she wondered how this was going to work, logistically. They were going to be living with his mother and while there rooms weren't exactly next door to each other, they were close enough to make screaming Freddie's name in the middle of the night a less than ideal option.

If they were married, it would be different. Marissa seemed like the type of mom who would be a bit more accepting of them doing the horizontal mambo if Sam had a ring on her finger and a license on the wall. But marriage was out of the question right now. She'd almost had a heart attack when Freddie mentioned it back in Georgia. She loved him and she loved that they were going to raise the baby together but she never wanted to be one of those girls who only got married because she was knocked up. If (she preferred 'when') Freddie slid a ring on her finger she wanted it to be because he loved her, not because of a baby.

So that placed her and Freddie in a bit of a pickle. She wanted him. He wanted her. Marissa wanted him to keep it in his pants. They'd have to figure it out, hopefully his mom was still working the night shift a lot. All sorts of interesting things happened between 8 p.m. and 5 a.m. Right now though she was too tired to hatch any plans. She just wanted to go home and sleep.

They all grabbed their luggage and headed out of the airport. For a moment, Sam was temporarily awakened at hearing her name being screamed. Looking, through sleepy eyes, toward where the cars were parked she saw a familiar face and broke into a grin.

"Spencer!"

Spencer, who was really more of a brother to her than anything, rushed toward them, and gathered Sam into a bone-crushing hug.

"Spence…can't….breathe" she choked out.

"Spencer be careful…that's my kid your squeezin'" Freddie said, walking up to stand beside Sam, now standing back on the sidewalk, attempting to catch her breath.

"Sam…you look…I mean, you're so…" Spencer's face was even more animated than normal as he attempted to find words, or gestures to address Sam's current physical state. "You're just so…round!"

Sam put her hands on her hips, her smile gone, "Yeah, it tends to happen when you're  _pregnant_. Nice of you to point it out though."

She stalked past him, followed by Carly, who was shooting daggers at her brother and Marissa who just looked at Spencer and shook her head in disgust. Spencer turned and watched the women walk away before turning back to Freddie.

"What was that?"

Freddie patted his shoulder. "Hormones. They are not fun. And I warn you –might not be a good idea to call her 'round' anymore."

"Point taken." Spencer said loading their bags into the trunk.

The ride to Bushwell was quiet. Carly and Sam had fallen asleep before they'd even gotten on the highway and his mother was unusually quiet as well. That left only him and Spencer. He'd missed Spencer. During the time away from Sam, Spencer had been one of the only people he could really count on to tell him the truth. In many ways, Spencer was the reason he and Sam were together now.

They arrived at Bushwell and Freddie set about trying to wake Sam without being punched in the face. He reached into the car, held both her hands with one of his and then gently shook her shoulder. She woke up without incident, but he made sure his face wasn't directly in line with her hands-just in case.

"Come on Princess…we're home."

Sam loved how that sounded. Even in her partial sleep coma, hearing his voice say 'home' and knowing that it meant they'd be somewhere together was a happiness that overwhelmed her. She didn't resist as he pulled her gently from the car and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I'm going to take Sam upstairs, I'll be right back to get her bags." She didn't hear anyone protest as she and Freddie walked into the building. The lobby was eerily quiet but she was grateful for that. She did not have the energy to deal with Lewbert right now. She leaned into his side during the elevator ride to the eighth floor and followed him to the door of what was now her new home. They walked into the cool darkness of the apartment and she followed him to his room … their room now.

"Why don't you lie down," he said, helping her sit on the edge of the bed.

She could only nod. Too tired to think about putting on pajamas, she lay down on top of the blanket, fully clothed, and closed her eyes.

"I'll be right back," Freddie said, "I'm just gonna go grab our bags."

She nodded and gave him a tired smile as he placed a kiss on her forehead, the front door shut a minute later. She turned onto her side, toward Freddie's nightstand, and began to fall asleep when something caught her eye. She sat up slowly and reached over to the nightstand. There on top sat a letter on heavy ivory paper. On the top of the letter was a deep burgundy embossed logo. It said 'National Institute of Technology'.

N.I.T.

She knew she should probably put it down. She was intruding on Freddie's privacy, but she just couldn't. She also knew that the letter wouldn't tell her anything she didn't already know but she had to look anyway. She had to see for herself. She unfolded the letter slowly.

_Dear Mr. Benson:_

_We are happy to accept you into the Class of 2016 of The National Institute of Technology…_

That's all she read before the tears started. Nothing in the letter was news. She knew Freddie had been accepted to N.I.T. and she knew that he'd turned them down. But for some reason reading it, with her own eyes, brought a reality to the situation that settled like a weight on her chest. There on fancy ivory paper was Freddie's dream. Everything he'd ever wanted, he'd been given, right there on that paper; acceptance to N.I.T, full scholarship, a life in Washington, D.C. where he could be away from his overprotective mother. And now he'd never have it.

She heard the front door open and tried to replace the letter and wipe the tears from her face before Freddie saw her, but she wasn't quick enough. Freddie entered the bedroom door and turned on the light, catching sight of Sam's tear-stained face.

"Sam…what's the matter?"

She turned toward the wall, trying to make her voice stop shaking. "Nothing."

"Sam…"

"Seriously Freddie, it's nothing. Let's just drop it and go to sleep."

He shut the door and walked over to the bed.

"I'm not going to sleep until you tell me why you're crying." He reached out and began to rub her back, which only made her cry more. "Sam, turn around and look at me. Please."

She turned toward him and the concern in his brown eyes forced the words from her chest that she'd determine never to say. "You're throwing it all away."

"What?"

"Everything!" She reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the N.I.T. acceptance letter. "You're throwing everything away, for me."

"Sam, I'm not throwing anything away. It's not a big deal."

"Yes you are! And it  _is_  a big deal Freddie! And it only makes it worse if you try to pretend it's not because I know it is... and so do you." She sighed and drew her knees up Indian style. "I know how badly you wanted to go to that school. It's your dream Freddie, and now you have to miss out on it. You have to miss out on everything good because of me."

Freddie reached out to hold her hands, "Sam…"

"No! Don't try to make this easy, Freddie." She pulled her hands away. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"Samantha Puckett!" he all but screamed her name and it's enough of a shock to silence her. His face softened at the look on her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, but you're talking like a crazy person!" He reached out and put a finger under her chin, raising it until her eyes were level with his own. "Sam, listen to me, there is nothing…absolutely nothing in this world that I would not  _gladly_  give up for you. I say it's nothing because compared to you and the baby it  _is_  nothing! You are what I want, this baby is what I want, and there is no dream that could  _ever_  work for me if it didn't have the two of you in it. N.I.T. is a great school, but that's it, that's all it is…a school, an opportunity. Don't you get it Sam? You and the baby are my life! You're not just some opportunity that will be over in four years… you guys are my forever, and nothing in this world would be worth giving that up." Reaching out he pulled her into a hug and for, quite possibly, the hundredth time that day she wondered what she ever did to end up with someone as amazing as him.

"You're going to that school." Her voice muffled against his chest.

"Sam…didn't you hear a word I said?"

"Cool your jets! I heard you," she said. Her voice softened as she leaned into his chest, wrapping her hands around his neck, "And I love you for loving me…for loving us, that much. I know you can't go to N.I.T. right now but you are going…some day. I'm going to make sure of it." she said, her exhaustion finally catching up with her as she stifled a small yawn, "I want your dreams to come true".

Freddie held her in his arms, watching sleep overtake her. "They already have."

He slipped his arm from around her waist and lay her down gently on the bed, removing her shoes and the sweatpants she'd borrowed from him this morning. It was warm in Georgia but they had at least a few more weeks of winter in Seattle. He was going to have to take her shopping. He hoped she didn't put up a fight.

Sam barely moved as he pulled back the blanket and tucked her legs underneath it. She lay curled up on her side, one hand slung protectively around her belly, the other draped over her eyes. He took one more look at her from his doorway and turned off the light. He needed to get their bags from the living room and say good night to his mom.

Entering the living room, he grabbed his and Sam's bag from beside the doorway where he'd left them and walked back toward his room. As he turned the corner and headed down the hall, he saw his mother in the linen closet at the end of the hall pulling out sheets and blankets.

"Mom, what are you doing? Aren't you tired?"

She turned and he could see the fatigue on her face. "Oh, Fredward, honey, you're just in time. I need you to help me get these linens into the guest room. It's getting late."

"Why do you need to put linens in the guest room? No one ever sleeps in there and when the baby comes, he'll sleep in a crib. So…"

"Oh, don't be silly Freddie. It's not for the baby."

"Okay…"

"It's for Samantha." His mother kept speaking but he'd lost the ability to hear her as rage filled all his senses. "So we'll just get that bed made up and then…"

"Mom, stop!"

She turned toward Freddie, standing slowly, still holding the blankets. "Freddie, what's wrong?"

"My son's mother does NOT sleep in the guest room." He stood still, staring at his mother, neither of them moving. The moment was short, but there were a million words said in silence. Sam wasn't some stray kitten they'd taken in. She was Freddie's life – his future. He needed his mother to understand that.

"Mom…"

"No Fredward. I understand. I shouldn't have…" her voice trailed off and she sighed heavily, placing the linens back in the closet. Closing the closet door, she walked toward her room, stopping to place a kiss on Freddie's forehead.

"I love you honey."

"I know mom, but I need you to trust me."

"I'm trying. It's just gonna take some time."

She sighed and squeezed Freddie's shoulder, walking down the hall toward her room. He watched her go before opening the door to his own room. Sam lay in the same spot she'd been in when I left. As much as one would expect it, Sam wasn't a wild sleeper. Once she found a comfortable spot, she tended to stay there. Freddie leaned on the doorway and just watched her, drinking her in.

He'd often heard people say, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." It seemed melodramatic and cliché back then. As he slid into bed beside Sam, wrapping an arm around her, he realized that the expression never rang as true for him as at that moment. Whatever lay ahead in his life, he would face it with her. Tonight, he couldn't wait for the rest of his life to get started.


	16. What's in a name

The first thing Sam noticed when she woke up was the heavenly smell of bacon permeating the room. The second thing she noticed was that she wasn't in her bed. Momentarily startled, she sat up and took in her surroundings. Any temporary disorientation or confusion was settled when she looked across the room and her eyes fell on the desk filled with state of art electronic equipment. There was only one person who'd have that amount of techie paraphernalia…one person she knew anyway. Freddie.

Snuggling back under the blanket, she allowed herself a moment to let it all sink in. She was  _home_. Home with Freddie, where she belonged. Their conversation last night had been intense but, once again, he assured her that this was what he wanted and where he wanted to be. She wished that her insecurity didn't pop up so often or that she didn't need to be reassured of his intentions, but her past circumstances and present hormones made it difficult. She wasn't used to trusting people. She was doing much better at it now than she ever had, but sometimes it was still hard to believe that anyone would be willing to sacrifice the things that Freddie had to be with her. Being on the receiving end of a love like that was going to take some getting used to.

"Hey, Princess."

She turned toward the door and thought she saw the heavens open and a chorus of angels begin to sing, not because the voice she heard belonged to Freddie – although that was a pretty nice way to wake up – but because he carried in front of him a heaping tray of all her breakfast favorites. Her stomach immediately began to sing…or growl…his praises. He walked over to her with a smile and set the tray down on the bed over her lap.

"God, I love you so much right now," she said, diving into the plate of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon like a starving refugee.

"Would you love me even if I wasn't carrying a tray of bacon?"

"Not sure…let's not find out though," she said, mouth full.

Freddie sat watching her as she made short work of the plate in front of her. He would never cease to be amazed at the sheer volume of food such a small girl was capable of packing away. He would have blamed it on the baby, but she'd been eating like this since long before she got pregnant. It was one area of the pregnancy she excelled at – feeding the baby.

"You're doing it again," she said.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at me."

"I happen to like looking at you. What's wrong with that?"

"It makes me feel like I need to keep checking to see if I have something stuck in my teeth," she laughed.

"You wanna know why I stare at you so much?"

"Proceed," she said, waving a pancake-laden fork in his direction.

"Because… for a really long time I couldn't."

"Not following you."

"Well, for a long time you were just 'Sam Puckett, the girl who made it her job to make me miserable', but then…" he settled into the bed beside her, smiling as he stared off into space, "then one day we were filming iCarly – nothing special, just a random episode and you were laughing at something Carly said and all the sudden I noticed."

"Noticed?"

"That you were… a girl. A really beautiful girl…"

"Who made it her job to make you miserable?"

Freddie laughed, "Yeah…you still worked really hard at making my life miserable but from that day on I just couldn't stop looking at you. Then one day you caught me. You asked me what I was looking at. I said nothing and you said…"

"'Then look at nothing someplace else, Señor Whizpants.' I remember that."

"So from then on I had to make sure not to look at you all the time, or at least not get caught. But once we started dating it was like I could finally look at you as much as I wanted, anytime I wanted."

"Hence the obsessive staring."

"Hence, indeed." He watched as she picked up the tray, set it on the floor beside the bed, and then snuggled into his side. "I just…I think you're one of those girls who are so completely gorgeous…but have no idea. It's one of the things I like most about you."

"Like your girls with low self-esteem, do you?" she quipped.

"No, I like the fact that you aren't obsessed with how you look. You're beautiful without trying." He traced a hand over her stomach. "I hope he looks like you."

Sam placed a hand over his, "I think he's going to look like you. He has to."

"Why?"

"It's the perfect disguise. He'll look all nerdy and innocent but in his chest will be his mother's rebel heart. They'll never see him comin'!"

"He."

"Um…yeah, it's a boy…I thought we already established that, Fredward."

"No, I mean, we always call him 'he' or 'the baby' or 'little nub'. At some point we're going to have to come up with a name, don't you think?"

"Alright Freddifer. Let's do it. What names do you like…and I should tell you that I have final veto power. And Fredward Junior is absolutely not an option. No offense, but what was your mother thinking?"

He would have protested her hatred of his name, but he had to admit that he'd often questioned his mother's wisdom on that one.

"I'm named after my great grandfather."

"Yeah…it sounds like an old dude's name." she cleared her throat and grabbed a notebook and pen from his nightstand. "Okay, lay it on me Fredward."

"Alright." He said, sitting up, rubbing his hands together. "How about Ethan?"

"No."

"Why?"

"My mom dated an Ethan. He stole our microwave. With the pizza still in it."

"No offense Sam, but if we rule out the names of everyone your mom has ever dated we're gonna be left with a pretty short list."

"Good point." She said, writing on the notebook. "Okay, Ethan is on the maybe list. Next?"

"Edgar."

Sam burst into laughter, "You cannot be serious! Edgar?"

"Edgar is a nice strong name!"

"Edgar is the name of a kid who gets wedgies daily."

"Sam…"

"VETO!"

"Richard."

"They'll call him Dickey." she laughed. "It's funny…because it sounds wrong."

"Marcus."

"Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Nope. Next."

"Alright, if you're so smart, you come up with one."

"Jonah,"

"As in 'Jonah your ex-boyfriend'? I don't think so. Veto. Next."

"Joshua."

"Hmm…maybe. Next."

"How about Nathan?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I just don't like it. Veto."

Sam sighed in frustration. "We're never going to agree on this are we? Our kid's going to be named 'Baby Boy Puckett-Benson'.

"Puckett-Benson?"

"Yeah? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, but why not just Benson?"

"Because he's not just a Benson."

 _Choose your battles, Freddie_ , he thought. "We have a couple of months to decide. I'm sure we'll think of something. Why don't you pick up one of those baby name books while I'm gone?"

She laid her head on his chest, "I wish you didn't have to go today."

"I know baby, I wish I could stay here with you, but not all of us are lucky enough to go to school in our pajamas. I'm lucky mom let me go in late."

"She's been uncharacteristically cool about all of this."

"Don't speak too fast. Before she left, she told me she wants to have a talk with us tonight when she gets off. She wants to go over the 'house rules'."

"Oh brother, this is going to be boatloads of fun." She looked up at Freddie, "I'm not going to have to take tick baths am I?"

"I told you. She doesn't give me tick baths anymore!" he laughed, "It won't be so bad. It's probably just going to be about school and keeping up our grades and…the sleeping arrangement."

"And by that I'm guessing she wants to make sure that all we're doing is sleeping."

"Something like that."

"Seriously," she pointed at her belly, "It's not like I can get more pregnant."

"Yeah, but think about it Sam. What mother wants to hear her son in the next room…"

"Doing this?" Sam said, sliding up to place kisses on his neck. "I told you…I can be quiet. Or we can buy her ear plugs. Or play the music really loud."

"Being quiet isn't exactly your strong point." He said, trying very hard to pretend she wasn't doing what she was doing. Lying in the bed with her last night had been difficult enough. Waking up this morning was worse. Now they were here, alone, in his bed in an empty apartment and she was doing things with her mouth that were distracting him.

"Sam…I have to get ready to go to school. I told my mom I'd get there by third period."

Sam continued her trail of kisses, reaching up to tangle her hand in his hair.

"I'm not stopping you."

"You're not exactly helping either."

"You love it."

"Too much, that's the problem." He said, giving in and lowering his lips to hers. He could kiss her forever, literally. The list of girls he'd kissed, really kissed, was short. Sam and…Sam. But he couldn't, for the life of him, imagine that kissing anyone else would feel this good. She smiled into his mouth, completely aware that she was about to win their war of wills. She looked over at the clock.

"Third period starts at ten, right?"

"Mmm hmm" he said, sliding his hand over her hipbone, pushing on the waistband of the sweatpants she wore.

"It's already nine." She was breathless; it had been a long time – too long- since she'd been close to him like this.

Freddie looked over at the clock and then down at Sam's flushed face, weighing his options. Finally, he brought his lips back to hers.

"Third period…fourth period, what's the difference?"

"My thoughts exactly," she breathed into his ear, giving into a moment seven months overdue.

* * *

It felt strange, being in Freddie's apartment – her apartment now, she guessed, without Freddie and his mom here. Everywhere she turned was a reminder of where she was. It was nothing like what she was used to. First, it was the cleanest house she'd ever seen. Not a single thing was out of place. Freddie's room was the messiest part of the house and that was only because her suitcase was currently open, the contents strewn on the bed, floor, desk and chair. She was trying to unpack and finding it a bit difficult. Freddie had cleared out half of his drawers and made room in half of his closet for her things, but it just felt…weird. Putting her underwear in the drawer above his, hanging her clothes beside his. It was all so…domestic. Puckett's didn't really do domesticity. Even as 'active' as her mother was, none of her boyfriends had ever officially moved in. She said she liked her space.

But that wasn't Sam's problem; she loved being in the same space as Freddie. It was just that she'd never really imagined this scenario. When she'd pictured coming back to Seattle she'd always expected she'd be with Carly, or – God forbid- at her mom's house. Even after Freddie mentioned living with him, she'd never really thought Marissa would go for it. Now here she was. Marissa had made her 'part of the family' and she really seemed to mean it. She'd already called from work, just to check on Sam and see how she was doing. She'd even asked Sam if she wanted her to call and set up her doctor's appointment. Sam wasn't used to having someone care about her that way. It was already hard to accept the love the Freddie seemed to offer her at every turn, but Marissa – she was acting like a mom. And not like Pam Puckett's version of a mother; Sam had no idea how to react to that.

Even stranger than how Marissa was acting was how it was making Sam feel. After Marissa called she found herself smiling. Smiling and thinking of something nice she could do for her; this was not normal Sam Puckett behavior. But, she had to admit, it felt good having someone in her corner, knowing that someone cared about her and the baby and wanted the best for them.

She pulled a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie out of her suitcase and threw the rest of her clothes back in it. She'd unpack later. It might not feel so weird to do it if Freddie was here. He'd be home in a few hours. She smiled at that thought:  _home_. He was going to be here with her tonight and every night for the foreseeable future. She was going to get to go to sleep in his arms and wake up to his face every day. As awkward as it was settling into life in the Benson house, being with Freddie made it easier. Potential repeats of the hour they'd spent in bed this morning made it even better. They'd finally reached a compromise of sorts on that issue. They'd be on their best behavior…when Marissa was home. When they were alone though, all bets (and sometimes clothes) were off. It hadn't really taken much to convince him. He was, after all, a teenage boy and even if she was pregnant, she was still a reasonably attractive girl lying in his bed regularly, willing to do the things that a teenage boy's dreams are made of. Yep, he'd been pretty easy to convince.

She took a shower, brushed out her hair, brushed her teeth and logged onto the website for her school to check her assignments. She had a history paper due on Friday and an English test tomorrow. She was proud of how well she'd been doing in school. Academic excellence had never been something she was known for, but she was determined that she would not be a pregnant teenage drop out. She might be having a baby under less than ideal circumstances but she was going to do something with her life…she just wasn't so sure  _what_  yet.

She wished it was as easy for her as it seemed to be for Freddie. He had his whole life mapped out. It seemed that the baby had barely made a dent in that plan. He had already gotten early acceptance into The University of Washington and was all set to start in the fall. She knew that sooner or later either Freddie, Marissa, or both would start to talk to her about college. The idea made her nervous. It wasn't that she didn't want to go to college, and with the grades she was making she was pretty sure she could go to college, but she honestly didn't have much of an idea what she'd do there. For most of her life college hadn't been an option, both because of her grades and her financial situation so she hadn't wasted any brain cells thinking about it. She figured that after high school she'd work long enough to save up some money and then take off and see where the road took her. Now that she was with Freddie, leaving him wasn't an option, especially with a baby in tow. She had to face the fact that it was time to consider her future.

She figured she had at least a year to come up with something. The baby was due in July and she didn't like the idea of putting him in daycare when he was so little. She would stay home with him, find a job of some kind and try to prepare for her future. She'd always liked to write…she never really told anyone about that. She wrote stories, poems, funny musings about the things she'd seen and done. She'd never really let anyone see what she'd written, other than J'Maw Maw. But she thought she was pretty good at it. She'd been keeping a journal since she got pregnant, little observations on what it was really like to go through a pregnancy at her age. She'd toyed with the idea of turning it into a book, but she hadn't shared the idea with anyone else, it sounded too ridiculous. Who would want to hear what she had to say?

She glanced at the clock. Still four hours before Freddie or Marissa were due home. God, being home alone was so boring. That little boy from the movie made it look much more fun than it actually was. She picked up the tray of food that Freddie had brought her up from the floor and took it in the kitchen. Then, out of sheer boredom, she rinsed the dishes, put them in the dishwasher and started it. Then she went back into the bathroom and cleaned out the shower and the sink. She took the sheets off the bed and put on clean ones, putting the dirty ones in the washing machine along with the pajamas she and Freddie had worn last night.  _This is ridiculous,_  she thought,  _I've been reduced to cleaning_.

Glancing over at the freshly made bed, she noticed the notebook peeking out from underneath. A long list of names was scrawled on it in her messy handwriting. She smiled, remembering their conversation. She'd thought picking the babies name would be the easy part. She should have known better, since she and Freddie could find a way to disagree about anything; the baby's name wouldn't be any different. Freddie recommended a baby book. Well, she had a few hours to kill, might as well go get the book now. Sliding her shoes on, she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. Beside the door on the counter was a key ring with two keys on it and a note from Freddie.

_Sam,_

_I figured you'd need a key to your new digs (have I told you how happy I am that you're here? Well I am.) I have an AV Club meeting after school but I'll be home right after. Don't forget that my mom wants to talk to us. She'll be home around 5. Try not to burn the place down… I'm counting the hours until I get to see you again._

_I love you (and Baby boy Puckett-Benson)!_

_Your Nub_

She smiled and tucked the note in her pocket, throwing the keys in her bag.

* * *

Walking to the Galleria had seemed like a good idea when she started. It was only a mile or so, and before she went to Georgia she, Carly, and Freddie used to walk there all the time. She hadn't banked on how much the added weight from the baby would tire her out. She paused outside a coffee shop to sit on a bench and catch her breath. Two more months. Two more months of being huge and tired and having to pee every three seconds. Feeling the familiar heaviness that meant the baby had decided to use her bladder as a punching bag again. She stood and walked as fast as she could into the coffee shop. Five minutes later, she was outside the 'I might just whizz my pants in public' danger zone and headed out the door ready to walk the last few blocks to the Galleria. As left the warmth of the building and stepped out onto the street she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Sam? Sammy? Is that you?"

She turned around trying to locate the voice and came face to face with her mother.

"Mom?"

Her mother was bundled in a heavy coat, her short blond hair blowing in the wind. She figured she'd see her mother sooner or later, but had honestly not made it any sort of priority. When she left for Georgia, it hadn't been under ideal circumstances. Her mother's reaction hadn't been what she'd expected. She expected her to yell, or laugh at the predicament Sam found herself in. What she hadn't expected was for her mother to go quiet, or for her eyes to be filled with so much disappointment. Melanie had always been the good twin, the one most likely to succeed. Her mom had talked about it for days when Mel had gotten into that boarding school, on scholarship no less. Sam had never figured that her mom had any sort of expectations or hopes for her. It was something she'd come to accept, even if it hurt. But when she told Pam she was pregnant, the look on her mother's face had made her realize, for the first time, that she'd expected something better for her. She hadn't said much; asked if it was Freddie's, if she planned on keeping it and just when Sam was prepared to be thrown out on her butt her mom had suggested going to Willacoochee. It had made sense. The last time she'd needed rescuing it had been J'Maw Maw who was there – it only seemed fitting that she would return to Willacoochee when all hell broke loose again.

"Melanie called and told me you were on your way back." There was an accusation in her voice, something that said 'you should have been the one to tell me'.

"Yeah…it was all sort of sudden. I was going to come by once I got settled."

"So he found you, huh?"

"Yeah," she hoped her mom didn't ask exactly how Freddie had found her. "He…he came to get me. I'm staying with him and his mom."

A sad smile filled Pam's face. "Wow. Maybe I had him pegged wrong after all." She stood silently studying Sam, her eyes resting on Sam's stomach. Sam pulled her jacket closer around herself self-consciously. "You're really showing now." Her mom raised a hand as if to touch Sam's stomach, then pulled it back quickly.

"Yeah. I feel like a beached whale most of the time."

"That's nothing. You should have seen me when I was pregnant with you and Mel. I was twice as big." She laughed and her eyes lit up, "By the end I was so big I couldn't even fit my maternity clothes. I spent the last month wearing this old pair of sweats I took from your da…" the light immediately left her eyes replaced by her familiar stony gaze and Sam found herself aching for the moment they'd almost shared. Pam cleared her throat and looked past Sam, as if searching for somewhere else to be. "Listen, I, uh…I've gotta get going. I've got this…thing, to do…"

Sam tried not to flinch at the sharpness her mother's rejection lashed at her.

"Yeah…I've got some stuff to do to." She shuffled her feet, not quite sure how to end this. "So, I guess I'll, um...see you later?" She hadn't wanted that to come out like a question; hadn't wanted to give Pam another chance to reject her.

Her mother stared into her eyes, mirror images of blue. Her voice was soft as she reached out a hand and placed it on Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah…see ya later." Her eyes dropped to the ground as she removed her hand and started to walk past Sam.

Sam sighed and headed off in the opposite direction, disappointment like a weight resting on her heart.

"Hey Sammy."

She stopped and paused before turning around.

"Take care…take care of yourself. And…" she ran a hand through her short locks, "Call me sometime?"

Sam smiled. It wasn't much, but coming from her mother those words were important.

"Yeah…I'll call you Mom."

Pam raised a hand to wave at her and then turned and headed down the street. Sam stood for a while, watching her walk away. It was faint, but as she looked at her mother, she felt the vague stirrings of hope.

* * *

The sun was beginning to set when she arrived back at Bushwell Plaza. She'd spent way more time in the bookstore than she planned. She'd sat for two hours looking through baby books. It seemed like every book she picked up showed her a million more things she didn't know about motherhood. Circumcision (which just sounded cruel), teething, potty training, vaccinations…the list of what she didn't know seemed never ending. By the time she realized what time it was she was surrounded by no less than 20 books and she felt like she needed them all, but carrying 20 books on a mile walk back home wasn't feasible so she'd narrowed it down to a manageable variety. She had one on the baby's first year, one that was for fathers, one baby name book, a scrapbook to keep track of milestones, and at the last minute she'd picked up a DVD on labor and delivery. The female cashier who'd checked her out raised an eyebrow at that purchase.

"Are you sure you want to get this…it's pretty graphic."

Sam prided herself on her ability to laugh at what made others toss their cookies. She could handle it and she'd told the cashier so.

"Okay, it's your dime. But I hope you don't have a weak stomach," she laughed.

Packages in hand, Sam set out for home. By the time she got there she thought she'd drop from sheer exhaustion. Looking at her phone on the way upstairs, she was relieved to see she still had at least an hour before Freddie and Marissa got home. Just long enough for a nap before the big talk with his mother. Sliding her key in the lock, she was already imagining how great the cool clean sheets of their bed would feel. All she wanted to do was take a shower, put on her pajamas and sleep until dinner…or until the baby came.

She frowned as the door opened and she walked into a living room that looked like a photo hut had exploded in it. Every square inch of the living room floor was strewn with pictures. The lights were dim and there was classical music playing softly. She placed her bag on the ground and wished for a second that she had her butter sock with her. But she thought better of it; this wasn't the work of a burglar…what sort of criminal broke into your house, turned on Mozart and then took a stroll down memory lane looking at your pictures?

"Hello Sam…Samantha."

Marissa's voice called to her from the floor in front of the sofa. Sam walked into the living room and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she saw Marissa, sitting in the middle of the pictures, several photo albums beside her. On the table next to her was a glass half filled with a dark liquid, and a very large bottle of wine. Sam's mouth fell open in shock. She'd never, in all the time she'd known her, heard of Marissa drinking. She was sure she'd heard her rattle off a ridiculous rhyme about the dangers of alcohol, on more than one occasion.

"Marissa?" she moved to Marissa's side as quickly as she could, kneeling down beside her. "You're…drinking?"

"Correction, Samantha," she slurred, "I'm drunk," she laughed, leaning over, her shoulders shaking. After a minute, Sam realized that she wasn't laughing anymore.

"Marissa? Are you okay?"

Marissa raised her head, her face red, tears streaming unrestrained down her cheeks. Sam had no idea what to do. She pulled out her phone, thinking she should call Freddie.

"Don't, Sam. Don't call Freddie…please." Marissa wiped at the tears on her face.

Sam eased herself down to sit beside her. Both women sat in the darkened room, staring at the pictures lying around them. Sam picked one up and smiled. It was a picture of a young Freddie, smiling wildly at the camera, wearing a pair of footed pajamas with airplanes on them. At his shoulder was a man, an older version of Freddie, his eyes the same deep brown, an identical smile lighting his face.

"That's Jack." Marissa said, her voice soft and filled with tears. "Jackson Daniel Benson." She reached out and ran a finger softly over the picture in Sam's hand.

"Freddie's dad?"

Marissa nodded her head, too full of emotion to speak. Sam stared down at the picture. If the baby looked anything like Freddie, this could be a picture of him and Freddie in a few years.

"Freddie looks just like him." She looked over at Marissa whose eyes now held a pain she'd never seen before. "I bet that's hard."

Marissa sniffled and wiped away a tear, "It's the most wonderfully painful thing you could imagine." She looked up at Sam with a sad smile, "Every day I look at Freddie and I see Jack; his smile, his eyes – Freddie even has his laugh. Every day I love Freddie and sometimes it's almost like Jack's here with us. Then I remember…that he's not. That he's gone and he's not coming back." Her tears started fresh. "It's been a long time. You think the pain would go away. All the groups I went to told me that it gets easier. What they don't tell you is that the days when you don't feel the pain are almost worse."

Sam nodded, she knew what that felt like. "Because when it hurts at least you can still feel them."

They sat together, neither of them speaking. This pain was a milestone for them, a common ground that neither had known they'd shared; the pain of losing someone you loved.

"Freddie doesn't really talk about him…his dad."

"He was so young when Jack died. He was in preschool. I sometimes wonder how much he remembers. When Jack first died I tried to remind him a lot – showed him pictures and home movies. Over time it seemed like it hurt him worse to remember so I stopped talking about him. I guess knowing the baby is coming, knowing Freddie's going to be a father himself – it just brought back a lot of memories. I wasn't prepared for it to be this hard. I just…I just wish he was here."

"He is here," Sam said. "He's here in Freddie, and in the baby." She placed a hand on her stomach. "I saw my mom today." She wasn't sure why she'd said it. It just came out. "It's weird, I look at you and Freddie and see how you are together and me and my mom…we're just so different from you. Sometimes I feel like I lost her when I lost my dad. I know it's not the same as Freddie's dad but…it's still hard."

Marissa smiled at her, reaching out a hand to squeeze Sam's.

"Being a mother is a hard thing Sam…you'll see that soon. Babies don't come with an owner's manual. And when you're trying to deal with your own pain or grief it's even harder to give your kids what they need. I don't know your mom, but Freddie's told me a little about her. I can't tell you why she is the way she is or why she's done the things you've done, but I can tell you this – once someone is gone, really gone, there is no worse feeling than knowing you've lost the opportunity to fix your mistakes or make things right. Your mom is still here, and no matter what you may think of her, she's still your mother. Seeing what you and Freddie have gone through is proof to me that if you really love someone, there is always a way to make things right."

Sam looked at Marissa, feeling a new appreciation for her, "You're pretty smart Mrs. B. I see where Freddie gets  _his_  freakish smarts from."

"Thank you Samantha. That's a very sweet thing to say." She looked down at Sam's hand. "May I?" she asked, reaching a hand toward Sam's belly.

Sam nodded. "I warn you though, he's a kicker."

Marissa placed a hand gently on Sam's side, her head turned to one side, waiting. She was not disappointed and was met with a strong kick. Sam laughed as the women's eyes met.

"Told ya, future soccer player in there."

Marissa removed her hand and smiled. "Thank you, Samantha."

"For what?"

"For letting me be a part of this." Her face was serious, "I know that you and I haven't always been…"

"Civil…friendly…nice to each other in any way, shape or form?"

"You cut right to the chase…you remind me of your grandmother."

"You've always been a pretty straight shooter yourself."

"That's true. Especially when it came to you. I wasn't always quiet about my opinion of you…but I wasn't always right either. I apologize for that. And I hope you know that I meant what I said. I want us to be a family…I know that's going to take some time and it's probably going to be hard but…I'm willing to try if you are." She reached a hand out to Sam. "So what do you say?"

Sam joined her hand to Marissa's and shook it smiling, "I say you've got a deal…on one condition. No more sitting in the dark drinking and crying. If I wanted to live with that I'd go back home to my mom."

Marissa threw her head back and laughed. "Deal. Now do you want to help me clean this up before Fredward gets home?"

Sam struggled to her feet and started gathering up the pictures. "You got it, but we better hurry, he's supposed to be here any minute."

Marissa turned on the lights and headed into the kitchen with the glass and the wine bottle.

"And Sam…I'd appreciate it if you didn't..."

"Don't worry. My lips are sealed…unlike your wine bottle."

"Very funny, Samantha. You're never going to let me live this one down, are you?"

Sam laughed as she headed toward the bedroom.

"Not a chance."

* * *

Sam woke to the sound of light tapping. Looking over at the clock, she was shocked to see it was after seven. She groaned and rose up on one elbow looking down to the foot of the bed. Freddie was sitting at his desk, tapping away on his laptop. Hearing her stir, he turned and pulled the ear buds from his ears and smiled at her.

"Look who's finally awake."

"How long have you been home?"

Freddie stood and walked over to the bed, sliding in beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"A couple of hours ago, you looked so peaceful and my mom said I should just let you sleep."

"You talked to your mom?"

"Yeah, but it was weird. She went to bed right after I got home."

"I thought she wanted to talk to us?"

"I did too but she said she was tired and that the house rules were the same as always."

"And that is?"

"School comes first. No failing grades- ever. Curfew is eleven on school nights and midnight on the weekends. Always let her know where we are. Oh, and…" he blushed.

"What?"

"She asked us to 'be mindful of the fact that the walls are thin'."

Sam started laughing. "Well at least she's not in denial about what's going on in this room."

"I think your being pregnant is enough to shake her from denial." He pulled her tighter to him, running his hand in circles over her stomach. "So how was Baby Puckett-Benson today?"

"Good, but I think I have some news on the baby name front."

"Really…you came around to Edgar?"

"Absolutely not." She laughed, "But I was thinking. What about Jackson…Jackson Daniel."

Freddie's hand was still and he was silent. Sam turned to face him. His eyes were closed and when he opened them, they glistened with tears.

"Freddie? Are you okay?"

He nodded his head but still said nothing.

"You don't like it? You don't like it…I'm sorry. I just thought…"

He put a finger to her lips to silence her.

"You are so amazing. Naming him after my dad, that's…." He buried his face in her hair and sighed. "It's perfect Sam." He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Thank you."

Freddie moved down on the bed, laying his head against her stomach.

"Hey, Jackson. You've got a name now…how do you feel about that? I'm pretty psyched about it. Jackson was the name of the greatest man I ever knew…your grandfather. Those are pretty big shoes to fill little guy. But I know you'll do just fine."

He paused, "So, Jackson Daniel Puckett-Benson." He looked up at Sam, resting his head on her stomach and she ran her fingers through his hair, "I can't believe it Sam…we're  _actually_  having a baby."

"If you'd suggested we'd end up here a year ago, I'd have kicked you somewhere." She laughed at him and he pulled himself up on the bed, wrapping himself around her.

"Well, it goes to show that I was right … if you put yourself out there, you never know what might happen…"

"You keep saying nubby stuff like that and I might have to start re-considering that 'kicking you somewhere' thing."

Freddie pulled Sam to him and kissed her deeply as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Do you think this will ever get old?" she asked, tucking her head into his neck.

"What?"

"Being together…like this. Do you think we'll ever get tired of it?"

Freddie reached over and turned off the light, pulling the blanket up over them.

"Do you remember when we were little? We said such awful things to each other. And sure, sometimes you pushed me until I wanted to throw you out the nearest window-but there was never a moment I didn't want you in my life. Not a single one. I'll never get tired of you, tired of putting my arms around you, or of seeing your face the first thing when I wake up every day. I'll never get tired of how good it feels to look at you and know that you're mine. The last few months proved that to me. Sam, I can't be happy if you're not here. No matter how hard this gets, no matter how much we fight or how many times you threaten to kill me, you'll never stop being the love of my life and my best friend. You…and Jack, you'll always be what I want.

Sam drifted off to sleep that night, her body wrapped in Freddie's arms, her heart wrapped in the words he'd spoken, words that, for the first time, she believed without fear or hesitation.


	17. Go Time

_I'm going to miss this_ , Carly thought. It was Friday and Girls' Night was set to begin any minute…just as soon as Sam showed up. She was putting the final touches on the preparations, setting out snacks, organizing the movie selections – all of which Sam would likely complain about—and putting on her most comfy Girly Cow pajamas. She didn't usually go all out for Girls' Night, but this one was special. Graduation was next week, Jackson was due in a few weeks, and she was heading off to Georgetown at the end of July, so this might be the last time she and Sam were able to do this.

Heading back down the stairs to the living room, she tried to put a smile on her face. She always enjoyed spending time with her best friend, but she knew the nature of their friendship was changing faster than she was comfortable with, and it made her sad to think that their days of being teenagers lounging around the house with no responsibilities were almost over. She wasn't so sure she was ready to let go.

She was really excited about college, but even that happiness was tinged with anxiety and fear. She'd been friends with Sam and Freddie since moving to Seattle. They'd always been there, a sort of friendship safety net. She'd never really had to make new friends, never had to wonder if she was accepted or loved. Georgetown would be different. She'd be in a strange city all the way on the other side of the country, surrounded by the best and brightest. She worried that she wouldn't fit in, wouldn't make friends easily, wouldn't be able to handle the academics. These fears and a million others made her even happier to have this time with Sam, a few final moments in the warm cocoon of childhood where they could ignore the harsh realities of adulthood that were waiting just outside their door.

"Yo, Carlotta?"

Carly hurried down the steps and smiled as Sam entered the apartment. Sam was dressed in a pair of sweats that must have belonged to Freddie, and a Penny Tee that barely covered her stomach. She was really big now and had given up trying to wear anything that didn't have elastic. Carly and Mrs. Benson had both tried to get her to buy maternity clothes but she vehemently refused; she said it was a waste of money. She'd only be wearing them until Jackson was born and after that she did not plan on revisiting, as she put it, 'the hellish torture of pregnancy' ever again. Mrs. Benson looked relieved when she'd said it but Carly knew better.

"Hey Sam, you look so cute!"

"Right, because beached whales are just the cutest things ever." She said grumpily, waddling to the sofa and taking a seat. "What you got to eat? I'm starving, and Freddie and Crazy found my secret stash so I haven't had anything good to eat in days!"

"Sam…the doctor said you have to be careful what you're eating. A steady diet of beef jerky and Fat Cakes can't be good for Jackson."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard it all before. Trust me Carly, this baby has my genes. He wants me to eat Fat Cakes," she said rubbing her belly affectionately. "They make him happy."

Carly sighed and bit her tongue. Sam had never been exactly even-tempered but her hormones in the last week had made her even more irrational and irritable than usual; the littlest thing could set her off and she'd either be screaming at the top of her lungs or crying her eyes out. Neither of those things was conducive to a successful Girls' Night.

"Well, I have Low Fat, Low Salt Fadoodles, Spinach Dip and veggies and sandwiches."  
"Ham?"

"Organic turkey."

"Et tu Brute? Veggies Carls, really?"

"Well…"  
"Freddie called you didn't he?"

She didn't want to lie; she wasn't good at it anyway.

"Maybe…"

"He's such a nub…a cute one, but a nub just the same."

"You love him."

"I do…lucky for him."

Carly grabbed two bottled waters from the fridge and walked over to the sofa.

"So you ready for movies?"

"Heck yeah…and I brought one that I know you haven't seen." She reached into her bag and Carly tried very hard not to be visibly upset at the turn of events. Any movie Sam chose was sure to either make her nauseous, give her nightmares or both.

"Oh. What did you bring?"  _Please don't let it be a horror movie. Please don't let it be a horror movie,_  she thought.

Sam pulled a DVD case out of her bag with a flourish. "Tada!"

Reaching over, she took the case from Sam's hand.

"The Miracle of Life?" She looked at the cover. It looked like nightmares and nausea were on the menu tonight. "Sam…this is a movie about childbirth."

"Yeah…cool huh? It shows an actual birth!" she seemed excited and for the life of her, Carly could not figure out why.

"Sam. Have you watched this yet? I mean, you do know where…" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "Where the baby…comes out of?"

Sam grabbed the case, opening it and sliding it into the DVD player.

"Aw…man up Shay! It can't be that bad."

Carly shook her head, knowing that any further protest was pointless. She grabbed a pillow form the spot beside her, prepared to shield her eyes from the horror she felt sure she was about to witness.

The movie started with soft music and a narrator with an even softer voice. It sounded, and looked, at first glance like the 'Your Body's Wonderful Changes' video they'd had to watch in fifth grade. They were following a woman who was very pregnant. The woman's face was soft and pretty in that way that made it seem like she sprang from the bed with fresh breath and full make up. Her husband was sweet and attentive and they both gushed about how happy they were and how excited they were to meet 'the new life growing in my womb.' It was cheesy – even to Carly.

Carly settled back into the sofa and relaxed a bit. The movie had been on for twenty minutes and so far it was very tame. No shots of anyone's genitals, no blood, no gore. If she hadn't been witness to the last couple months of Sam's pregnancy, she might actually be fooled into believing it was easy. The couple – Hannah and Micheal – held hands as they talked to the doctor about their birth plan. Hannah insisted on not having drugs, Micheal wanted to film the whole thing. It was all so straightforward.

The next scene was in the grainy fashion of home videos. Hannah was in labor. She smiled sweetly at the camera, breathing deeply and telling Micheal to calm down so the baby 'didn't enter the world in a stressful environment.' The only indication of what her body was going through was the soft sheen of sweat the covered her brow – even with that she managed to look like she'd just come off the runway. Hannah was annoying.

They entered the hospital, checked in and spent several painfully sweet moments talking about how their lives were getting ready to change forever. Hannah breathed and smiled, Micheal filmed and cried.

"What a wuss!" Sam cried out, "If Freddie starts crying I swear I'll never let him live it down!"

"Is he going to film it?" Carly said, glad for a conversation that provided her a break from Perfect Hannah and Perfect Micheal and their perfect progeny.

"Are you crazy? There is absolutely no way I'm letting him film that! I'm having a baby…not getting a mole removed!"

"Get that fucking thing out of my face now Micheal or I swear to God I'm going to beat you with it!"

Carly and Sam's heads both snapped toward the television.

 _My, how the mighty have fallen_ , Carly thought.

Perfect Hannah's contractions had intensified significantly during her and Sam's short conversation. Gone was the sweet, pretty girl who marveled at the miracle of birth. In her place was a flushed, wild eyed woman screaming and threatening her husband's life. And perfect Micheal, poor guy, seemed to get more nervous by the moment and the steady stream of expletives coming from Perfect Hannah's mouth did not seem to be helping.

Sam was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. Nothing gave Sam more joy than laughing at the pain of others.

"What a bag of hobnockers!" she sputtered.

Carly looked with confusion at her friend. How was it that Sam could look at this, what was basically her near future, and laugh?

"Sam…"  
"Shhh, Carls. Here comes the doctor." She waved Carly into silence.

The doctor entered the room and was immediately met with Hannah's cries. 'Drugs! Give me the drugs! All of them…now!'

So much for the birthing plan.

According to the doctor it was too late for drugs; it was time to push. Carly was shocked that Hannah hadn't gotten off the table and attacked him. Instead she burst into tears. This movie just got worse and worse.

The movie's producers must have thought it was time to take the camera from poor Micheal, which was a good thing because, by this time, his hands were shaking so hard that the movie was starting to look like a scene from 'The Blair Witch Project.' The screen faded to black, and a title card let them know that it was time for 'The Birth'. That's when it all truly went south. In hindsight, Carly thought that the title card was intended to be a warning. She wished she'd heeded it.

The next scene was confusing initially. She could hear Hannah screaming and the doctor giving calm instructions but she couldn't see them, instead the screen was a jumble of red and white and then she realized what she was looking at.

"Oh my God! That's her…her…"

"Yep," Sam said softly, her eyes wide.

"Is it supposed to be that big?" Carly was horrified. "What's that…oh my God, what are they doing with hedge clippers in a delivery room? I think I'm gonna be sick." She wanted to stop watching but it was like a train wreck; as much as you knew you shouldn't look – you just couldn't tear your eyes away. She and Sam continued to stare at the screen in horrified silence.

And then it happened.

Suddenly, in the middle of the already gory scene a round circle, covered in curly black hair came into view.

Hannah screamed.

Carly screamed.

Sam stared at the television, her jaw on the floor.

"Is that…"

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Sam's shrieks filled the room. Carly could not have been happier to grant her wish.

They both sat staring at the dark television screen, neither of them speaking.

Carly wasn't even having sex but she was determined to make an appointment with her doctor to get on birth control first thing in the morning.

She looked over at Sam. Sam, the strong one, the one who'd voluntarily watched blood, guts and gore for most of her life – who wasn't afraid of anything, looked terrified. Her face was flushed and she was gripping the sides of her stomach with tense hands.

"Sam? Sam, are you okay?"

Sam was silent.

"Sam…do I need to call Freddie?"

Still, Sam said nothing. Carly pulled out her phone and texted Freddie.

Carly:  _U need 2 get over here…NOW_

Freddie:  _Is Sam ok?_

Carly:  _Not exactly_

Not ten seconds later there was a knock on the door. Carly patted Sam's shoulder as she stood to go answer it. Between Perfect Hannah and Terrified Sam, Carly was sure of one thing…she didn't want to be pregnant anytime soon.

She opened the door and wasn't shocked to see a visibly upset Freddie. He looked tired and a little bit scared. He peered around Carly into the apartment. Carly stepped back so he could get a good look at the situation. He rushed over to the sofa, looking back at Carly.

"What happened?"

"The Miracle of Birth."

"Not following you." He said

"We watched 'The Miracle of Birth', shoving the DVD case into Freddie's hands. Scariest movie ever! I think it freaked her out."  _Me too,_  she thought.

"Sam? Baby, answer me." Freddie placed his hands on either side of Sam's face. She turned her head slowly to look up at him and promptly burst into loud throaty tears.

"I'm just gonna go…be somewhere else," Carly said, heading up the stairs.

Freddie sat down beside Sam, and opened his arms to her. He had to be careful these days. Most touch had to be initiated by her since it was hit or miss on whether touching her was okay these days. Last week as they lay in bed he'd wrapped his arms around her and gotten a very unpleasant elbow to the ribs. The next night he'd left a significant amount of space between them and turned in the opposite direction from her and had woken to Sam crying – saying that she was so huge and hideous that he didn't want to touch her anymore. He could not win.

Her mood swings were making life a bit difficult for both of them. They'd had a fight before she came to Carly's for Girl's Night – it was a regular occurrence. Him doing something to tick her off (Wednesday she'd been furious - apparently he was breathing too loud), her yelling, him apologizing and then the whole thing started over again. It was wearing on him, but he really tried to be calm. The situation was hard on everyone – but hardest on Sam. Before she'd left the house she'd been in the bathroom taking a shower when he'd heard a splash followed by a stream of expletives interlaced with his name. He knew immediately what he'd done and braced himself for the impact. He didn't have to wait long.

She'd thrown open the bathroom door and stood there, wrapped only in a towel; face red, arms flailing.

"Seriously Fredwierd! Are you really that inconsiderate?"

"Sam…" she didn't wait for him before she continued.

"Here I am getting ready to push your kid out my lady parts any day now and you leave the freaking seat up! Do you have any idea how hard it is to haul your butt out of a toilet when you're eight months pregnant and as big as a tractor trailer?"

"I…"

"Of course you don't! How could you? You get the easy job. Just sit around watching me get bigger and bigger, leaving toilet seats up and annoying the hell out of me!"

"Sam…"

She turned around and waddled back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. He'd gone to the gym after that, not wanting a repeat performance when she came back out. The woman sitting beside him now bore no resemblance to the tornado of anger that she was a few hours ago.

She leaned into him and when he looked down into her tear stained face, any anger or irritation he'd felt melted away. The last few weeks of pregnancy had been really hard on her. He'd been reading pregnancy books at night when she was asleep and all of them said that once the mother was in the home stretch they were uncomfortable, irritable and extra hormonal.

He understood the uncomfortable part for sure. Sam was not a big girl. She was five foot two with shoes on and although curvy, she had a small frame. Jackson was going to be a big baby, the doctor was expecting at least eight pounds, and all of the extra baby weight was draining Sam. Her feet were swollen, her back hurt all the time and her belly…well, let's just say it was significantly larger than either of them had expected it would be. He just wanted to make her feel better but no matter what he tried, she seemed set on miserable.

"It was horrible," she whispered. "There was blood and…other stuff, and, oh my God," she closed her eyes, shaking her head like an Etch a Sketch whose picture she wanted to be rid of. "They had these…clippers and they… you don't want to know what they did with them, but it was awful. And the woman was screaming at the dude and…"

"What? What did she say?"

"She called him every name in the book…I think she might have added a few new ones." She looked up at him resolutely, wiping away her tears. "I can't do this Freddie."

"Honey, I don't think not doing it is really an option at this point." He reached out to pull her to him. "Sam, you're the strongest woman I know. There isn't anything you can't do."

She buried her head in his shoulder. "You didn't see it Freddie! That kid's head was like this big." She said, stretching her hands in a wide circle. "And his dad's head wasn't nearly as big as yours!"

"Thanks a lot!" he laughed, trying to get her to join him. Instead he felt his shoulder wet with fresh tears.  
"Sam…" he had to choose his words carefully. Telling her that she sounded crazy would just set her off again and he couldn't afford for that to happen. He pulled away from her, peering down into her face. She looked miserable, her head down, refusing to meet his eyes.

"And she was such…such a bitch to him. And when I watched I thought…that's how I treat you. I was awful to you today." She was inconsolable; her shoulders shook. "You probably hate me."

"Sam. Look at me, Sam." She raised her head reluctantly; Freddie wiped away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb. "It would be impossible for me to hate you. I love you too much. This isn't an easy situation. It's not an easy thing to deal with for any of us."

Sam was immediately defensive. "We don't have to do it. If you don't want to do…this, then I can just go back to my mom's, or back to Willacoochee. You don't have to…"

"Sam, stop! For once just be quiet and let me finish!" She flinched at his raised voice. He sighed, reaching over to take her hand. "This is a hard situation. Having a baby is hard even for adults with jobs and houses and all the things that make it easier. But we knew this wasn't going to be easy. We knew that we'd have to really try to make this work. And I do want to make this work Sam, because as hard as it is I still can't imagine life without you and Jackson, and I don't want to.

I know it's even harder on you than me. I know you're tired and uncomfortable and ready for the baby to be here, and I'm trying my hardest to make it as easy on you as I can, but you have to help me Sam. Please don't turn on me every time something happens that you don't like. You can't shut me out. And you can't go running to Carly every time things get hard between us. We're a family now: you, me and Jackson. We have to work out our own problems." He reached over to place a hand on her belly. "And we both have to be committed to making this work. You can't think I'm gonna leave every time we have a fight." He placed a finger under her chin, raising her head to look at him. "There are no exit doors for me; there is no Plan B. This is it. Forever. At some point you're going to have to believe that."

"I do believe you Freddie. I know you want to be here with me…with us. It's just that this is so much harder than I thought it would be. And I just keep thinking…"

"Thinking what baby, talk to me."

"I just keep thinking that if it's this hard already and Jackson isn't even here yet…what's it going to be like once he is here? How are we going to handle this? How are we going to take care of him?" Her shoulders began to shake. "I'm just so…scared. I'm worried all the time. What if we can't do it? I mean…at least you have one example of what a parent is supposed to be like. But me? I have no idea. What if I get it all wrong and ruin his life? What if…what if this was all," her voice lowered to a whisper, "a mistake."

Freddie was quiet but Sam's words echoed in his head. He hadn't realized just how bad it had gotten. He'd been busy with school and trying to work whenever he could to save up money for the baby. He'd just assumed that her moods were because of the hormones, he'd never considered that they had a basis in a very real fear. Sam's life to this point had been more than hard. That she was able to trust him at all was a testament to her tenacity and refusal to give in to the horrors she'd been subjected to.

He couldn't believe that he hadn't considered how her past might be affecting her now. He should have been there for her, made her talk to him, looked past what seemed like irrational anger and taken the time to see what was really wrong. He couldn't believe he'd been so blind. But to say that this was a mistake, any of this, was something he could not support. Having a baby at seventeen was nowhere near ideal, but he loved Sam and Jackson too much to even consider that they could have been a mistake.

"Sam, baby I'm so sorry."

She looked at him, her brow furrowed.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"All this time I've been assuming that how you've been acting was just…you know."

"Wacky pregnancy hormones?"

"Yes! Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

Sam shrugged her shoulders and Freddie reached out to wrap her in his arms. He buried his head in her hair.

"You know…I'm scared too."

Sam turned to face him, looking up at him with eyes that said she didn't believe him.

"I am. I mean…it's not like I've got any more experience with this than you do. I have my mom but I grew up without a dad for the most part. I have no idea how to be a father and sometimes I'm terrified that I'll do it wrong too, that I'll make a mistake and ruin everything."

"You're going to be a great father."

"And that's how I feel about you. We may not know what we're doing, but I figure no one does…until they do it. But we have the most important part down. We love each other and we love Jackson. And as long as we have that we can figure the rest of it out…together."

Sam snuggled into his chest and he felt some of the tension in her body release.

"I love you," she said, "and I'm sorry I've been acting like a crazy person."

"You forget…I've spent 17 years with my mom. I'm used to crazy." He laughed, "Now, how about we go get some breakfast?"

Sam sat up and stretched, rubbing her back. "Yes! Early morning nervous breakdowns make me hungry."

Freddie stood, pulling Sam to stand beside him. "Some things never change."

* * *

Freddie was exhausted. The last two weeks had been a flurry of activity. He was preparing for finals and graduation, helping Sam and his mom get the nursery set up for Jackson, still doing some website design on the side and working with Sam and Carly to plan the final episode of iCarly. The last project was a sad one. They'd avoided it for as long as they could but with Carly headed off for Georgetown the month after graduation and Jackson due soon they knew that doing the show regularly wasn't a possibility. They'd been running old episodes since Sam got home – she was nervous to be on camera while pregnant, but they felt they owed their fans one last live broadcast. They were going to do it after Sam had the baby, before Carly left and as cliché as it sounded, the whole thing felt like the end of an era. They'd started the show as kids and were ending it as they all slipped over the crest into adulthood.

With everything he had on his plate, sleep had fallen woefully to the wayside. He came in from school, worked on Jackson's room and put in another 3 or 4 hours of work after Sam went to bed. She'd been trying to get him to slow down, but they both knew it wasn't really possible. Sam had taken her finals a week ago and they were expecting her diploma in the mail any day. It seemed to calm her to know that she'd finished. He was proud of her; it would have been easy for her to take the easy way out but she hadn't. She'd buckled down and, shockingly, actually studied hard. Her grades were better than she'd ever had and he was hoping that it would help him to convince her to join him at UW eventually.

His mother had been amazing. She was still her normal, paranoid, overprotective self but he was shocked to see what a good influence it had been on Sam. She seemed to flourish under his mother's caring. He'd come home more than once to find the two of them in the living room, Sam asking questions, his mother answering them patiently. The only thing that had scared him was when he came home one day last week to find Sam laying on the bed, stroking her belly absentmindedly while reading 'Aggressive Parenting Monthly'. She'd jumped when she noticed him in the doorway and tried to slip the magazine under the pillow – like he'd caught her reading porn. He'd laughed and told her it was fine – as long as she didn't turn into his mother.

It seemed like things were lining up now; the vague plan they'd had when leaving Georgia had taken shape and seemed to be working. Graduation was next week. Jackson was due in two weeks. He started college in August. Everything was coming together; which is why he couldn't explain the ball of anxiety that had taken up permanent residence in his chest. He felt a little like a hypocrite. He'd told Sam not to worry about things, that everything would be okay. Now here he was, a ball of nerves and worry. He couldn't talk to Sam about it…it would just make her start worrying again and with her due date so close he didn't want to run the risk of that.

Making everything worse was the fact that at Sam's last appointment the doctor had said her blood pressure was way too high. Apparently teenage mothers were at a high risk for a condition called preeclampsia. The doctor had given them a list of instructions, told him to make sure Sam wasn't stressed, that she got enough rest, and ate right. He obviously didn't know Sam if he figured that she was going to listen to Freddie.

He'd rushed home and downloaded every piece of information he could find on it. Then he'd sat down with his mother while Sam was napping and found out just how serious the condition was. If her blood pressure got too high it could put Jackson in serious danger, and Sam too. He was terrified. His mother tried to calm him down. She said they'd work together to make sure Sam was alright these last few weeks but her reassurance had done little to lessen the panic the rose in his throat. He tried to be calm in front of Sam, not wanting to upset her. But at night, when the apartment was quiet and Sam was sleep the fear crept in like fog, clouding all rational thought and leaving him contemplating how empty his life would be if he lost Jackson or Sam. He didn't think he'd survive it.

So he tried his hardest to get her to follow the doctor's instructions. For once, she hadn't fought him on it. She loved Jackson fiercely, already and she wanted to do whatever she could to make sure he was alright. They'd given her a blood pressure monitor and he made sure she checked it several times a day. Unfortunately, even after following the instructions on the doctor's list her blood pressure remained high. Her feet were swollen all the time now and she spent most of her days either on the sofa with her feet up or in the bed. She had no energy and even though she was uncharacteristically quiet and without complaint, he knew she was scared – and that terrified him more.

Which is how he found himself sitting alone in the editing bay of the Ridgeway AV room. He intended to edit some footage he had shot of Sam and Carly in the studio the previous weekend, not for use on iCarly, but as a private memento of Sam's pregnancy that he hoped to show Jackson one day down the road. His heart was not in it, and he barely paid attention to what he was doing. He eventually put his head down in his hands and wrestled with all his thoughts about Sam and Jackson. His worries about them seemed countless, but the question of Sam's high blood pressure, and the threat it posed to her and the baby, outweighed everything else. He was amazed at how quickly this became his weak spot, his greatest vulnerability … the worst thing he could ever have to deal with would be losing Jackson, or, his true nightmare, losing Sam.

He was surrounded by women. He wasn't complaining; he was used to it. It had been that way most of his life. But right now he really wished he had a guy to talk to. All of his friends were still pretty freaked that he was going to be a father – to a baby he'd conceived with Sam Puckett no less. The first time Gibby had seen him and Sam together after Sam's return from Georgia, he'd just stared at her open mouthed, seemingly unable to speak. Sam had thought his shock was at her size and Freddie thanked God that she was pregnant; it quite possibly saved Gibby's life. But Gibby was a normal teenager, once he'd gotten over the shock he'd moved on and while Freddie's mind was occupied with all things baby related, Gibby wanted to spend their time talking about girls and how to get one. Freddie had his hands full with Sam and was already getting used to the idea that his days of chasing girls were over. As little as he and Gibby had in common before, it was even worse now. It made him a little sad to think about the fact that he was likely going to be watching as his already short list of friendships got even shorter. It was inevitable; he had a different set of priorities now.

He paused the video, his shoulders slumping. He must have been hunched over for several minutes, temples throbbing, when he heard the door open and noticed the lights come on. Freddie looked up to see Principal Ted Franklin walking over to him and pulling up a chair. Freddie liked Principal Franklin. He wouldn't start calling his by his first name, the way Sam would, but the principal was the authority figure at Ridgeway he trusted the most. And Franklin was the only member of the Ridgeway staff who seemed to care about Sam and her future. Ted had been quite upset at Sam's disappearance, and was grievously worried about the prospect of Sam not graduating. Several months back, he managed to coax the truth about the pregnancy from Carly and Freddie, and true to his word, he had never said anything to a single soul. Knowing that Sam was back in Seattle, Ted was anxious to follow Sam and the baby's progress, and he was concerned to see Freddie visibly upset.

"Freddie, are you okay?" Franklin began.

Freddie sat upright and let out a deep breath. "Mostly, Principal Franklin. There's a lot going on at home, on top of finals here. I'm tired … and stressed out."

"And Sam? How has she been doing?"

"Oh. Well, first of all, she finished all her online classes, and she got her diploma. It should be coming in the mail any day now. She made it!"

"That's thanks to you, Freddie. You and Carly, in any case. I don't think she cared about it for herself, but she did it for you. I think she felt she had some things to prove. But I have a feeling that isn't the reason you look this upset. What's going on?"

Freddie sighed. Sam hated having her personal issues discussed. But Freddie knew that Sam liked Principal Franklin; more even than Freddie himself. Principal Franklin could be trusted, and Freddie needed someone to talk to about this besides his mom, Sam and Carly. The pressure of everything he had on his mind was building in him like a pressure cooker; if he didn't talk about it soon he was going to blow.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, we went to her doctor's appointment, and there was a problem. Her blood pressure has been running really high. The doctor said that it's a threat both to her and to Jackson."

"Jackson?"

"Oh…that's what we've decided to name him. Jackson Daniel – after my dad."

"That's a good strong name. So the doctor…"

"He said that this is pretty common in teen moms."

"Not just teen mothers. When my wife was pregnant with Emily, her blood pressure soared toward the end of the pregnancy. She was sick a lot, and swollen and irritable. She had to stay in bed for the last month before delivery. But she had a good doctor, and she made it through just fine. Emily was perfectly healthy."

'Sam's in bed too. She hates it, and on top of that, I can tell she's scared. I can't help her because I'm scared too. This whole thing is just so…intense. I've never been this worried – I feel like I'm in danger of losing everything that matters to me."

"Freddie, I've been a principal for a few years now, and I've seen several students go through pregnancies. They've usually done it alone. You've been there for Sam, taking care of her. You've always doted on her a little, even before you dated. And she listens to you. You've always been her conscience. I bet she's doing exactly what the doctor wants, and it's because you're making her do it. She's got a condition that is not without risk, Freddie, but the two of you are doing what it is in your power to manage it; that's really all you can do. After that, you just need to have a little faith."

Freddie nodded, and continued, "It's more than that, though. It's everything. Sam, Jackson, money, college, the future…everything is just so complicated. I feel like if I blink I'll drop the ball on something important and ruin all of our lives. I just want to make life good for Sam and Jackson and sometimes…I just don't know how."

"You know worrying isn't going to help or change anything right?"

Freddie ran a hand over his brow in frustration, "I know! I keep telling myself that but it's like I can't stop. I feel like I'm on a runaway train and I'm the only one who can see we're headed for a cliff."

"Yeah..that sounds about right." Ted chuckled.

"What?"

"I said, that sounds about right."

"Aren't you supposed to be making me feel better?"

"Freddie, the two most wonderful days of my life were my wedding day and the day Emily was born. On both of those days I was so scared I could hear my knees knocking. On both of those days I was convinced I was going to do something that would ruin everything. And on both of those days I was the happiest I have ever been before or since. It'll be the same for you. They'll come a day when you can't imagine what your life was like before you had your son." He reached over to pat Freddie's shoulder, "You're not gonna do it right all the time; or even most of the time. But you'll love him all the time – that's what matters." He smiled at Freddie, standing and pushing the chair under the table. "Now, you'd better get going…you've got a family to get home to."

Freddie stood, turning off the monitor, slipping his flash drive into his bag. He and Principal Franklin headed toward the door together.

"Thanks Principal Franklin…for everything."

"Not a problem Freddie. You know, as principal I don't have favorites – officially. But off the record, you, Sam and Carly are pretty important to me. I want you all to succeed. I know what you're dealing with is hard, but I'm very proud of the way you're handling it. And my door is always open if you need to talk."

Freddie nodded and the two men shook hands; Freddie promising to let Principal Franklin know when Sam had the baby. Heading out the door he was lost in his thoughts as he drove home. His talk with Principal Franklin had been good; at least now he realized that he wasn't the only one who'd dealt with this, and if felt good to know that Principal Franklin was rooting for them.

The apartment was dark when he entered. His mom was working the late shift and Sam was probably asleep. Just as well; he didn't quite feel up to talking yet. Walking into their room, he saw Sam stretched out on their bed. She looked like an angel when she was asleep. It was rare that she could get comfortable but right now she was still. Her blond hair spilled out over the pillow, it had gotten even longer and thicker since she'd been pregnant; it was the one part of pregnancy she wholeheartedly supported. A small smile played on her lips and her hand rested on the crest of her stomach. Her t-shirt had ridden up just enough for him to see the pale skin stretched smooth across her belly. She hated for him to see it, bemoaning stretch marks, but to him it was beautiful. Looking at her and knowing that Jackson was in there, waiting to meet them filled him with a joy that was the only thing that chased his anxiety away these days.

He slid into the bed beside Sam, wrapping his arms around her. He smiled to himself, thinking of his talk with Principal Franklin. He was probably right – they were bound to make some mistakes but they'd be facing it together; and for now, that was enough.

* * *

"Fredward! Sam! Are you decent?"

Sam opened her eyes slowly, blinking at the sunlight streaming in the window. Marissa always asked them the same question. In the beginning, when she'd first come home her question was met with the shuffling of blankets and Freddie's furious blushing. It was laughable now; she was too big for any sort of sexual shenanigans to be going down. They were always decent.

She nudged Freddie and he swatted her hand away, still sleep.

"Freddie…get up, your mom's at the door." He blinked his eyes and groaned, turning away from the door and pulling the covers over his head.

Sam rolled her eyes. "Come on in Marissa."

Marissa entered the room with a smile a mile wide. She'd been waiting for this day for a long time and next to Jackson's impending birth, this was quite possibly her happiest moment.

"Why aren't you up yet? Graduation starts in exactly two hours and ten minutes. You'd better get a move on. This is the biggest day of your life." She looked over at Sam's belly. "Well…so far anyway."

Sam rose up on her elbow and stared down at Freddie's partially covered, still sleeping face. She raised a hand and flicked him hard on the forehead.

"Up and at 'em Freddifer!"

"Ow!" Freddie opened one eye to peer at his girlfriend. Subtlety was not a trait she possessed in any meaningful quantity. "Alright, alright, I'm up!" He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, looking over at the clock on the nightstand.

"Breakfast in thirty minutes. We have to be leaving in an hour." Marissa said walking toward the door. "Samantha…don't let him go back to sleep." Called over her shoulder before shutting the door behind her.

"I'm on it," Sam said, saluting.

As soon as the door shut Freddie lay down again, pulling the covers over him. Sam yanked the blanket down and turned to get out of the bed, landing a slap on his butt.

"You heard your mom…get up!"

"Sam! Just five more minutes," Freddie whined.

"No more minutes, graduate. Don't make me find my butter sock."

Freddie groaned and sat up, swinging his feet over the side of the bed.

Sam began to move around the room, grabbing clothes from the closet and underwear from the drawer.

"I'm surprised you weren't up early. Aren't you excited for your big day?"

Freddie looked over at Sam. She looked ready to burst at any minute.

"I guess…but it just that when I compare this to the fact that Jack is almost here it just doesn't seem like such a big deal."

"Well, big deal or not, I didn't let you mother drag me out for a new fancy pregnant lady dress for nothing. So let's get a move on." She headed toward the bathroom. "I call dibs on the shower," she said, shutting the door.

Sam was right-this should be an exciting day for him. If you'd asked him a year ago he'd have said it was the most important day, but now it seemed like an unnecessary formality. He'd already gotten his grades – straight A's as usual. For Freddie, not graduating from high school had never been a possibility, so sitting in a room full of his classmates, listening to speeches and posing for pictures, just didn't sound like a good time.

But his mom was excited, especially now that he would be staying in Seattle instead of moving to D.C. to go to N.I.T. She wanted the whole graduation experience. She'd even worked with Spencer to help plan a graduation party for him, Carly and Sam this afternoon. He wanted her to be happy. He was going to have a family of his own very soon, this was one of the last times he'd be 'her little boy'; he couldn't deny her that.

He stood and walked to the closet, pulling out his cap and gown. It was surreal, all the years of studying and working hard were coming to an end – at least until August, when it would start all over again with college. He did feel proud. It had been one heck of a year and there were times he wondered if he'd survive it, but here he was – the woman he loved not ten feet from him, preparing for a baby and getting ready for college. He felt like a bona fide grown up.

He pulled out underwear, and pulled his clothes from the hanger, laying them on the bed. Sam had picked out his clothes, insisting that he not look entirely nubbish for the pictures. He'd be wearing black slacks and a deep blue button down dress shirt that fit a little too snugly for his taste but, Sam said, 'You've got the guns…let me enjoy the show'.

She'd been in the bathroom for a long time, he heard his mother yelling from the kitchen that their breakfast was getting cold. They needed to hurry. Being late made his mom nervous, and dealing with a nervous Marissa was not something he wanted to do today.

He walked out into the kitchen and was met with is mother's disapproving stare.

"Fredward. Why aren't you dressed? We need to be at the school in thirty minutes and I still have to pick up the cake."

He walked to the refrigerator, reaching in for the orange juice.

"Sam's still in the shower."

"Well go get her out!"

"Mom, relax. It takes her a little longer to do things these days." He downed his juice, "Why don't you just go pick up the cake and meet us at the school? We'll be there just as soon as I get dressed."

"Fredward, you cannot be late for your graduation!"

"I won't be. We still have an hour. We'll leave in forty-five minutes, tops. I promise."

His mother eyed him with disbelief but didn't argue. "Okay, I'm going to go pick up the cake. I expect to see you in forty-five minutes, Freddie."

"Alright mom, you'd better hurry up or you're the one that's gonna be late."

She leaned over and kissed the top of his head, grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Freddie laughed, shaking his head as he started back toward the bedroom. He'd better get Sam moving or they were both going to deal with Marissa's wrath.

"Sam," he knocked softly on the bathroom door and was met with silence. "Sam? You better get moving or we're going to be late." Putting his ear to the door, he didn't hear the sound of water running. She was probably asleep sitting on the toilet. He opened the door and paused.

In the middle of the bathroom Sam was bent over, one hand on her stomach, the other gripping the sink. The floor around her was wet. She had a habit of leaving the shower curtain open when she showered and he'd had more than one occasion of almost breaking his neck on the water coated tile floor.

"Sam, you forgot to close the curtain again. If you keep doing that you're gonna slip and…"

Sam was moaning again and he walked over to hear, concern marring his features.

"Sam?" He stepped close to her, sliding in the water at her feet. He looked down at the floor and then frantically back at Sam.

This was not water.

He froze. His throat closed, his brain went fuzzy and for about five seconds he couldn't remember his name.

Sam looked up at him, her face was strained but she was smiling.

"Freddie?"

He couldn't answer but she continued anyway.

"It's go time."


	18. Lean on Me

Sam shut the door behind her and locked it. In the few months she and Freddie had been living together (it still sounded weird, yet so wonderful, to say that even in her head), they'd taken to sharing the bathroom most of the time. It wasn't uncommon for Freddie to come in while she was in the shower or vice versa, but today she just needed a few minutes to herself.

She stepped into the shower and released a weary sigh as the water ran over her. She hadn't known that getting ready for a baby would be this hard, or this tiring. Everyday Marissa would appear with her clipboard and list after list of things that needed to be done. She'd really tried to be a good sport about it. After all, Marissa didn't have to help or even care about her and Jackson. Sam knew she was lucky to have her, but more and more she was feeling completely overwhelmed by it all.

Add to that the doctor visits that just got worse and worse. Her blood pressure was high and nothing they did seemed to set it right. She'd sat beside Freddie in the doctor's office, squeezing his hand until he'd probably lost feeling in it as the doctor rattled of all the complications that her condition could cause. She blamed herself, all the nights she'd sneaked Fat Cakes and bacon and a million other things she wasn't supposed to have. The doctor told them her condition, preeclampsia, was common for teen mothers and even if she'd done everything right, she might still have ended up with it, but the reassurances didn't help. Jackson could be in danger and it would all be her fault.

She felt warm tears begin to streak down her face and leaned into the shower spray to wash them away. Just the thought of anything being wrong with Jackson reduced her to immediate tears. It was another reason to lock the door. Freddie was already stressed out. Finishing school, getting ready for his finals, helping her and Marissa get the nursery read and still pulling in as many web design jobs as he could; he was burning the candle at both ends and it was becoming obvious. He was tired and on edge and if she ever let the smile she attempted to plaster across her face at all times fall, he was instantly concerned, asking if she was okay, if the baby was okay. She hated to see him like that. He was already prone to being a worrywart and their current situation had shifted him into high gear. Between him and Marissa – who was herself a bundle of nervous energy, Sam felt the need to maintain a mask of calm around them. She smiled, tried to be enthusiastic about all of Marissa's plans, and reassured Freddie at every turn that she was fine, Jackson was fine, everything was fine. But it wasn't; she was crumbling inside. In less than a month she was going to be a mother and she had no idea how to do it. All she wanted to do was get Jackson here safely and be the kind of mother he deserved, and she was terrified that she wouldn't be able to do it.

She shut off the water and stepped carefully out of the shower onto a bath mat. Freddie hated it when she got the floor all wet after a shower-just another of the little things she tried to remember. She placed a hand at her back and frowned. This was something she hadn't expected. The last week or so her back had hurt nearly all the time. Today was the worst. She'd woken to find a dull ache had settled into her lower back that wasn't relieved no matter how she changed her position. She, of course, hadn't said anything to Freddie. Graduation was a really big day for him, and she didn't want to ruin it by making him worry about her any more than he already did. She figured that all she had to do was slap on a smile and ignore the pain for a few hours, through graduation and the party, then she could put on her comfy pajamas and curl up in bed with Freddie-being in his arms made almost everything better.

Today was the last big hurdle they had to get through before Jackson came. She'd already gotten her diploma, Freddie was all set to start UW and the Benson's former guest room had been turned into baby heaven – complete with a beautiful mural courtesy of Spencer. Watching him walk across the stage today was the last thing to check off the list – they were in the home stretch.

She reached across the sink to grab her toothbrush and stopped short as a sharp pain shot through her back, wrapping around her belly.

 _Shit_ , she thought.  _I don't have time for this today_. She'd have to try to find the heating pad and use it while Freddie was in the shower. She waited for the pain to subside.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Finally the pain began to ease up slowly and she released a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding. She grabbed her toothbrush and raised it to her mouth.

"Sam?" Freddie knocked softly on the bathroom door. She turned to answer him, but had the air knocked out of her as another pain, worse than the first, radiated from her back, surrounding her belly and settling between her legs with a pressure that made coherent thought impossible.

This could not be happening. She tried to breathe but felt as if she'd forgotten how. Jackson wasn't due for another three weeks. It was too early. Her mind attempted to consider the seriousness of the situation but the pain that had taken her body captive made it difficult to consider anything but the agony she was in.

Freddie knocked again and she reached out to grip the side of the sink with a strength that turned her knuckles white. He was going to come in. He'd knock the door down – or try – if she didn't answer him, but her voice was gone. She didn't want him to worry. She tried to bring a smile to her face and only succeeded in a mildly friendly looking grimace. Reaching out she turned the lock on the door and doubled over, curling herself around the pain.

Just as the waves of insistent pressure began to lift she heard a faint 'pop' from low in her belly and a warm trickle begin to make its way down her leg followed by a rush of fluid that collected at her feet. Any hope that what she'd been feeling was just back pain, or that it might be false alarm had left and now joined the proof swimming at her feet – she was in labor.

She heard the bathroom door open and Freddie enter the room. She raised her head slowly and peered up at him.

"Sam, you forgot to close the curtain again. If you keep doing that you're gonna slip and…"

She tried to tell him he had it wrong but the pressure building in her belly allowed only a moan to escape her lips.

"Sam?" He stepped close to her, sliding in the water at her feet. He looked down at the floor and then frantically back at Sam.

She could tell the exact second he realized that he wasn't standing in water and the look of sheer terror on his face actually brought a smile to hers. She looked up at him, her face was strained but she was smiling.

"Freddie?" He didn't answer but she continued anyway. "It's go time."

Freddie stood completely still. His mouth opened and closed a dozen times and Sam had to stifle a laugh – he looked like a fish.

"Freddie?"

Sam breathed deep and stood upright, holding a hand to the bottom of her belly. His eyes were glazed over and for a split second she was worried that he'd stopped breathing.

**Freddie**

Go time.

Go time?

Go time!

_Move Freddie. Say something. Do something. In the name of all that is holy, do not stand there looking like a zombie!_

She walked over to him, stepping over the mess in the middle of the bathroom floor. She put her hands on either side of his face and with all the strength she had – which wasn't much—she screamed.

"Fredward Karl Benson!"

He blinked and Sam's face came into sharp focus.

"This kid is coming and if you don't get a move on he's gonna come in the middle of the bathroom floor."

Her face was flushed and she was breathing slow ragged breaths as she held her stomach. This couldn't be happening! Jackson wasn't due for another three weeks. He swallowed, trying to push down the fiery ball of anxiety burning a hole in his chest. He reached one shaky hand out and placed it on Sam's stomach. It was hard as a rock. Was that normal? Where was his mother when he needed her? Of course, she was sitting in the Ridgeway High School auditorium waiting to see him walk across the stage.

 _Get it together Benson!_  he chastised himself. His mother wasn't here but he was. Sam and Jackson needed him now – and they didn't need him being a blubbering pile of nerves. He looked down into Sam's face and stood straighter. This was his family – his son and woman he loved and he'd be damned if he'd let them down.

**Sam**

"Are you okay?" Freddie's face scanned hers and she felt herself relax a little as the determination she'd grown used to seeing in him returned. His hand was resting on her stomach as his other arm moved around to her back, leading her slowly from the bathroom.

"I think I'm having a baby but other than that I'm just perfect." She hadn't meant for that to come out so snippy but fear and pain twisted her words.

He walked her into the bedroom and had her sit on the bed. The minutes he'd spent immobile in the bathroom were being made up for now as he rushed around the room. He grabbed her clothes and laid them on the bed beside her.

"Can you get dressed by yourself? I need to call the doctor and get your bag, and call my mom and…"

"Slow down." She said, at this rate he'd end up passing out before they could get out the door. "I'll get dressed. You call the doctor; we can call your mom from the car." She slid the shirt he'd laid beside her on, pulling it down over her stomach before attempting to slide into the yoga pants.

Freddie grabbed his phone and Sam heard him talking to the doctor.

"How far apart are they Sam?" she looked at him blankly, "The contractions Sam. How far apart are they?"

"I couldn't time them…I was too busy hurting!" This was getting ridiculous. She'd carried this kid for nine months, and in the next however many hours she'd be pushing him out – how much did they expect her to do?

Freddie went back to the phone, smart enough not to comment on Sam's answer. She stood from the bed and slid her feet into flip flops; bending down to tie anything was not going to happen. She heard Freddie finish with the doctor as she headed out the bedroom door into the living room. She was trying desperately to keep the panic at bay. She tried thinking of everything except what was happening to her body right now. Girly Cow episodes. J'Maw Maw's fried chicken. Playing super hero with Jason. Nothing worked; all she could think of was Jackson. Maybe it was that mother's intuition all the books talked about, but she was completely certain that this was no false alarm. This was the real thing. Jackson was coming three weeks early – and that thought filled her with fear. She felt tears building behind her eyes as she walked down the hall and opened the door to the nursery.

The room was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. The walls were painted a soft blue, one wall covered in fluffy white clouds with a soft yellow sun breaking from behind them. Centered on the wall was Jackson's name, and the words "Our Dreams Came True…In You". The furniture was a deep chocolate brown and by the window was a rocking chair that had been in Freddie's family for generations. Sam had felt a deep satisfaction when she thought of how that chair linked her to Freddie, linked Jackson to a real family. Fresh tears fell as she looked at it now. This room was ready for the tiny person who had become her whole life. She wanted to see him here, to hold him in that rocking chair and see the sun shine on his face. She wanted to feel him in her arms and know he was healthy and safe. But what if he wasn't?

"Sam?"

She turned, tried to wipe the tears from her face and offered Freddie a halfhearted smile.

"I was just…" she turned back to look at the mural, feeling a lump in her throat as she looked at her son's name. "I just wanted to look at it one more time before…before we leave."

Freddie crossed the space between them, setting her bag on the floor before he folded her into his arms. He ran is hand over her hair, placing a kiss on the top of her head. This moment felt both surreal and too real to handle all at once. He throat was thick with emotion and all the words he couldn't say.

"Scared?" It was all he could manage. He felt Sam nod into his chest. "Me too. But Sam, look at me." She raised her head and looked into his eyes. He placed his hands softly on either side of her face. "We can do this. We can handle this – you and me. Okay?"

She nodded again, wordlessly and let him lead her from the room.

Looking over his shoulder he took it all in. This room represented all the work they'd done to prepare a place for their son. It wasn't just paint and furniture; it was trust, and love, and hope. It was a room filled with their dreams, for Jackson and for each other. As scary as this was, those dreams gave him confidence. Everything would be okay. It had to be.

* * *

This was the most quiet he'd ever seen Sam, and it was unnerving. They stood waiting for the elevator for what seemed like forever. When it finally came to their floor he'd held her bag in one hand and helped her in with the other. She leaned into him, breathing softly but saying nothing. They rode down the elevator to the parking garage, hands linked. The silence felt heavy around them, all filled up with worry and their mutual desire to be strong for each other. In the parking garage they walked together, as quickly as Sam could, toward the car. Everything was a check list for him now.

Get Sam's bag.

Get Sam to the car.

Get Sam to the hospital.

So far he was two for three with no major problems. Getting Sam situated in the passenger seat, he threw the bag into the backseat and ran around to the driver's side. Putting the key in the ignition he looked over at Sam and allowed himself a small smile as he watched her fumbling in frustration with her seatbelt. Sam never cared about seatbelts. Being pregnant with Jackson had changed so many things.

He heard her draw in a sharp breath and his smile vanished. She was gripping the armrest, her face bright red, her breath coming slow and ragged through pinched lips. He looked at his watch. Ten minutes since the last time she looked like this. He dared not ask her if she'd been counting contractions. She'd made it clear that if pushing the baby out was her job then counting the time between pains was his.

"You okay?"

Sam looked over at him and he could see she was struggling to bite her tongue – not something she was particularly good at.

"Start. The. Car."

He turned back to the steering wheel and did as she asked.

Nothing.

He turned the key again and was met with a clicking sound and nothing else. The lights on the dashboard flickered briefly and went out.

 _This is not happening,_  he thought. He tried again. And again. By the fifth try, Sam was facing him fully, fury in her eyes.

"Freddie this is not a joke…start the freaking car and get me to the freaking hospital!"

"I'm trying Sam, I think the battery is dead."

"You have got to be kidding me," she mumbled.

Freddie reached for the door handle.

"I bet it needs a jump start." Sam looked at him like he'd grown a second head. He couldn't even be offended at that. He had no idea where he would find someone in a deserted garage to give him a jump, or how long it would take to get the car started once he did.

"Are you planning to stare it into submission?" Sam asked, staring at him. His only answer was to try to start the car again. Sam let out an exasperated sigh and opened the car door, slamming it behind her. Freddie opened his door and followed her out of the car.

"Where are you going?" he asked, walking to catch up with her as she headed for the elevator.

"To the hospital, nub! If you haven't noticed, I'm having a baby and I don't want to have it in a parking garage!" She pushed past him and kept walking toward the elevator.

"Sam! You can't walk to the hospital!"

She pushed the button call the elevator and swung around to face him, her eyes wild.

"Jesus, Freddie…I'm not walking to the hospital! I'm catching a cab."

The elevator arrived and she stepped in, holding a hand at her back, her face in full frown. Turning back to look at him, her eyes narrowed.

"Well are you coming? Or would you rather me send you a telegram when the baby gets here?"

He stepped onto the elevator, feeling completely useless. Halfway to the ground floor he remembered.

"Your bag! We left your bag in the car." He reached over to press the button for the garage.

"Push that button and I'll break your fingers Fredward. We are  _not_  going back for a bag. Jackson is coming. Now!"

She was red-faced again, biting her bottom lip as she leaned against the elevator wall. He knew this was going to be hard – painful for Sam, but he hadn't known just how bad it would make him feel. Watching her in pain when he knew that there was nothing he could do about it was maddening. And he had a feeling this was going to get worse before it got better.

Arriving in the lobby, he put a hand softly at Sam's back and directed her out the front door. He prayed silently that finding a cab would be easy – they both needed something to be easy right now. Someone must have been listening to him because they stepped out the front doors just as an elderly woman was exiting a cab in front of the building.

"Taxi!" he called out, running ahead of Sam to hold the door open. Sam slid into the cab and Freddie sat beside her, closing the door.

"Seattle Memorial Hospital. And we need to get there fast."

The cab driver grunted in response. Walter White, his cab driver's license said from above the meter. He picked up a small notebook and appeared to start writing in it. Sam looked to Freddie and he knew he had mere seconds to get this guy moving before Sam strangled him from over the seat.

"Hurry it up, grandpa!" Sam spat at him, "or get the hell out and I'll drive us there myself!"

Freddie patted Sam's leg in a vain attempt to calm her.

"Listen, Walter is it? We need to get to the hospital now!"

"Teenagers…always in a hurry, and they never tip," the cab driver mumbled under his breath. "What's the big hurry anyway? Got a big party to get to?"

Sam appeared to be in the grip of another contraction, lucky for Walter because the look she was giving him should have melted his face. Freddie leaned forward.

"Look, my girlfriend is in labor. As in having a baby-and you have no way of knowing this but she is not someone you want to piss off. And the longer you sit here, the more pissed off she'll get. For your own good I suggest that you put down your little notebook, put this piece of crap car in gear and get us to the freaking hospital or I will not be held responsible for what she decides to do to your face!" By the end of this tirade, he was screaming in a way that made Sam proud.

Walter looked over his shoulder into the backseat, seeming to get a good look at Sam for the first time.

"Aw hell! Why didn't you say that in the first place!" He whipped around to the steering wheel, pulling into traffic at a speed that made Freddie more than a little uncomfortable. He wanted to get to the hospital, but he'd prefer to get them there in one piece.

He felt Sam reach for his hand and turned to see her looking a little more comfortable, a small smile on her face.

"Well done nub. You told him off like a pro."

He settled into the seat beside her, wrapping an arm around her.

"I learned from the best." He said, pushing a few stray hairs from her forehead. "You alright?"

"Freddison, let's just establish this now. I'm having a baby. It hurts like hell and I doubt I'll be alright until your son decides to make an appearance. So until then 'Are you alright?' is an off limits question, okay?"

He shut his mouth and continued rubbing her arm watching as Walter whipped in and out of traffic at speeds that made him want to close his eyes until they got to the hospital.

"Uh…Walter? Can you slow down just a little?" he asked, but Walter was too busy shaking a fist at the dazed looking pedestrian he'd narrowly missed mowing down.

"Move the hell out of the way! Pregnant lady on board!" Walter screamed out the window.

"Ahhhh!" Sam screamed, grabbing onto Freddie's knee, her fingernails surely drawing blood.

"Ow!" he screamed with her.

"What's going on back there?" Walter raised up and looked into the backseat.

"Eyes on the road!" Freddie pointed frantically out the front window as another pedestrian, this one on a bike, narrowly missed becoming a hood ornament. "What the hell are you doing?"

Walter had turned back to the front just in time to hurl another string of expletives out the window.

"We're almost there lady" he called over his shoulder. "Try to hold it in. I just got the car detailed!"

Freddie shook his head as Sam's face snapped up to look at Walter. Now he'd done it.

"You say one more word and I swear to God I will neuter you with my bare hands!" Sam whispered from behind clenched teeth as she struggled to lean toward Walter's seat. Freddie, held her back, pulling her to him. "Not. Another. Word!" she screamed, falling back into the seat before bursting into tears.

"Geesh," Walter muttered under his breath. "Hope that kid has your sparkling personality!"

"Dude!" Freddie put an arm out in front of Sam to prevent her from lurching at Walter. "Please, just shut the hell up and drive!"

The rest of the ride involved Walter grumbling under his breath and Sam shooting daggers at the back of his head while Freddie attempted to keep her calm. Finally they pulled up to the Emergency entrance of the hospital. Freddie jumped out and ran to Sam's door to help her from the car. She was moving even more slowly now, a thin sheen of sweat collecting on her forehead. Holding onto Sam with one arm, he reached into his pocket for his wallet, throwing a twenty at the driver.

"Thanks for nothing," he muttered, turning Sam towards the entrance doors.

"It's the least I can do," he heard Walter yell out the window with a laugh. "And I always do the least I can do!" He sped off before he could see the finger Sam extended to him.

"He's so lucky I'm pregnant," Sam said, leaning into Freddie as they entered the hospital. Looking around the busy waiting room, he rushed Sam toward the reception desk. He immediately frowned. It didn't look like this was going to go any better than the cab ride. Behind the desk, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around her sat a nurse clad in Hello Kitty scrubs with a nametag that read 'Lily.' She sat perched on the edge of a chair with a thick book in her hands. Freddie looked over at Sam and was relieved to see that she had yet to notice that they were being categorically ignored by their bookworm nurse.

"Excuse me?" Freddie said.

Lily raised her head slowly, her pale blue eyes scanning them disapprovingly; she appeared annoyed at the interruption. She sighed and put a bookmark into her book before closing it. She stood and didn't bother with trying to appear helpful. Taking one look at Sam she rolled her eyes, grabbed a clipboard and pushed it toward them.

"This is Sam…Samantha Puckett. Her doctor called in her information. She's in labor."

"I gathered that," Lily said, sarcasm painting her words. "You need to fill that out."

"Can you get her a wheelchair or something?" Freddie asked, wishing he could say what he really wanted to, but knowing it would only make the process go even slower.

Lily, of the perpetually rolling eyes, disappeared into a side room and appeared a moment later with a wheelchair, parking it behind Sam. Freddie helped Sam sit down and waited for Lily to re-appear. She walked back through the doors, took a seat at the desk and opened her book again.

"Um…Hello! Woman having a baby here!" Freddie banged a hand on the counter to get her attention.

"Did you fill out the paperwork?" she stood and walked slowly toward him. Urgency was not in this woman's vocabulary.

"Her doctor already called her in!"

Lily stood and walked to the desk's computer.

"Name?"

"Samantha Puckett."

Lily typed in Sam's name, squinting at the screen.

"Her doctor already called her in," she said woodenly.

Freddie laid a hand to his forehead, counting to ten. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and realized he'd yet to call his mom. Right now she was probably sitting in the audience listening as Freddie's name was called and he failed to show up. He pulled his phone from his pocket and confirmed it was his mother. There were four text messages, each more frantic than the last.

Mom:  _Freddie where are you?_

Mom:  _Is everything okay? They're getting ready to line up!_

Mom:  _Fredward Benson! Where are you?_

Mom:  _Is Sam okay?_

He sighed and looked down at Sam, who seemed to be focusing all her energy on breathing. He started to ask if she was okay and thought better of it, leaning down instead to place a kiss on her forehead. "What's the hold up, Fredly?"She looked up at him and smiled weakly. She was trying to sound normal – to act normal but her heart was obviously not in it. Just the fact that she was allowing him to handle everything was proof to him that she wasn't herself. But he didn't mind, he wanted now more than he ever had, to prove to her that he could take care of her, that when the chips were down he'd always be the one she could lean on.

"Just hold on baby, I'm working on it."

Freddie turned back toward Lily who was staring intently at her hot pink fingernails.

"Can we get her into a room now?"

Lily looked up at him, as if just realizing he was still standing there.

"Just one minute…they're getting her side of the room ready."

"Side?" Sam squeaked. The one thing she'd been adamant about was that she wanted a private room. Freddie's mom had pulled some strings and arranged it.

"She's supposed to have a private room." Freddie said, "We arranged it weeks ago."

"Yeah," Lily said, "like  _that's_  gonna happen. We are baby central today. No private rooms available, unless you want to come back tomorrow." She laughed at her own joke and Freddie thought Sam would be the one holding him back this time. Just when he was considering how much jail time he'd get for punching a female nurse, an orderly walked up to them, taking a clipboard from Lily.

"Samantha Puckett?" he said

"Yeah…that's me," Sam grunted but looked relieved to finally be on her way to a room.

"Right this way Miss Puckett," he steered Sam's wheelchair toward the elevator bay, Freddie following behind them.

His phone vibrated again and he saw an incoming call from his mom.

"Hey mom," he answered trying not to sound as nervous as he actually was. He pulled the phone away from his ear as his mother shrieked into the phone.

"Fredward! Where are you? Graduation is almost over!"

"We're at the hospital. Apparently Jackson has the same impeccable timing as his mother."

The phone went silent.

"Mom? Are you there?" He heard sniffling on the other end and was only able to make out two words before the line went dead.

"I'm coming."

He shook his head and put his phone back in his pocket. He reached down and grabbed Sam's hand, squeezing it.

"Your mom?"

"Yeah…she's on her way."

"Graduation over?"

"I don't think so…she's leaving though. No point in being there if I'm not I guess."

"I'm sorry," Sam said, "I'm ruining your graduation."

"Sam, you're talking crazy! Graduation is nothing compared to this!" He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. "And I thought 'I'm sorry' was off limits today."

Sam laughed and it was pure joy to his heart. She looked down at her stomach as the elevator came to a stop on the fifth floor.

"This kid has great timing, huh?"

"Well, he's early…so we know he didn't get that from you."

"Yet another reason to punish you severely once he's out."

The orderly pushed Sam's wheelchair down the hall entering room 2107. It was indeed a two person room but thankfully they were the only ones there.

"Looks like you got the place to yourself. You're lucky, it's been really busy today." He put the brake on the wheelchair and helped Freddie get Sam seated on the bed. "The nurse should be here in just a few minutes." He said, walking toward the door. "Good luck!"

The door shut behind him and Freddie was immediately thankful for the silence. If the rest of this day was anything like the beginning he might not make it. Water breaking, cars not starting, cranky cab drivers who drove like Evel Knievel and rude nurses who couldn't be bothered to help. It had to get better from here.

He walked over to Sam and helped her get comfortable on the bed.

"Can I get you anything?" He leaned over the bed, brushing the hair back from her forehead.

"Is it too late to ask for a surrogate?"

"Yeah, I think we passed that marker a while ago." He pulled up a chair beside the bed and held onto her hand. "Anything else? Are you thirsty?"

"No, but I'm starving."

"The doctor said I couldn't give you anything to eat." He whispered. He'd forgotten to mention that earlier. She wasn't supposed to have anything to eat – maybe not until she delivered Jackson.

Sam's eyes shot open.

"What did you just say?"

"Um ... are you thirsty?"

"Not that … don't play with me Benson."

Freddie sighed. "Nothing to eat, not yet anyway."

"When can I eat?"

He squeezed her hand and tried to sound calm. "Let's just wait and ask the doctor when she gets here."

Sam fell back on the bed, eyes closed.

"This just sucks harder and harder."

Before he could answer her the door opened and in swept what was quite possibly the perkiest person he'd ever met. Sam hated perky. She was right – this just sucked harder and harder.

"Well hello there Mommy and Daddy! Who's having a baby today? You are!" she was like a maternity cheerleader. Sam was going to hate her. "My name is Stephie, I'm going to be helping take care of you and this little one," she said, patting Sam's belly.

Sam opened one eye and peered at Stephie, her mouth stretching into a thin line. For her part Stephie seemed not to notice and set about prepping machines, giving Sam a gown to change into and rattling off information.

"The doctor should be here any minute so let's have you get changed into a gown and we'll get the monitor on so we can see how the baby's doing."

Freddie helped Sam get out of her clothes, into the gown and under the covers. Stephie wrapped a band connected to the heart rate monitor around Sam's stomach, chattering away all the time. After a few minutes he didn't even hear what she was saying, just amused watching Sam's reaction to it. As the monitor turned on the room was filled with the familiar 'woosh, woosh, woosh' of Jackson's heartbeat. He breathed a sigh of relief and saw Sam's shoulders relax as well. It was an answer to the question they'd both thought but been too worried to say allowed: Jackson was okay.

"Well the baby sounds just fantastic. Listen to that little heart just a-beating a way!" Stephie smiled broadly at both of them and he had to stifle a laugh as Sam rolled her eyes.

Stephie and Freddie both turned as Sam shot straight up in the bed, sucking in her breath. Stephie turned to another machine, stretching out a piece of paper as it rolled from the machine.

"Well that was a doozy, wasn't it!" She smiled and patted Sam's hand. "Just keep breathing."

Sam let out a rush of air and stared mutinously at Stephie. "Good girl! You're just a littletrooper aren't you?"

Sam looked at Freddie and he knew, once again, he had limited time to fix the situation before Nurse Sunshine became Sam's roommate.

"Um, Stephie? Could you go check to see if the doctor's here yet?"

Oblivious as ever, Stephie smiled at Freddie and bounced toward the door. "I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes. You stay put!" She pointed at Sam and giggled as she headed out the door. Stopping suddenly she peeked her head back in the door. "I almost forgot…Happy Father's Day!" with that she disappeared.

Freddie and Sam stared at each other. Father's Day. He'd completely forgotten. It was strange, usually at this time of year a slow dread would build in his stomach coming to a peak on Father's Day, when he'd sit in his house, the dark trying without success to forget how much it hurt for his father not to be there. Sam was the same, on Father's Day they avoided everything – including each other, Freddie suspected that seeing the pain in the other's face made it too hard to ignore their own. Last year had been different though, Sam had shown up at his house tear stained and rain soaked and without a word he'd let her in – she didn't need to explain, he knew how it felt. They'd spent the afternoon a tangle of limbs on his couch watching bad B-movies and talking. It was the first time he heard the story of how her dad had left and the first time he'd told her how his father passed away. Neither had said it out loud but sharing a hurt so close to the core of who they were was their way of saying  _"I trust you"._  It had changed things for them.

He'd thought of his father often since Sam got pregnant. Especially since they'd decided on a name. He wondered what his father would be thinking, what sort of advice he'd be giving him, sometimes he ever saw him in his dreams. But the ache of loss that sharpened to a point every year at this time was absent. He missed his dad, he'd always miss his dad, but this year he had something bigger than the longing for his own father – Jackson.

"Born on Father's day." Sam said with soft smile, "couldn't have made that more perfect if we tried."

Freddie crossed to her bed and sat in the chair beside her.

"Remember last Father's Day?" he asked.

She nodded, "I looked like a drowned sewer rat, you fed me pizza and chicken wings and we watched B horror movies all day." She laughed. Reaching for his hand she twined his finger with her own. "And it was the first time you told me…about your dad."

Freddie lowered his face to their linked hands and felt Sam's fingers rake through his hair.

"He'd be proud you know."

Freddie smiled up at her, kissing the back of her hand. "It's weird isn't it?"

"What?"

"Well, we've both spent most of our lives hiding on Father's Day, trying to forget it exists. Now we're going to have a reminder for the rest of our lives. No way we're forgetting Father's Day anymore."

"Hmm." Sam considered what he'd said, "But it's like a reward you know? Like we've had to spend every Father's Day for most of our lives feeling crappy. But now…now we get this completely amazing thing that means we'll never have to feel that way again. I mean, I guess I'll always feel a little sad about what happened with my dad, but compared to having Jackson with us it just…it doesn't hurt as bad somehow. "

"When did you become such an optimist Puckett?"

"Just don't go spreading it around."

"Yeah, because if Nurse Stephie finds out that under your hard exterior is a big soft heart she's gonna want to be BFF's for sure!" he laughed as Sam rolled her eyes, falling back into the bed.

"What was  _with_ Little Sally Sunshine? I feel like a bulldozer is trying to drive out of my whoo ha and she's cracking jokes! And what the hell kind of name is Stephie? Seriously, could she  _be_  more annoying?"

Freddie laughed, running a hand over Sam's stomach. "I know baby, maybe my mom can get you a different nurse when she gets here."

"She giggled, Freddie! Giggled! You know how I hate giggling!"

"Just try to relax for a bit. The doctor should be here soon."

He sat beside Sam, holding her hand and staring at the monitors that were keeping track of the progress of the two most important people in the world to him. He felt some relief at hearing Jackson's heartbeat. And even though she was in pain, Sam seemed to be holding up reasonably well. All in all he thought they'd done okay so far, all on their own. He started to tell Sam this when he looked up to see that her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply, a small frown on her lips.

He stood and placed a kiss to her lips, walking over to stare out of the window. Being Sunday the streets weren't as busy as usual but there was a smattering of was strange; here he was, in the most important moment of his life, and all around them life was moving forward. He supposed that what it would be like from now on. Today marked the end of his childhood in more ways than one. He was supposed to graduate, shake hands and say his goodbyes to the people he'd gone to school with for years. Instead he was here, waiting for fatherhood to slip into his life with the first cry of his son. He'd have a different life now – wonderful – but different. While his friends spent a summer partying their way through the countdown to college, he'd be adjusting to having an infant. Changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night. He was excited to see Jackson but there was a small part of melancholy that crept in uninvited in these moments alone. He knew he'd made the right choice – being with Sam and Jackson wasn't even really a choice, it was the only thing he could see himself doing. He'd miss childhood, the lack of responsibility, the knowledge that someone else would make sure everything ran smoothly. He'd be the one making sure things ran smoothly now; for more than just himself. Life with Sam and Jackson would pose an all new set of challenges, but they came with a joy he welcomed.

Sam and Jackson.

He listened to the sounds of Jackson's heartbeat and Sam's breathing and tried to push down the worries bubbling under the thin veneer of calm. Sam was moaning in her sleep, the monitor showed that she was having a small contraction. Even without the doctor's confirmation there was no ignoring the fact that Jackson was coming earlier than predicted or expected, and that worried him. But they were okay for now, so he tried to concentrate on that.

He was still staring out the window trying to wrap his mind around the enormity of the situation when he heard the door open. He turned to see his mother walk in quietly. Her face was streaked; she'd been crying. She walked over to him, arms outstretched and he allowed himself to enjoy the warmth of his mother's embrace. He'd never been so happy to see her. She held him for just a moment before pulling away to stare into his face.

"How are you? What happened? Is Sam okay?" Her questions came rapid fire and his heart swelled witnessing it. In the time since they'd gotten home from Willacoochee he'd seen his mother's heart open to Sam, moving from tolerance to an obvious fondness.

Freddie turned toward the bed where Sam lay, still asleep.

"Her water broke before we left. And then the car wouldn't start."

"What! How did you get here?"

"Taxi…long story. But we made it and it seems like Sam and Jackson are both okay."

His mom smiled as she did anytime someone mentioned the baby's name. She'd been completely overwhelmed when she'd found out. They'd kept it a secret, only telling her when the nursery mural was done. They'd walked her into the room when Spencer finished and had her close her eyes, standing her in front of the place where his name was stenciled among the clouds. When she'd opened her eyes she hadn't said anything, just standing with shaking shoulders as tears coursed down her face. Finally she'd turned to them and pulled Sam into an embrace, whispering a thank you into Sam's ear.

"Has the doctor come in yet?" she asked.

"No. Just this really perky nurse who I think Sam is going to kill pretty soon."

"Stephie?"

"How'd you know?" Freddie laughed. "Seriously, is there anything you can do about her?"

"It's pretty busy today Freddiebear" she frowned, "but let me see what I can do. We can't have Samantha wounding the nursing staff, can we?" She set her purse down and left the room, promising to be back soon.

Pulling out his phone he looked at the time. Graduation should be almost over now. He knew he needed to call Carly but he hadn't wanted to worry her. If he'd texted her before they left the apartment she'd have rushed down to the hospital. And if Carly missed graduation, Sam would have been so disappointed. It should be safe now, plus she had to have noticed that he wasn't there. Knowing Carly, she was already on her way to the hospital.

He dialed her number and barely heard it ring before she picked up.

"Freddie! I'm on my way!"

"Carly…we don't know how long it's going to be and Sam's in a lot of pain and…"  
"Freddie, you had better not even try to tell me not to be there. That's my godson in there and my best friend…I'm coming. What hospital are you at?"

"Seattle Memorial."

"We're on our way."

Without asking he knew she meant herself and Spencer. There was no way they'd miss this. As mixed up as it was, this was his family. Carly would be here, pacing and trying to fix things. Spencer would be here making weird comments and hopefully not setting anything on fire and his mom would round out the group, worrying and hovering. They were going to drive him nuts, and he loved them for it. He wished the rest of Sam's family could be here: J'Maw Maw and Melanie. He knew how sad she was that they wouldn't be. They both lived so far away; J'Maw Maw in Georgia and Melanie in Washington, D.C. Even if he called them now they'd never make it in time.

He fired off a text to Melanie letting her know what was going on, asking her to call J'Maw Maw and promising to update her just as soon as Sam had the baby. Sliding his phone into his pocket he ran down his mental checklist of people he'd needed to call. All were accounted for; except for Sam's mom, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do about that.

"Freddie?" Sam's voice was tense.

He rushed to her side, taking her hand.

"Yeah, I'm right here, baby." He kissed the back of her hand. "I called Carly, she's on her way."

Sam nodded, her face pinched. "It hurts. Bad." She blinked and tears fell from her eyes. "Can you make it stop?" she sounded so small; her face pale as she reached out to him.

Freddie looked at the monitor and sure enough she appeared to be in the middle of a pretty strong contraction.

"I know baby. I'm so…" he stopped short and scooted his chair closer to her. "Just hold him hand when it hurts, okay?"

"Mmm Hmm." Sam nodded her head and Freddie was almost immediately sorry he'd offered his hand. He might never have feeling in it again. She looked over at him and tried to smile. "We are never having sex ag…Ahhh!" screams drowned out the rest of her words.

"They all say that."

Freddie turned toward the voice and smiled at Dr. Dwyer as she entered the room. She walked over to them, grabbing Sam's chart as she perched on the foot of the bed, rubbing Sam's foot through the thin blanket.

"So how we doin'?"

"Peachy." Sam said, her voice strained. The contraction had subsided and she looked drained.

"When did the contractions start?" the doctor looked to Freddie.

"Um…about three hours ago." The doctor stood and walked to the monitors, studying the tape. "Her contractions are coming pretty close together. She's in a lot of pain," he said. Dr. Dwyer nodded, not looking at him, her face held frown that set anxiety in Freddie's stomach like stone.

"Is everything okay?" Sam said, sitting up.

"Well, let's take a look at how you're progressing and then we'll chat, okay?"

Sam and Freddie looked at each other and nodded.

The doctor walked to the sink, washed her hands and put on gloves. At the foot of the bed she had Sam prop up her knees and folded the blanket back over them. Sam moaned and arched her back as Dr. Dwyer checked her. After a few minutes she patted Sam's knees and folded the blanket back into place.

"Sam, what time exactly did the contractions start?" she asked.

"It was three hours…" Freddie started.

"That's not exactly true." Sam looked sheepishly from Freddie to the doctor. "Well, I started having pain early this morning but I thought it was just regular back pain. Then my water broke."

"Well that explains it." The doctor said, "You're already 7 centimeters dilated."

"Is that good?" Sam asked, nervously

"Well, in light of some other factors it's very good."

"Other factors?" Freddie didn't like the sound of that.

"We already knew that the preeclampsia increased the risk of complications of a less than ideal delivery." She looked down at Sam's chart, "unfortunately, your blood pressure is still much higher than we'd like. We're going to get you some medication to try to lower that and give you a chance to have a regular delivery like we planned."

"And what happens if the medication doesn't work?" Sam voice was shaking.

Dr. Dwyer sighed. "I've always been straight with the two of you and I'm not going to sugar coat it now. You're right on the edge. Jackson seems to be doing okay, but if you're blood pressure stays the same or rises, we're going to have to move this along faster. You're dilating fast which is good, you might get to ten centimeters before the blood pressure affects Jackson." She paused and looked at them seriously. "But you should know; this is serious. We want you and Jackson to have the best shot at a healthy delivery, so you're going to have to prepare yourselves to make some serious decisions."

"Just tell us what to do. We'll do whatever we have to do." Freddie said.

"As I said, Sam's labor is moving along quickly – especially for a first birth, so we have that on our side."

"Is Jackson…will he…" Sam whispered, unable to finish.

"What's the worst case scenario?" Freddie asked, holding her hand.

"Caesarean section. That's only if we can't get your blood pressure down and if we think Jackson is in any danger."

Sam and Freddie were silent. Sam stared down at her hands, both of them holding her belly.

The doctor stood and rubbed Sam's hand.

"Sam, we're in this together okay. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you and Jackson are healthy. You just have to trust me okay?" Sam, nodded, eyes still down. Dr. Dwyer patted her shoulder. "Okay, I have another patient to check on but I'll be back to see how you're doing. And I'll get the anesthesiologist in here soon."

"No!" Sam said, "I'm not…" she sighed. "No drugs."

"Sam, are you sure?" Freddie was shocked. In every conversation they'd ever had she loudly proclaimed her intent to have every drug they could give her just as soon she was able. The fact that she'd sat with the pain this long without asking for an epidural was already shocking, but knowing that she intended to do the whole thing without the benefit of relief from the pain was incomprehensible.

She looked at him, tears shining her eyes as her chin jutted out resolutely.

"Yes…I'm sure."

The doctor looked from Sam to Freddie. Freddie shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, if you change your mind just let your nurse know and we'll take care of it." She replaced Sam's chart and exited the room.

Freddie sat gently on the edge of the bed, holding Sam's hand.

"Sam?"

"I just can't do it Freddie. I mean, I already read that those drugs can affect the baby after he's born but now with all this other stuff, I just…I just want to do what's best for him. Even if it hurts me."

He'd known Sam for a long time – and loved her for almost as long. He'd always had things he admired about her, even before he was brave enough to admit it out loud. But watching her now, her face white as pain drained the color from her face, he was overwhelmed with what he felt for her. She was sacrificing her own comfort for the sake of their son – the ultimate act of unselfishness.

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" he asked.

"I bet you say that to all your pregnant girlfriends." She laughed, "Lay with me?"

If she'd asked him for a kidney he'd have carved it out himself. He could deny her nothing in this moment. She turned and pulled herself into a ball. Sliding into the narrow bed beside her he curved himself around her, wishing that he could get close enough to draw the pain from her body and into his. Instead he placed a hand on her stomach and whispered into her ear just how much he loved her. Laying together in the quiet, listening to their son's heartbeat, she cried as he told her again and again that she was his life – and that he'd never loved her more than he did in this moment. Wrapped in each other's arms they tried to find a place in each other where they could hide from their terrifying reality.

He felt her body tense and she reached out to hold onto the bed rail, curling into an even smaller ball beside him. Her moans seemed to come from some place deep inside her; shaking her body. He rubbed slow circles at the small of her back the way the books had told him to.

"I love you," he repeated over and over in her ear. He couldn't make this go away. He couldn't fix it. But he could love her, and he would. It was the best he had to offer.

When she'd gone to sleep he'd walked out into the waiting room to talk to Carly and Spencer. He wanted to explain to them what was happening out of earshot of Sam. He didn't want her upset, especially now. Carly had been visibly upset, Spencer held her as she cried. He understood her fear – he was scared to but, he explained to her, the last thing Sam needed right now was for any of them to go in there with sad faces. For years Sam had been strong for them and it was time for them to return the favor. In a move that had shocked even himself, he'd told her that she needed to stay in the waiting room until she could get herself together. He wouldn't have her or anyone else upsetting Sam right now. He wasn't trying to be mean but Sam was his priority.

He promised he'd keep them updated on what was going on and headed back to Sam's room. He was surprised to see her lying in bed with a smile on her face. After the day she'd had that smile was like manna from heaven and he stood beside her bed drinking it in.

* * *

_She peered out at the water, shielding her eyes from the brilliant sun shining down from a cloudless sky. She lay on a soft white blanket, a smile flooding her face as the tinkling laughter filled her. Freddie stood at the water's edge, reaching into the spray to scoop water into a bucket, tossing it softly onto two tiny running legs._

" _Missed me, Daddy!"_

" _Oh, I'll get you…" Freddie laughed, taking off after the small boy. Sam smiled from the inside. Her boys._

" _Jax…be careful!" she called. He looked back at her, waving a small pudgy hand at her just long enough for Freddie to sneak up on him, scooping him into his arms as Jack dissolved into giggles._

_He was perfect._

"Sam?

She heard her name blinked rapidly as the beach receded and the images around her faded into reality.

"Sam?"

Freddie was standing beside her bed, looking down at her. "He was perfect."

"What? Who was perfect?"

"Jax. I saw him." She looked up at Freddie, "We were at the beach and you were chasing him and…he was so beautiful Freddie." Her voice broke, her shoulders slumping. "What if…"

"No, Sam. You can't do this. We can't do this. Look at me Sam." Sam shook her head. "Jackson is going to be fine. We have to trust that."

The door to the room opened and Dr. Dwyer entered the room, followed by his mother – dressed in scrubs.

"Mom?"

"Well, there aren't any other nurses available. So…I'll have to do."

Sam looked panic stricken.

"No offense, Marissa," Sam said, sitting up and wiping her tears, "but I'm not sure I want us to know each other that well."

Marissa laughed. "Stephie will come in for the actual delivery, but I'm going to help until then. Trust me – there are some things I really don't need to see."

Dr. Dwyer moved toward the foot of Sam's bed. They'd given Sam the medication about an hour ago and they'd been waiting to see if it had worked. Marissa, took out the blood pressure cuff, wrapping it around Sam's arm. She waited for the machine to stop and frowned when it did.

"158 over 100."

Dr. Dwyer, who'd been checking Sam, pulled the blanket back down and addressed them both.

"Well, you're at about eight centimeters but your blood pressure isn't coming down and Jackson's heart rate is lower than I'm happy with. I think its decision time."

Freddie looked at Sam and felt his heart break. She was in so much pain. She was white as a sheet, dark circles under her eyes, her bottom lip swollen from biting it. She was worn out already and now she was being asked to make a decision that affected the life of the baby.

"It's your call, baby." He said and meant it. He trusted her to do what was best for Jackson and felt she should be the one making the decision.

"If we do the caesarean will Jackson be okay?" she asked.

"Doing the caesarean will get Jackson out of there before he's in any trouble, and give us the opportunity to get some stronger medication in your system to get your blood pressure down before you're in more danger. It's the best option right now."

"And we have to decide now?"

"Samantha…you don't want to put this off," his mother said, coming to stand beside Sam.

"We've got around thirty minutes…that's really all the time I feel comfortable waiting." Her doctor said looking from her to Freddie. "I'll give you both some time to decide. I'll be back in thirty minutes. If you haven't progressed any further by then we're going to have to get you into surgery."

When everyone had left Sam stared at Freddie.

In all the moments they had gone through as friends, then as a couple, Freddie had never seen this look in Sam's eyes; it was bigger than fear. He wanted to be there for her, to protect her, but he also knew they needed to use this time to make what could well turn out to be the most important decision of their lives. He was the rational one; Sam had long made fun of him for it, but in this moment it was exactly what they needed.

"Okay, we have half an hour," Freddie said, looking Sam in the eye and holding her hand tightly. "Tell me what you want to do. This will be your decision. It's your body they'd be cutting into."

Sam let out a breath. "Dr. Dwyer seems to think the caesarean would be a good idea."

"But it'll be hard on you…afterwards. I hear the recovery is painful."

"I don't care about me. I just want him to be okay…" she turned to him with desperation in her eyes. "Freddie, if I don't make it, I want you to promise me that you'll…"

"Stop it, Samantha." His voice was firm. There was no room for argument. He would not stand here and even for one moment entertain the idea of losing either one of them. "We have to focus. Can I tell you what I think?" Sam nodded. "Surgery is a last resort. Only if there's no other choice. So we wait the thirty minutes to see if you dilate more. If after half an hour, you're not dilating and your blood pressure is too high, then I would go with Dr. Dwyer's recommendation. But right now we can still wait for a little bit."

"Okay. I like the way you thought about that." Sam paused for another deep breath. "I hope Jackson gets that from you." She was having another contraction. Freddie kept her talking to keep her mind off the pain.

"What?"

"A level head." She smiled, "Because we both know he won't be getting that from me."

"But there are a million other things I hope he gets from you." Freddie stood and walked to the side of the bed, rubbing small circles into her lower back.

"Like what?"

"Well…like your smile. And your sense of humor. And the way you just seem…comfortable in your own skin. You don't care what anyone thinks."

"I care what you think."

"Lucky for you I happen to think you're amazing."

Sam was quite for a moment, then turned to face him.

"Freddie?"

"Yep?"

"Thank you. For everything you've done for me. And for Jackson."

"Loving you and Jackson, taking care of both of you…it's my privilege; you never have to thank me for that."

"You've just been so great today – you told off that cab driver and for a minute I thought you might actually hit that nurse at the reception desk."

"You saw that?"

"I did…I was sorta proud. And now, with all of this, you've just been so strong." She gripped his hand, "If anything were to happen…"

"Sam, I told you, stop talking like that. You're going to be fine. Jackson is going to be fine and in a couple of hours we'll be sitting and fussing over our son. And you're not giving yourself enough credit – you've done so well today. I'm proud of you. The way you took on all this pain, with no help, just so he'd be okay. You really are going to be a wonderful mother, Sam."

Sam pulled his face down to hers. "I love you, Freddie."

They sat together quietly, Freddie with his hand set gently on Sam's midsection. They were still like that when Dr. Dwyer came back into the room.

"So," she said, pulling up a chair beside Sam's bed. "What have you decided?"

Sam looked at Freddie and nodded.

Freddie began, "We're prepared to go through with the caesarean if that's what's best for Sam and the baby, but can you just confirm that we're out of other options?"

"I think that's a good decision guys. And I'll check now and see if maybe this little guy is ready to come all on his own." She walked over to the sink, washed her hands and put on her gloves. Crossing the room back to the bed she looked beneath the blanket to check Sam's progress and Freddie held his breath. They'd been through so much already, he just needed this one thing to work out for them.

Dr. Dwyer's head appeared over the blanket, filled with a smile.

"Ten centimeters people…its showtime!"

He'd never felt so much relief; he thought he'd cry. And he'd never seen Sam so happy, as cliché as it sounded she really did look as if the weight of the world had lifted from her shoulders.

The room was suddenly a flurry of activity. The doctor was there and several nurses, his mother as well. Everyone was doing something. He stayed close to Sam, both of them still in disbelief that this was it.

"Alright Sam," Dr. Dwyer said from the foot of the bed where Sam's legs were stretched into stirrups. "On the next contraction I need you to give me a good push."

Sam nodded and sat up. Freddie looked over to see the dial rising as a contraction gripped her.

"Okay Sam, push!" Marissa held one knee and Freddie held the other, pushing it back as Sam bore down. Her face was scrunched, eyes closed as she wrapped herself around her stomach pushing.

"Okay, that was good Sam, are you ready to do it again?"

Sam nodded and gripped Freddie's free hand. He thought he heard the bones crack.

"Arrgghhh!" Sam screamed, her face red with the effort she was giving. Marissa reached over and wiped the sweat from her forehead as Sam collapsed against the pillows. She'd been pushing for thirty minutes and looked like she had no strength left in her.

"I can't do it. Just leave him in there!" she cried.

Freddie laid his head next to hers.

"You can do this Sam. You're the strongest person I've ever known – and Jackson needs you to be extra strong right now. You've got to push."

"I can't do it!"

"Come on baby, you  _can_  do this. I'm right here with you."

"Shut the hell up Freddie! It hur…." Her words were cut off as another contraction tore through her and she sat up grunting through the push.

"You're doing great Sam," his mother encouraged. "Just a few more pushes and he'll be here."

Sam was screaming in earnest now, a steady stream of threats and expletives.

"If you ever touch me again I'll kill you!" She said, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his face to hers.

"Alright Sam, his head is right here, give me another good push."

Sam took in a deep breath and pushed until a tiny vein appeared on her forehead and Freddie was sure she'd pass out from lack of oxygen.

"I take it back. I want drugs. Someone get me drugs!"

"It's too late for that Sam. You're almost there, not just give me another good push."

Sam looked over at Freddie and pleaded.

"I'm sorry I was mean to you…please make them give me drugs, please?"

"I'm sorry baby…it's too late. But it's almost over. He's almost here and you're doing so good."

Another contraction pitched her forward over her knees and she pushed soundlessly this time, all her energy focused on the task at hand. Freddie held her hand as she pushed with more power than she had the whole delivery. He looked at her; she was a mess of tears and sweat, her hair plastered to the side of her face, blotches of red on her face and neck, legs stretched impossibly wide, but she had never, ever been more beautiful. If he had thought she was strong before, he knew now what strength really looked like. This tiny woman who had captured his heart was the catalyst for changing his life yet again. He was in awe.

Suddenly the pinched look on Sam's face cleared and she slumped back against the pillows. He was momentarily worried and turned to look at her when, from the corner of his eye, he glimpsed a flash of creamy white skin held firmly in Dr. Dwyer's hands.

"Here he is!" he heard Dr. Dwyer say but her words and the words of everyone else in the room faded as his ears were filled with the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

At 5:30 pm on June 17, 2012, Jackson Daniel Puckett-Benson entered the world with a yell that provided further proof he was his mother's child. He was eight pounds and ten ounces of screaming perfection.

Freddie's heart had burst, he was sure of it. There was no way for any one person to feel all he was feeling and survive it. Dr. Dwyer held the baby up for them to see as nurses rubbed his skin with towels. He knew it sounded ridiculous, but he wanted to tell them to be careful-that was his son they were handling.

His son.

He leaned over the bed, capturing Sam's face in his hands. She was so beautiful and love for her filled him to the depth of his soul. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears streaming from her eyes and brought his face down to hers, their foreheads touching.

"You did so good baby. I'm so proud of you. And you're right…he's perfect."

"I love you," she said, her voice shaking, burying her face in his neck.

He kissed her deeply, wanting to convey all that he was feeling – knowing there were no words that would ever be enough. They were in a room full of people, but it didn't feel that way. In this moment the whole world held only her and Jackson.

He was suddenly aware of a pair of strange looking scissors being pushed at him and Dr. Dwyer asking if he wanted to cut the cord. He froze and looked back at Sam who smiled weakly and nodded her consent. With a small snip, he'd done his duty and they whisked Jackson away to the other side of the room.

"Where are they taking him?" Sam said, trying to sit up, her eyes scanning the room.

"They're just cleaning him up, they'll bring him right back." Dr. Dwyer laughed.

He was sure they were right, it probably was only minutes but it felt like forever. He was aching for Jackson, to see him, to hold him, to touch him, and know he was real. He felt an arm around him and looked over to see his mother, her face shining through her tears. She squeezed his shoulders and whispered in his ear.

"I'm so very, very proud of you. " Her voice cracked and she placed a kiss on his forehead before moving over to Sam.

"Samantha, you were absolutely amazing. And I have never seen a baby that beautiful…not since Fredward anyway." She laughed and leaned down to hug Sam, who returned it with a smile. "I'm going to go tell Carly and Spencer. I'll give you two sometime alone."

"That's what got us in this mess in the first place!" Sam called after her.

Freddie laughed and stood beside the bed, holding her hand and wishing he could get closer. Right now he wanted everyone in this room to leave. He wanted to crawl into bed and hold her and Jackson forever.

Both of their heads turned as Nurse Sunshine approached the bed, holding a tiny bundle of pale blue cotton. Sam's hands automatically stretched out, reaching for him. The nurse placed him in Sam's arms and when she turned to Freddie there was a new smile there- one he knew was reserved only for Jackson. Sam turned back to the baby in her arms and Freddie leaned in; his face beside hers.

He hadn't seen many babies in his life but he was certain that this was the most perfect one that had ever been.

"Well let's get a good look at you," Sam said, laying him gently in her lap.

He had finally stopped screaming and now his full pink lips (Sam's) were puckered in a tiny 'O'. His long eyelashes fluttered over pudgy cheeks as he began to fall asleep. His hair was a mass of dark brown waves and Sam ran a finger over them.

"Brown like you." She said

"Curly like you," he replied.

She looked up at him and smirked, challenging him.

"Your lips."

"Your nose."

"Your eyes."

"He hasn't even opened them yet, how could you know he has my eyes?"

Sam smiled softly down at the baby, leaning in to place kisses on his plump cheeks.

"Because, I told you… I saw him. He was perfect in the dream. And he's perfect now." She turned to Freddie, "And he had your eyes. Your father's eyes." She leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Happy Father's Day."


	19. Bless the broken road

He was bone tired. This would go on the record books as the biggest day of his life so far, other than the day in the future he dreamed of, when he'd be able to say that Sam legally belonged to him. Everything still felt so fresh. He could close his eyes and see the look in Sam's eyes as she saw Jackson for the first time, hear the sound of Jackson's voice as his cry split the silence, feel the tears on his face as the nurse placed him in his arms, and his whole world fell into place with one look into his son's face.

He'd gone into the waiting room as the nurses got Sam cleaned up and settled to let everyone know that Jackson had arrived. As expected, Carly cried, hugging him with enough force to make breathing temporarily difficult. When he ushered them into Sam's room, he'd never been so proud. It was like introducing his little family to the world for the first time. On the bed, Sam sat propped up with pillows, staring down at Jackson. There was a reverential hush in the room as Carly and Spencer walked slowly toward the bed. Sam pushed the blanket back from Jackson's face and both Carly and Spencer were uncharacteristically quiet, not wanting to wake Jack.

"Guys," Sam said, pride bringing a glow to her face, "This is Jackson Daniel. We're going to call him Jax."

"We are?" Freddie joked.

Sam rolled her eyes, " _I'm_  going to call him Jax. Freddie will probably call him by both his full names or something."

"He's beautiful Sam." Carly's voice was barely a whisper as her eyes filled up with tears. "He's like a little doll!"

"Want to hold him?" Sam said, looking up at her best friend.

"Can I?"

"Sure" Sam said, lifting the baby to Carly's arms, only to pull back at the last minute. "Um…have you…"

"What is it Sam?" Freddie asked, worried at the sudden look of discomfort on Sam's face.

"Well…have you washed your hands?" she said quietly. "There's a sink over there…and some hand sanitizer."

Carly, Freddie and Spencer stared at her open mouthed, with looks of shock and amusement. It looked like Freddie's mom had more of an effect on Sam than she wanted to admit. Watching Sam settle into motherhood was going to be interesting.

Carly looked to Freddie and he shrugged his shoulders.

"She calls the shots…wash up Shay."

Sam shot Freddie a grateful glance as Carly sighed and muttered something under her breath about it being ironic that Sam was the one talking about hygiene. She came back, a slight frown on her face that immediately lifted as Sam placed Jackson gently into her arms.

"Watch his head Carly," she said, looking nervous, her hands still outstretched long after Carly had a hold of the baby.

"I've got him Sam, it's not the first time I've held a baby, jeez!" Carly walked to the chair near Sam's bed and sat down, already cooing at Jackson's sleeping form. "He's so big!" she whispered.

"I know," Freddie said affectionately.

"Like a tiny ham," Sam said, smiling at the sight of her best friend and her son.

"Congratulations kid," Spencer said, slapping Freddie on the back, "How's it feel?"

"Thanks Spence! It feels great…it'll probably feel better once I've had some sleep."

"You do look pretty tired…long day, huh?" Spencer said.

"Um, hello!" Sam called from the bed, "I just pushed eight pounds of baby out of places I don't want to discuss. No one gets to talk about being tired." Spencer winced and Sam laughed; falling back into the pillows. Freddie realized then just how exhausted she looked. Having Jackson had charged the room with energy but now, hours later,he could see the shadows lurking under her eyes and felt his own weariness setting in. It had been a long day.

He walked over to the bed and perched on the edge beside Sam, running a hand over her head.

"I'm sorry baby, you should probably get some sleep. The nurse said to buzz her when we were ready for her to take Jackson to the nursery for the night."

Sam turned to him as Carly brought Jackson back and rested him in Sam's arms, "The nursery? Why can't he sleep in here with me?"

"Sam, you need to get some sleep. He'll be perfectly fine in the nursery."

"But he'll be shoved in there with all the other babies like…like a baby farm!" She held Jackson tighter to her chest. "What if he needs me?"

Freddie tried hard to hold back his laughter. This was so un-Sam of her. He guessed it was true that having a baby changed…everything. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead before kissing Jackson's cheek.

"He'll be fine Sam. If he needs you, they'll bring him to you. Trust me, okay?"

Those words made the difference. If the past 24 hours taught Sam anything, it was that Freddie could be trusted, not only with her life but with Jackson's as well. He'd never ask her to do anything that would put either of them in danger. She still hated the idea of being away from him, even for a minute, but she was bone tired and the thought of shutting her eyes for a few hours was too appealing to fight him on the issue. She handed the baby to Freddie and pressed the call button for the nurse.

Jackson began to stir, his face squished, one tiny fist waving in the air. Freddie rocked him softly and looked up to see Carly and Spencer both staring at him with knowing smiles on their faces.

"What?" he laughed.

"It's just like, the cutest thing I've ever seen. You're both all parenty." She squealed.

The door opened and the nurse stepped into the room. "How are we doing?" She asked, walking over to Sam.

"Good…tired." She smiled weakly at the nurse as she checked the monitors.

"We're ready for Jackson to go to the nursery." Freddie said. If he left it up to Sam, she'd never say it.

The nurse nodded, smiling at the baby as she took him from Freddie's arms and placed him in the incubator.

"He is a handsome one, isn't he?" She said. Sam and Freddie both smiled in agreement. "Don't worry, he'll be just fine in the nursery. And you can use the call button at any time and one of the nurses can bring him back to you."

"Thanks" Freddie said, as Sam yawned.

"Are you breast feeding?" the nurse asked Sam as she headed for the door.

Sam blushed and glanced at Carly and Spencer who both appeared to be trying to find something else to look at. "Um, we're trying but he's not really doing... it yet."

"Not a problem. We can send in a lactation specialist tomorrow and she'll help you get used to it. In the meantime, we can give him formula. Do you want us to do it or bring him to you?"

"Bring him to me please." Sam asked, leaning her head on Freddie's shoulder.

"You got it." The nurse said, heading out the door, "Sweet dreams!" with that she was gone and the room seemed empty without Jackson in it.

Freddie looked down into Sam's face and saw her fighting sleep. He reached down and tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

"You need to go to sleep," he said.

"So do you."

"And we need to get going," Spencer said.

"You should go home and get some sleep," Sam said between yawns.

"I'm not leaving you."

Sam laughed, "Now who's paranoid?" She patted his hand, "I'll be fine. I'm just gonna be sleeping anyway. You can go home, get a few hours of sleep and come back in the morning." She smiled at the look of concern on his face, "Baby, I'll be fine. Go home, check on your mom. Plus I need my bag – remember, the one you left it in the car?"

Freddie raised an eyebrow. " _I_  left it?"

"Don't argue with me Benson," Sam laughed.

"Are you sure?" He really was tired, but the idea of being away from Sam and Jackson just didn't feel right.

"Spencer…please take him home."

"Alright kiddies…let's hit the road." Spencer said.

Carly leaned in to hug Sam and promised to come to the house as soon as she got home the next day to help her settle in. Freddie kissed her until air was required, then pulled back and ran a finger down the side of her face.

"Until forever ends?"

"Until forever ends," Sam smiled. "Now get out of here so I can sleep!"

Freddie grabbed his jacket and headed out the door after Carly and Spencer, casting a glance back over his shoulder at Sam, who had already closed her eyes – a soft smile playing on her lips. God he loved that girl.

Walking silently behind the Shay siblings he listened to their rapid-fire chatter but nothing they said was really registering with him. By the time they reached the elevator bay, he looked up to find them both staring at him.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing, we've just been talking to you for like five minutes."

"Oh, sorry about that guys, I just…"

"Don't want to leave Sam and Jackson?" Carly asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Yeah" he said, "Listen Spencer…"

"No worries. You stay here…just tell us where Sam's bag is and we'll bring it tomorrow."

Freddie's face split into a smile. "Thanks Spence, you're the best. Her bag is in the back seat of my car in the parking garage. Oh, and can you let my mom know where I am?"

"Of course," Carly said, "but I'm sure she'll have an idea already." She leaned in and hugged him. "I'm really proud of you Freddie. You  _and_  Sam. Jackson is absolutely beautiful."

"Thanks Carly…for everything." He pulled back, "I guess I should call you Aunt Carly now, huh?"

Carly's eyes filled with tears again, "Awww…Aunt Carly! I love it!"

"So I guess I'm Old Uncle Spency!"

"Uncle Spencer will be fine I think," Freddie laughed as they stepped into the elevator.

"Man…I wanted to be Old Uncle Spency!"

The rest of his words were lost as the doors shut and Freddie stood in the hall shaking his head. They were nuts, but they were his family.

Heading back towards Sam's room he stopped outside the door and turned around, headed to the third floor. Sam would laugh if she could seem him now, creeping around the hospital hallways in the middle of the night. He couldn't help it; he wouldn't be able to go to sleep until he looked in on his son. It was an act he thought would likely become part of his regular routine for the foreseeable future.

He walked around the corner toward the nursery and stopped dead in his tracks. There are some things you don't ever expect to see. This was one of them.

Standing in the hallway with a hand placed to the glass, an uncharacteristic look of softness on her face was Pam Puckett.

He wasn't sure what to do. He was too close to turn around without her noticing. But he hadn't spoken to her since their last disastrous interaction when Sam left for Willacoochee. She hadn't been happy to see him then. And even though Sam said she'd seen her since returning to Seattle, Pam hadn't made any further effort to see Sam. He vacillated between surprise and outright anger. How dare she show up here, acting like she cared? He stood still, rooted to the spot, staring at her.

"He's cute." Pam said, addressing Freddie without taking her eyes from the window. "He looks like you." She turned to him then and the silence stretched out between them, endless and heavy with things they didn't know how to say.

Freddie walked toward the window and stood beside Pam, staring into the nursery. Jackson was the second baby from the left, right up front. He looked like a miniature sumo wrestler next to the babies on his right and left. He was still, his tiny chest rising and falling as he slept. Freddie studied his face looking for similarities to his own. Jackson was a beautiful baby; when he looked at him he saw traces of himself and Sam, but everyone who'd seen him said he looked just like Freddie.

"My mom says he looked like me when I was a baby. Except for the curls"

"Sam and Melanie had curls like that when they were born. It's pretty uncommon for babies to come out with curly hair."

"Well, your daughter is pretty uncommon," he said.

Pam nodded and continued looking into the glass, the smile now gone from her face.

"Why are you here, Pam?" he asked. It was his family, his son and the woman he loved. He had the right to know her intentions.

Pam sighed heavily, turning slowly to Freddie.

"I don't expect you to understand," she said quietly. "You're too young to understand what real regret feels like, or real pain."

"I've felt plenty of pain…and regret. I just didn't let it turn me into...into…"

"An old broad too bitter to be a good parent?" she asked. "I know what you're thinking."

"Look Pam, it's not my job to judge you. Honestly I'd rather not have this conversation at all." He stared at the woman in front of him. "But since you're here we might as well talk. Me first." Pam nodded. "You were wrong. You've been wrong for a long time about a lot of things. You were wrong about Sam all of her life. She's stronger, braver and more amazing than you ever gave her credit for. She needed you, she still needs you, and you have never been there for her. It's not right and it's time someone told you that. You said some horrible things about me, but I was man enough to own up to the truth in those words and fix the mess I made. Unfortunately that's not the only mess I've had to clean up. As much as I love Sam, it's taken months for me to convince her that she can trust me. That I love her and will always be there for her and Jackson, no matter what. The way I reacted to her pregnancy isn't the only reason she didn't trust me. Part of it was you…the fact that when her dad left you, you abandoned her. She's spent all the years since with a part of her broken." He stepped closer to her, trying to keep his voice from rising, "Now I've worked hard to fix that, to love her enough to heal the hurt in her heart – and I'm happy to do it, because that's what you do when you love someone. But at some point you're going to have to take some responsibility for what you've done." He waited, watching her reaction. She stared at the ground, never meeting his eyes. It was a change from the woman full of anger who'd confronted him on her front porch. He felt a little guilty. He'd been raised to respect his elders, and speaking to Pam this way went against everything he believed. But something inside him, a fierce need to protect what was his, pushed him to make his position known. She might be Sam's mother but he would not stand by while she hurt Sam again, or his son.

"Guess I had you pegged wrong." Pam said, looking up at him. "Sam used to talk about you sometimes. I always got the idea that you were a little on the wimpy side…no offense."

"Why would I take offense to that?" Freddie rolled his eyes.

"I just mean…I never had anybody love me the way you seem to love Sammy; I haven't for a long time anyway. You went all the way across the country to bring her home and I just…" her voice faltered and she looked back at the window, shaking her head. "I never wanted this for Sam. I know she thinks I don't care."

"Do you?"

She turned to Freddie with fire in her eyes. This was the Pam he was used to.

"Of course I do – she's my kid!"

"Does  _she_  know that…that you care?"

"Look, I did the best I could. I fed her and made sure she had a roof over her head. That's more than I can say for her deadbeat father."

Freddie's face softened as he saw the look of pain wash over Pam's face. It was old and deep and yet the ache it seemed to cause was fresh. She'd loved Sam's father, that much was apparent. He knew what it did to you inside to lose someone you loved. Sam had only been gone for four months, but in that time he'd felt his insides go hollow. He could only imagine what it must have been like for Pam.

"Listen, Mrs. Puckett. I'm not trying to be mean. I just want to make sure that Sam and Jackson aren't hurt. She loves you."

"She told you that?" The quiet hope in her voice broke Freddie's heart. She and Sam were more alike than he'd ever say; both of them building up hard shells to hide their hurt and fear.

"She didn't have to. I know she loves you, and she wants you to be a part of her life, and Jackson's. But…you have to do it right. You can't come in and then leave when it gets hard. You can't come in pretending not to care. If you're going to be a part of her life you've got to be willing make things right – there are some hurts in her that I can't fix, it has to be you."

Pam sighed and sat down in one of the chairs lining the wall. Freddie walked over to sit beside her, both of them silent, thinking.

"She did good."

"How so?" he asked.

"Choosing you. She did good." Pam smiled at him, "You might just be one of the good ones after all." She reached over and patted his knee.

"Thanks. I just want to take care of her."

"So," She said, "How do we do this? I'm not very good at the whole 'family' thing."

"Well," he said, "Sam and Jackson come home tomorrow. Why don't you stop by this week, and you and Sam can talk. And you can spend some time with your grandson."

Pam stood and stretched. "Alright kid, but you should know – I don't do diapers."

He stood and followed her down the hall smiling. It was a start.

* * *

Sam blinked against the bright sun streaming in her window. She wasn't sure how it was possible to feel so completely horrible and completely wonderful all at once. Her body felt like she'd been run over by a semi-trailer. Everything below the waist hurt, her lips were dry, and her chest was rock hard and throbbing. Somehow, instinctively she knew – Jackson was hungry.

She groaned as she sat up and had to smile as she looked over at the chair beside her bed. There, sprawled out with his arms hanging down and his head cocked at an awkward angle, was Freddie. He must have snuck back in while she was sleep. How long had she  _been_  asleep? She looked up at the wall clock. 6 am. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been awake that early voluntarily. She supposed she'd better get used to it. That was probably the longest she'd sleep for the next few months at least.

"Freddie." She whispered. "Freddie!" He groaned and slowly pulled himself up to a seated position, looking at Sam with his hair wild and his eyes tired.

"Morning, sleepy head." She smiled. "Did you even go home?"

"No." he said, "I couldn't do it. Spencer and Carly are going to bring your bag up this morning before we leave."

"Good," Sam said, leaning back into the pillows, "I don't think it'd be smart to leave the hospital in this," she said, motioning to the generic hospital gown she was wearing.

"Yeah, wandering the streets of downtown Seattle in a hospital gown with your ass hanging out will get you a one way ticket to Troubled Waters Mental Institution." Freddie laughed and walked over to the bed, leaning down to place a kiss to her lips.

He wasn't sure if it was what they'd just gone through, or the fact that mornings were usually their best time, but his kiss was insistent and at the end Sam found herself breathless.

"Easy there, tiger. Dr. Dawson said you've got to be a good boy for at least the next eight weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean mama is officially off limits to you, for eight weeks."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Freddie cried, "How am I just now hearing this?"

"Did I forget to mention that?"

Freddie cast a wilting glance at her and flopped back into the chair.

"Eight weeks. Eight  _whole_  weeks?"

"You're cute when you're desperate." She said, looking at the door as the nurse entered with Jackson. She heard him before she saw him. He definitely had her lungs and wanted the world to know it.

"Someone's hungry," the nurse said, smiling as she handed the baby to Sam.

"He's not the only one," Sam said. "This hospital stuff is horrible."

"I call it our 'get 'em out the door quicker' incentive." The nurse laughed.

The next few hours were spent with the lactation specialist, learning how to get Jackson to breast feed. It would have been embarrassing to her nine months ago, but after having her legs spread and her lady parts on display to the world, modesty was impossible. Whether it was the nurse's instruction, Sam's diligence, or Jackson's hunger-she wasn't sure-but within an hour he was eating like a champ and her initial discomfort was replaced with awe at the fact that she was able to do this for him all on her own. But man, her boobs were sore … motherhood hazard number one.

"You've got one strong set of jaws!" she said, smiling down at Jackson who was too engrossed in his meal to look at her.

"Wonder who she gets that from?"

"Watch it Benson… or we can make it ten weeks."

Freddie looked at her with wide eyes, and shut his mouth.

It was strange how normal this felt, sitting here with Freddie, feeding Jackson, talking about random things. It was like they'd always been this way, a family. Freddie told her about the program he'd be starting at UW. Most of it made no sense to her, but he was so excited that she couldn't help but be excited for him. It still stung to remember what he'd given up. Knowing that when the fall came someone else would be at N.I.T. in Freddie's spot filled her with guilt, though she'd never tell him so. He deserved to be there and she wasn't sure how, but one day she knew he would be. For now she was happy to see him looking forward to his classes at UW. True to form, he'd spent the better part of the last two months trying to convince her to apply and come with him. She'd explained that she just wasn't ready for college yet and that she wanted to be home with Jackson. She wasn't the domestic type: laundry, cleaning, cooking – none of those things really appealed to her. But she hoped it was all temporary and soon she'd figure out what she wanted. For right now, she knew she wanted Freddie and Jackson. They were enough for her.

"Did you call J'Maw Maw and my sister?" she asked.

"Yeah, but I told them you'd call today. J'Maw Maw told me to tell you that you'd better call her or else she had a belt with your name on it."

Sam laughed. "She really does you know."

"Does what?"

"Have a belt with my name on it." She laughed at the shock on Freddie's face, "Don't look so shocked. J'Maw Maw is old school. She believes in spankings."

"I already know you do." Freddie said, raising an eyebrow and thinking back to that afternoon in Carly's room. It was something they hadn't talked about. Freddie's parents had never laid a hand on him and he wasn't comfortable with the idea of either him or Sam doing that to Jackson.

"Calm down Freddie. She never actually hit me with it. It was more of a joke because I was always in so much trouble." She looked down at Jack, tracing his face with a finger. "And I could never do that to him. I never want him to be hurt…especially by me." She looked at Freddie resolutely. "I'm not going to be my mother."

"Speaking of that…" he had yet to tell her about his encounter with Pam. "I, um, saw your mom last night."

Sam looked confused. "I thought you stayed here last night."

"I did. She was here." He looked at Sam's face to see if she registered any reaction. Her features were unmoving; she appeared to be holding them still. "Sam?"

Sam leaned toward Freddie, placing Jackson in his arms and slowly stood from the bed. She moved to the window and stood there for a moment, staring out at the street. Freddie held Jackson to his chest and walked over to her, placing an arm around her shoulder. Sam reached up and placed her hand over his but said nothing.

"She was at the nursery – looking at Jackson. We talked for a while." Sam nodded, "I think she wants to see you, and Jackson."

"She said that?" Sam continued to stare out the window, her body tense.

"Not in so many words. But she was here to see the baby and she said she'd come by when you got home from the hospital."

Sam nodded again and sighed, leaning back into him. As still as she was outside, her insides were churning. The idea of her mother being here, of Pam actually wanting to see her or Jackson, was both exciting and scary. Since her brief encounter with her mother when she first arrived back in Seattle she'd been thinking about her. She'd remembered what life was like before her dad left, when her mom was sometimes happy. She thought about how many times over the years she'd wanted so badly to know for just a moment that her mother loved her. And she thought of how it had felt to see the disappointment in her mom's eyes when she told her she was pregnant.

There was so much unresolved hurt and painful misunderstanding between her and her mother. She had no idea how to deal with it. Talking about feelings was not something Pucketts generally did. Being with Freddie had taught her that it was sometimes necessary and more often than not, it was helpful, and she wanted things to be different, she really did, but when it came to her mom, she just had no idea where to start.

"What do you think I should do?" she asked, turning to him.

"It's not really my decision Sam."

"I know that, but what would you do if you were me?"

Freddie looked down at Jackson as he began to stir, rocking him gently. It filled her with something she'd never felt to watch the two of them together. Freddie held Jackson so gently. You'd think it would make him look week, but she'd never seen him look stronger. It made her feel safe.

"If it were me, I think I'd give her a chance. You both need the chance to make things better, to fix the problems you have. I know she's hurt you Sam and, trust me, I hate the idea that she could do it again. But, having Jackson here with us, it just makes me think of what it would have been like if we hadn't given each other another chance, if we'd given up. We'd be missing out on this, on being together, being a family." Sam buried her head in his chest as he pulled her to him. "I'm proud of us Sam. And I think if we give her a chance, your mom will be, too."

Sam pulled away and looked up at him. "You think so?"

"I do. I really do."

She smiled at him, reaching up on her toes to place a kiss on his lips.

"Fatherhood looks good on you Benson…really good."

"Hold on there, tiger! I'm off limits for eight weeks."

She laughed out loud and Jackson woke up, his eyes scanning Freddie's face before a scream burst from his mouth.

"Look at that. You made the baby cry!"

"Your face made the baby cry!" Sam laughed. "Give him to me." She reached out for Jack and felt her heart swell; as soon as he saw her face he began to calm down. "You just like me more don't you, Jax?" She rocked him and walked back to the bed.

"Are you really going to call him Jax, Sam?"

"Why not? He likes it! Don't you baby boy?" she said, smiling down at him as he reached up and tangled a tiny fist in her hair. "What? Daddy doesn't like it?"

"I don't hate it, but I like Jack better."

"Then you call him Jack, and I'll call him Jax," Sam said simply.

Freddie shook his head. He felt like he had basically just lost the first of many debates about Jack. If his first day on earth was any indication, he was going to be a mama's boy and Freddie was going to be odd man out – until they had another one at least, which wouldn't be for a good long while.

Sam laid Jackson on the bed, fixing the blanket around him that he'd managed to kick loose. This was one active baby-not that she really had anything to compare him to-but when he wasn't sleeping or eating, he seemed to be in constant motion, his eyes darting around as he tried to look at everything. He had such a funny little face. She swore that if he could talk there would be a steady stream of  _'Mama, what's that?'_  coming from him. He was smart. She could just tell. But how could he not be, his father was a genius and she might be lazy – but she was smart. She couldn't wait to see who he grew up to be. Her smile faded as her thoughts returned to her mother. She thought of what Freddie said. Maybe he was right. If she and Freddie hadn't forgiven each other and found a way to work things out, this moment would feel much different. She'd be in a hospital across the country staring into Jax's face, thinking of Freddie and of how miserable she was without him. She knew that forgiving her mother and trying to move on was the right thing to do, but she just wasn't sure she was ready to do the right thing.

Marissa arrived, pulling Sam from her thoughts, as she entered the room, her arms full of balloons and bags.

"Mom, what is all that?" Freddie asked, helping her to set things on the floor and the counters.

"Well, the balloons are for you and Sam and the bags are clothes for my grandson…now hand him over."

Sam laughed as Marissa pulled a giant bottle of hand sanitizer from her bag, applying a generous amount before reaching for Jackson. She spent the next twenty minutes in full grandmother mode, cooing at the baby and talking to him in a gibberish that bordered on embarrassing. He started to say something and Sam stopped him, whispering in his ear.

"Leave her alone, Fredward. What…are you jealous?" she said poking him in the side.

He didn't bother to respond. Anything he said would only be fuel for her to pick on him more.

Carly and Spencer had given Sam's bag to his mother and Sam was eternally grateful for them as she took a shower and slipped into her own clothes.

The doctor had deemed her healthy enough to leave today and she was more than a little nervous. She was happy that it was Marissa taking them home. She didn't think her nerves could take riding with Spencer right now; he was prone to being distracted and if he had any mishaps with her son in the car she was fairly sure he'd be seeing the business end of her fist. Better to ride with Marissa and get home in one piece – with no violence required.

As they waited for Sam's discharge papers and instructions, she and Marissa went through the clothes she'd brought to find something for Jax to wear home. She settled on a deep blue onesie with grey stripes that said,  ** _"No just means ask Grandma!"_** It was the least cheesy of all the cheesy outfits Marissa had brought. She'd even brought a tiny crocheted outfit that had a hat with a fuzzy ball on top. _'He's a baby, not a bull fighter'_  Sam thought. But when it came to Marissa, she was learning to pick her battles.

Dr. Dwyer entered the room all smiles, followed by the nurse who held Sam's discharge papers. She and Freddie sat through twenty minutes worth of instructions and were given what felt like a ten-pound stack of papers. She figured they did this for all teen parents, sure they'd do something wrong…like forget to feed the kid. Once again, she thanked her lucky stars that she had Marissa. She might be a little overexcited about being a grandparent but she was like a baby care encyclopedia. It was a relief to know that if she had any problem with Jax, Grandma Marissa would know how to fix it.

Finally, it was time to head home and Sam could feel her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Marissa handed Jackson to Sam and headed for the door.

"I'll just bring the car around and meet you out front."

Sam busied herself with putting Jax in his car seat, hoping that the activity would keep Freddie from noticing her shaking hands. No such luck.

"Hey," he said, coming to her side. "What's wrong?"

She refused to meet his eyes. She knew this was probably ridiculous, not wanting to leave the hospital. The food was bad, it smelled funny, and every five minutes someone came in the room to poke and prod her. She wanted to be at home. But being at home with Jackson meant taking care of him by herself. The nurses always knew what to do and Freddie and his mom wouldn't always be there.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she lied.

"Come on Sam, I know you better than that. You're white as a sheet."

"Thanks Freddifer, you look pretty great yourself. In case you forgot, I just had a baby…not exactly ready for the runway right now." She hoped her sarcasm would mask her fear.

Freddie reached out and put one hand on her arm, using the other to place Jack's car seat on the floor.

"You know that's not what I meant. Come here." He pulled her to him and she reluctantly laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around him. He was getting way too good at breaking her down.

He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"Do you think we can do this?" she asked, her voice small. "You know, take care of Jax by ourselves. I mean, having kids at seventeen doesn't exactly qualify us for the 'Good Decision Makers Club'."

Freddie laughed and leaned back to look down into her face. "We're going to be fine Sam. We're already fine. You're great with Jack, I'll be there with you and we have my mom. Plus he sleeps most of the time when he's not eating. He's just like you! You'll get along fine." He hugged her and she could feel laughter rumbling in his chest. If she were feeling better, she'd probably punch him, but as it was she let it go and hoped that he was right.

"Besides," he said, "Aren't you ready to get out of here. Sleep in your own bed, raid the fridge, watch crappy movies with the man you love?"

"Taylor Lautner's coming over for movies? Why didn't you tell me?" she joked, walking to the small closet to get her bag.

"Very funny Puckett, so very funny."

Freddie hated it when she talked about other guys. She hardly ever did, but sometimes it was fun to see the murderous jealousy on his face. It was completely unnecessary, but it felt good to know he cared.

A nurse entered the room with a wheelchair. She thought it was ridiculous that they wouldn't let her walk down to the car, but Dr. Dwyer said it was something about hospital policy. Yet another reason hospitals sucked. Sitting in the chair, she accepted the giant balloons Freddie handed her as he threw her bag strap over his shoulder and leaned down to pick up Jackson who was asleep in his car seat.

The ride down the elevator was silent. At the exit doors, Sam thanked the nurse and stood from the chair, moving to stand beside Freddie who twined his free hand with her. She thought about how much had changed in just twenty four hours. Yesterday she'd waiting for her new life to start; poised on the edge of forever. Walking out into the bright Seattle sun, she looked up at Freddie as he scanned the lot for his mother's car. This is what she'd been waiting for-this moment. She had waited her whole life to have somewhere she belonged, a place where she fit despite her shortcomings and rough edges. This was it; here with Freddie and Jackson was the spot she was meant to fill. As terrified as she was, she was also happier than she'd ever been and ready for her new life to begin.

* * *

**2 months later – August 2012**

She was greeted with the familiar shriek that meant Jax was awake and hungry. She hadn't considered what having a child with her appetite would be like. For the first month she'd felt like a human milk bottle. Jax was attached to her all day, growing at a rate that had his doctor convinced she was feeding him steak and potatoes instead of breast milk. It was tiring, and being tired made Sam cranky. Poor Freddie, those first few weeks he'd been treated to a baby that seemed to never stop eating and a girlfriend that seemed to never stop yelling at him. She wasn't the easiest person to live with then, and she felt bad for it now. But the lack of sleep, combined with the breastfeeding that seemed to never end and constant stream of visitors that thought it was okay to just 'pop in' had made life virtually unbearable. Jax had been the only bright spot; even Freddie grated her nerves.

Last week Freddie had finally had enough and came home with two bags and set them down in front of her, his face hopeful.

" _What's this?" she asked_

" _Just look inside. And try to keep an open mind."_

_She opened the first bag to find a giant container of the fancy formula she'd seen advertised in the parenting magazines Marissa subscribed her to._

" _Freddie…"_

" _Listen Sam, I know you want to breast feed. And I know it's the healthiest thing for babies. But I'm also pretty sure that most babies don't eat like Jack and it's wearing you out. You never sleep, which makes you cranky so you're always in a bad mood, and you live in my sweatpants and t-shirts."_

" _Oh," she said, raising her voice, "So this is about me not being sexy enough for you? Well I'm sorry Freddie but motherhood isn't exactly sexy. I'm tired. All. The. Time. You have no idea…"_

" _Sam stop...that's not what this is about. I think you're beautiful no matter what you wear, I just mean that you don't think about you anymore. You're a great mom to Jack, but you have to take care of you too. So I called Jack's pediatrician and explained the situation and she said that giving the baby formula now is fine. You breast fed him for two months and he's really healthy so." He pointed to the container in her hand. "She said if we went with formula, this was the best one to get. Just at least consider it, baby. Please? For me?"_

_She had to laugh at the puppy dog face he was giving her. Same face Carly used to give him back in the day. And it worked just as well now as it did then._

" _Alright, I'll think about it." she set the container on the coffee table in front of her, "What's in the other bag?"_

_Freddie's face lit up so she knew that whatever it was it had to be technology related._

" _This is the best part!" he said, pulling a box from the bag. "It's a state of the art baby monitor."_

" _We already have a baby monitor Freddie."_

" _Not like this one. You can program it to register the decibels of sound in Jacks' voice. He looked at her excitedly. She had no idea what he'd just said._

" _Okay nerd boy…in regular people's terms please."_

" _You can program it to sort of understand Jack's cries. The monitor we have doesn't go all that loud so every time he moves it lights up and you have to run in the room. Half the time he's just fussy or moving around and not even really crying. With this we'd know exactly how loud he was crying and whether the sound was movement or not. That way you don't lose as much sleep!"_

_She had to admit, this thing was pretty genius. If she hadn't been so bone tired she might have wished for something just like it, but as it stood she was barely coherent enough to be in the present conversation._

" _Wow, that's actually pretty cool." She smiled at Freddie and placed her hand over his. "Thanks, baby. I know I've been like the Wicked Witch of West Seattle. And you've been so sweet. I'm sorry."_

" _We knew this wasn't going to be fun or easy. So maybe it's been a little harder than we expected…"_

" _A little?"_

" _Okay…a lot. But it's going to get better. You just have to let me help you. You don't have to get up with Jack all the time. I can get up with him too. And my mom told you she'd help."_

" _I just wanted to be able to do this, you know…myself."_

_He smiled and pulled her onto his lap. "When are you going to get it woman…you aren't in this by yourself. Jack is my son too."_

_She looked down into his face. "I could kiss you right now, nub. But we know how disgusted you are by my hideous sweats and t-shirt ensembles." She teased, standing from his lap and moving to the far end of the couch._

" _Well," he said, crawling on his knees over the cushions until he hovered over her, placing kisses long her neck. "I know a way we can fix that."_

" _Oh really," she said, trying to appear unaffected even as her breath hitched in her throat. "And how is that?"_

_He lay over her, wrapping one arm around her waist, pulling her body flush with his._

" _We could just get rid of the offending clothing items. I'm not at all disgusted by nakedness." He brought his mouth to hers and she gave up fighting it. "You know what today is right?" he asked, his voice a deep growl in her ear that set fire to the pit of her stomach._

" _No, what's today," she said, knowing full well what it was. She'd intended to dress in something sexy for the occasion but Jack had spit up on it and she'd retreated to her favorite pair of sweats and the 'Hot Mama' Penny tee Carly had made especially for her._

" _Eight weeks. Well, eight weeks, 2 hours and…" he looked at his watch, "twenty seven minutes…but who's counting." He buried his face in her hair, allowing his hands to trace up her sides._

" _Hmmm…not you, right? So how exactly do you suggest we celebrate?" she gasped as he wrapped her legs around his waist and stood, still holding her. His lips locked onto hers and he was kissing her with an intensity the bordered on desperation. She'd forgotten how good this felt; and Holy chizz did it feel good._

_She moaned into his mouth as they both gave up talking. They knew exactly what they both wanted and as he walked her toward their room she said a silent prayer that Jax would stay asleep for just a little while longer. It occurred to her that it was just a little selfish to think this way but hey – mama needed love too._

_Freddie kicked the door open with his foot and she clawed at his back, breaking away from the kiss to raise his shirt over his head. She ran her hands over the muscles of his shoulders, silently admiring the gift the puberty gods had left her._

_It was a blur of heat and waves of pleasure. Clothes were discarded erratically without conscious thought as their hands rushed to bring them skin to skin. She'd missed being this close to him; missed the way it felt to have nothing but him filling her senses._

_They lay afterwards laughing at her tousled hair and the fact that he had on only one sock on and his boxers still attached to one foot. Somehow her bra had ended up on his computer monitor. She realized then what she'd missed, how the sleep deprived days and nights had taken him from her. She didn't want to go back to that. Maybe he was right, allowing him and Marissa to help would be worth it, if it meant they got to spend more time together like this-if it meant remembering what he meant to her._

_The next day she started to wean Jax from her and onto formula and the fancy schmancy new monitor took up residence on her nightstand. At least a couple days a week, she still woke in the middle of the night – but now it wasn't just to feed Jax._

She smiled remembering those first weeks. Freddie was right; it did get easier. Partly because Jax was a pretty good baby. He was healthy and happy, content to lay in his crib, staring at the state of the art mobile Freddie had gotten for him and spending a great deal of time trying to put his feet in his mouth. He was chunky, a fact not lost on Sam, who held him much more than the magazines told her was healthy. Screw what they said; they didn't know everything and Sam thought there weren't many feelings greater than Jax's body in her arms.

Motherhood suited her, she thought. She'd wondered in the beginning if she was cut out for it. Of the three in her circle of friends, most would have voted her 'Least Likely to Have Any Mothering Instincts' but there was something in her that came alive when she was with Jax. She spent hours with him, reading to him (which shocked everyone she knew), playing with him and talking to him. And not that mumbo jumbo baby talk everyone seemed to be reduced to when he was around. She really talked to him. She told him about Freddie and the rest of his family, about Willacoochee and about the world. She told him all the dreams she had for him and how much she loved him. He would look up at her with eyes the exact same shade of blue as hers and stare at her intensely. Everyone said it was strange for a baby to have so much focus, but she knew the truth. Her child was a genius already – pretty soon everyone else would know too. He was listening to her, bonded already to her in a way that thrilled her and drove Freddie to madness. He couldn't figure out how to get the baby to, as he said, 'like me the way he likes you'. In the first two months it was easy to explain…she had the milk, therefore she was the favorite.

Now that Freddie could help feed him, things were a little better. He got up at least once during the night to feed Jack and when he did Sam would turn up the monitor and listen to him whispering to Jax in his room. There was never a day when he didn't tell Jack that he loved him. He was a great father, just like she knew he would be.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she called out to Jax.

"I'm coming Jax, calm down." He paused for a moment and started in again making Sam laugh. That kid, when he was hungry there really wasn't much that could calm him down. Freddie's side of the bed was empty, and made up. No shock there. A note lay on his pillow.

_Good morning Princess,_

_I know today's a big day. I promise I'll be home just as soon as I can. Just had to grab a few last minute things._

_UTFE,_

_F._

She sat on the edge of the bed, trying hard to swallow back tears. He was right; today was a big day. For two months she'd managed to find ways to avoid thinking about it or really dealing with it. Freddie told her that wasn't good and tried to get her to talk about it; she'd refused. She'd filled her summer with the adjustment to parenthood, establishing a routine with Jax, getting used to being a mom. She'd even spent a few, very awkward, afternoons with her own mother, starting down what looked to be the very long road to reconciliation. And she'd spent time with Carly. iCarly was on hiatus so all the time they spent was just them, laughing, joking, playing with Jackson and doing everything they could to avoid talking about today.

Opening the door to the nursery, she walked over to the crib and stared down into the cutest face she'd ever seen. She was sure every mother said that all the time, and yes, she was more than a little biased, but even total strangers agreed that Jackson Daniel Benson was one cute baby.

His chubby cheeks were tear-stained but he'd stopped crying once he saw her face, staring up at her with clear blue eyes.

"What all the fuss about little dude?" She asked, reaching in to lift him out and wrinkling her nose at the smell that greeted her. "I see…you're hungry and you smell like a hobo. I'd cry too," she tapped a finger to his nose. "Let's get you fixed up."

She lay him on the changing table and started getting him cleaned up. This was the part of parenthood that was most disturbing. Even Freddie agreed, the things that Jax could do in a diaper should be illegal. There were days where they played rock, paper, scissors to determine who would change him; it was just that undesirable a job. But it was part of the parenting package, and most of that package was so good – she could deal with this.

She cleaned Jax up and changed him into fresh pajamas, lifting him onto her hip as she headed for the kitchen. He smelled like baby powder; she'd come to love that smell. She bounced him softly on her hip as he tangled one chubby, dimpled hand in her hair. Jax loved her hair almost as much as Freddie and if he was anywhere near him she usually pulled it up or else she'd find herself, like now, reaching down to pull it from his hands before he tried to stuff it in his mouth. She had to quit using that vanilla scented shampoo – he probably thought her hair was made of cookies.

"I'm getting your breakfast right now honey, please stop eating my hair." She laughed settling him into the swing he loved before turning to fix his breakfast. She was quiet as she warmed the water, mixed the formula and put the cereal in, testing the temperature on her wrist. She was an expert at this now – it had been weeks since she'd scalded herself and (knock on wood) she'd managed to never do it to Jax.

Jax gave a contented sigh from his swing. She loved it when he made that sound. It meant he was happy – and that had become her singular purpose in life. She pulled her hair back with the tie that she always kept on her wrist. She'd considered cutting her hair but when she mentioned it to Freddie he looked like she'd just suggested amputating her arm, so she gave up the idea and started carrying hair ties. Lifting him into her arms again, she was struck by how heavy he was. He had gotten so big, just in the two months he'd been home. She couldn't imagine how much bigger he'd be by Christmas.

' _Carly's going to miss it_ ' she thought as she carried Jax to their favorite spot, the rocking chair in his room. She didn't bother to hold back the tears now; it was useless. Today felt like a funeral. And even though Freddie had tried to reassure her that it would all be fine her heart was having a hard time believing him. In the next six hours she'd be saying goodbye to two of the most important things in her life: Carly and iCarly.

iCarly had gone on hiatus during Sam's pregnancy. Even after she returned from Georgia, they didn't think it was wise or responsible to shoot new episodes until after Sam had the baby. But once Jax was born, reality set in. Carly would be moving to Georgetown in August. Freddie had been accepted into a very strenuous program at UW and Sam had her hands full taking care of Jackson. They'd spent a few tense weeks avoiding the topic but finally Freddie, ever the rational one, had said the words none of them wanted to hear: it was time to say goodbye to iCarly.

Carly had cried, and Sam didn't blame her; she'd wanted to cry too but thought if she started she might not stop. They'd all sat on Carly's bed and come to the decision that they'd do two more shows; a 'greatests' clips show that Freddie would piece together and load to the site, and then one final live show to say goodbye and thank you to all the fans. Planning it had been difficult; there were so many bits that were their favorites and so many things they wanted to say, but that wasn't the main source of difficulty. For all intents and purposes, iCarly had been a road map for bringing them together. Because of iCarly they'd built a family in one another that was stronger than any of them had outside of their circle. They built trust and love and a friendship that became the safe place they all came back to when life got just a little too hard. They'd come to depend on the show and because of it, one another. iCarly had changed all of their lives and it felt like nothing would be the same when it was over.

She closed her eyes, laying Jax over her shoulder to burp him. She didn't bother to wipe away the tears streaming down her face. Carly was leaving for Georgetown today too. She said was like a band-aid, it was just better to rip it off all at once. Sam wasn't so sure she agreed. Carly and Spencer had rented a U-Haul and would be driving to Washington, D.C., stopping along the way to sight see – sort of a chance for them to spend some quality sibling time before she started college. They'd shoot the last iCarly episode at 2:00 this afternoon and when they were done, Sam would walk outside, stand on the curb outside the Bushwell, and say goodbye to her best friend. This was going to be one giant band-aid.

"Aunt Carly is leaving today Jax." She said, patting his back, "You probably don't know why that's a big deal…but it is. She's mommy's very best friend – outside Daddy of course. She's pretty amazing, which you probably already knew. I wish she didn't have to go." Sam swiped at her tears. She didn't know how she was going to make it through the show or through this day without completely breaking down. Living with Freddie and Jax, she knew that she was growing up and moving on with her life. It was time for Carly to do the same – to go out into the world and find the happiness and success she deserved, but the idea of saying goodbye to her broke Sam's heart.

Carly had been the one constant in her life for more years than she cared to count. She was always there – even before Freddie-loving her, supporting her and never judging her. Carly was the reason she understood what friendship meant and, at least in part, she owed her relationship with Freddie to her. Life was going to be so different without Carly here and while she knew there'd be visits, e-mails, and video chats and, she also knew that things were changing today and they'd never be the same.

She heard the front door open and Freddie calling her name.

"We're in the back," she called out to him, using one of Jax's washcloths to wipe at her face. "Hey!" she tried to sound happy as she greeted him.

"Hey yourself." He set his bags down on the floor by the door and crossed the room, placing a soft kiss on her lips before placing one on Jackson's cheek. "Hey Jack," he smiled at his son and lifted him from Sam's shoulder. "Why don't you let me take him so you can go get a shower? I promised Carls we'd be over there by ten." He walked to the crib and set Jack inside, turning on the mobile. He turned back to Sam and she launched herself into his open arms.

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, her face buried in his chest.

"Sam, baby, look at me." He raised her chin, "This is going to be fine. I know you're sad…I am too but it has to happen. It's time." She laid her head back on his chest and sighed as he rubbed small circles at the small of her back.

"I know. I'm happy for her, but I just…I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want things to change." She was crying again now. At this rate, she'd be a blotchy, weepy mess on the final show.

"I know baby. But things have already changed."

She knew he was right. Things changed for them the day Jackson was born and she knew that from now on there were two things that would always be a part of her life: Freddie and Jax. She'd found her place in the world – or at least part of it. It was time to let Carly do the same.

She pulled herself slowly from Freddie's arms, smiling as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I'd better go get ready. Jax already ate, he'll probably be asleep soon."

"Well if he's going to sleep I could go with you." He said, wiggling his eyebrows at her. He was so bad at trying to be seductive.

"No thanks, I've only got twenty minutes to get showered, dressed and over to Carly's."

Freddie looked down at Jack, who had fallen asleep and then at his watch before casting a glance at Sam.

"I can work with twenty minutes…ten if necessary." He stalked toward her and she darted from the doorway. She heard him laughing as he walked back to Jackson's crib and peeked her head back around the door frame.

"And by the way nub…ten minutes? Not something you should broadcast."

Freddie threw one of Jack's stuffed animals at her and she ducked out of the doorway, heading down the hall to their bedroom laughing. He always knew how to make her feel better. She only hoped she'd be able to hold it together the rest of the day.

* * *

The studio was deathly silent; even Jax wasn't making a sound. Carly, Sam and Freddie looked at each other – trying to prepare themselves mentally to do the show for the very last time. Sam held her blue remote in shaking hands, nervously playing with the ends of her hair. Carly shuffled back and forth from one foot to the other, biting her lip. Freddie was the lucky one; he actually had something to do during these final moments. He was logged onto the site and not surprised to see over a million viewers already logged on and waiting for them to begin. Since announcing the last episode of iCarly, there had been an overwhelming response from the fans. They'd gotten letters and even a few videos; some with fans crying and begging them not to end it. In others they'd tell Sam, Carly and Freddie how much iCarly had meant to them. It was going to be rough for more than just the trio. Spencer was there, for moral support, he said, but as he held Jax his face was uncharacteristically solemn and they all knew it was because of his status as the silent fifth member of the iCarly crew. He'd miss it too. Gibby walked in the door, holding Carly's 'Idiot Cowgirl hat.' He'd had to comb through the boxes in storage to find it, but he had and that's what mattered.

For some reason, seeing Gibby standing there, goofy smile on his face, and Carly's iconic hat in his hand was more than she could take. She would have lost it, had it not been for Freddie's voice calling.

And 5…4…3…2…

He pointed toward Sam and Carly and they both tried to bring believable smiles to their faces. It was hard at first, but as they began running the bits, watching clips and farewell videos sent in by the fans, it started to feel like old times and they all lost themselves in it. Forgetting for a moment that this was it until, finally, it was time.

"Okay, so that concludes our final…" Carly's voice cracked and she shook her head at Sam. She couldn't finish.

Sam walked over and put an arm around her. Freddie walked around his cart and placed the camera on a tripod he'd set up, joining the girls at the center of the studio. He wrapped an arm around Carly's shoulder, he and Sam standing on either side of her. This was how it had all started, it felt right to end it in this position.

"This concludes our final episode of iCarly," Freddie said. Sam and Carly were holding on to each other for dear life, neither of them able to say the final goodbye. "You guys have been the best fans ever and we'll remember you the rest of our lives. Thanks for all your support. And who knows…maybe one day you'll see us again. Until then…" he turned to Sam and Carly. They both smiled up at him teary eyes. Carly nodded and faced the camera.

"Remember…don't poke angry bears!"

Sam smiled and leaned in front of Carly. "don't play in traffic."

"Hug a duck"

"Eat a ham"

"And never forget us…"

"Because we'll never forget you."

"I'm Carly"

"I'm Sam"

"And I'm Freddie…hey that's the first time I got to say that," Freddie said.

"And this was….iCarly!" They all screamed in unison.

"And were clear," Freddie turned off the camera and they all stared at each other for a moment before Sam broke the silence.

"Alright already…enough of the cryin'. We're worse than Jax!" She pulled out her remote, shot a mischievous grin at the room and hit a button. Multi colored strobe lights filled the room along with loud music that signaled 'Random Dancing'. "Come on guys!" Sam called over the music. "One more for the road!"

Freddie looked at Carly and shrugged as they joined her in one last moment of childhood. With arms flailing and laughter erupting from the center of their hearts they allowed themselves to forget about what was changing, what was different, and how much it hurt to let go of what had been. They reached out and held onto one another and let the joy of what had been fill them up; and hoped that that same joy would hold them together in their futures.

* * *

The moving truck was all packed and waiting at the curb outside the building. Spencer was inside the truck with Freddie programming the GPS, and Carly stood outside waiting for Sam. She'd gone upstairs to change Jackson and Carly opted to wait. She'd already said good bye to her apartment and her life at Bushwell Plaza. It was hard enough the first time…she didn't want to walk in there and do it again. It would be different when she came back for Thanksgiving; she'd be more used to it by then, it wouldn't be so raw.

"Hey kid," I looked up to see Freddie walking toward me. "I think I've got that GPS pretty well programmed, but for you own good…"

"Don't let Spencer touch it?"

"Right," He laughed, "and just call me if it goes wonky on you."

"Or if he catches it on fire."

"Yet another reason not to let him touch it." They both laughed.

"This is all so weird!" Carly said. Freddie nodded. "I mean, I used to be so scared about college you know? I thought, you and I would go off to Washington D.C. and Sam would be here alone and I was so worried about that. I even used to think we should just force her to come with us; get an apartment all together in D.C." she laughed softly, "All a part of my official position as Sam's Keeper all these years. But…I know that's not my job anymore." Her voice shook and looked over at Freddie. "It's hard, knowing that my place in her life is different now. But it's okay, because now when I leave I don't have to worry. I know that Sam will be here with you, and that you'll love her and take care of her; her and Jax."

"You know I will." He said.

Carly reached out and grabbed his hand. "I'm really going to miss you; both of you, so much." Slow tears trailed down her cheeks and Freddie pulled her into a hug.

"Me too kid, things won't be the same without you around here." Freddie whispered into her hair. Pulling back he looked down into her face, "But I don't want you to worry. Sam and I will check in on Spencer and your granddad. You just go out there and show those Georgetown snobs how amazing you are." He laughed, "It's funny, now that Sam has given up on her life of crime, you're going to become a lawyer."

Carly laughed and wiped the tears from her eyes. They both turned as Sam exited the building, holding Jax in her arms.

"Poop duty all taken care of," she said, turning to Freddie, "No thanks to you!"

"Hey! I was helping Spencer with the GPS!"

"Why, we all know he's just gonna break it. Or set it on fire. Here, can you take Jax for a minute," she handed the baby to Freddie and reached into the bag on her shoulder, pulling out a plain white box.

"I got you something," she said, offering the box to Carly.

"Sam – you didn't have to do that, you already got me that can of mace and the butter sock and…"

"I know, but those were sort of 'Sam' presents. This is a Carly present."

Carly opened the lid to the box and looked back up at Sam in surprise. She was right, this wasn't a 'Sam' present. Inside the box was a silver frame with intricate swirls etched on the surface. On the bottom were engraved the words 'Friends' and the date 'April 13, 2007'. Ran her finger over the date, not even bothering to stop the tears coursing down her face.

"It's…"

"The date of the first iCarly episode. The day that changed my life." Sam whispered.

"All of our lives," Carly said.

The girls stood across from each other in silence, both staring down at the frame. It was digital and Freddie had helped her to set it up. The frame ran like the history of their lives. It started with a shot of all three of them in a school picture from the only time they'd all been in the same class – sixth grade. Next was a picture of Sam, Freddie and Carly; their arms around each other after the first episode of iCarly. There were pictures of their favorite bits from the show, a couple of Spencer, fire extinguisher in hand. There were pictures of Carly's old room and her new one, of Freddie in Galaxy War garb and Sam over the years, holding various pieces of meat. Their looked so young in the early pictures, all of them short and fresh faced. The years progressed and saw them all change. Carly got tall, Freddie got buff and Sam got…well, curvy.

The last photos were of them all while Sam was pregnant and in the months since Jax was born. The last picture was the hardest. It was a picture of Sam, Freddie and Jax. They were sitting on the couch in their apartment, Sam leaned into Freddie, holding Jax in her lap as Freddie wrapped an arm around her. They were smiling into the camera. Sam held Jax's hand up in a wave and his bright blue eyes were twinkling out at her. They looked so happy and it broke her.

She reached out and pulled Sam to her, burying her face in Sam's hair. She smelled of vanilla, and ham and …Sam. She was overcome with how much she'd miss her. She felt Sam shaking against her. This was harder than either of them had imagined. How do you say good-bye to the best friend you've ever known. How would she start a new life without Sam in it?

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Carly cried

"Me too cupcake." Sam's voice shook almost for her to be understood.

Carly pulled back and looked at her.

"Promise me you'll write, and text and we're going to videochat twice a month right?"

"Right. And promise me you won't spend all your time in the library. Go out and have some fun, meet some people, break some laws."

"I promise…except for the breaking laws part, of course."

"Of course." She paused and stared into Carly's face, feeling incapable of words.

"I love you Carly." She drew in a breath and tried to keep going, "So much…you are the best friend I could have ever had."

Freddie walked over to the two of them and wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulder.

"I love you too," Carly said, reaching out to grab Sam's hand and give it a squeeze. She looked over to Freddie. "Take care of her for me…okay?"

"You know it," he said, emotional himself.

"Now give me my nephew." She reached out for Jax and bounced him on her hip. "Hey Jax. I'm going to miss you. Your parents," she gestured toward Sam and Freddie, "are a little crazy but you'll never meet two better people. You, little man, are in good hands. You keep an eye on them for me. And try not to get too big before I get back." She leaned down to kiss his cheek, running a hand over his chestnut brown curls. "I love you." She handed him back to Freddie before giving Sam one last hug and climbing into the truck. Shutting the door, she leaned out the window. On the curb, Sam stood leaning into Freddie's chest, her arms wrapped around his waist. Freddie had an arm tight around her shoulder, Jax in his other arm. They looked perfect.

She reached her hand out the window as Spencer pulled away from the curb.

"Stay blonde!" she called out to Sam and waved until she couldn't seem them any longer.

"Stay brun," Sam waved as Carly pulled away from the curb. Well, that was it. Carly was gone.

"You okay?" Freddie asked, squeezing her shoulder.

Sam nodded, not trusting her voice. Right on cue, Jax threw his head back and let out a wail that signaled his hunger. Sam smiled weakly and reached out for him.

"I can take him upstairs and feed him Sam…if you want me to."

"It's alright," she said, "But can you run to the store and pick up some milk…I promised your mom we'd do it today."

"Sure thing, anything else?" he asked but knew without asking that he'd come back with a bag full of her favorites, curl up with her on the couch and spend the rest of the evening trying to help her feel better.

"No, I'm good." She kissed Jax's head as she opened the door to the building and headed in.

Freddie walked to the store, turning the day's events over in his head. It had been a hard one. Harder for Sam and Carly – girls really seemed more prone to the whole emotional outburst thing, even Sam. But he'd be lying if he said he hadn't felt himself on the verge of tears more than once. He was really going to miss Carly. And as much as he felt ready to take care of Sam and Jackson, he knew that having Carly close by for advice had been something he'd depended on. With her gone both he and Sam had lost one of their best friends. But she'd be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas; he tried to remember that, and tried to remind Sam of that.

Arms full of bags, he headed back to the apartment, careful to be quiet as he entered. He was sure either Jax, Sam, or both were asleep. He placed the bags on the counter, sticking the milk in the refrigerator and heading toward Jackson's bedroom. At the partially closed door, he paused as the sound of Sam singing floated out of the room. She really had a beautiful voice and he loved the moments when he got to hear her singing to Jack.

Billy Joel was their favorite. Sam said there would be no cheesy nursery rhymes for her kid – he was going to know good music. He smiled at that thought. She was determined that Jax would be different from other kids,; with her as a mother. Freddie didn't think he had much of a choice.

Sam sat in the rocking chair by the window, staring down into Jax's face as she fed him. Her voice was soft but full and he heard the tears in it she was trying to hold back as she sang.

_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream; And dream how wonderful your life will be_

_Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby_

_Then in your heart there will always be a part of me_

_Someday we'll all be gone; But lullabies go on and on_

_They never die_

_That's how you and I will be_

The tears he'd failed to cry that day sprang unbidden from his eyes. This year, this life he lived now – it was all so surreal and had been so hard to come by. But this woman in front of him, holding his son, loving him; she'd made it all worth it. The road here wasn't conventional. It had been hard, steep and broken in places, but he wouldn't trade the destination for anything.

He stared in at her, Jack reaching up to pull at a stray hair that had fell from her pony tail. She was smiling at him and whispering something Freddie couldn't hear. He smiled through his tears and considered how lucky he was. It had all come full circle for them. Some people spend their whole lives looking for a soul mate they never find. His had walked right up to him the first week of kindergarten; and he was never letting her go.

* * *

_I started out on the narrow way, many years ago_

_Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road._

_I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow, kept pushing through._

_I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you._

_Every long lost dream, led me to where you are._

_Others who broke my heart, they were just Northern Stars._

_Pointing me on my way, back to your loving arms._

_This much I know, is true._

_God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you._

_I think about the years I spent just passing through._

_I'd like to take the time I lost and give it back to you._

_But you just smile and take my hand, you've been there, you understand_

_It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true._

_And every long lost road, led me to where you are._

_Others who broke my heart, they were just Northern stars._

_Pointing me on my way, back to your loving arms._

_This much I know, is true._

_That God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you._

**_Rascal Flatts – 'Bless the Broken Road'_ **

 


	20. And so it goes

** Washington, D.C. **

** December 21, 2018 **

"Let's get a move on Fredward!"

I walked toward the small room in our apartment that served as my office, shaking my head. We weren't due to leave for another five hours, but Sam was excited. I didn't blame her-I was excited too. Christmas vacation was here and that meant we were headed to Willacoochee for a visit. It had been a tradition since the year Jax was old enough to travel. With our busy schedules, it was one of the only times we got to take a vacation as a family. Family. Even after six years the word brought a smile to my face; once upon a time I wondered if it would even happen.

"Jax? Jax!" Sam was walking through the apartment calling out for our son. "Freddie? Is Jax in there with you?"

I looked over my shoulder and saw a small shadow behind the door. Swiveling around in my chair I laughed as Jax's face peered at me from behind the door. One finger to his lips, begging my silence and the other hand holding the Assassin paint pistol his mother had passed to him last year. They'd had a running game of Assassin since he was five. Other people found it strange but for Sam and Jax, it was quality time.

"Daddy," he whispered, loud enough that I'm sure Sam heard him. "Don't tell mama I'm in here, K?" With that he ducked behind the door again.

"Freddie?" I heard Sam approaching and tried to put on a straight face.

"Yeah?"

Sam poked her head into the office. Even after all this time, I never got tired of looking at her. She was still just as beautiful now as she was six years ago. She'd grown out her hair and it now hung in loose blond curls to the small of her back, the way it did when we met in kindergarten. I'd always loved her hair.

"I can't find Jax." She had her hand behind her back, likely concealing her weapon.

"Haven't seen him. But hey, come here for a second." I said, trying to pull her attention to me and away from the door, giving Jax time to sneak up on her.

She walked into the room and sat down on my lap. I pulled her face toward me and placed a kiss on her lips.

"We don't have time for that Freddie, Carly's expecting us, I need to pack and I still have to find our kid." She said, pulling back with a smile on her face. "The kid we'll be leaving here if he doesn't turn up soon." She called out into the room, for Jax's benefit.

I put my free hand behind Sam's back and beckoned Jax from his hiding spot.

A small popping sound filled the room and Sam's eyes went wide, her hands going to her back. When she pulled them back there was a telltale red paint smear – red was Jax's color.

"Gotcha mama! I'm the king!" Jax ran from behind the door and started his infamous chicken dance, ducking his head and flapping his arms.

Sam looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"Didn't know where he was, huh? Traitor!" she punched me lightly on the shoulder and crossed the room to wrap Jax in her arms, tickling him until he begged for mercy.

I loved these times, surrounded by the two people I loved most in the world. Hearing their laughter made everything right with the world.

"Alright, King Assasain, let's get ready to go. If we're late Aunt Carly will not be happy." She put Jax down and took his hand heading out of the room, "And now I have to change my shirt." She looked over her shoulder at me and I just shrugged my shoulders, turning back to my desk.

I laughed to myself as gathered up my research notes, placing them beside the computer on which I was writing my dissertation. I wanted to put things in enough order that I could find them easily when we returned from Georgia next week. I felt the excitement building; a whole week away from school and deadlines and the difficult balance of work and family. A whole week to just enjoy the people I loved and fill up on all the ridiculously delicious food J'Maw Maw was sure to fix in army-sized portions.

That was no doubt one of the reasons Jax loved going to Georgia so much. Not only did he spend a week being spoiled rotten by his great grandmother but he got to take part in one of his favorite pastimes: eating. Jax looked a lot like me, from his brown hair to his smile, but in most other respects, he was a duplicate of his mother. With his curls and bright blue eyes he could be horribly undisciplined, would snatch anything that wasn't nailed down if unstopped, and played pranks better than most adults I knew. And he loved his creature comforts. Nothing pleased him more than a ham sandwich (with extra ham) and a long nap cuddled with his bear Charlie. No one could doubt it—he lived up to the first half of his last name. The one saving grace, according to his Grandma Marissa, was that he had my intelligence and curiosity.

As I closed the drawers in the desk and set the cover over my computer, I smiled as I heard Sam and Jax singing 'Jingle Bells, Batman smells' in Jax's room. Jax was just like me – he loved all things related to Christmas.

I settled back into my chair, arms crossed over my chest and allowed my mind to wander. Something about this time of year always made me think about the last few years, and how my little family had come together six years ago. No one sets out to become parents at 18, yet Sam and I made the best of our situation, and we managed to thrive. I suppose few relationships survive near-death experiences anything like ours.

The summer Jax was born was a difficult one. Sam and I had to settle into parenthood and Carly leaving for Georgetown only made the transition more difficult for Sam. She made herself busy, taking care of Jack, spending time with my mom – and even working to rebuild her relationship with her own mother. But I knew she was lonely.

My mom was a godsend during that time. She reached out to Sam and did her best to ease the loneliness she was feeling. Over a few months they developed a friendship that was a mystery to me, but they were both happy and that's what mattered. I thought my mother would despise having a baby in the house, simply because she always loved quiet and order, and because deep down, she still thought it was the height of irresponsibility to have a child as we were leaving high school. But she loved being a grandmother, whatever the precise circumstances. And her tendency to dote and to obsess rubbed off on none other than Sam. No one seemed to get near Jackson without passing a cleanliness inspection. It felt like my hands were permanently coated in that Puremm gel—I silently cursed my mother for having those wall dispensers everywhere in the apartment. I was grateful that Sam never managed to find Mom's stash of anti-tick soap.

At the end of August, it was time for school to start and I began my classes in computer science and engineering at the University of Washington. Since it was to the north of downtown Seattle, Bushwell Plaza wasn't far from the campus, and I didn't always have to spend long stretches of the day at school, unless I needed to use the library—and new parts of its collections seemed to come online every week. Otherwise, I worked from home, and got to spend a lot of time with Sam and Jax, even if I always seemed to have a book or my pearPad in one hand wherever I went.

Compared to most newborns, Jax slept fairly well after the first few months, so at least I was rested reasonably well enough to keep up with my classes. I continued with the odd consulting jobs, so I was contributing to the household as well.

Sam quickly got into a routine with Jax, and turned into an excellent mother. True to her word, she was about as different from her own mother as humanly possible. She was a very doting parent. Her love for Jax was obvious and tangible, she spent hours fussing over him and even … I could barely believe it … reading to him. Even if a couple of times I caught her reading him grilling recipes from cookbooks—that was surely more for my benefit than his.

After all the drama we'd endured prior to Jax's birth, it was nice to settle into normal life. Some people might have called it boring, but I dared them to live through what we had and not welcome a 'boring' life. And anyone who knew Sam could attest to the fact that just her presence was excitement enough. It was a honeymoon phase I guess you could say; and it felt like it lasted a long time. Sam's pregnancy, the time apart, the fear of losing Jax during delivery, Carly leaving; the stress of those situations had seemed unbearable, but it brought Sam and me closer together and now we were both confident in our places in each other's lives. We were in this for the long haul, come hell or high water. We had our fights, as we always had, but we realized that most of the time we were simply two combative people, and nothing ever threatened the relationship. We seemed to fight about silly things but agree on the most important decisions. At the very least, we didn't take each other for granted.

The future-our future-was assured, but not official. I mentioned it often and Sam always smiled and told me not to rock the boat. I understood her point of view. In her mind marriage made a mess of relationships, but in my mind, I just wanted the world to know she belonged to me. Finally, one night before Jack's first Christmas, I once again brought up the question of our future together. I told her that I wanted to build the rest of my life around her and Jack. She smiled, kissed me, and changed the subject. I tried to stay quiet and not push her and eventually, to my amusement, she started to drop hints of her own that she was ready. Typical to our relationship, as soon as she started with the hints I stopped mentioning marriage all together. We held out another year, playing a game that we knew we'd both win in the end. When I gave her an engagement ring the night before Christmas during my sophomore year, she burst into tears and let me put it on her, whispering in my ear 'what took you so long, nub!', then ran across the hall to show Carly.

We married the following June, with Carly, Spencer, Melanie, and a load of Youngs who had flown clear across the country from Georgia for the event. The wedding was 'colorful' to say the least. Sam's Uncle Carmine had gotten out of prison two months prior and it was a sight to see when the giant of a man with his big voice and intimidating frame was reduced to tears when Sam asked him to walk her down the aisle. They were a motley crew, the Youngs, but they loved each other and they accepted me into their family just like one of their own.

Sam planned the wedding with my mother – something I'd begged her to go along with. My mom was tickled pink, Sam – not so much. In the six months between the engagement and the wedding, she threatened to force me to elope more than once, but, miraculously we made it down the aisle with no bloodshed. And even Sam said it was a beautiful wedding – though she was a bit less than pleased with the 'frilly daffodil dress' Carly, Melanie and my mom had talked her into. Taking it off was the first thing she did when we arrived in Hawaii for our honeymoon – which got no complaints from me.

We moved into married student housing after the honeymoon. It was time to have our own space and there was an excellent pre-school on campus that Jax was able to go to a few afternoons a week. I thought the time away from Jax would be good for Sam. She could have time to herself, and do the things she wanted to. As it turned out, my big idea pushed us right into the middle of our first crisis as a couple.

Three months into Jax's preschool debut, Sam said the words that every husband dreads hearing…"I'm getting bored." Without Jax in the house she had nothing to occupy herself with. She'd been so dedicated to taking care of him those first couple years that she said she felt she'd lost something of herself. She wanted to be something besides just Jax's mom and my wife. I didn't blame her but I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting, mainly because I felt that I should have noticed sooner and pushed her to pursue something that was just for her. She told me that when she was in Georgia while pregnant with Jax, she had the idea of writing a book for teenage about her experience. She said that she'd read a lot of books about pregnancy but none of them really talked about what it was like to go through it as a teenager. I raised the idea of her pursuing that, an idea she shot down outright.

"Whose going to read anything I write?" she asked.

"Lots of people!"

"You're only saying that because you love me."

"I do love you…but that's not why I'm saying it." I held her on my lap, "Sam, you have always had a lot to say. I think you could really make a difference."

She looked at me with disbelief and nothing more was said on the subject, until three months later when I came home from class to find Jack fast asleep and Sam furiously typing away on the computer. Sam had always been skittish when it came to taking chances. As confident as she seemed on the outside, the idea of being successful was always hard for her to grasp. I knew that if I said anything I might spook her so I kept quiet, watching over the next six weeks as she spent her days, and eventually late nights, typing and scribbling furiously in a notebook she wouldn't let me read.

Those six weeks were hard. She was sleep deprived, cranky and more often than not we ate dinner in the dining hall. I didn't say a word to complain; somehow I just knew that she was on to something and I wanted to support her. Six weeks later my silence paid off and Sam emerged from our office at two in the morning, her face shining in spite of her exhaustion. She walked over to me on the couch and dropped a stack of paper on the coffee table in front of me. Her manuscript was finished. I helped her send it to every literary agent on the west coast accepting unsolicited submissions. Within a month she'd been contacted by an agent in downtown Seattle, a mother herself, who believed in Sam's talent; she'd been an iCarly fan herself. Six weeks later her agent found a small publishing house that agreed to publish it on a royalty-only basis. It was no best seller, but people did buy it, and it was funny to look up "Samantha Puckett-Benson" on Horizon to see the entry for _You'll Forget the Pain and Other Myths of Motherhood_ and its ranking.

What we thought would be a hobby had far reaching consequences. Sam had written the book as a way of finding something that was just her and she'd succeeded; we didn't expect it to go much further than that. But a small public radio station in Seattle noticed the book, and asked Sam to do some segments on teen issues. At the same time, we produced some webcasts, some recorded and some live, where Sam talked about her book and answered questions that girls sent her online. It was hardly the elaborate production that iCarly was, but Sam also showed she could deliver more substantial material than "What Am I Sitting In?" She worried no one would watch, so it was a lot of fun telling her mid-webcast during her third show that #teensasksam was trending on Twitter. Between the webcasts and the guest radio spots Sam was again elevated to local celebrity status; it was good to see her happy.

After my junior year, I got a summer job as a facilitator for the New Electronics Research and Development Camp. I'd applied to attend the camp back at Ridgeway, but Sam had managed to sabotage my application, not wanting me to be away for our first summer as a couple. This job was my second chance at something that had been my dream since middle school and Sam was very blunt about what she would do to me with a milk carton if I let N.E.R.D. Camp get away from me again, so off I went for a month.

It was a nightmare being away from Sam and Jax. Until that point I'd never spent a night away from them. But I was excited about the opportunity, the things I was learning and the connections I was making. I was working with some of the brightest young minds in the technology field and it felt really good to know I was making a difference.

The head of the camp turned out to be a professor from N.I.T., and he remembered his department offering me a scholarship. Over several conversations, I had the chance to explain my situation, and why I had wanted to remain in Seattle for Sam and Jax. He understood, being a father himself, and asked me what I wanted to do after I finished at UW. I told him that I wanted to pursue my doctorate but wasn't sure what I wanted beyond that. He explained to me that in most scientific fields, one's reputation depended primarily on a graduate degree – what you studied and where, and he asked me to think about N.I.T. some more. In particular, he asked me to consider their doctoral program. It was a chance at something amazing but Sam and Jax did and always would come first. I couldn't even consider uprooting them from everything they knew. I didn't tell Sam about the opportunity right away, not wanting her to feel guilty at the thought of me passing on N.I.T. twice to be with her. To me it was a sacrifice I was more than willing to make, but Sam would never see it that way. But the things we need have a way of forcing themselves into our lives, and a few weeks later a chance encounter would set us on a course for Washington, D.C.

Right around that time, the radio show that Sam contributed to hosted Charla Winfield, the head of a Washington-based women's talk-show empire, who had just started her own cable network and was touring the country to promote her latest book. Despite Winfield's success, she was once a teenage mother, and she had in fact read Sam's book. They had a long conversation about their mutual interests after the interview, and Charla asked Sam if she ever thought about moving from web broadcasting to television. Sam was very interested when Charla pitched an idea for a show on her network aimed at teen girls, though it turned out that the show would be produced at The Charla Channel's studios in Washington. Sam said that she couldn't leave Seattle while I was still in school, but Charla left her contact information and asked Sam to think about it some more.

When she told me about the opportunity, I came clean about the offer from N.I.T. At first she was angry that I'd kept it from her but she understood eventually and we were both amazed at the perfect timing. As I prepared to graduate from UW, the heavens were pointing us all toward Washington. And this time I wouldn't arrive in Washington D.C. alone, pursuing only my dreams. I had Sam and Jax with me, both of us chasing the passions in our hearts. N.I.T. admitted me into its doctoral program in computer systems engineering with a full fellowship, and Charla's people made good on their offer for Sam to co-host a weekly segment for young mothers.

The last piece fell into place thanks to my sister-in-law. From birth Sam had told anyone in earshot that Jax was a genius, like his dad. Most people chalked it up to her being a doting mom who was Jax's biggest fan. The teachers at his preschool initially told us that Jax was hyperactive, a diagnosis it was hard to reject. But Sam was insistent that he wasn't hyper – he was bored and too smart for what they were trying to teach him. At her insistence, the school had him tested and when the tests came back his IQ registered at 181, well beyond anything I had ever scored. Jax was exactly what Sam had said he'd be – an evil genius. An adorable kid with a winning smile, a penchant for misbehaving – and a genius I.Q.

We knew then that the school he was in wasn't equipped to handle him. What few programs Seattle's public schools had for extremely gifted students had been eliminated during a budget crisis at the start of the decade, and we couldn't afford a private school when I was still in college myself. Sam vented her frustrations to Melanie, hoping to score some sympathy from an early education major. Mel did more than sympathize. One of her professors was involved in a project setting up a charter school in the District of Columbia. Melanie had us send her Jax's test results, and the teacher called us to invite Jax to attend the Mount Woodley Charter School – a school that, while new, was already garnering praise and recognition for its cutting edge techniques in the education of exceptionally gifted children and the success of its students. We were ready. It was time to go.

I graduated from UW. Sam is going to make me tell you it was _summa cum laude_ , with a B+ in a course in Soviet-era Russian films the only thing keeping me from a 4.0 average—I made sure Sam never learned the name of the professor who gave me a B. Just in case he had allergies.

Less than a month later, we packed up and headed for the East Coast. It was bittersweet. My mother had become an intricate part of our lives and I think Sam was just as sad as I was to leave her. But it was time to move forward and find out what life had for us. We arrived in D.C. and moved into an apartment in the Family Housing Complex at the National Institute of Technology. Two years later, we're still here. I've completed my comprehensive exams, and I mostly divide my time between working in my lab, teaching a section of Introduction to Computer Science (I'm a celebrity teacher, marginally because some students remember iCarly, but mostly because Sam Puckett-Benson from Charla is my wife), and writing my thesis in the apartment.

Sam loves D.C. While she loved being around her friends and family, Seattle bored her over time, and she loves our new surroundings in Washington. She makes fun of our nerdier neighbors, comparing them to my old high school train club in Seattle and saying she has to shield Jack from them in case their dorkiness activates the latent Benson genes inside him.

She likes the lively neighborhoods within walking distance of the campus, especially a nationally-famous hot dog restaurant called "Glen's Chili Bowl" she learned about from Allen Brickton, who hosts _Guy vs. Grub_ on her network. She even went on the show and passed one his notorious pig-out challenges by eating a dozen chilidogs with onions in fifteen minutes. Some things never change.

And best of all, Carly and Melanie are back in our lives. After graduating from Georgetown, Carly took a job as a congressional staffer to one of Washington's senators while she looked at law schools. Melanie remained in town after college to teach in a private school, and even had the President's youngest daughter in her class. The two of them were very doting aunts who spoiled Jax rotten, and Sam and I loved them for it.

We're happy. Our little family is together, our friends are with us, and we both have pretty bright prospects for the future. Not bad for two kids who 'ruined' their lives by having an unplanned child as teenagers. As Melanie said to me one evening when she came over to visit her sister and nephew, getting pregnant may have been the best thing that ever happened to us. Without it, Sam and I might not have gotten back together, I would have gone off to N.I.T., and Sam would have been left alone with her mother in Seattle.

I don't even want to think about that—how a small turn of events could have led Sam and me away from each other forever. My life is a complicated equation; one that would never have made sense without Sam in it. She and Jax are my life, and regardless of how we arrived at this place, I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Freddie!"

My wife's voice brings me back to reality and I take one last look at my desk before officially closing up my office for the holidays. I walk to the bedroom and grabbed our suitcases to take down to the car. We would be picking up Carly, then Melanie, followed by a long day's drive down to Willacoochie, where we could spend another Christmas week with J'Maw-Maw and the in-laws. She always insisted on having her granddaughters and great grandson there for the holidays. Our whole gang went, too; we'd even be stopping in Atlanta to pick up my mother and Spencer at the airport. Everyone seemed to enjoy J'Maw-Maw's hospitality, what she cryptically called her "southern comforts," at Christmastime. I'm glad she likes large crowds for the holiday, because tonight she'll learn that she's going to need to set out one more high chair next Christmas…


End file.
